Kay 🪽🦭

16 • multifan (mw2019, rdr, Ethel Cain) • twt is same username

[suffertheguilt]

My name is Kay or Kaycee depending on what I feel like that day/silly. I use she/her prns and im biromantic + aroaceflux! im a minor (16) and I have pretty bad anxiety (probably ocd but no dx yet!!) Im also Catholic and will prob post about that + mental health!!

My intrests are mostly mw2019 (i do play 2 and 3 but not as much), RDR 1&2, La noire, the witcher, cod black ops 1&2 (I haven't played in a while so my lore is rusty), GTA 5, Ethel Cain, Nicole Dollanganger, Lhotp (original series from the 70s-80s not the reboot on Netflix), and spongebob!!

My twitter username is the same as this one, just two r's (Sufferrtheguilt) and my tiktok is stvr_kayyy or something like that idk. I may end up posting writing snippets on my twitter so if that intrests you follow me there!!! :) my strawpage is below if that intrests you!!

[tankhall]

In 2018, I wrote down a passing thought in my cheap little leather-bound journal I was writing a collection of songs in that would go on to become Preacher’s Daughter. “If I finish this album the way it needs to be finished, it will change my life, and it will leave a hole in my heart for years that I won’t know how to fill.” I’ve always had a knack for eerily accurate self-premonition. Preacher’s Daughter certainly left a hole, and it certainly changed my life, but only on the outside. All the songs I wrote for it were about characters, a girl in a “faraway” place living her “faraway” life, albeit still parallel to mine, but wholly detached from me. Willoughby was doomed to be closer to home. I wrote Nettles and Waco the same week, the first week I spent in the Alabama house where I would finish Preacher’s Daughter after so many years of trying. The difference was I wrote them about me. There were no characters at first; it was just me. In fact, I wrote them in an attempt to hide from Ethel Cain for a moment. She eventually devoured those little ditties too, of course, as she always does. In hindsight, I’m glad I had to share them with her. I couldn’t have carried the full weight of them myself, I know that now. My premonitions were out in full force; over the course of the next few years, I’d script out my own life in the same morbid fashion I always have. Maybe it was a lesson in not training my eye downward as I’ve spent the majority of my life doing.

I had 3 weeks for the holidays between mixing and submitting Perverts and jumping back into the maw of taming an unfinished Willoughby Tucker. I spent the first three months of 2025 on probation, unable to go much of anywhere, awake only when the sun was down. I’d never mixed a record of that magnitude, which was daunting with deadlines immovable. I remember 9am on my 27th birthday rolling around after being awake for hours whittling away at mixes, announcing the album and entire tour before going back to mix an album that still wasn’t done. I’ve never cried so much finishing a record, and that was before it was even out. Combining your Saturn return, your first shot at true love, and the longest tour of your life is something I would never recommend to anyone. It was the death of both ego and everything around it. I couldn’t be more grateful. Never in my life have I been so turned inside out, so uprooted and unraveled. Looking back, I needed it more than anything.

Thank you to everyone who listened. Ethel Cain and Willoughby Tucker will always be my children, my burnt offerings, what I leave in the storm. Sometimes I wish it didn’t have to be this way, but I also fear it’s the only way. Ethel Cain, Willoughby Tucker, I really will always love you. I feel as though in this moment here, saying goodbye, you and I are closer than ever. I hope you can forgive me.

[che3snutz]

what a funny story😂😂😂 (comms open btw)

[tsuk1nny]

The Dutch Defence is an aggressive and ambitious opening that vies for control of the e4 square

[sunnyfawn7]

i would do anything to be able to get an ocd diagnosis

[mothmans-wedding-photographer]

Rains Fall desperately trying to stop his son from attacking the army in My Last Boy is one of the moments in RDR2 that always makes me cry. Rains Fall's voice actor was phenomenal his performance is like seared into my brain

[wjehfshs]

I hate how so many people boil Eagle Flies down to just “Native American”. Yes he is Native American, and it’s the biggest factor in his story and character, but it feels dismissive to boil him down to just “the Native American character”. He’s so much more than that, he’s complex, same as his father. We don’t see as much of them as other characters, but from what we do see, we can tell they have a lot going on. Eagle Flies is angry, impulsive, proud, and possibly even immature. Both him and his father have endured great trauma, and they deal with it in opposite ways. Eagle Flies fights it head on, even at the expense of others and himself, where as his father takes the slow route, sacrifices parts of himself for his people, prioritises his people and family, his culture and way of life. He endures through the trauma and hardship because he knows it’s his responsibility. Both Rains Fall and Eagle Flies are incredibly complex and sad characters, and to boil them down to JUST “the Native American characters” is gross.

[che3snutz]

"i wanna be a gunslinger when i grow up!"

[bewitchined]

[mel6ncholi]

"older men do it better" "i love older men" girl you're fourteen what are you doing

[girl-rotting-xoxo]

[dafilovesyou]

[rapunzels-digital-diary]

If suicide wasn’t a sin, I would’ve taken myself out months ago, but especially now

Save my parents the inconvenience of having to live with me

Since im so hard to deal with and so lazy and I have nothing going for me

I hope someone slams into my car on the way home from confession and kills me

Anyways I’ll probably feel better in like an hour and be like “what was THAT girl talking about?”

[woodenrosary]

what it feels like to use the bible app instead of the physical bible:

[just-a-girly22]

[dziurawat3tnicaa]

When it’s getting so bad you start imagining how everyone would react if you do it.

[bodhi-devotee]

idk why we stopped calling out people who say “intrusive thoughts” when they mean “impulsive” but we have GOT to bring it back again. i really felt like we were making progress and now i’m seeing it everywhere again ugh