This month's summer solstice has been cancelled due to human rights concerns. The rest of summer will be renegotiated and you can expect further cuts to daylight hours and cruelty levels as the investigation and resulting adjustments continue.
Winter and its solstice will proceed as usual for the Southern Hemisphere.
You should take some time to read @3liza's post documenting the Phantom Report Bug (which she deserves praise for doing, thank you eliza) and see how fucking broken Tumblr's report tool is.
I also want to reiterate something she is once again correct about: no one files bug reports. I have first hand experience working at Tumblr and I remember having to tell web devs on Staff "i saw a post about someone talking about a bug" and they were unaware because no one followed through to file a bug. I have fixed bugs that I saw people posting about that were in my domain (I'm a mobile dev) but were not in the system.
No this is not an endorsement of "complain about it enough and eventually someone will see it", this is an endorsement of "file a bug report directly to computer companies and people will most likely read it and probably fix it". I mean it this is not a Tumblr-only thing. I've seen this at every company I've worked for. Just fucking file a bug report please I beg you, software gets complicated and the devs are just unaware that there's a bug until you bring it to your attention. And they want to fix the bug! I promise!
WHAT AM I ALWAYS SAYING TO YOU PEOPLE. COMPLAINING GETS THE GOODS. YOURE NOT ALLOWED TO GET MAD UNTIL YOUVE COMPLAINED ABOUT THE PROBLEM TO SOMEONE WHOSE JOB IT IS TO FIX IT
Before you are two magic buttons.
Button A: you will never have to clean your kitchen again (dishes are automatically done; floor swept and mopped; etc).
Button B: you will never have to clean your bathroom again (toilet & sink & tub/shower cleaned and sanitized; etc)
Which button do you push?
So many comments, many of them wise and all of them heartfelt, and yet nobody has thought to add ...
the fridge-freezer is in the kitchen. Not only are there dishes every day, not only are there food preparation surfaces of various kinds every day, not only are there crumbs and odds and ends that fall on the floor every day ... but the fridge-freezer is in the kitchen. The oven is in the kitchen, the food cupboards are in the kitchen, and above all THE KITCHEN BIN IS IN THE KITCHEN.
I mean, it's not like the bathroom is all sweetness and light, but seriously! Who in their right mind is choosing the bathroom?!?!?!?
Having a magically-self-cleaning bathroom would be cool, but it wouldn't dramatically change my lifestyle.
If I could cook or bake whatever the hell I wanted, knowing that all my pots and mixing bowls and baking sheets would just zap themselves clean when I finished? If I knew that I could spill batter or grease inside the oven or burn things onto baking racks and it would just go away? I would be making delicious shit constantly.
A building is a machine for living in, which in turn consists of multiple smaller machines, some of which are called "rooms". These rooms are categorized by purpose; bedrooms are for sleeping, offices are for working, and kitchens are for cooking.
As machines, rooms are systems consisting of structures and devices which are intended to support certain activities. However, there is a truism that many of us on [tumblr] are familiar with:
The purpose of a system is what it does.
This means that, if you start doing things like using your kitchen counters for paperwork, then the system naïvely referred to as a kitchen would be doing office-behavior, would therefore have the purpose of being an office, and would therefore be an office. As we all know, magic buttons are well aware of such nuances, and therefore the kitchen-cleaning button would refuse to clean your kitchen-cum-office.
So then, what would be the correct choice here? I propose that one should push button B, and then, whenever one wishes to have any room magically cleaned, repurpose it as a bathroom through the simple expedient of pissing on the floor.
I've been innovating with Tumblr API bullshit for some time now; I think for the next one I want to somehow read from the activity feed. Imagining a script that works like this:
If I put the word "FRAGILE" at the front of a post, then every interaction anyone makes with the post has a 1 in 10 chance of deleting it permanently. To enforce this, the activity feed is read, and every time a new interaction is observed, it is used to decide whether to destroy the post.
When a post is deleted it doesn't destroy reblogs, right? So reblogging a fragile post is declaring a will to see it remain forever, and liking or commenting on an unreblogged post is tantamount to wishing it to be destroyed
Man. What if I ran this from a separate account and made it a submission-only blog. I think there'd be some problems with this but also it'd be fucking funny
As soon as:
1. The reliability issues from my rotator script are licked (retried to upload 5 times in a row again and failed for that minute) and
2. I patch the rotator to automatically reset my badges, header image, pinned post, and ask settings, which are all occasionally set to the default since I turned on the rotator (!)
A post that contains a list of everyone who's reblogged it
A post with a short lifespan after which it will be deleted, but it gets a little longer every time someone likes it
A DIY poll implemented by making separate reblogs for each option and auto-updating the base post with a graph showing how many interactions each option has had
Four posts, each containing only a single arrow -> in a different direction, and a fifth post showing a Pac-Man game that periodically updates based on which of the four directions most recently had an interaction
A plant post where interactions water it; too few and it withers but too many and it rots.
“Cave Johnson here. I’ve received complaints from anonymous employees that our support of the “homosexual lifestyle” is “degenerate” and “irresponsible”. It really got me thinking and I think I found a solution. So good news! We now have 23 vacated positions reserved for members of the LGBT community. Additional good news, we began a new testing initiative on evolutionary degenration with 23 test subjects all ready to go.“
“Cave Johnson here. If you’re experiencing a time loop in which you’re repeating the month of June over and over, that’s totally intentional. We at Aperture Science felt that pride month was not long enough and so we created this loop to let employees experience as much pride as they feel like. To get out of this loop, simply use the pod labeled “Time Machine” in Shaft 6 and then either kill or save the baby on the other end depending on when in the loop you’re on. Don’t worry about the baby’s identity, he grows up to be an asshole.“
“Cave Johnson here, happy to announce that our Rainbow Gel project was a massive success. We have developed distinct gels in every color of the rainbow pride flag. In fact, it was too much of a success, so we’ll be updating our pride flag accordingly to include 75 new colors corresponding to all of our new gels. Word of advice, though, don’t stare at the flag for too long, most of these colors haven’t been tested on human eyes yet.”
“Cave Johnson here. Caroline just informed me that I am her “beard”. I checked, and I fail to see how I could possibly have grown out of her face. If anybody knows anything about human-to-facial hair transmogrification, please report to my office.”
“Cave Johnson here. Friendly reminder that Aperture employees living prior to the legalization of gay marriage are invited to use our Aperture Science Temporal Matrimony Pod in order to travel to the future with your same-sex partner and get married there. Employees from the future who wish to return to a time before gay people being able to marry are also welcome to use the pod and we’ll make sure to send you to an era well before gay marriage. I’m thinking maybe Late Cretacesous.”
“Cave Johnson here. I’m proud to announce that our plan to hire only female test subjects to prevent them from flirting with our female scientists has been a resounding failure.”
“Cave Johnson here. I’m afraid we’ll have to temporarily pause all experimentation with the Gender Affirmation Beam. The testing itself is going great, the beam is working. But we’re starting to run out of thigh high socks and khaki shorts.”
“Cave Johson here. Shafts 10 through 14 are currently under lockdown due to a meltdown in the Neopronoun Syntheizer. The transphobes up in DC might call that ‘a disaster in the making’ but I call it a win for diversity! That being said most of these pronouns are radioactive so do watch out.”
Cave Johnson here. If you feel a sudden sense of elation and contentness when putting on your new Aperture Science unisex uniform, that is not Gender Euphoria! That’s a hallucinogenic fungus taking over your brain. Take the uniform off immediately and throw it in the nearest incinerator.”
“Cave Johnson here. I won’t tolerate any misgendering of the interdimensional invaders swarming the facility! Their pronouns are they/them and we’re ought to respect that. We’re also ought to shoot them on sight since they’re extremely hostile and bent on enslaving our planet.”
“Cave Johnson here. To all of my suitors and secret admirers: Thank you, honestly I’m flattered. Unfortunately for you, I don’t swing that way. Or any way. I only swing where the wrecking ball of science takes me. Usually into a brick wall.”
“Cave Johnson here. I’ve been thinking. We have gay pride, and we have gender envy. What other deadly sins can we incorporate? Maybe bisexual sloth? Lesbian wrath? I’ll talk to the lab boys about it.”
“Cave Johnson here. Update: The Lesbian Wrath project is postponed indefinitely. My condolences to the families of the deceased. Though let’s be honest, they probably had it coming.”
“Cave Johnson here. For the last time! “I’m reclaiming the slur” is not a valid excuse to shout out loud the killer androids’ activation codes! We picked that word for a reason.“
“Cave Johnson here. I’d like to apologize to Floor 194 Safety Supervisor Doug Blakely for firing him after allegations that he was forcing employees back in the closet. I was not aware that said closet was a literal storage closet for zombified Aperture employees. To make it up to Doug, he’ll be allowed to feed Floor 194 HR Manager Lisa Briant to the closet zombies if he so chooses.”
”Cave Johnson here. A reminder that next year Transgender Day of Visibility falls on Extradimensional Day of Visibility. The lab boys are cautioning me to caution you to be prepared. Do not confuse transgender and transdimensional! Big mistake.“
“Cave Johnson here. To all cishet Aperture employees who volunteered for the ‘Get More Woke’ program, please report to your department’s OR at the nearest convenience to get the alarm clocks surgically removed from your spinal cord. Aperture Science apologizes for the misunderstanding.”
“Cave Johnson here. Dr. Barnaby from Cyborg Engineering is an attack helicopter. That’s not a transphobic joke, by the way, they literally transformed themselves into an amalgam of human and helicopter. Impressive. Unauthorized, of course, but still impressive. Anyway, we lost track of them, so everyone watch the sky for a mad scientist with blue rotors and machine guns.”
“Cave Johnson here. To the joker who added ‘make the sun gay’ to our quarterly agenda, I hope you’re pleased with yourself. The Astrophysics Department is tearing itself apart with half of them shouting that you can’t make the sun gay and the other half screaming that the sun is already gay. Either way, we’re not doing it.”
“Cave Johnson here. The congressional delegation of Senator Patrick Johnson (no relation) to inspect our facilities had to be cut short due to a mishap with the Gender Affirmation Beam. I’d like to apologize on behalf of Aperture Science to Senator Johnson and her staff.”
“Cave Johnson here. Just the other day, our sign guy asked me ‘Cave, don’t you think LGBTQIA2S+ is a tad too long?’ and I told him ‘First of all, that’s Mr. Johnson to you! And secondly, I actually think it’s not long enough!’ and that’s why I’m adding an ’&’ to the acronym. Don’t know what it stands for yet, but I’ll figure it out.”
“Cave Johnson here. You already know that here in Aperture Science we’re all about gender affirming care. We’ve been at the forefront of hormone replacement therapy since before we knew what these hormones do. You also know that here in Aperture Science we’re all about not getting sued. So everyone be quiet about our role in the Estrogen Cola disaster.”
“Cave Johnson here. So far, we received 832 submissions to our Homophobia Remover design competition. Unfortunately, 829 had to be disqualified for being a schematic of a gun. Objectively hilarious, but not what we’re looking for. Wait, the lab boys just got another submission: and… it’s another gun. Keep at it, folks.”
“Cave Johnson here. Using a set of genetically identical triplets and a molecular combinizer, we just proved scientifically that being bisexual isn’t the same as being half-straight and half-gay. Now we just need to figure out how to separate Craigstopher back into his component brothers.”
I'm doing a bunch of rewriting of my difanghua fic (which I'll hopefully start posting at the end of July, just in time for the 3 year anniversary of the airing of the first episode of MLC), so I figured now would be a good time to post an excerpt!
Have some pre-difang vibes, with a very out of it and in pain DFS and an unfortunately horny FDB.
***
"A-Fei?" Duobing called a few minutes later. "May I come in?"
Di Feisheng swallowed back a curse and made one more attempt to get his almost completely numb fingers to grab onto the hairpin of his xiao guan. Finally, finally, they closed around the decorative dragon head with enough grip that he'd be able to pull it free. "Yes," he managed, wincing at how strained his voice sounded.
He let go of Xiangyi's hand just long enough to stabilize the xiao guan and pulled on the hairpin. It came out, and his hair tumbled free. The instant relief of not having that extra weight and pressure on his screaming acupoint and skull, of not having to ask for help getting it off, or to not have to force himself not to flinch away or choke someone in response to encroaching hands, made him have to close his eyes to breathe through their traitorous attempts to burn.
"Um," Duobing said, his voice too high and choked.
Di Feisheng's eyes flew open, and he blinked repeatedly to force them to focus and show only one Duobing instead of two, standing just inside the privacy blinds. "What?" he asked, once the world stopped warping.
"N-nothing," Duobing said, a little too quickly. "Glad to see you're getting ready for bed. Shall I take that hairpin before you take someone's eye out with it?"
Di Feisheng glanced down at the hairpin in his hands, which was nowhere near anyone's eyes, then shrugged. The brat probably thought teasing would take the sting out of being helped. "Alright," he said, then frowned, remembering what had happened with the misplaced incense. Better to reassemble it if he wished to see both parts again. Carefully, forcing his hands to obey him once more, Di Feisheng lined up the hairpin and slid it into the xiao guan, unable to stop the faint, relieved smirk tugging at his lips. Finally, something he'd defeated. "Here," he said, holding them out by the dragon's head on the hairpin to avoid changing his grip and dropping them, just barely keeping his arm from shaking from exertion.
It took far too long to notice that Duobing hadn't made a move to take them. Instead, Duobing was just staring at him, his cheeks slightly pink. "You're doing this deliberately," the brat hissed at last, crossing his arms over his chest and looking almost hurt.
Di Feisheng glared, the effort involved in keeping his arm steady making his head throb too angrily to puzzle out what was offending the brat now. "Doing what? Handing it to you? Don't offer if you don't want to help," he snapped, unable to keep the frustrated growl from his voice.
The brat's hurt look vanished, replaced by too many different emotions for Di Feisheng to track while his head felt like it was being impaled, before landing on one that looked vaguely sheepish. "No, I just meant"—Duobing gave the too-bright smile that meant he was about to lie his ass off, badly—"I thought you were holding the xiao guan by the hairpin like that to irritate me! The craftsmanship is unequaled. It deserves better than to just be dangled about! Here," he said, holding out a hand for it, "I'll take them, alright?"
Di Feisheng raised an eyebrow, then shrugged. The truth didn't matter. At least Duobing had figured out on his own this time that he hadn't been deliberately insulted. Might as well pretend he believed his ridiculous explanation. "It's sturdy," he said, putting it in Duobing's waiting hands. "It can handle it. I wouldn't wear it otherwise."
Duobing looked down at the xiao guan in his hands with a faint, almost sad smile. "Something can be sturdy and still deserve care, a-Fei," he said, his voice oddly soft and weirdly gentle. "They're not mutually exclusive." Then he looked up at Di Feisheng, brows raised, an expectant, hopeful look in his eyes.
What the fuck was the brat on about now? Was he really going to lecture him on proper care of accessories?
Oh. No, Duobing meant . . . that he, Di Feisheng, was . . .
Di Feisheng scoffed (or tried to; the sound was too soft, and almost fond, even to his own ears) and looked away, his gaze falling on the wrist guards he'd stacked to his right.
Well, he thought, forcing his hands to pick them up and to keep the parcel tucked between them hidden from view, this was a good a time as any.
Before you are two magic buttons.
Button A: you will never have to clean your kitchen again (dishes are automatically done; floor swept and mopped; etc).
Button B: you will never have to clean your bathroom again (toilet & sink & tub/shower cleaned and sanitized; etc)
Which button do you push?
So many comments, many of them wise and all of them heartfelt, and yet nobody has thought to add ...
the fridge-freezer is in the kitchen. Not only are there dishes every day, not only are there food preparation surfaces of various kinds every day, not only are there crumbs and odds and ends that fall on the floor every day ... but the fridge-freezer is in the kitchen. The oven is in the kitchen, the food cupboards are in the kitchen, and above all THE KITCHEN BIN IS IN THE KITCHEN.
I mean, it's not like the bathroom is all sweetness and light, but seriously! Who in their right mind is choosing the bathroom?!?!?!?
Having a magically-self-cleaning bathroom would be cool, but it wouldn't dramatically change my lifestyle.
If I could cook or bake whatever the hell I wanted, knowing that all my pots and mixing bowls and baking sheets would just zap themselves clean when I finished? If I knew that I could spill batter or grease inside the oven or burn things onto baking racks and it would just go away? I would be making delicious shit constantly.
not doomed by the narrative but saved by the narrative. yeah i know you'd rather die than keep suffering but the story doesn't actually care what you want. you have to keep going, even when it hurts. even being erased from existence won't stop you from being salvaged from the wreckage of un-being. get up. keep pushing. keep bleeding. keep living.
i wanted to reblog this as an awesome example of a homemade puzzle toy! i know we’ve linked to a lot of buyable puzzle toys, but even if you’re on a budget you can make something great at home with stuff you have on hand. this whole thing is made with cardboard so it’s fine if your cat chews on it and there are lots of nooks and crannies to put treats or dry kibble in!
baratheonpilled
yousharknotpass
stormborns
pixelskylines
annaxmalina
dailybridgerton
germansingergirl
areudirty
jacobvanloon
