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mentally ill diary 18

[sugaredviolence]

school

I feel so dumb whenever i am at school

[sugaredviolence]

reinstalled tumblr 👋

[sugaredviolence]

Somethings probably wrong with me. I 

I havent been to school in over a week. This year has just started but I'm already missing more days than I've been. 

                                                        why    WHY?!    why  WHY  wwhyWHWYHYW I don't understand why I can't go. I wake up and the dread of it and the anxiety of going just crawls up around me holding me down as it slowly burns me from the inside out.

I've never cared for my grades, if anything I wanted to care. I've always wished that I could study hard and work to be the top of my class, but the drive just doesnt exsist in me, its only imaginary. I never can force myself to do things that are difficult because they seem impossible, just earlier today I was struggling to even move, but I've declared that I must do one things everyday thats out of my comfort zone, so I did. It took me 2 hours and three trips into the kitchen to finally put away all the dishes.... honestly embarassing to admit.

The day has yet to finish but i can only imagine it will get worse, I'll try to get some of my school work done but no promises. It's only two assignments so it shouldnt be that hard right-?