Communicating Your Standards
I’m glad to be back to blogging now. I missed you all ! So since I’ve been gone for quite some time, I figured why not come back with a banging post. So here lies and official Bronzy advice post that you’ve all missed so much.
There’s this big issue that I’ve noticed in the bowl and that is “women being unable to communicate their standards, to Salt, POTs and SDs and even fellow sugars.”. I see it al over Tumblr- a girl get’s offered a low amount of allowance from a POT, ensue, all hell that breaks loose in her response to him. Actually this is something I witness more on Instagram than anywhere else. Sorry IG ladies, but it’s true.
Time and time again on IG, I’ll stumble across screenshots of arguments with POTs. Forgetting about whatever silly things these men said (this post is focusing on the women as there aren’t men here I can talk to), I see SBs desperately try to scramble to communicate their self worth and standards. But so, so, so many of you go about it the wrong way. You start firing off, cussing and condemning Craig and bashing and belittling Ben. Granted some men warrant these kind of responses, there is no excuse for a man to be hateful, disrespectful, racist, sexist, etc. But a lot of what I see doesn’t fall into this category. And women are going about demanding more respect from men in completely the wrong way.
See there are three types of women that spring to mind when I imagine women who try to communicate their standards. Some of you may recognise these characters from my Instagram.
1) The Salty Sass.. lets call her ‘Messy Morton’, she’s the salty kind.
2) The Sickeningly Sweet … We’ll name her ‘Silly Stevia’
3) The Golden Goddess.. her highness is called ‘Boss Bitch’
*this is going to be my longest one yet, so grab a cup of tea and get comfy*
Before we delve into these personas and their complexities, lets discuss the challenges they all face.
This is usually where the problems begin for a lot of women. They actually aren’t even aware of what their standards are in the first place. They’ve never really thought about what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior when it comes to interaction with everyone, not just men. What treatment they expect is not something they’ve actually taken a moment to really think about.
Even when we are aware of our standards, we don’t always know how to articulate them without coming across as bitchy, high maintenance, confrontational, crazy, psycho, batty (insert synonyms for psychotic here). Sometimes we fear confrontation. We may not like the way someone treats us, but at the same time, we don’t want to start an argument or risk the other person getting upset and leaving, or even risk losing our precious allowances.
You know, a lot of people are actually afraid to talk about how communicating your standards can be a very tricky thing. I know when I was younger, the fear of confrontation would paralyse me from telling people that I would not be treated in disrespectful mannerisms.
But knowing how to communicate your standards is essential in standing out from the crowd. It’s vital that you get away from the basic SB persona and become the woman of High Value I’m always going on about. If you can’t do this, you are stopping yourself from being able to influence the way men treat you.
Your on your date with Simon from SA. You’ve had an amazing time, he’s really impressed you with his choice of restaurant and he even brought you a little gift, despite this being the first meet. It’s getting late and as you and Simon make your way to the taxi bay (that’s cab for my Americans) he asks you if you would like to share a taxi back to his hotel.
When Simon asks Messy Morton back to his hotel, she immediately goes on the offence. Her response is typically something along the lines of “are you fucking kidding me?!! Do you really think I’d ever fuck you on the first date?! You must be out of your damn mind. You are looking for a prostitute not a sugar baby. Get the heck of SA, you obviously don’t know what a sugar baby is.”
Now ladies, lets analyse MM’s response. Not only has she brought down other sex workers with the self righteous way she talks about other SWs (this is shade at many SB’s that piss me off with this kind of mentality kmt), she has single handedly cut him down, bruised his ego, insulted him and now Simon is never going to ask her out again, there goes the chance of a good relationship out the window.*
Silly Stevia is that sweet passive girl. Problem is she’s too sweet. Remember that girl in school that was too nice, she would let all the popular kids boss her around for their own gain: yet she wouldn’t say a word about being uncomfortable with how she was treated (and even when she did, she said it in her room when she was with a friend rather than to the people who actually needed to hear it). She basically let herself be treated like a door mat and because of that no one respected her, in fact they probably felt pitiful or disgusted. This is Silly Stevia, and many people out there, and me, I was that little girl in school.. but that’s a story for another day.
In the situation with Simon, SS does either of two things.
She either makes excuses: “ Actually, my friend is waiting up for me, I’m helping her pack for her trip to NY. But maybe next time”. Or …She goes to his hotel and sleeps with him, or just hangs around and uses the ‘period excuse’ or whatever. But whether or not she sleeps with him, she lets herself be put in a situation that she doesn’t even feel comfortable with by being complacent. So what happens in both these possibilities is that Simon never really learns that he was moving to fast for her, all he knows is she made an excuse or she acted weak.
Neither Morton or Stevia have gotten anywhere here. One displayed their standards but didn’t arouse any excitement while the other lowers her standards and compromises her integrity.
GG has mastered the optimum mixture of salty and sweet that keeps men from treating her badly, while still not being satiated and always has them wanting more: and building attraction on top of that.
Here’s what GG says: “I’ve really enjoyed myself tonight, you’ve picked a great restaurant. I must say, I’m quite impressed (*insert smile here*). You know what, a part of me wants to get in that taxi with you because i find you sexy, but in all honesty, I’m not one of those girls that moves with things that quickly. It’s just never really been my thing, but, if you want to take me somewhere as lovely as this next week, i’d love to go, you seem to have an eye for quality”
Go back and read that quote again!
“You’ve picked a great place … impressed”
This first line communicates that you are a woman of high value. It gives of the impression that you are not easily impressed, yet he’s managed to make an impression , and trust me, that will make him feel special. He’s probably thinking “Score, I’ve impressed her”. What I love about this is it also reverses the status quo. A lot of times, men, particularly wealthy ones, are used to women trying to impress them and get their attention, but you are subliminally telling him that “he has to be the one to impress you”. This will catch him off guard and separate you from all the other women he’s dated… Unless they’ve read this post too, in which case, he’ll be used to dealing with Boss Bitches. ;)
“There’s a part of me … sexy”
This is where we’ve elevated things to a more sensual and playful level. You are creating sexual tension and desire and his mind is on fire. “OMG, this beautiful woman finds me sexy ! Yesss !! She wants me !! “ (This always makes me laugh when i write it, but its true :D ). In reality the majority of men are not nearly as accustomed to compliments like women are. So whether he even believes you or not, he’ll be flattered with the gesture.
“I’m not one of those girls”
This little gem we have here is a technique I’ve discussed before on Instagram, so I’m not going to delve too deep into it, but it’s a concept called “Distancing”. In summary, its the art of intentionally removing yourself from all the other people (in this case women) in someones life. So you don’t fall into the category of ‘friend’ or ‘girlfriend’ or ‘thot”, instead, he creates a separate little category just for you, in his head. I will say though, that this line is very cliche and woks best when genuine, or accompanied with Oscar worthy acting skills.
“It’s just never really been my thing”
The simplest yet most important part of it all. This is when he understands that you are not going to sleep with him yet (or whatever scenario you are utilising this for) and that you don’t appreciated being asked for such a thing.
“if you want … eye for quality”
Leaving things on a sweet note while subtly telling him to up his game is my favourite part of it all. You’ve suggested he takes you somewhere just as nice, or even better, without coming across as pushy and in his face. Make no mistake, I’m not saying “take me !”, i’m saying “if you want, I’ll accept”. Make him feel like he’s the one who came up with the idea. He now has the opportunity to ask you out: men like to feel like they are doing the chasing, you never want to come across like you are chasing a man.** In other words, you’ve communicated another standard and he now knows that you expect to be wined and dined and now he has the task to keep impressing you. This also works if you find that men often take you to nice plces and treat you really well when you first meet them but later change their attitude and lower their standards.
This is the difference between a normal girl, and a goddess. This is how you keep men coming back for more. This is how you separate yourself from Basic Becky, Sleazy Sarah, Silly Stevia, Naive Nancy and Messy Morton. What I’ve learned is the best way to get positive action from men who have fallen slightly from the tracks of gentlemanly and how I got my super Hunky Director to see me as a Goddess even when he’s surrounded by beautiful actresses/models all the time, is what I’ve tried to embody in this post.
I’ll be posting more on attraction*** and giving examples of situation in the future so keep your eyes peeled.
In the mean time, don’t forget to share and your welcome.
(feeling frustrated or confused? got something on your mind about what I said? take a quick look at this disclaimer)
*Disclaimer, as annoying as it is when men try and sleep with you early on, that's what men do. In fact if a man wasn’t thinking about having sex with you when hes on a date with you then I’d be quite worried. But this doesn’t mean that just because its normal, that you are obliged to entertain their thoughts. I’m just making you aware that if you are an attractive person, people will want to sleep with you on the first or second date. Get over it. You hold the Punan, so you are the one who control whether or not it happens.
** While you don’t want to come across like you are chasing a man, I do actually encourage all my followers to chase what they want, whether that's a man, or their dreams. But what i’m always trying to teach you is how to make it look like you are not actually the one doing the chasing.
*** if you are interested in the inspiration behind this post, DM me.
