Genre: road trip au, angst, drama, romance, slow burn, smut, suspense, strangers to lovers, hate to love
Word Count: 10k
Summary: Months have passed since Jaehyun took you away. You've returned home, but nothing is the same as before. You struggle to adapt to your old life and long to return to the woods, to a man who kept you against your will. At least, that’s what everyone says.
Warnings: Morally gray characters, mentions of stockholm syndrome, abduction.
A/N: Hi guys! This is the second part and the conclusion to "Dark Woods". Hope you enjoy 💓
July, New York City, USA
It had been three months since you woke up from an artificial coma, and not a single day had passed without you wishing they would put you right back in.
You doubted anyone else would have reacted any differently after everything you’d been through these past weeks.
After the accident, the surgeons had managed to save your life without causing any long-lasting damages to your head except for a scar. Two months ago, you were finally discharged and allowed to return home - but not to your own apartment. No, you went back to your father's place where your sister had temporarily moved in as well. He had said it was only precautions to observe your healing process and protect you from the public interest in your case. Additionally, having the entire family together would help you find your way back into your old life much easier.
But you knew better. He was afraid paparazzi would snap a picture of you or that you could accidentally say something wrong to them and add fuel to the fire, so you and your sister were confined indoors for a long time.
Every day, reporters gathered in front of the building, trying to catch a glimpse of the famous heiress who had gone missing and one day magically returned without further explanation. Your family was all over the media for weeks, and your father wasn't able to put a stop to the constant coverage of this scandal since the news had gotten out before he could bribe the newspapers and tv channels. It didn’t take the media very long to connect the dots and figure out that no one had seen you since the end of last September as a matter of fact, adding more questions to a case hobby online investigators made it their mission to solve.
By July, the public interest had significantly dropped, only about a handful of paparazzi now present in front of your father’s apartment building. You were finally allowed to leave.
"Are you happy to go back to your apartment today?" your sister asked that morning. "You will love the new interior. It's different from before, but I thought you might like it more this way."
She meant well, but she couldn’t hide the fact in her voice that she was happy to finally go home as well. She was so fed up by all of this - just like you. It was thanks to your sister that you could leave though, because if she hadn’t convinced your father, you would stay here many more weeks. You just had to promise to be on alert with reporters and only leave the house with a bodyguard. It was fine for you since you didn’t plan on leaving anyway.
You forced yourself to smile in response to your sister’s attempts to talk to you. It was an act you needed to carry out so often lately, because otherwise your father would call a doctor to check on your injured head again.
Though, they never found anything. You were perfectly healthy and clearheaded. Your father just couldn't seem to understand. He didn't want to understand.
"Thank you,” you said to your sister. “I really appreciate it."
You didn't want to push her away or resent her anymore. You couldn't. She was just as much a victim of your father as you were, and she had made up for every pent-up vile word she had ever said to you the moment she didn't leave your hospital bed for days on end, holding your hand all through your critical state.
Your sister had been back home since the middle of December and for just as long, they had been searching for you.
The official story went like this: Your family had gone on a very long vacation from the end of September until before Christmas. The fact that your father had caused a life-threatening situation that involved his daughters as well was being kept tightly under wraps. Of course, in the end, it had all been settled with money. Apparently, it had cost him a few residences in countries you had never visited in the past anyway.
He had been so sure that you would return after he had settled everything. That had been the plan. The difference was that your sister's companion had acted according to plan and brought her back after a little over two months - and yours hadn't.
When your father had started realizing that Jaehyun had purposefully cut off contact and wouldn’t let you go, he had started his own rescue mission with private detectives and his friends in the police. They had gotten as far as Alaska by tracking down where Jaehyun's phone got last connected to the network. But Alaska was so remote and wide, their attempts were all in vain. When your father eventually had no options left but to inform the FBI shortly later, he wasn’t able to tell the entire truth without making himself look suspicious. The investigators were searching everywhere but the area your father had suspected you to be.
In the end, your father’s reputation was still more important to him than finding you. You had caused many scandals throughout the years, and he had been immune to every single one of them. But the one that could completely destroy his business had been caused by himself alone. It was as absurd as it was real.
"I needed someone from the Marines since they could protect you and knew how to get around safely," he had said. "I wouldn't have done it if I didn't know you weren’t in safe hands. I have let his background get thoroughly run through. He had this cabin in the woods where you could have resided for a while. It was perfect for you to learn how to live without all the luxury. Think of it like a retreat."
How gracious he was, sponsoring you a surprise retreat! He could have chosen someone who owned a house with running water and electricity right by the beach. Or someone he actually knew, a retired bodyguard, like in your sister's case.
Instead, he had chosen a complete stranger with a cabin in the deepest Alaskan woods, because he… what? Wanted to teach you a lesson on the top of bringing you to safety for a danger he had brought over the family entirely by himself?
"No!" your father had defended himself. "The location was just… a convenient offer from Jaehyun which I deemed fitting for you."
Convenient? He had chosen Jaehyun out of convenience? Because he had just put a fitting offer for you at the right time, and your father hadn’t questioned it further?
"I needed to have the newspaper faked, otherwise you wouldn't have believed the entire situation since no word about it could go outside," he had said. "One can easily impersonate my handwriting, so I needed something more convincing in case you ever came to doubt the situation. Only that was made up. Everything else, what you said he told you, was real. I sent Jaehyun the most important information about you one month before for preparation, and I was in regular contact with him until he turned unresponsive when we returned. I always made sure you were safe and taken care of as long as I could."
That was the reason as to why you hadn’t found more news on your family's seeming scandal, even in Canada, and why Jaehyun had been so persistent you stayed away from people. Just so that you wouldn't get suspicious of the entire situation. It had all only come out after they returned.
"You haven't been very successful in keeping me safe and protected, have you?" you had asked bitterly.
"We had a deal. You were supposed to stay with him until I gave him a sign that the situation has been cleared. But the connection broke after I told him you could come back home now, and I never found out where the cabin was exactly located except for that it was in that part of Alaska. I initially didn’t think it would be so hard to find."
"You never validated where he would hide with me?" you had asked with anger crawling beneath your skin. "You just sent him money and called it a day? Everything would go well, because you're so mighty and wealthy, and everyone bows to you?"
He had faltered. "Well, no-"
"What if it had been someone else?" you had pressed the topic. "What if it had been someone with malicious intent who had truly kidnapped me and done worse things to me? How would you have justified that?"
"I told you, I had his background thoroughly run through after he had applied to that position."
“And you think only genuine people apply to that job offer or what?”
He had still been oblivious as to where he went wrong. He hadn’t wanted to acknowledge his own fault. “It was concealed as a one time bodyguard mission.”
You had snorted ironically. “Then what about the accident he caused? You knew about that?”
“The accident?” You had seen your father falter for the first time.
"Of course you don’t know, because you don’t care! No parents who truly love their children would have ever done something like this! You could have spoken openly with us, be transparent. Instead, you sent me away with a stranger, because you were scared any mishap could have ruined your business and wanted to teach me a lesson!" you had yelled. "In the end, you couldn't find me, because he didn't cooperate anymore and was not afraid of you!"
"I promised you, he will pay dearly for it! I did all this, because you're my daughter and I love you!"
"You are at fault!" you had then screamed. "You are at fault for sending me away with a stranger who had taken advantage of your poor judgment! It was all because of your negligence! If I hadn’t had this accident, what further steps would you have taken to find me? Threaten his family? Actually, I’m surprised you haven't done that yet."
“I went to see his family,” he had admitted. “Natually, if anyone would have known, then it was them. I flew all the way to their country to talk to them personally. But they knew nothing. They hadn’t talked to him in more than a year. He had sent them all the money though and considering their living circumstances, they truly needed it. I couldn’t make them responsible for something they clearly don’t have control over, so I left again.”
“Still, you weren’t doing enough! Nobody knew the entire truth, because you couldn’t even disclose the authorities to your plan! I’m your daughter you had sent away with a stranger, and this was everything that you did! What would mom think?!”
"You don't get to talk to me like this when you were the one willing to stay with him in the end!" he had yelled back. "Didn't you say he had never threatened you? That you hadn't been held captive? You could have always come back if only you wanted to!"
"I would have come home if only I had known it was safe!"
"Tell me this again, but look into my face while you do so this time. Tell me you didn't allude yourself into thinking you were in love with such a criminal!"
"I-" You couldn't. "He's not a criminal!"
A liar maybe, but you had never seen Jaehyun as a vile criminal.
Your father returning shortly before Christmas was the time you had wanted to make up your mind about staying with Jaehyun. When your father had really contacted him for that purpose on the exact day he had told you, then it was a few days before you had made up your mind, most likely on the day on or around your self-declared Christmas Eve. Which meant Jaehyun had made that decision for you before you had made it yourself.
Your father had discarded you to a stranger the moment he thought you could contribute to his downfall, and Jaehyun had omitted the fact that your father was looking for you to keep you with him. You had been manipulated into making the decisions you had made, by your father and Jaehyun both.
You didn't know how to ever cope with betrayal to such an extent from the people you had loved the most.
If you had known your father's true situation prior to escaping, would you have gone with Jaehyun voluntarily? And if you had known that your father had called, would you have come back and left Jaehyun?
You had been looking for answers, but couldn't come up with any.
You had watched the vein on your father's temple pulse in upset. "Then how about you stop pretending and tell us where to find him!"
"I told you, I wouldn't know the way anymore!"
"You're protecting him, that's what you're doing! Do you know what your therapist calls such a behavior?"
You didn't want to hear it again.
"Hey." A soft voice pulled you out of your flashbacks. "The car's ready," your sister announced. "Let's go, shall we?"
You nodded and arose from the couch on which you had spent the most time since your return. Your bed in your old room from your childhood was the only other location. You didn’t have many belongings to carry in the first place and only picked up a bag which a maid had prepared and had placed in the lobby.
"Will you tell me someday?" your sister asked in the car as you emerged from the underground parking lot. "What truly happened out there in the woods? What you don’t tell the therapist and father?"
You didn’t think she’d understand. Nobody would. But to assuage her, you answered, "Maybe someday."
When you had been admitted to the hospital, they had run all kinds of tests on you. You’d been perfectly healthy, but of course, they had noted traces of semen on your body. Your father had gone on a rampage while you were still in a coma.
When you had woken up, it was too late to clarify the nature of your relationship, so you never did. Everyone close to you knew there was more to the story. Why else would you not press charges, but even defend him if you were not stuck in some kind of twisted love story with your abductor in your injured head?
Again, the official story was that nobody knew who your abductor was and where you had been brought to since you had been in a coma. The real story was that you remembered everything and refused to reveal his location and hand him over to the FBI. Everyone was mad at you for that, including your father and therapist.
"Ta-daaa!"
Your sister had done a great job of making your apartment unrecognizable. Before, your tapestry and furniture had followed a dark theme as you wanted your interior to be a bit edgier than the typical setups recommended by designers. But your sister had followed this exact general thinking: Everything was beige, white, and bright now. There was no personality left in your apartment at all anymore.
"Do you like it?" She looked at you expectantly.
"Yes, thank you so much!"
It wasn't a lie. Strangely, you didn't feel like you needed to lie to her at all anymore.
Returning to your former apartment setup would have thrown you right back into a life that no longer existed for you. It had vanished the day Jaehyun tore you away from it. This… this was as basic as possible. No identity, not trace of life. Just like you.
"I'm glad!" your sister called out in relief. "So… let's unpack your stuff, shall we? Everything you need and own is still here. I just exchanged your toothbrush and stuff like that."
You had never felt the urge to rely on your little sister, but right now, you felt like you really needed her for the first time in your life. You didn't know what you would do without her, how to handle all this logistical stuff that seemed so trivial, yet was so important. She had thought about everything in your absence while your thoughts only revolved around Jaehyun.
"Can you stay here?" you asked carefully. "At least only for tonight? I don't want to be alone here yet."
Surprise spread across her face, and you wondered when you had last shared a bed or even a room with your sister. But now, she seemed to be the only person whose presence was bearable for you. A delicate smile then made her features appear younger than she already was, and you were suddenly thrown back to a time where you happily shared rooms and beds, long before your mother had died.
"Yes! Of course I will stay with you tonight and for as many more as you need me to."
You tried to think of a time when you had been more grateful to have a sister, but nothing came to mind. Even though she probably wanted to go back to her own home, she didn’t let it show. But you were convinced she meant every word she had said.
You ordered Chinese food for dinner and watched a movie together that you had usually watched on an early Saturday morning when you were still children. Later, you laid in bed together, staring at the ceiling where the city lights reflected on the ceiling.
You couldn’t stand leaving the windows open anymore. The noise of the bustling metropolis felt suffocating. After growing used to the silence and calm of the wild, every sound and light now irritated you. You missed the soft rustling of the trees, the melodic chirping of the birds, the fickle spitting of the fireplace, and Jaehyun's deep voice whispering sweet nothings into your ear.
You decided, as you and your sister laid there, that it was time to finally tell her.
"I could always come back, but I didn't. I've fallen in love with him, you know."
Your sister didn't say anything for a long time. Until she turned to the side and you did the same, the both of you now facing each other.
"Do you still love him?" she asked.
You had no answer to this.
"You know what the therapists said," she started unsurely. "That if something like this happens, if a feeling of missing him or even affection towards him had or would ever occur…"
"… it was all because I wanted to survive, and it’s not real," you ended her sentence. "They have a term for this."
You stared at each other for a very long time again, until she asked, "And? You think it's that… term?"
You wanted to hug her for the sole question alone. No one had ever asked you that before. Nobody had asked you about your real feelings, your real thoughts. They all always wanted to plant something into your mind about what they thought you should be feeling. But your sister was really interested in what you were truly feeling independently from everyone else.
You didn’t have an answer to her question yet, though.
"Tell me about him," she encouraged you. "Tell me how he was. Tell me everything you remember about him."
And so you did.
You told her about the night Jaehyun had taken you away and the sheer terror that came with it, about the cross country road trip that had nearly cost you both your lives, but changed everything - not only between you two, but about your entire perception on how you had been living life up until then, too. You told her about your routine in the woods and how you had not only learned to adapt to a simple lifestyle without electricity and running water, but how you had started loving this life - and Jaehyun - too.
When you finished, your sister wanted to know, "What do you feel when you think about these memories?"
You drew a rapid breath. "Longing. I long to go back. To that life, to him. And I know it's wrong, but-"
She interrupted you. "Who said it's wrong?"
"The therapist and father. They said what he did was kidnapping, even though in the end, I have willingly stayed. I should look at the facts clearly. They say he made me dependent on him, and I alluded myself into thinking he protected me and that I needed him to survive. They say now I'm only protecting him by refusing to disclose his exact location, because I feel guilty and sorry for him."
She didn’t ask whether you were really lying about that certain point. Instead, she asked, "Would you have come back if you knew Jaehyun lied and we were searching for you?"
You let out a long sigh. "I've been asking this myself several times a day. Father is certain I wouldn't have come back. According to him, Jaehyun had manipulated me beyond the point of repair. He thinks I'm still… confused in the head."
"And out of all people, you want to listen to him? Especially after what father has done to us?"
There was an edge of indignation in your sister’s voice, and you wondered whether it had always been there, and you had simply failed to notice. Her companion had been a retired bodyguard who had taken her to Mexiko where his family lived. He was an old friend of your father's. In some sense, she had been luckier than you.
She continued, "That was the reason I pushed for us to move out. I cannot… bear being in the presence of him right now after what happened to you. I cannot bear seeing you suffer in his presence."
Your mien froze in realization. It hadn't been about her only, but about the two of you. Although the past months had been way more comfortable for her, she was angry together with you, for you. It wasn't about you against your sister and your father any longer, but your sister and you against your father. How could you have been so blind?
You smiled meekly. "Your experience has been different from mine. I knew he always preferred you. That's why I never understood why he never made you his successor."
"It became clear to me lately," she confessed bitterly. "It was all to draw the attention away from him, from what he was doing wrong. The more scandals you created, the more convenient it was for him to conceal his own mishaps, because people were less focused on him. They were all focused on you instead. You had always been a scapegoat. I have only failed to realize it earlier."
How had you never thought of it before? It wasn’t because he thought you were so fitting for that role or so capable of the skills that he kept you in this position despite your reputation.
It had always been for him. Everything he’d ever done was only for his own benefit.
How had you been so blind all this time? That was also why he had always threatened you, yet never made your sister the official heiress.
In the end, you would never have taken over the role of CEO, because he had never truly wanted you to. He would have either ruined the company himself or eventually passed the title on to your sister, leaving her to clean up the mess he’d been creating behind the scenes - if he hadn’t managed to fix it by then himself. And even then, he would have held on to this position until one of you had you rip it from his cold, dead hands.
“He is just as broken as we are since mom’s death,” you said. “What he’s been doing… Let’s try to forgive him and move past this. It doesn’t have to be right now, but we can take baby steps. It is what mom would have wanted.”
As much as you had tried to hate your father, you just couldn’t. His wounds were probably as deep as yours, and what you had been doing to him all throughout the years wasn’t exactly nice either. The only thing left to do was to leave this all behind you and start again, as a family.
"What I said about mom back then…" your sister continued, and you weren't sure whether you were ready for this conversation yet, even though it was long overdue. "It was wrong. I spent the last years trying to come to terms with what I've done to you with my hurtful words… but couldn't bring myself to apologize. I thought you hated me ever since then and I let you, because I felt so guilty. I tried so hard not to feel envious when I saw how much father doted on you. I thought, after what you've been through, you deserved at least that."
Life was so ironic, and your sister was too good of a person. You had been too selfish to have ever given her credit for that. "I thought he doted on you very much all this time, because he always scolded me and praised you, justifiably. I wanted him to make you the heiress, that's why I did all these things to constantly be on the news. I don't want to be the heiress, I never wanted to be. Mom just… talked a lot about it and even in death, I felt responsible to give her at least this. That was also why I have never brought up the courage to step down voluntarily. I thought I would hurt mom's feelings. I'd rather have father strip me of the responsibility once deemed unfit, by him and the public both."
"I'm so sorry," your sister whispered, and the shock in her voice was nearly palpable.
"I never hated you for what you held against me after the accident," you clarified. "You were only a child, full of grief. There was a time I wished it would have been me."
"Please don't say that," she pleaded. "I'd rather have you than no one."
"I wish father would think like that too, because otherwise I don’t know how we will get over this. Sometimes, I see it in his eyes that he wishes mom was still here, with or without me. When he realized how the past months had broken me, I assume he quickly knew where he had gone wrong."
Simultaneously, you moved closer to each other, and you let yourself be held and comforted by your sister for the first time since you were children. You smiled, heart warm with sisterly love.
“I’ll talk to father, and perhaps we can start family therapy sessions soon. It’s long overdue, don’t you think?” She brushed with her hand over your hair. “It’s all going to be okay. You’ll get your old life back.”
The only thing you omitted from her was the fact that you were unsure whether that was even possible in the first place.
____
September, New York City, USA
"Happy birthday!"
The candle flames flickered before your eyes as the waitress came over with a three-layered cake, and your friends started singing to you.
New friends you had made at the university you had enrolled in for the fall semester. Thanks to your father’s connections, it was a given that you had been accepted long after the regular deadline.
Last month, your sister had been officially named the heiress to your father’s company - under the condition that he would clean up all the corrupt stuff that could affect her. Of course he had complied when it was coming from her. There had been only a few mentions of this change in the newspapers and online, but nothing more.
As for you… you had bid farewell to your old lifestyle and, with it, disappeared from the media spotlight. Your days no longer revolved around shopping, meeting friends, and partying. You had shifted your focus entirely on your studies and rebuilding a new life, independently from your father's name.
While your bond with your sister had grown and became much better than ever before, you still struggled with the relationship with your father. Where you would consider your sister your best friend now, you would describe your father as a rather distant relative.
He was trying hard to make amends with you after the therapy sessions had opened his eyes about what his actions had put you through. You were open to forgiving him as you had suggested fixing everything in the first place. But it was harder than you had expected. He knew though, and he was patient.
Your life was perfect again.
Or so it seemed.
People you barely knew and who barely knew you had gathered around a large table in this huge, fancy restaurant. As they sang and celebrated, your eyes searched only for the familiar face of your sister, sitting right among them. Relief washed over you, calming you slightly when you finally spotted her encouraging smile.
She had been the one organizing the party - upon your request. According to your therapist, making new friends and falling back into familiar routines, but also inventing new ones, would help you build a stable life amidst all the wreckage and pain.
You should be happy on this special day, surrounded by so many people and your sister, sponsored by your father of course. But all you felt was an emptiness that hollowed you out from the inside, regardless of how much you wanted to fill it with joy.
Pain came and went, but this emptiness sat still, feeding on your emotions like a parasite and growing with each passing day. There was no cure to it, no medicine to make it stop.
You wondered how much time you had left until it would swallow what was left of you since that fateful day in the woods.
"Thank you,” you exclaimed once the singing had stopped and your guests looked at you expectantly. “I'm glad you all have come, I appreciate being able to celebrate this special day with you."
You also wondered when you had come so used to lying straight into people's faces.
As soon as everyone had personally congratulated you, most of whose names you had long forgotten already, you excused yourself to go freshen up in the restroom. But instead, you fled into the lobby of the building, fearing that if you stayed longer among these people, you would lose your mind.
You sat down on a couch, watching people entering and leaving, and wishing to be alone at the same time. You closed your eyes and took rhythmic, deep breaths. Your therapist advised you on doing so whenever your environment felt too overwhelming. She had assured you it would take time, but eventually, you would get adjusted to this life again.
But it felt like time had stopped and you weren't making any progress.
You slowly fluttered your eyes open, and your heart nearly stopped at a sight all too familiar to you.
A tall, young man with broad shoulders and muscular arms, clad in dark clothes. His hair was short again and he was hiding his face beneath the shadow of a black hood. Yet, you could still catch a glimpse of his eyes - and recognized them immediately. After all, you had longed to look into them for such a long time.
You blinked.
And then, he was gone.
"No!"
You jumped out of your seat and hurried to the pillars across the lobby where you had initially spotted him. But after circling them several times, you couldn't find a single trace of Jaehyun anymore. You ran to the exit door, pushing past people who got in your way.
Had you only hallucinated? Had it been wishful thinking?
He couldn't be here. He would never come here!
Yet, every day, you had asked yourself whether he was thinking about you as much as you were still thinking about him.
They said your mind was fooling you. That it continuously tricked you into thinking you had needed him to survive in the woods, being dependent on him for food and water, and you weren't capable of severing the emotional tie between you just yet, because you felt guilty.
But what did they know anyway?
You had never needed him to survive.
What you had needed from him was his belief in you - his support and his… love. And he had needed the same from you, with the same intensity, in the same way. You had always been equals.
"Jaehyun!" you yelled when you reached the outside. "Jaehyun!"
A few heads turned in your direction, curious about who was shouting a foreign name, but you didn’t mind them. You spun around, looking left and right in search of the familiar figure. You accidentally ran into people and pushed past them while yelling Jaehyun’s name over and over again. You might have looked insane to bystanders, but you didn’t care.
You were so sure you had seen him, and you were adamant on finding him. You had been accused of many things since your return, but you definitely weren't going crazy!
A strong grip on your arm made you shift around with a sudden wave of hope that nearly swept you away.
"Jae-!"
"What are you doing outside here?" your sister asked with much shock mirrored in her eyes. "Everyone's been worried, because you have been away for so long!"
"Jaehyun!" you announced, nearly out of breath from all the excitement. "I saw him! He was here!"
"What?" Your sister shook her head as though she couldn't believe what you had just said. "Who was here?"
"Jaehyun! I saw him inside! In the lobby! And I'm sure he went outside, I need to find him!"
You wanted to free yourself from your sister's grip, but she was holding you steadily. "He's not here," she said calmly. "It was in your head. He's not here."
"But I've really seen him!" you retorted. "He's been here!"
"If he was inside… don't you think he would have stopped when he saw you?" your sister asked, eyeing you a bit worriedly. "Don't you think he would have approached you instead of hiding and then running away? If he really wanted to see you… if he really was here… don't you think-"
"No!" you objected. "No," you then repeated - a bit quieter - before you started crying.
Your sister pulled you into a hug, right there on the busy streets of New York City. She was right. Jaehyun would never come back here. Not even for you.
"I don't know what's wrong with me," you sobbed in her arms. "Whatever I do, I cannot be happy."
"Perhaps, because you've been lying to yourself," she whispered into your ear for you to hear clearly. "You still love him."
And right there, among the city lights, you stopped lying to yourself any longer.
"Yes. Yes, I do."
____
October, New York City, USA
In one of your old boxes, you found the strawberry chapstick Jaehyun had given you.
You hadn’t brought yourself to throw it away despite your therapist recommending so. You had been afraid that if you did, you’d lose something so precious that no amount of money could ever replace - yet you couldn’t bear to see it every day, so you had kept it out of sight.
Now, you were glad it was still here. It was your silver lining.
It took you a week to empty out your entire apartment. You either gave away or donated almost everything inside, and transferred all your money to a secret account only you could access, keeping just a decent amount in cash. You wouldn’t need more.
Then, it was time to bid your family farewell.
"We've talked about this," your therapist had said, "You know what this is. It's not real."
"As a matter of fact, I've never felt more real than when I was there."
"Do you really want to do this to your family?" she had asked. "After what they've been through to get you back?"
"My sister understands."
"I'm referring to your father."
"He sent me away in the first place, so these are the consequences of his own actions."
Your father didn't understand, unsurprisingly.
He had threatened to cut off your monthly allowance, take away your apartment and all your benefits, and even have your bank accounts and credit cards frozen. But you had only shrugged off his threats - as if any of it mattered to you anymore. In the end, he hadn’t done any of it, as expected. He was still feeling guilty about what had happened and knew your mother wouldn’t have condoned any of that.
Your father was afraid of losing the last part of you he still had. The only way for him to keep you tied to him was to let you go - so eventually, he did.
The day before your sister drove you to the airport, your father had visited to say goodbye. It was short and reserved, and you were aware there had been many more emotions boiling under his skin - but you gave him credit for hiding them. It was a step forward after all. You had promised to visit on Christmas, and he had promised to prepare your room for you when you did so.
It was a promise you had made to your sister as well. Every Christmas, you would return to spend the holidays with them. You were sure Jaehyun would let you. And perhaps, one day, he would accompany you to these visits, and they would hopefully welcome him with open arms. But it was a long way until there.
You boarded the plane to Juneau a day later.
There wasn't much that you carried with you. Only a bag pack and another bag with clothes for different seasons, nothing more.
“Don’t you ever dare to turn off your phone!” she told you at the airport. “If you don’t text me at least once a day, I’ll go there and hunt him down myself!”
“Don’t worry,” you reassured her. “I took two powerbanks with me.”
"Good. How will you go from there?" your sister then asked. "Do you know exactly where it is?"
“I know I need to get to Skagway first. From there, I will buy a cheap car and look for that specific road. I think I remember the area... It shouldn’t be that hard. When I arrive, I will send you the location. Just in case.”
She lifted up her hand. “As promised, it’s only for safety. I would never disclose it to anyone.”
You smiled. “I know. Thank you.”
You hugged your sister for a very, very long time. It felt good to have at least one person you could fully trust and completely rely on in the real world. An anchor, in case something went wrong. In case, one day, you woke up and didn’t want all of this anymore, realizing it had been the entire wrong decision.
But right now, everything felt right.
____
You arrived in Juneau a little over ten hours later after a short layover in Seattle.
You rested for a night before going out the next day to buy a cheap car that you could use for the rest of the journey. Since the ferry to Skagway no longer sailed daily at this time of year, you had to wait a few days in Juneau before you could board the next officially scheduled one.
Seven hours later, in the middle of the night, you arrived in Skagway. You wanted to continue your journey the moment you disembarked from the ferry, but you came to your senses when you realized you wouldn’t get very far in the dark. So you booked a room in the only hotel still open during the off-season and waited until morning.
The next morning, you packed your bags into the car and set off early. Before leaving town, you stopped at a supermarket to buy water, blankets, and other supplies you had run out of last winter, as well as things you thought might come in handy like extra bedding for cold nights. You also bought a mini fridge for the summer, just in case.
Your car was fully packed to the brim when you finally took off for your initial destination. You drove around the same area for two hours, trying to find the road Jaehyun had turned onto. It was so narrow and hidden that you had driven past it several times despite knowing that it must have been exactly there.
When it came down to hiding in plain sight, Jaehyun was a professional.
Only when you turned your car onto that small, unpaved road leading right into the deep woods, did it finally start to dawn on you what you were exactly doing. And then, you suddenly got scared. You had only thought about yourself and what your family might think. But what about Jaehyun?
What if Jaehyun didn’t want you there anymore?
Your chest felt so tight that you wondered if you needed to stop and take a break to properly breathe again. But then again, the longer you prolonged facing him, the worse your anxiety would get. Even if you could stay with him, even if you eventually decided to return to your family yourself… You needed answers to all the questions nobody else had answers to.
You needed to know. Right now.
Time felt distorted, as if you’d been traveling for an entire day, when you spotted the cabin from afar.
According to the digital clock in the car, three hours had passed in reality. A lump built up in your throat and then sank into your stomach when Jaehyun’s car came into your vision, parked at the usual spot. You slowed your own vehicle down, approaching the house at walking pace. Your eyes didn’t waver from the door, expecting a person to come out at any moment due to the noises you made while driving.
But nobody did.
Was Jaehyun gone?
It was peak mushroom season, so perhaps he had gone deeper into the woods to collect a basket full. Perhaps, he was behind the house chopping wood or stacking logs. Perhaps, he was by the stream to do the laundry. Perhaps-
You gasped when the door eventually did open and a tall figure appeared in the entrance door.
Your hands were shaking when you let go of the steering wheel and opened the door by your side. You thought your legs would give in when you slid down from your seat and your feet touched the bare forest ground. Was it only you or had the temperature dropped? Why were you suddenly so cold?
You already opened your mouth when you remained there, standing close by your vehicle.
But Jaehyun spoke first.
“How long do you intend to stay?” he asked, slowly coming out of the door into your periphery, so you could see him better.
You, too, took a few steps forward, but the distance between you remained. No matter how much you wanted to fling yourself into his arms, something was still holding you back. There was no anger in his eyes, no pain. Just pure curiosity and surprise. He had probably already closed this chapter of yours, but you had opened it again.
“Depends on your answers,” you told him, and wondered why you suddenly sounded so out of breath.
He nodded. “You looked so happy on your birthday. I truly haven’t assumed you’d ever come back here.”
“So, you’ve really been there.”
The corner of Jaehyun’s lips tugged up, just slightly, and he lifted his chin. “Since you disappeared from all the news, I personally needed to make sure you were okay and living a happy life. I needed to make sure you moved on. It seemed like you did.”
“I never did.”
“Not even after you found out the truth?” he questioned you. “The fact that lied to you about not having contact with your father? About your family searching for you?”
“Tell me what happened,” you urged him. “Tell me why you did what you did. Why you didn’t tell me. I want to hear it from you.”
Jaehyun took a long pause in which you could hear the rustling of the fallen leaves and the chirping of the free birds. No noisy cars, no noisy people, no noisy lights.
“Because I was scared” he eventually responded, too quiet, ashamed. “On Christmas Eve, I intended to inform you that it was all over. That you were free to go home. But when you told me about your feelings, I thought… why not let her come to terms with them first. Then you confessed your love to me a few days later, and I thought… why not let our relationship stabilize first. Then, winter came and I thought I couldn’t bring you back at this time of the year, because the weather was so unpredictable and it was dangerous. So… why not wait for spring. I ignored your father’s attempts to reach me, because it was the easiest way to avoid confronting reality. Always, I came up with excuses, because I was so afraid of losing you once you knew there was a possibility of going back. I was afraid you’d leave me the moment you got the chance to.”
You drew your brows together in a frown. “I told you I made up my mind, didn’t I? Did you think I lied? Did you not trust me?”
“Of course I did!” And Jaehyun quickly corrected himself, “I do.”
“Apparently not. You said you’d let me go and wouldn’t keep me here against my will,” you countered, “but in the end, you did exactly that.”
“No, it was not like that! I never made that decision for you. I just wanted you to make one yourself, without being influenced by your father.”
“But you influenced me, can’t you see?” His eyes widened as though he had really not known you felt that way. “You made me believe my family didn’t look for me, that they didn’t want to contact me all while knowing the exact opposite was going on.”
Jaehyun dropped his head in defeat. “I’m so sorry. I was just so scared you’d change your mind… I didn’t want to lose you too after losing everyone. If you had known, how would you have decided? Against me, right?”
You saw where he was coming from, really. He was far away from his estranged family, had lost his friends in an accident and was now all alone. He didn’t know how to handle his needs, his wants… his love anymore. All he knew was that if he wanted something - or someone - he needed to hold onto it and protect it for as long as he could.
But that didn’t give him a right to act the way he had acted towards you, and you had to tell him clearly outright.
“I really wanted to talk to my father about my decision to stay here, and I wanted to tell him myself. Whether I would have been influenced by his actions back then if only I had known they were already searching for me, I cannot say. Perhaps I would have, perhaps not. But even then, I already made up my mind and I, still, stay by it. Despite having been back to my old life. Despite everything, I’m back here. Doesn’t this say it all?” Jaehyun pricked up his ears as you continued, ”My father has not always made the best decisions, certainly not in the past few months. But he did make a few right ones among the many wrong ones. One of them was making my sister the heiress. And the other one was choosing you for me.”
Jaehyun deadpanned, “I don’t think he shares your opinion.”
“No, he certainly doesn’t,” you confirmed. “He explained to me that he had ordered you not to say a single word about the fact that you were in constant contact over a phone. So, I get that part up until Christmas Eve. But the rest… Jaehyun, I-... To a point, I comprehend. I feel where your fears were coming from. But have I ever given you a reason to doubt my feelings? I stayed when it was so cold, I could barely sleep at night. I stayed when we only had oats to eat for days. I stayed when I found suspicious tools, thinking you would have kidnapped me. I stayed when you rejected my feelings. Despite not getting a sign from my father, I could have always escaped if only I wanted it enough.”
“I never had bad inventions, please believe me. I didn’t want to cause anyone, especially not you, pain. I was too selfish. It just felt too good to be true,” he admitted. “Like a dream. And when that accident happened, I knew I couldn’t continue dreaming any longer. I thought it was better if you remembered me as the person they portray me to be in the news. Like that, you wouldn’t have suffered - only me, like I deserve. But now you’re here… Why are you here? Did you come to get your answers and will now leave again?”
You inhaled sharply, suddenly nervous again. “Like I said back then, I have decided to stay here. It took me a while, but I came back with the intention to stay. With or without your influencer, this is my decision.”
You watched Jaehyun’s Adam’s Apple bop up and down. “You know what they say this is… When you return to someone wh-”
“Do you think so too?” you interrupted him. “Do you think I’ve returned, because I feel dependent on you? I’ve returned out of guilt? That I’ve alluded myself into thinking I love you, but in reality, it’s some co-dependency I’ve developed throughout the time I was here? Tell me the truth. Tell me you think so and I will immediately get into the car and never set foot here again.”
“You know the truth as much as I do,” he said slowly. “I just wonder why you still want to be with me. After all, I’m a bad person.”
“If you are, then so I am, because I left my old life and my family behind to live with you here from now on.”
Jaehyun seemed honestly very much confused. “I just don’t know why.”
“Because you’ve seen me at my worst and turned me into someone worth loving despite all my faults. You showed me to accept and love myself when nobody else did. You showed me the beauty of myself and of this world when I was too blind to see all that. And you loved me all throughout that. How could I not love you too?”
Jaehyun took a step in your direction. “Because I lied to you. Because I want you all to myself only. And because all I was able to give you was a strawberry chapstick from the gas station when other people can give you the world and so much more.”
Your hand reached into the pocket of your jacket where you felt the small item he had referred to. It meant the entire world to you. You didn’t need more than that.
“I’ve been given the entire world,” you said. “And it has never been enough. It has never made me happy. Here, with you… this is what makes me feel happy and fulfilled. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”
“Do you… forgive me?” Jaehyun took another step towards you. Then another one. “Do you… trust me?”
You could have answered both questions with yes, but you didn’t want to give him this full reassurance just yet. After all, he had hurt you deeply. But you were here, and you were willing to try. If everything went down, you were always free to go. There would always be this back door this time.
You never knew what the future held. Perhaps, in a few months, in a few years, you’d have enough and wanted to leave. Perhaps, Jaehyun wanted it too. But until then, you would put your entire will and heart into settling here.
“I brought you a phone,” you changed the topic instead. “You will use it to call your family. I talked to them. They are worried dead about you.”
Jaehyun sounded honestly shocked. “I broke contact in fear they would blame me for the accident just like everyone else. I didn’t think-” He faltered.
Jaehyun had to learn how to stop making decisions for other people out of fear of being rejected or left. Love stemmed from a lot of emotions, and several ones of them were trust, belief and loyalty. His past had broken him to the point of rejecting the people who loved him or caging them instead. And neither was healthy.
“If someone loves you, you have to keep faith in them, Jaehyun,” you explained. “Your family will forgive you, because they love you. They long have. You don’t have to interfere in any way.”
“And you?” He took another step forward, shortening your distance and asking again, “After all, you still love me too, you came back. Then, will you forgive me too? Someday? Please just give me that. I cannot stay around you, knowing you will secretly blame me for the rest of your life.”
He was right. You wanted to tell him, but couldn’t bring yourself to do so right now. Everything was so new, you had to start over from here. It was not the right timing when you had just arrived and your tumultuous feelings hadn’t quite settled yet.
He deserved to know, of course. But the wound was still fresh. You could feel it healing already though. Perhaps, faster than you had assumed.
“Yes,” you then answered. Perhaps in a few months, in a few weeks, perhaps tomorrow already. “I will.”
Jaehyun closed the distance between you and pulled you into a warm hug. You had thought you were home in New York City, but home had been here the entire time.
Home was the sound of rustling trees in the distance and chirping birds in the sky. Home was the rushing of the stream and the flicker of the fireplace. Home was waking up to crisp air and going to bed watching the stars. Home was the sound of Jaehyun chopping wood and the scent of pines attached to him at all times.
You felt Jaehyun’s warm lips right on the parting of your hair and you feared your heart was going to burst with happiness.
“That’s enough for me,” he whispered and you could feel his embrace tightening around you, his warm breath on your head. “I can wait. As long as you stay by my side.”
The world might see you as bad people, but neither of you were. Not here.
There was Jaehyun, and there was you - two people who had never quite fit into a world that demanded more than you could give. You had needed to survive, Jaehyun had needed to survive. You no longer owed anything to the world or its people.
Now, you would build your own little world. And you would live.
Right here, in the Alaskan woods.
____
Look at you.
You sleep so safely and soundly next to me, as if you haven’t come apart beneath me just hours ago. The moonlight illuminates your soft features, and I lift up my hand to trace the outline of your face - but I hesitate.
What if this is a dream and you vanish the moment I touch you?
After everything I’ve done, you cannot be here.
For many months, I have dreamed you would come back despite knowing that you had no reason to. I’ve always been a selfish person, and I secluded myself from the rest of the world so I wouldn’t hurt or disappoint anyone dear to me ever again.
Yet, I’ve done this to you. I lied to you, because I was afraid of losing you. Because I didn’t believe in your love enough. After all, how could anyone love someone like me?
But…
Look at you.
You came back to me.
When I first built this cabin, I couldn't imagine anyone else stepping a foot inside. Just the thought of you being here with me made my skin crawl, but I couldn’t reject the money your father had offered me. It was just a few weeks, I could endure it, I had thought.
I expected to deal with a spoiled, bratty princess who didn’t care about anyone and anything. Honestly, it would have made things way easier for me. But you cared, you always have.
You brought me a coke when I hadn't asked for it, just because you thought I might like it. You stopped me from culling a deer, because you felt like it would die for vain. You thanked every small animal for its sacrifice when you found it in your trap, because you felt bad for it. You learned to adapt to a lifestyle unfamiliar to you and didn’t complain about the need to abstain from luxury. You showed me the scars you had hidden from everyone and all the invisible pain you were still carrying around.
You were nothing like the media portrayed you. And that was when my downfall began. When I realized not everyone in this world is so full of hatred. That there was still beauty in it if only I looked closely enough. My only mistake was that I didn’t know what to do once I discovered it.
The day of your accident, I painfully realized that you weren’t safe with me, out here in the woods. You were so inexperienced, so fragile, I would need to fear losing you every day due to circumstances I have no influence on like back then when you nearly fell off the cliff. You have been through so much already, I shouldn’t add on to your scars. So I brought you back to where your family was, where you were safe.
Yet, I couldn’t let you go.
I drove into town every other day to check the magazines and newspapers. I even went to the library and used their computers to look around the internet for a sign of you. But despite the initial news about your so-called abduction, you never appeared in the media again - and neither did I. You didn’t reveal my location, my identity. Were you protecting me this entire time?
I needed to know what you were doing, if you were safe, if you were… happy. Even without me. Perhaps, like this, it would have been easier for me to move on as well. So I had to make sure about that myself and drove all the way back to New York City.
I hate the reckless people, the bustling streets, and the bright city lights. But you seemed so happy on your birthday, so I put all my hatred aside. If you loved it here, then I would support it. If you have decided to stay here, then I would let you.
But look at you.
You are now lying next to me.
And as I finally trace the soft skin on your face, I let out a quiet sigh of relief. You are still here, and you are real. This is all real.
I flinch when I suddenly feel something soft on my cheek. Your warm hand. I didn’t know you were awake.
“Can’t sleep?” you ask, and I smile.
“I’m afraid that if I wake up, you will be gone.”
You wrap your arms around me and pull me down to you. With a sleepy voice, you whisper, “I won’t go anywhere. In the morning, I will still be here. And the next morning, and the next morning… Believe me.”
“I believe you.”
I know I don’t deserve an ounce of your forgiveness.
Genre: road trip au, angst, drama, romance, slow burn, smut, suspense, strangers to lovers, hate to love
Word Count: 33k
Summary: You can’t remember how you ended up in his car - driving through states and crossing countries, with no end in sight. He says he’ll protect you and bring you to safety, deep in the woods, far away from home. The only thing you have left now is him, your protector… Or your abductor?
Warnings: This isn't your typical story in that genre, but it's still inevitable to avoid mentions of abduction, drug abuse, car accidents and their physical, and mental consequences. Both characters are morally gray and will stay morally gray.
A/N: Hi guys! This is the longest one shot I've ever published?! But it was so fun to write, and I hope you will enjoy reading it as well! Please leave feedback either here or in my inbox if you want, I'd be so happy and grateful to hear your opinions💓
September, New York City, USA
Look at you.
You walk along the illuminated side street all alone after a long night of partying. You have taken off your high heels and carry them in your hands as your feet hurt from wearing them for too long. Your hair falls messily over your shoulders, your short glitter dress is twisted from all the dancing. The expression you're wearing reflects the remnants of this long Saturday night: you're smiling, cheeks heated, and shoulders bopping up and down.
You don’t know what’s about to come.
Look at you.
You walk without a single care in the world. So alone, so negligent, eyes everywhere but on the streets and your environment. You are the epitome of what many young girls might imagine themselves to be later in their lives: an heiress to one of the nation's top investment companies whose life revolves around shopping, partying and dating. A young, lively woman so many people love and so many people envy at the same time.
Yet, you don’t know what’s about to come.
Look at you.
You walk directly into my direction. I have positioned myself in front of your building's entrance in a blind spot to avoid drawing the night watch's attention to me. Luckily, he's still inside the lobby, having failed to notice my presence. You live in one of the exclusive upper floors since you moved out of your family home, sponsored by your rich father of course. Not once in your life did you ever have to worry about not having enough money.
"Hey, do you perhaps have a lighter?"
Look at you.
There you finally are, standing right in front of me. You look at me and, in the break of the second, you have scanned me from head to toe. My dark clothing, the black hoodie deeply pulled into my forehead to hide my distinctive face as best as possible. I don’t belong here, you see it clearly.
Your expression, riddled with scorn, speaks volumes. How dares someone like me - a seeming poor guy loitering - speak to you, a rich, famous heiress? It humors me how tonight, you have kissed three guys in the semi-darkness of the club that you haven't even known for five minutes, yet judge me so harshly.
"Sorry, I don't have a lighter."
“Too bad.”
Every few weeks, you grace the headlines of different tabloids, and more often the headlines of online gossip websites: the nightly escapades of the famous heiress, her fast-changing dating rumors, the scandal about her dropping out of an Ivy League university… and that's only the tip of the iceberg.
I think you're a very haughty, spoiled and capricious girl. You have never known it better.
I will teach you better.
"Excuse me, I need to go inside."
I think I'm doing good so far. You haven't panicked yet, and asking for a lighter was the best excuse I could come up with. It’s not in my interest to cause you to panic after all.
"It's fine."
Maybe it's in the moment you urge me to make space for you to pass that you realize I don't even have a cigarette, and the lighter in question might have been an idiotic attempt just to get you to talk to me. Because when you look back at me after I haven't let you pass, your initial indifference has given way for… fear. It might dawn on you only now that we are all alone out here.
At this time, nobody is present in front of the building except for us two. In a city that never sleeps, it's quite a convenient timing that I happened to catch you in this short time span of absolute surrender, isn't it? Even though it’s my first time, it’s a perfect plan that I’m carrying out.
"Excuse me…"
"I don't think you can go inside, sorry."
I stand in front of the entrance, blocking it for you. And even though I'm the only other person present and don't occupy both doors, you don't make an attempt to dodge me and go for the other entry point. Probably because you know you don't stand a chance against me. I see your eyes widen in shock as slowly, realization sinks in.
"Please…"
I reach into my pocket where I feel the wet tissue that I have prepared beforehand. We could have done all this without talking, quick and wordless. But I assumed it was too inhumane, not fitting for a lady. Now that you threaten to scream though, I quickly come to regret this decision.
"No…!"
You let out a shriek, confirming my earlier regrets. I should have done it in a quick and silent way. I let out a long sigh when you turn around, drop your high heels and flee into the direction you have come from. Your behavior really gets on my nerves. Thankfully, I have a lot of patience.
I catch up to you just a brief moment later, because I am much taller and you cannot run fast, only barefooted after all. I have you in a tight grip in front of me, you can barely move anymore.
"Hel-!"
You fall limply together in my arms after I've pressed the chloroform filled tissue against your mouth. How peaceful you look without the initial scorn and the eventual fear etched all over your face.
Look at you.
Sleep well now.
I heave you into the passenger seat of my SUV that is parked nearby and secure the seatbelt around your body. You wear the most unideal attire for what we are about to do, but that is something we need to deal with when you wake up. I almost feel bad for treating a young woman like this. I almost feel sorry.
But I know I'm not capable of such, because I haven't felt anything even remotely similar to being sorry in a very, very long time.
We leave behind never-sleeping-New York City in the middle of the night. When the sun creeps over the horizon, announcing daybreak, we are already in Connecticut.
And look at you.
You're still sleeping.
____
September, Vermont, USA
Your head hurt. That was not unusual for you after a night out. But somehow, your back hurt as well and your throat felt so dry. You were cold and your legs and arms laid bare, though you usually had it very warm under your thick blanket at home. But you were not in your bed - you picked up on this fact quite quickly.
It took everything from you to open your eyes, the pain and the cold making it uncomfortable enough for you not to prolong your sleep-like state. You were in a seating position and instantly realized that you were sitting in a car that had been parked, the driver's seat next to you empty.
Had you called for your driver and fallen asleep in the car? But this was not your personal driver's car. The car was new and so big, but the interior didn't seem familiar to you at all. Had a friend or someone else driven you instead?
When you looked out of the passenger window though, you instantly realized that you were nowhere near Manhattan, probably not even remotely close to New York City anymore - because everything you saw was trees. You were surrounded by them, and they were so dense and dark that you had difficulties looking through the stems that seemed to encircle you like jail bars.
You tried to make out what time it was, but you couldn't find your purse in your immediate surroundings where you reckoned you had put your phone. Judging by the lightning coming from outside though, it must be way past midday already.
Had you slept for so long in a car? Even in your own bed, you usually woke up before 11 am despite getting home at dawn. And why did your head hurt this unusually much?
You reached for the handle and wanted to open the car door, but rattling on it didn’t do much. Had the driver - whoever they might be - locked you in? You gulped, an unsettling feeling that you had been trying to ignore now spreading to every fiber of your body. It locked you inside a vest that seemed too tight for your body. You had trouble breathing and suddenly, you started to panic. Had you been drugged at the club and kidnapped on your way home?
"Hey!" you yelled and rattled on the door again. When there was absolutely nothing to do about it, you lifted up your hands and hammered your fists against the window. "Hey, let me out! Help!"
You twisted and turned your head, but nobody seemed to hear your cries for help. You were far away from civilization, locked up in a car all alone. If this wasn't alarming enough, then you didn't know what was.
You weren't here because you wanted to be, but because someone else had wanted you to be. Someone who might not be your acquaintance and someone who might not have good intentions. You tried not letting your panic fog your rational thinking. You were prepared for this. As an heiress, you had completed several self defense classes.
Your fingers trembled when you unlocked your seatbelt, but you were successful on the first try. You moved in the car that you more identified as an SUV and looked around in order to find something heavy and perhaps pointy to break the window. Your high heels would have been a good item right now, but they were gone.
The dashboard as well as the two seats in the front were almost entirely empty except for a small package of gum and some tissues in the glove box. But when you turned to the back of the car, you found a pile of clothes neatly draped on top of the direct seat behind you. You frowned, but curiosity got the better of you, because it looked like they were prepared specifically for you to find, yet they weren't clothes you would ever consider wearing.
When you had inconveniently made your way to the backseat, you took the clothing pieces into your hand. They were your size exactly: a tight fitted t-shirt, a thick cardigan and a pair of leggings, all in dark colors. On the floor, you even found a pair of new trainers, also exactly your shoe size. Truth to be told, though not exactly your style, you didn't want anything else more right now than exchanging your short party dress for these comfortable, warm clothes. You were freezing after all.
But this was not right. Having these fitting clothes prepared for you and being ripped off your phone was most definitely not a sign that you had spontaneously decided to go on a road trip with a friend and not remember a single thing.
What had happened just ten hours ago? You had had fun in the club, dancing with different guys… even kissing them, perhaps? Then you had gone home… and you had made it almost to the building. But there was something that had happened before, right before you had entered…
You heard him before you even saw him.
Your head snapped up and you watched him emerge from the forest through the back window. He was tall, his short hair dark, and he was wearing black cargo pants as well as a black hoodie and a jacket of the same color.
Despite not seeing his entire face clearly, you immediately knew he was a stranger.
Panic and adrenaline now rushed through your veins and you ducked your head, only then realizing how stupid this move was as you were in a car and he would see you anyway when he unlocked the door, at the latest. There was no heavy and spiky object inside here to crash the windows either.
You were trapped. Your heart was thumbing so loudly and heavily that you nearly felt it in your throat. The taste of bile collected on your tongue, and you wondered if you had felt anything remotely close to this fear and panic ever before in your life. Your life that had seemed so perfect that you had never expected something like this could ever happen.
What had you ever done to deserve this? The answer was… Probably too many things.
You closed your eyes shut when you heard the footsteps approaching. Heavy footsteps that crushed the leaves under them while he was walking through the forest's grounds. Then, the car unlocked. Was this… the end of it all, because you had pushed it too far?
You were hunched in the corner of the backseat when the driver's door opened, horror etched into your face. For a moment, you could have sworn you had stopped breathing when he leaned into the car. What would he do now? How would he react to finding out that you had woken up?
"Put on the clothes and come outside."
He was younger than you had expected, maybe only a few years older than you, though his voice was deep. He barely threw a look at you, but instead placed something on the driver's seat. You barely recalled what he had said before when he continued,
"Here's a wash bag with a toothbrush and everything else you might need as well as a bottle of water to use. I'll wait for you to change first, then you can go wash up with the stuff."
He closed the door again, but didn't move away from the car. Instead, he turned his back to you and waited, leaning against the driver's door. He stilled for a long time, and so did you.
What was happening? You couldn't wrap your head around the entire situation. Who was he and what had happened last night? What intentions would he bear that made him urge you to change and wash up? You choked back a gasp when you remembered your painful body, but only felt relief when the ache was restricted to your head and back.
You didn't want to sit it out for longer, so you quickly changed into the new clothes, always one eye directed at the figure outside. But he didn't move once all while you got dressed in the backseat of the car. You then leaned forward and reached for the wash bag. You found a toothbrush, toothpaste, cleansing foam and face cream inside. An abductor who had bad intentions wouldn't provide you with all this, would he? It was only a small consolation.
When you opened the door, you thought about running away. The new shoes were very comfortable, but regarding your current physical state and his stature, you were very certain that you wouldn't come very far. Even if you were in the state of running miles, you didn't know where you were, what was behind these woods. You couldn't decide which option was the worst.
If you wanted to escape, you had to think it out thoroughly and not act impulsively. Self-defense classes had taught you this too.
You stepped out of the car and the man directly shifted around to you. You stood at the opposite of each other, the car between you, providing you some kind of barrier that acted as protection. His expression was unreadable, and if you were under other circumstances, he might even be someone you would have found mysteriously attractive with the way his short dark hair stood in contrast to his pale skin, and the way his gaze was so penetrating, yet disassociating.
As though he didn't want to be here as well.
"Do you want to brush your teeth and wash up?"
It was exactly what you wanted, because you felt so gross. It would be the first thing you would have done at home, but you were far away from your home, with a stranger nonetheless. How could you think about washing up now?
"Who are you?" you asked directly. “Tell me!”
He kept a straight face. "My name is Jaehyun. Your father sent me."
"My father?" A cool breeze grazed your cheeks. Way too cool for hot and sticky New York City around this time. "Sent you for what? What are we doing here? Where is this place even?"
"We're in Vermont." He shrugged and looked around. "Quite close at the border to Canada already."
Your mouth nearly fell agape. "Vermont?! What are we doing in Vermont?!"
You couldn't be in Vermont. You were supposed to be in New York City, in your luxurious apartment, getting ready for another day out with friends, shopping, having dinner at fancy restaurants and partying at night… What were you doing in Vermont?
Jaehyun let out a deep sigh. As though he had the right to be annoyed when you were the one confused and frightened. "We're on our way to Alaska upon your father's request."
You gasped for air. "Why would my father send a stranger with me to Alaska?!"
He looked aside as though he was still struggling to find the right words. As though he hadn't had enough hours on the way here to prepare an explanation that wouldn't let you freak out. Because you were so close to doing so already.
"I'm going to scream! I'm going to run away if you don't explain right now! Who are you and what is your matter with my father?!"
"I'm not here to hurt you. The opposite even." He lifted up a hand in a gesture while the other disappeared inside the pocket of his pants. When his hand emerged again, he was holding something out to you. A letter. "Your father told me to give you this. Can I… come over to give it to you?"
You stood there, nearly petrified when he slowly rounded the car and handed the seeming letter over to you from a distance. When you took it into your hand, he retreated back to the other side.
You opened the letter right on the spot and started reading.
____
It had started raining a long while ago. At one point, the rain had seamlessly merged with your blurry vision, caused by endless tears. You were sitting in the passenger's seat, legs pulled close to your chest after you had taken off your shoes. Your forehead rested on your knees, weak from all the crying. But you couldn’t stop.
Jaehyun was gone. But for what exactly, you couldn't remember. Most likely, he only wanted to leave you alone to grieve, because now, he could be sure that you wouldn't attempt an escape. If you could call it like that even.
Your father… Your usually angry and strict, but also very loving and devoted father, was on the run. He had to suddenly escape and hide from a hit man after a vengeful friend's failed investment upon his recommendation. You didn't quite understand this situation yet. It was hard for you to grasp the entire meaning and the consequences behind the sudden happenings of the past twelve hours.
Apparently, your father had started planning this out very thoroughly as soon as he sensed the downfall. But he hadn't let you, your sister or any other acquaintance in on his plans so as to not make you worried while he was preparing for the entire family’s escape from the country.
"Your father is currently somewhere in Asia and your sister has been taken to South America. I will take you to Alaska," Jaehyun had said. "It was better to separate all of you."
"For… for how long?" you had asked.
"For as long it takes for your father to settle the situation," he had answered.
The rain was pattering mercilessly against the front window and you failed to make out your family members' faces in the drops trailing down the glass. You wished you had your phone right now, but according to Jaehyun, it was too dangerous to even leave it turned on in case your father's enemies would track you - and then your entire family - down. It was not like you wanted to go online. You just wanted to look at pictures of your father and sister as you feared you might forget how they looked.
Only slowly, it dawned on you what this situation would mean for the next few weeks at best:
You would drive all the way to Alaska with a stranger, sleeping in the car, eating canned food, using the outdoors as a bathroom… no, this couldn't be real. You knew this was probably so selfish and shallow, but a part of you also mourned after all the pretty things and the luxury in your life that had been ripped from you. And then, you even grew a little resentful of your father for being the catalyst of all these events and your life as it was now.
It was all too much for you to process at once, so you didn't know what to feel and how to handle all these emotions, let alone this entire new life environment. You generally avoided nature, you were a city girl through and through. How were you supposed to lay low here until it was safe to return?
You suddenly flinched, having been deep in your thoughts, when the driver's door opened and Jaehyun settled himself behind the steering wheel. He was completely drained and took off his wet jacket that he then put on the backseat.
"In an hour, we can continue driving when it gets dark," he declared monotonously. "We only drive at night and rest during the day. We will use the longer and more remote route through east Canada. That way, we can assure that no one follows us. We will reach Montreal in a few hours and then continue our way to Ontario."
You couldn't care less what he was talking about and what he was doing. You just wanted to cry, scream, shake something… but all that came out were more tears. But he didn't react.
At least that was something you could be grateful for. He left you alone with your feelings.
____
September, Quebec, Canada
You had passed Montreal a mere hour ago. Though you had barely seen anything of the city - only the faint lights from the rural road you had taken. For the rest of the drive, as you stared out of the window, you saw nothing but the eerie darkness of wide fields, and, even eerier still, long stretches of woods that seemed to swallow the road ahead as a whole. And it went deeper, deeper and deeper.
Jaehyun was driving, gaze unwavering from the street. And you were sitting next to him, silent at all times. Yet, you had many questions left. Why had your father chosen him? Where did he know him from? What would you do when you arrived in Alaska? But you couldn’t bring yourself to talk.
You passed in and out of sleep, and when the car finally came to a halt, it was bright outside again. Your eyes were heavy and there was a sour taste on your tongue. Your hair probably stood in every direction and you hadn't washed up in so long. But you didn't care now, which was odd, because you usually did.
"We're in a wildlife reserve here," Jaehyun eventually said when he parked the car in a small clearing, encircled by trees. "I've checked the location, there is no house close by, this is a good hiding spot. There is even a small stream down there where we can take a bath according to the map."
You wouldn't call stepping into a creek “taking a bath” in comparison to the hot tub at your home, so you'd rather decline.
"You must be hungry," Jaehyun then stated as you refused to get out of the car. "I'll make you something. Here." He put the small wash bag that you hadn't used yesterday on your lap. "You can wash up in the meantime if you want."
But you didn't. You didn't want to do anything. You were too tired, exhausted and depressed. What was there to life when you had lost everything worth living for anyway? There was no delicious food anymore, no warm, or even running water, no toilet. No bed! How could you live like this? You wondered whether your father and sister were better off and how he could do this to you.
Of course your sister wouldn't get the same treatment. Not your little, fragile, perfect sister who was far more fitting for the position of the heiress other than you, and who your father always protected at all costs. He would never let her go through the same torture as you.
The passenger side door opened and Jaehyun stretched out something to you inside. "Here." It was a small metal bowl with plain porridge inside. "It's breakfast. Eat it."
But you didn't react, so Jaehyun placed the bowl on your lap after having taken away the wash bag and placed it on the dashboard, assuming you wanted to eat first before washing up. He closed the door again and took his breakfast - the same as yours - right next to the car outside, inspecting the surroundings.
You watched him carefully. He was tall and well built as far as you could tell through his layers of clothes, and he apparently knew much about life on the road and survival without modern equipment. But you still couldn't grasp the connection between him and your father.
When Jaehyun opened the door again, he wordlessly took the full bowl from you and returned to the trunk from where he apparently got all the things. Just by the size of the SUV alone, you assumed there must be much capacity. But you also admitted that this was not the ideal getaway car. It was certainly… striking. Even for the streets of big cities.
Jaehyun came back only a little while later. He had apparently washed up at the stream as his short hair was still wet. Luckily the sun was shining today, though it wasn't very warm anymore as you had driven quite far into the northern hemisphere already.
"You can go to the stream if you want," he urged you as he sat down behind the steering wheel, but you ignored him again. And again, he tried, "You can also go sleep in the backseat. There, you have the entire space to yourself and can stretch. I can bring you some blankets."
But you just sat there and stared out of the window. Almost unnoticeably, Jaehyun let out a sigh and started reclining his own seat. "I don't lock the doors, so you can go whenever you want. Just make sure you return before it gets dark. And don't wander too far off, because you can get lost easily in the woods."
That was when you turned to the side and looked at him. His expression was bland, as though he merely stated facts, without any emotions. Wasn't he afraid about you running away?
As though he had just read your thoughts, Jaehyun said, "I know running away probably crosses your mind every now and then. But before you do so, just think about whether it is what your father wants. I am here to protect you, not to confine and to torture you. Of course you're free to roam around, do what you want as long as you don't endanger your own life. I promised your father to take care of you and that you will be reunited once this is all over. You've read the letter, you know this is legit."
A chuckle escaped from deep inside you. For the first time since you were on the road, you directed your words at him, "I should think about what my father wants? He never once thought about what I want! He always called me reckless, selfish and materialistic! And now look in which situation he brought me because of his mistakes!"
Jaehyun furrowed. "Is this what you worry about?"
You were taken aback. "What else should I worry about?"
"How your sister and father are doing, for example."
"Tsk." You crossed your arms in front of your chest and sunk deeper into your seat. You didn't want to admit that he was right. You missed them and were worried for them, of course. But right now, anger and resentment dominated your feelings. "They're fine. They always are."
You wondered whether you wanted to reassure Jaehyun or yourself.
You were the troublesome child, the outcast. The one who seldom visited the family home anymore and rarely ever contacted them first. There had been a time when you had been so close. You wished this all wouldn’t stand between you anymore as it seemed so futile in comparison to what was happening right now.
If you had known what would happen, would you have told them about your real feelings?
"I see." Jaehyun shrugged. "Do you want a blanket now?"
"I'm good. I'll go to the stream for..."
He nodded knowingly and you cringed at the fact of discussing your bathroom needs with a stranger again. It never got easier. But you had been holding it back for too long now, and even though you hadn't drank or eaten in a day, it was about time you relieved yourself again. The last time you went was before you had made your way to Montreal.
You followed the path Jaehyun had shown you and found yourself a mere minute later next to a creek. The water seemed clear and inviting, and you didn't want anything more than to brush your teeth and take a shower right now. But what for? You had no intention to stay.
Screw your father. Screw your sister. Screw Jaehyun.
You started running.
____
The sun was setting when you eventually stopped moving altogether. Your feet hurt, you were cold in your light clothes now without a jacket, and your face and hands showed signs of scratches from when you had to push your body through tight bushes. Your tongue was dry and wanted to do everything for water now. Why was it that, in all these hours, you didn't find a paved street let alone a single other person?
You allowed yourself to crouch down and rest on a stub of a tree to catch your breath and reevaluate your situation. You had regretted running away within the first hour, but admittedly hadn't been able to find your way back. The trees had started to grow too dense, barely letting through any light, so the ground grew colder and colder. You slung your arms around yourself and rubbed them up and down to warm yourself up.
Then you started crying again. You would do anything just to lay in your bed in your safe, warm home, wishing this was all just a nightmare from which you would wake up soon. It wasn't typical for your father to have something like this happen to him. He was well-organized, observative and careful. You must know, because it was expected of you to work for and with him in the future. There was no way this was your life now.
But the letter was legit, and so was your current situation. You wanted your trendy clothes back, your designer bags, your comfortable bed, your hot shower, everything you had since then taken for granted.
"You ready to go back now?"
"Ah!" you let out a scream when Jaehyun suddenly emerged from the trees behind you. It had been hours! Had he been following your every step ever since? "How- What?! How did you find me?!"
"I followed your footsteps on the ground, simple as that."
“It’s been hours!”
“Yet, you have barely brought distance between us.”
Who was this guy?! "How? Where are we now?"
"Not far from the car, as a matter of fact. You've been moving around in circles. But it's no surprise. People who don't know the woods well tend to get lost so easily as everything looks the same to them." Jaehyun crouched down to the same level as you and put his hand on the ground. "See, your footprints. Several, on top of that. All pointing in different directions."
You didn't see anything on the ground except for a bit of mud, moose, fallen leaves and grass. Again…
"Who are you even? You cannot be a random acquaintance of my father!"
"I’m one of your father's bodyguards." Jaehyun cleaned his hands by clapping them together and then arose again. "You might not know me, because I'm relatively new and don't resemble the bigger, bulkier guys your father usually surrounds himself with. But there is a reason he chose me. I’m an ex-Marine."
For how long had your father planned this? For how long had he planned to shatter your life and take everything from you, sending you off with a stranger to live in a car?
"We won't live in the car," he suddenly answered your thoughts, and you figured you might have said the last part out loud. "There is a cabin, deep in the woods of southern Alaska. That is our destination. We will lay low there until you can go back."
He said "you", not "us", you remarked in silence and asked out loud, "And how long is it going to take?"
Jaehyun shrugged. "From a few days to a few months, everything is possible. Your father sent me on a mission and I will carry it out, even if it may cost my life as long as you can live."
You had been too self-centered to grasp the seriousness of the situation before, but while roaming around in the woods all day, there was nothing else you had been able to think about. You wiped the tears from your dirtied cheeks with the back of your freezing hand.
If this was going to end in the worst possible outcome because of your own mistake, not only would you be dead, but your father and sister, and possibly everyone close to you as well.
Was there really no other way to survive these horrors except from cooperating with this Marine stranger? If your father trusted him, then shouldn't you too?
"Listen…" Jaehyun’s gaze darkened as he looked at you. "I am not here to hurt you. I am here to protect you, but you need to cooperate as well. We will have to take high precautions and roaming around in the wild isn't helping much. I let it slip this one time, because I know you needed it. But I won't let it happen again, because every person you meet, every security camera that catches sight of you or even the car, could reach your father’s enemies sooner or later. The people after him are very powerful, this is not something to be taken lightly. This is serious, your whole family’s lives depend on every one of your actions. Was I clear enough?"
You didn't answer and didn't direct a single word at him anymore when you followed him back to the car. He took it as an agreement without you needing to verbally define it as such.
____
October, Ontario, Canada
"You haven't eaten anything since we're on the road," Jaehyun stated with much reproach in his voice when he opened the passenger seat for you. "Are you going to starve yourself?"
"I'm not hungry. I’ve said it several times already."
Every now and then, you were sipping on a bit of water, and only when Jaehyun offered it to you. But you didn’t lie about not being hungry. You didn’t have an appetite, because you weren't feeling like yourself anymore.
You were dusty, sticky and most likely also very smelly from head to toe as you hadn't touched the wash bag even once. Jaehyun grew more frustrated with each passing day, but you couldn't care less as you were not adapting well to these peculiar living circumstances anyway. You just wished to survive this with as little participation as possible until you reached your destination.
"Come out," Jaehyun then summoned.
Admittedly, you really wanted to go for a walk since today was a bit warmer than the last days, but you had no motivation. The past two days had gone by following the same routine. You slept at night when Jaehyun was driving, and when he slept during the day, you were lying in the backseat, napping or staring into nothingness. You rarely spoke to each other, and you still hadn’t come to trust and rely on him even a little bit.
Despite the good weather, you had only intended to stay in the car just like the past days, but Jaehyun had parked right next to a river. It was bigger than the one from two days ago. In the summer, you could easily go swimming in it. Perhaps, walking around outside sounded quite inviting.
"Fine,” you sighed and swung your legs out of the car. “Just for a little bit."
"No running away today, okay?" You wondered whether Jaehyun had just made a sarcastic joke.
"We'll see." And you wondered whether you had just made one as well.
You walked over to the stream and came to a halt next to the riverbank. The water was a bit deep, probably reaching to your hips, but the current was quiet and slow. You could have sworn you saw a few fishes too when you bent over the surface.
"You can go inside,” Jaehyun suggested. “It’s not too cold.”
“It’s okay. I’ll just sit down here.”
“Not today.” He suddenly appeared by your side. "Here, let me help you."
The next thing you felt was pure coldness embracing you from all sides. Instinctively, you held your breath and closed your eyes. The ground beneath your feet vanished before you even realized you were falling forward, straight into the water that was attacking your clothed body like a million needles. It was cold. So, so cold.
"Are you insane?!" You screamed when you pushed back up to the surface, standing on shaking feet. Your hair, face, clothes… everything was wet. "It's freezing! Who pushes someone into a river?!"
But Jaehyun just quietly turned around and walked back to the car from where you saw him taking out several items. He came back and placed them all on the riverbank. You spotted the wash bag, soap, a wash cloth, a towel and… fresh clothes.
He had had fresh clothes for you all along and still let you walk around in these dirty garments for days?
You slowly made your way to the riverbank, your feet slipping on the muddy ground several times, but Jaehyun lifted his hand and urged you to stop right there. "No fresh clothes until you wash up."
You couldn't believe your ears. "Excuse me?"
"I'm very sorry to say this to a lady but…" He stopped, visibly struggling, but eventually he confessed, "You smell."
"I-, what?!"
"You smell!" Jaehyun then said a bit louder, matter-of-factly almost. It wasn't like you hadn't heard it acoustically. You just couldn't believe someone would say such an offending thing right into your face. "You haven’t eaten, washed and changed clothes for days. I've been on the road in groups of several men for weeks and you come really close to smelling like them wh-"
"Stop!" you yelled again, your face heating up. You then both paused, just staring at each other. This was so humiliating. "Pass me the soap and turn around," you quietly pressed through gritted teeth and looked away.
Jaehyun probably didn't know how to express himself better. If he had only been surrounded by men before and had come fresh out of his service judging by his age, then he probably didn't know much about treating women. But that shouldn't be an excuse!
He was quietly sitting with his back turned to you, working on what seemed like making a fire. Every now and then, when you slowly took off your clothes with your back turned to him as well, you peeked over your shoulder. But Jaehyun never once made a move to even peek back.
When you felt slightly safer, you put your wet clothes and shoes on the riverside and scrubbed your entire body down, starting from your head by washing your hair and ending with your feet. You would have done anything to follow through with this procedure in a hot shower, because the cold water let your teeth clash against each other so hard, you could barely hear the current anymore.
Jaehyun was still sitting quietly with his back turned to you when you had dried yourself off with the towel, quickly brushing your teeth and creaming your face as well. You were frozen to the bones, but at least you were more presentable now. More or less. But this was the best you could do.
You had changed into a pair of joggers and a hoodie with warmer layers underneath - all exactly your size. The towel was now draped over your head to dry your hair when you approached Jaehyun at the bonfire, feeling a little bit more like yourself again. But only a little bit. You seated yourself a bit further away from him and held your hands over the flames. He had obviously made the fire only with branches as you didn't see a lighter anywhere.
"I'll warm up some soup for breakfast now,” Jaehyun informed you. “I haven't slept much yesterday, so I'm quite exhausted. I would really appreciate it if you would not run away today and eat something."
"Why can't we go to a hotel or something?" you asked dryly as you watched him pour the canned soup into a small pot over the camping cooker that he had set up right next to the bonfire. “Just for one night.”
The fact that he was not preparing the food over the fire suggested that he had only set it up for you to get warm again. You swallowed a lump in your throat.
"There are cameras everywhere, we cannot risk it." Jaehyun stirred with a spoon in the pot, and suddenly, you felt so hungry. You couldn't explain where it came from. "It's all for the same reason as to why I had to take your phone away and you cannot contact anyone in your family."
"Maybe you're lying after all," you said nearly sulkily. "Maybe the letter is fake and you just kidnapped me to blackmail my father."
Honestly, both stories sounded equally bizarre, they could both be true.
Jaehyun then grabbed something else from nearby that he had apparently intentionally prepared as though he had seen this scenario coming.
It was a very famous tabloid. You took it with trembling hands, but you didn't even need to open it as your father's face was all over the headline. It was dated to three days ago, the day after you had needed to leave urgently.
"I knew you would ask at some point,” Jaehyun explained calmly. “I bought this the next morning when you were still… passed out."
The headline read:
Top investor on the run - Where is…
Famous heiress and sister missing.
The full story. Everything we know so far.
FBI is investigating.
Your hunger was entirely gone.
____
You had spent the entire day sitting by the small bonfire, reevaluating your life once again while waiting for your wet clothes to dry. Jaehyun was sleeping in the car, and per his request you hadn't left the immediate area. Your hunger hadn’t returned, and at this point, you wondered whether starving yourself would be more merciful than continuing living like this.
"Your hair is dry already. Good. It took way too long." Why did he always silently emerge out of nowhere? Jaehyun settled himself next to you and stretched his limbs. "I'll make food now and we won't leave until you eat."
"Then you can wait for a very long time."
"Fine, then we will wait." He gave in way too fast. There was a catch. "Not only for you to eat, though. But also for the bears to join us. Making a fire was already dangerous enough, but otherwise you would have caught a cold, and getting sick would be even more bothersome."
“Animals don’t get attracted to fire.”
"Bears do, because by now they have learned that when a fire is near, so will be humans and food, and they follow the smell. And I don’t necessarily want to fight one again."
You raised a brow. “You fought bears before? You’re lying.”
"That’s what you learn as a Marine."
Jaehyun had taken off his jacket due to the warmth of the fire, only wearing a tight fitted shirt now. You dared to take a closer look at his build. He was more buff and even more muscular than what you had assumed through the layers of fabric. Fine, you bought it.
“If you say so.”
You watched Jaehyun pour oats and water in the clean pot that he then put on the camping cooker. Oatmeal used to be your favorite breakfast when you were little, but you usually preferred it with milk. That was not possible right now, though.
After a few minutes of stirring, the light meal was done and Jaehyun put a bit of it in a metal bowl before sprinkling some spice over the food. Wordlessly, he then held the bowl out to you and wordlessly, you took it. On top of the oatmeal, he had put a bit of sugar and cinnamon.
It was just like your mom had always prepared it for you when she was still alive. Only your family had known. Had they told him?
Suddenly, you didn't feel resentment towards your father and sister anymore. You missed them dearly and even felt guilty for having reacted the way you had earlier. You started eating your porridge in silence with a heavy feeling sitting on the top of your chest that you failed to suppress. When the first tears started to fall, you continued eating. And Jaehyun was eating as well, all in silence.
You didn't want to die. You didn't want to risk never seeing your father and sister again. The only way to be reunited with them was to stay alive, follow instructions with the help of your father's chosen bodyguard, and hope for the best. So you emptied the entire bowl.
When you both finished, you helped Jaehyun collect the food waste, bowls and pots, and brought the used items over to the car. Jaehyun opened the trunk that was so much bigger than those of regular cars, and you widened your eyes when you saw what he had all cramped into there.
There was a large box that took up almost half of the trunk's space. It was filled with water bottles, canned food like ravioli, and different packages with dry or pre-cooked food like oats and rice. It was enough to last you two for a week more, most likely.
On the other side of the trunk, there was a transparent box filled up to the brim with different clothes, shoes and blankets. For you and him both, you assumed. On a smaller box next to it, you read "hygiene" on the lid. When you lifted it up to take a look inside, you found towels, soap, a brush and other necessities for a quick wash up. Even pads and tampons. Jaehyun had thought about everything.
There was also a small box which was declared as "medicine & emergency" and another one with "tools". You also spotted four canisters with gas, and it only now became clear to you that you had never once stopped at a gas station.
"How long will we still be on the road until we reach the cabin?" you asked. “That’s a lot of stuff.”
"Approximately one week."
Just as you had guessed. "Do you have a phone?"
Jaehyun looked at you as though you had just asked the dumbest question. "Of course I don't have a phone. If they track me down, they will get to you as well."
"Then how do you know where we'll be driving to exactly? How can my father contact you when everything is over?"
Jaehyun let out a long sigh as though annoyed. You didn’t think your questions were this stupid.
"You know, physical maps exist. And it's not the first time I'm driving this route. Your father knows where to find us."
“I mean… something like prepaid phones exist too, you know.”
“I know.”
But he didn’t explain why they weren’t using such phones instead. To you, it all sounded too vague. But Jaehyun had proven more than once that he had been indeed sent by your father.
There was nothing left to do for you other than to trust their plan, regardless of how little it made sense to you.
____
October, Manitoba, Canada
Another two days passed with the same routine while you drew closer to the next Canadian state.
Coming from bustling New York City, you grew bored of the dull nighttime drives through the remote areas quite fast and just slept as much as possible throughout the hours on the road. When you found a secluded site in the woods to camp, you first ate oatmeal or canned food together before Jaehyun retreated himself to sleep in the car while you just wandered around the area or sat close by the car, deep in thoughts and dreams.
Yesterday, you tried to polish your appearance as best as you could. It had taken you an hour to brush out all the knots in your hair and trim your brows with tweezers that you had grabbed from an emergency kit. You had even found vaseline to tend to your chapped lips, but nothing helped your unhealthy face color, the big bags under your eyes and your overall motley appearance.
Before, you had never left the house without a full face of makeup and an outfit suitable for the occasion in case you met people you knew or got photographed. Now, there was not much you could do to appear put together. You knew that, even when you happened to cross paths with other strangers in this wilderness, they couldn’t care less about your appearance. It was for you. Everything in your life had fallen apart already. If something like mascara could make you feel a little better, then you would take it. But there was none as such.
You had just woken up from a rather comfortable nap with the passenger seat reclined as far as possible when the car suddenly came to a halt at a rest stop. When the roads weren't as curvy and bumpy, you could even sleep stretched out on the backseat. Jaehyun didn’t care all too much about it.
This rest stop seemed to be the only sign of civilization within miles, nestled deep in the woods where this asphalted road ran through. There was only one small fuel pump and an even smaller house in which you saw an old man seated at the counter. Through the window, you were able to spot a single aisle with low shelves.
There must be food and drinks! As much as you appreciated Jaehyun providing for you, you had grown quite tired of the same, plain food every day. Instantly, you unbuckled your seatbelt, but Jaehyun's head snapped back at you as though you had just committed a crime.
"Are you crazy?!" he called out and grabbed your arm to drag you back. "You cannot come with me! I will only pump some gas into the canisters and we will disappear again!"
"Why not?" you asked with much frustration. "There is no one here except for that old man!"
"There might be security cameras! What if another car suddenly stops here? What if the old man inside or someone else passing by recognizes you?"
You rolled your eyes. "We're in the deep wilderness! Be so for real now!"
"Did you forget who you are?! Don't you think people in rural Canada might also recognize your face?"
Jaehyun had let go of your arm and was now trying to fix your seatbelt again, but you slapped his hand away and then pointed at your face. "This face you mean? Look at me! Do I look anything like the person on newspapers or gossip blogs? Be so for real now."
“Can you stop talking in internet slang for a moment?” He stared at you blankly. "Well… if you look closely, maybe."
Ouch. He really didn't know how to treat women delicately. But you decided not to hold it against him, because this could be your ticket to enter the shop with his permission.
"You can check for security cameras if you like. You can even go in there before me and check on the man himself. Just please…" You didn't want to beg, but you didn't know what else to do at this point. Jaehyun could keep you locked inside the car if he wanted, so you had to sweet talk to him until you got on his good side. "I just want a cold coke… and sweets maybe? You cannot tell me you wouldn't like these too after water and oatmeal for days."
A few moments passed, but eventually Jaehyun let out a long, defeated sigh. You had the feeling you caused him to sigh very often. "I'll go first and then come back to get you. Stay here until I return, fine?"
"Fine." You wanted to let a giggle slip, but swallowed it.
Jaehyun didn't lock the doors when he got out of the car. You watched him rounding the vehicle, then the entire outside area, lifting his head every now and then. When Jaehyun went inside the gas station, he talked to the old man for a little while, then walked up and down the aisle, stopped shortly in front of a shelf, looked into every ceiling corner as well, and eventually returned to you.
"Wear this," Jaehyun told you when he opened the passenger door and placed a jacket on your lap. It was his own, not the one you usually wore outside. It would hide more of your body due to its size. "Make sure to wear the hood as well. Just to be safe."
Jaehyun's jacket reached down to your hips, the hood also falling deep into your forehead, concealing most of your face. You triumphed and followed Jaehyun to the shop.
"Don't act suspiciously. Here are five dollars, so buy whatever you want. Be quick and don't say a word. Avoid saying as little as hello and goodbye even. Buy and leave. I stay outside and fill the canisters."
"But isn't it suspicious if I avoid speaking to the cashier?" you asked. "If I behave like a timid, scared girl, he will suspect I'm a timid, scared girl and question the situation."
"Hm…" Jaehyun was very educated in survival stuff, but he knew little about human interactions while your life was based on human interactions. "Probably…"
You held out a hand to get him to stop talking. "Just watch. That's my forte."
"Hey-!"
But you were already inside the shop. "Good evening, mister."
The old man barely looked up and only murmured, "Evening."
You ignored Jaehyun who was watching you through the large panoramic window with a wary expression and strolled through the short aisle. Immediately, saliva collected on your tongue when you saw all these colorful bags with delicious snacks.
You grabbed a small pack of chips and sour worms. The five Canadian dollar note cheapskate Jaehyun had given you wasn’t enough to get a can of coke on top, but since food would last you longer anyway, you were satisfied with your small haul.
That was until on your way to the cashier, your gaze fell on a small section with newspapers and tabloids. Your heart nearly stopped. But…
There were no headlines about your family on the covers anymore. You wondered whether there had been no progress in your scandal for your story to be pushed back, blending in with less important reports. You knew better than anyone, since you had been gracing the tabloid covers every few months and appearing inside the magazines almost every few weeks.
Since you were in Canada now, it was natural for them to have more important news and people to write about. But there must be at least something small… You weren’t that insignificant even here.
You placed the snacks aside and, with shaking fingers, grabbed a popular magazine that usually liked writing gossip about you in the US version. New issues had been supposed to come out either yesterday or today if you had run the dates correctly.
You skimmed through the pages, but couldn't find any reports on your case. You were unsure whether this was good or bad. Then, you searched through the next magazine, only to find anything but news on your family as well. Your last hope was a Canadian newspaper dated today. Since they changed daily, you were most likely to find something inside there. But again, there was nothing. Not even in the smallest section. Not even a mention.
Disappointed, you placed the newspaper back on the shelf. You supposed that this was a good sign your father and sister had not been found yet. Still, there was a lingering premonition you couldn't shake off. What if this was… not real after all?
"Are you done yet?" Jaehyun had suddenly appeared next to you, causing you to flinch. He looked at you, then at the magazines, and connected the dots. Grim, he grabbed your selected bag of chips and sour worms. "Get whatever else you want, I'll pay for this."
You quickly grabbed two cans of coke from the nearby fridge and handed the cashier the additional five dollar bill after a gesture from Jaehyun. You tried looking at the old man intensely, trying out different expressions and even pulling your hood back a bit in case he would recognize your face. But he didn't even look at you once.
When the cashier was focused on packing your snacks into a plastic bag, your eyes wandered over the counter. There was a small section with pester power items. One of the items was, to your very dismay, tinted chapstick with strawberry flavor. It would make your lips look a bit prettier than the vaseline you had been provided with, and even the mere thought of it gave you a surge of happiness and confidence.
Your hand automatically reached out for the chapstick, but you halted mid-motion, coming to your senses. You wished to have collected this instead of the coke, but Jaehyun would have surely not let this one slide when you had pestered him about the drink so much, so you retracted your hand.
"Why is there no article about my family and our disappearance?" you asked Jaehyun bluntly on the way back to the car. "The news cannot die down after just a few days!"
"It’s the Canadian wilderness here, you said it yourself. Perhaps, those were old issues."
"No, those were new ones. I know every single issue with their main headlines, and I looked closely at the dates. If we're missing, then our faces should be everywhere, shouldn't they? Even in Canada, if we must be so careful here as well. But there was not even a single mention of us. Do you think it’s different in the US after the major headline from a few days ago that you’ve shown me?"
"I wouldn’t know." Jaehyun opened the passenger door for you and you sank into the seat with the two cokes you had been holding. He placed the snacks on your lap and closed the door before he got into the driver’s seat himself from the other side of the car. He then continued, "Perhaps, people really don’t care much about you here. It’s an entirely different country after all."
You didn’t even try to get your hopes up. “So… if that’s the case, what would actually hold us back from using hotels here?”
"No way." Jaehyun then started the car. "Everything it takes is only for one person to recognize you. We cannot risk it."
You buckled up your seatbelt and then threw a coke in Jaehyun's lap. "Here."
"You didn't need to."
You shrugged and opened your can, Jaehyun following your act suit. "I thought you might get tired and needed a bit of caffeine and sugar to keep you awake. Don't think too much into it."
Reluctantly, he said, “Thank you.”
____
October, Saskatchewan, Canada
You only had three outfits to wear that Jaehyun had packed, which included two pairs of trainers and two jackets of different thickness and fabric. The clothes catered more to warmth and practicability rather than a flashing appearance. As a person who used to be out in public so often, you usually never repeated outfits within a short time span. So you tried holding on to this small part of your former life in the form of pimping up your current fits. If you could call it like that even.
You tied a shirt in front of your stomach, letting a little bit of skin slip when you felt like it, or inserted a small part of the fabric into the front of your pants. You wore your hair tucked into the collar of your hoodie, tried other styles with bobby pins and ties, or wore your jacket around your hips when it was a bit warmer. Jaehyun usually threw a confused look at you, but never lost a word about it.
It wasn’t until you rode into the South of Saskatchewan that it started pouring heavily all day long, making it impossible for you to leave the car with dry clothes. For your safety, Jaehyun had even parked the vehicle close to the main street, though only two other cars passed by that day. The province was part of the Great Plains, so the landscape was dominated by prairie grassland.
You were locked inside the vehicle with Jaehyun while both of you were eating leftover oatmeal from the night before. Only your portion had the sugar and cinnamon topping.
"Don't you like sweets?" you asked Jaehyun after you had finished your meals. You were currently brushing your hair. Every day, it seemed, brushing out the knots took more and more time. "I reckon you only touched the chips and not the sour worms as well."
"I'm not… used to it, so I don't specifically like or hate sweets, there is just no preference. In the military, we rarely had something sweet when it was all about surviving. We barely ever had anything." He cleared his throat and suddenly deadpanned, "We also didn't care much about our appearance."
You narrowed your eyes and lowered the brush, halting your motions. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"We take so long to depart, because you always fiddle with something on your appearance. Mostly on your hair that also takes so long to dry, because what? You cannot leave it to dry in a towel for it to fall differently? We're on the run, not on the runway."
Your mouth nearly fell agape. "Excuse me?! I am a lady, makeup and fashion is my life! It makes me feel good, it pushes my confidence! If I seek for something to make me feel a little more girly and a little bit better after everything has been ripped away from me, then I don't think you have a say in this!" You leaned back in your seat and folded your arms across your chest, sulking. "Of course such words would only come from a man. This has nothing to do with you, I don't want to look good for you or anyone else. That was in the past. Right now, it’s just for me. You don’t know how it is to suddenly live like this."
"I didn't mean it as such an insult," Jaehyun meekly attempted to talk himself out of it. "I picked the most basic clothes, because it wouldn't matter so much anyway in our situation. I just think… you put on some mask. You look fine the way you are now with whatever you're wearing. What do you think is wrong with your appearance that it bothers you so much even now?"
Many things. Your nose, your chin, your jawline, your brows, your lips… Or whatever people wrote in certain snark forums on the internet. No matter how much make up you wore to conceal whatever they criticized, they would always find something else. And you would find them gossiping about it.
You lowered your head and put the hairbrush aside. Then, you took the blanket and crawled to the backseat while Jaehyun watched in silence, probably waiting for you to say something in return. But you didn't. You laid down on your back, covered yourself with the blanket and just stared out of the window, wondering whether Jaehyun had actually given you an underlying compliment in his awkward, inexperienced manner. The landscape wasn't visible through the glass as the rain came down on the car in nearly seamless streams.
"You must really have a twisted picture of me," you eventually said.
"I don't know anything about you," Jaehyun answered from the driver’s seat.
You knew he was lying. "You've been working for my father."
"Just recently started."
"You read about me on the internet for sure."
You had thought you would miss the internet, but were suddenly taken aback by the fact that you had not felt the urge to ask for your cell phone anymore. You had been so occupied with adjusting to your new situation that you had not instinctively thought about going online or checking messages when it used to be the first thing you did in the morning.
On the other hand, it also meant avoiding seeing bad comments that you had once been so obsessed with. You still wanted to know what people said about you, but you physically couldn’t. It felt like some kind of withdrawal.
“I barely go on the internet."
"Even barely online, you couldn’t have missed my latest scandal."
Only one month ago, your face had grazed all headlines, with the same big, bold title: "Heiress caught up in cheating scandal with engaged prince".
Jaehyun couldn’t have missed that. Nobody had. You had gone through the lowest time in your young life. Yet, you still wore the same title to your father’s company. For what?
You had always read every article about you with sweaty hands. You had never missed a single news, another blog article, the top tweets… You had been so obsessed with what people were saying about you - good and bad - usually scrolling through different apps for hours on end.
But you had never stopped, because nothing had ever been too scandalous enough for your father to release you. Not even the affair with the engaged prince. You had pushed and pushed and pushed. Until what was left of you was only this shallow shell.
After a long while, Jaehyun stated, "I don't judge people based on their actions."
"Why would that be?"
You wondered if he grew tired of your questions, but somehow, in this huge car that suddenly felt so small, talking with him gave you some kind of comfort you had never expected to find here, right in the middle of the Canadian grassland. Somewhere between the nightly escape from New York City and the long car rides through Canada’s endless no man's land, you had grown accustomed to his presence.
You heard Jaehyun shifting in his seat before he answered, "Sometimes in life, we all do things out of our norm, things we don’t want to do. To live, to survive."
"You think the fact that I got caught up in a cheating scandal with an engaged prince wasn't because I wanted to be?"
"No naturally good person wants to do bad things if they have a choice."
"Perhaps, I'm just a bad person." You chuckled ironically over this half-truth, but he didn't join. "What about you, Jaehyun? Are you a bad person too? Or are you naturally good? The fact that you are a Marine would tell me you're the latter."
“I used to be one,” he corrected you. "And we are told to fight for what is right."
"That's not an answer to my question."
And he never gave you one.
You were dozing off right after Jaehyun's breathing had grown regular. It was seldom for you to sleep during the day, but stretched out like this with a warm blanket over you, almost felt like a bed. Almost.
____
October, Alberta, Canada
Maple trees followed pines, followed oak, followed birch, followed fields… and the cycle repeated.
In the night, everything looked the same to you. It had rained for two days straight in which you weren't able to leave the car. You had thought you'd grow insane from being stuck in such a tight space, looking at the same blurry trees and skies through foggy car windows. Jaehyun slept most of the daytime, and so did you, because there was not much else to do.
This early morning, you had grown a bit excited when you spotted the first white mountain peaks far in the horizon. The rain had finally given in to a blue sky and warm rays of sunshine. Somehow, after the storm from the days before, everything had changed. It was like a veil had been lifted off your vision.
Jaehyun had parked the car close to a river, deep inside the woods again. At one point, you had feared you'd barely make it through the muddy, narrow path. But Jaehyun had led the car so skillfully that all your doubts had gone to vain in an instant. Whatever he had learned in the Marines, you had to admit to yourself that you had never once needed to fear being put into danger.
Jaehyun usually jumped into the water for a quick wash right after he woke up in the late afternoon. But today, he broke out of his routine and pulled his shirt over his head the moment he stepped out of the car. After you had needed to abstain from washing more than your face for the past few days due to the weather, Jaehyun probably felt a huge urge to bathe as soon as possible once the sun came out.
You decided to wait until he was fully submerged and then started washing your clothes, turning away from Jaehyun to give him the privacy he needed. You would take a bath yourself once he went back to the car to sleep.
The days grew colder little by little, and eventually, it would probably rain even more as well. You hoped you would reach your destination before you'd spend hours freezing. Though, truth to be told, you didn't miss the suffocating late summer heat in the city at all.
On most days, you woke up to a clear sky and crisp air. The seasons started to change here in West Canada already, and so did the landscape. You noticed the once so bland green trees had turned more colorful, the nature overall more vibrant. Indian Summer was not very present in this part of the country, but you still felt and saw a touch of it. It was beautiful.
"Try slapping them against the big rock over there."
"What?!"
You got startled when Jaehyun appeared right in front of you. Topless and water dripping from the short ends of his hair down to his bare chest. You were crouching on the riverbank, rubbing your clothes against each other with soap in one hand. But now, you were halting all your motions.
You had seen men topless. Many, many men as a matter of fact. It was not a secret to anyone that you rather enjoyed your single life for all you cared. Yet, you picked your guys very carefully based on their looks, status and reputation, less on their character if you were to be seen and photographed with them. The more powerful the men, the more inevitable the destruction caused to your name.
Jaehyun would be none of your picks. And under other circumstances, you wouldn't have looked at him twice. But now, you were staring at him.
"Give me your shirt," he demanded. "I'll show you."
Mutely, you handed the shirt in your hands over to Jaehyun and watched him move towards the rock he was referring to. He started slapping the garment against the stone several times and then rubbed the fabric against the surface, alternating between these two moves. Apparently, that was how people had done it in the past when washing machines and washboards hadn’t existed yet - and how they had done it in the military when they were out in the wild, according to Jaehyun.
Big cars, high end clothes, fancy bags, stylish hairdos… it all didn't matter here. You saw it clearly now.
What mattered was Jaehyun knowing how to make a fire without a lighter, how to drive a big car through muddy paths without getting stuck, how to wash clothes in a river with his bare hands, and many more things you had probably missed out on.
These were all things essential to survival. Your father had made a wise choice.
In real life, the way Jaehyun’s muscles tensed and eased while handling the laundry wouldn't have mattered. But here, it did matter. The way the sun shone on his dark hair where water was still dripping from its ends, mattered. In real life, you wouldn't have looked at him twice. But here, he was all you could look at.
Everything was different here.
The guys you had been with wouldn't know a single thing about surviving in the wilderness, they would be useless here. But Jaehyun wasn't.
Perhaps, you had been on the road alone with him for too long and you couldn’t quite recall anymore when you had last been with a man to feel so… tingly. So you quickly shook your head in hopes you could shake off your thoughts about Jaehyun as well.
"You got it?" Jaehyun eventually asked and you nodded absent-mindedly.
But then you noticed something. Jaehyun was still wearing his pants, but along the seam on his right side, you could see them coming through. They were still somewhat red, probably starting from his leg and running up his thigh until they reached his waist, judging by the size of what you saw.
Burn scars. You had immediately recognized them.
Jaehyun suddenly caught your gaze and threw the shirt right back at you before he wordlessly turned around, submerged in the water and swam away. He must be freezing, but he was more willing to deal with the cold than deal with your questions.
Though you hadn't meant to ask any question, because you knew that people usually didn't like talking about scars this big and visible. Because you had the same ones, right on your back. They were more ancient, but they were still there.
Jaehyun came out of the water a few meters away from you, not sparing you another glance before he started washing up. There was much more to what you had learned from this morning alone apart from what your thoughts could grasp at that moment.
But one thing was for sure…
When you got into the car shortly before the sun went down to continue your way, you did so with freshly brushed, natural hair that flowed over your shoulders, free from bobby pins and ties. You wore a simple shirt, the hoodie over it, and then the jacket on top. You had not chosen to style the clothes in a certain way anymore at all.
If Jaehyun noticed, he didn't let it slip. Though you could swear, you saw him cracking a crooked smile from the corner of your eyes.
In the middle of the night, you stopped at a gas station in the deep wilderness again, but you stayed inside the car. There was nothing you were craving for right now anyway. Perhaps, you also feared what you might find on the shelves this time. You’d rather not know anymore.
The only thing you wondered about was whether your friends were worried and what they had texted you. But if you were to name someone specific… you painfully realized that not a single name would come into your mind you could be entirely sure of was missing you. Had anyone even noticed your absence?
You watched Jaehyun filling the canisters with gas and then going inside the shop to pay. A few minutes later, he returned. And carried something in his hands. A drink or a snack for you maybe?
"Here, for you." But what fell into your lap when Jaehyun opened the door was not a snack or a drink.
It was much, much smaller and tasted of strawberry. It was the chapstick you had seen at the other rest stop!
"What-"
"You looked at it a little too long for me not to notice."
It was the only thing he had brought back to the car. He hadn't gotten anything for himself. "Jaehyun, I-"
You gulped, visibly touched by this gesture. It meant that Jaehyun had seen and heard your struggles, and he was now trying to give you a little bit of your old life, of yourself, back despite having complained about it earlier.
You had been given so many gifts throughout your life, each more expensive than the last. But rarely had anything meant as much to you as this gas station strawberry chapstick.
"Thank you, Jaehyun," you said quietly.
And this time, his smile was visible. Just very lightly.
____
October, British Columbia, Canada
You had successfully talked Jaehyun into making a stop in the mountains the next morning. The rain had slowed you down a bit, so you would reach your destination in only two more days. A few hours more or less wouldn’t matter that much anymore.
You stopped close to the most beautiful lake you had probably ever laid eyes on. You had traveled to different states before, but no place you had ever visited came close to what you were able to witness in the Canadian nature.
"Jaehyun, you have to look at this!"
The emerald water was crystal clear, mirroring the mountains that closed in around the lake. The range began just behind the wooden cabins lined up along one side of the shore - that much you could see from your high vantage point. On the distant peaks, you could even spot patches of snow at their very tops. The trees surrounding the lake and mountains were a mix of vibrant greens, oranges and reds. In another area, a little farther away, people were camping and fishing. They looked so very little in this vast wilderness.
You heard Jaehyun approaching you and asked, "Where we're going, is the landscape just as beautiful as here?"
"It will be even more beautiful."
"It's hard to believe you when this is already the most beautiful thing I've ever witnessed."
"More beautiful than the Grand Canyon? Yosemite and Yellowstone? Hawaii?"
"These are all places that I've visited in the past." You crossed your arms in front of your chest and pursed your lips. "So you indeed did your research about me."
"It's hard to go online and miss your face on the news. Though it's even harder to keep up with who you're pictured with."
You felt a sting of embarrassment piercing through your heart. It hurt. Why did you care about how he viewed you?
"When was the last time you were with a woman, Jaehyun?" you wanted to know. It was straight-forward and blunt, but it was about time you'd cross this line already.
Jaehyun was visibly taken aback, brows drawn together and lips parted in shock. "What is this question?!"
"A normal one." You grinned. Somehow, you very much liked his flustered reaction. "But I might rightfully assume I'm way more experienced than you."
Jaehyun turned his head away from you, but it didn't pass by you that the tips of his ears turned red. "Well, that's what you assume."
"Am I not right?" you teased. "I could swear a lot of women would do anything to be lifted up by those buff arms of yours."
"What are you blabbering about?!" When Jaehyun drew his head back at you, his entire face showed a tint of red. "Stop it now!"
You snickered - the first genuine laugh you let out after more than a week. Somehow, it lifted a huge burden off your chest. Somewhere along the way, you had feared you might have lost the ability to feel something close to happiness, or even lightheartedness, entirely.
"Can I walk around here a bit while you sleep?" you eventually changed the topic.
"Wait until we're somewhere safer and descended from here. We're quite close to the main road, it's very risky."
"Oh Jaehyun!" you complained and snorted in annoyance. "We didn't see a single car while we were driving up here! The road is so narrow and hidden, no tourist would get the idea to use it. And it's not so often that I get to see a view this beautiful! What might stand against the idea to linger here a little while longer? Just an hour? Then you can take a nap and we will continue somewhere safer."
You saw Jaehyun’s inner conflict flashing right before his eyes, and finally, he let out a defeated, long sigh. "Fine, But remember, always stay-"
"- close to the car and avoid people at all costs! If something feels off, I immediately return to you. Always, you tell me the same, I get it."
"In an hour!" he reminded you. "If you don't return by then, I'll come to get you!"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say!" You waved aside and already disappeared behind trees.
____
You had spent your free time quietly sitting on a formation of rocks, overlooking the lake. No deep thoughts - just you, the woods, the mountains, and so much freedom before you that it left you nearly speechless, too overwhelmed with a beauty of this caliber.
Beneath you, the rock you were sitting on spread out and merged almost seamlessly into a cliff that ended in the valley where the lake was located. You had settled on the edge, because this was where you could catch the best views. A fear of heights was something you hadn’t developed after growing up living in high rise buildings in New York City.
Whether an hour had truly passed, you couldn’t tell since you had no way of telling the time. But when you heard someone calling your name from afar, it didn’t feel like it had been that long!
"Yeah, yeah, I hear you, Jaehyun!" you yelled back. "I'm coming."
You heaved yourself up with the intention to jump back on your feet when you heard it. No, city people like you usually weren't scared of heights. But they were scared of animals they had never encountered before. Like a…
"Snake!" you screamed and were back on your feet fast.
The snake was right in front of you. Its back was patterned with shades of brown, broken up by lighter patches. The lower part of its boneless body was coiled into a circle, with only the tip raised in the air - rattling. The animal, staring straight at you with its triangular head and flicking tongue, was a rattle snake. You thought they only inhabited the lands in the far south of the continent, not here in northern Canada!
"Jaehyun!" you screamed. And then again, louder this time, as the snake moved towards you, "JAEHYUN!"
You took a step back, feeling the edge of the rock formation beneath your sole, where the cliff waited below, threatening to drag you into the depths of the woods surrounding the lake if you made a single wrong move. If you tried to run past the snake, you knew it would attack, no matter how fast you were, injecting its poison straight into your bloodstream. You doubted Jaehyun carried a specific antidote around in his medical kit, and the next hospital must be hours away!
Your situation forced you to choose between two options that both led to an ending you didn’t want to imagine for yourself. Was this your punishment for all your wrongdoings? Had you survived for so long only to have it end here in the Canadian woods?
"Stay there!"
You looked up and saw Jaehyun only a few meters away whose voice had pulled you out of your trance-like state.
Between you and him was the snake, and right behind you, the cliff. No, your father had calculated all of this. He had sent someone to protect you. Jaehyun would protect you and make sure you survived out here.
You didn’t know how he would do that though, and for a moment, you doubted whether Jaehyun knew either. The snake didn’t seem to pay any attention to him, and Jaehyun was searching his surroundings for something. Then, he picked up a large stick. Perhaps he knew exactly what to do. Of course - he used to be a Marine. They were trained for every danger imaginable.
"I'll try to lure it away from you and then you'll come running to me, okay?"
You shook your head, the only body part that was not petrified with shock. "I can't!"
"Yes, you can!" Jaehyun encouraged you. "Look, it's moving in my direction!"
It wasn’t, really. Jaehyun was trying to get the snake to coil around the stick, but it consistently refused. Whenever you even dared to breathe, the snake’s head shot back at you, hissing predatorily as if it had singled you out and would strike by any means necessary.
With one hand, Jaehyun fiddled with the wood stick, the other reached out to you. "Come! You can do it! Come here!"
You finally gathered the courage to reach for Jaehyun’s hand, and even though there was still a wide gap between you, the mere thought of jumping into his arms eased your fears a little. You tensed your legs, preparing to lunge forward and jump. But the snake was faster.
It struck the moment you lifted your right foot, and out of reflex, you jumped back - only to find no ground beneath you to catch your weight. There was no barrier, no support. Your chest hit the hard rock as you fell forward, knocking the air from your lungs. Before you could catch your breath again, you slipped backward.
Everything happened so fast, you didn't even have time to scream for help. Half of your body was still on top of the rock, your hands desperately clawing for anything to hold onto. But the surface was smooth and dirty, and your fingernails ached and split from trying to dig them into the hard stone. The lower part of your body, the much heavier one, was slowly pulling you down with your legs already dangling in the air above the cliff.
Centimeter for centimeter, you quickly slipped backward over the edge on your chest before you could bring yourself to scream, "Jaehyun!"
You should have listened to him. Jaehyun knew better, he always had. But your haughty, spoiled nature had never accepted a “no”. And now you were paying the price as your entire body slid over the edge, your hands the only parts still clinging to solid ground for one last second. You now only wished it wouldn't hurt when you fell into the deep valley.
"I got you!"
A strong hand wrapped around your wrist before your fingers could follow your body into a free fall, and above you, Jaehyun's head appeared. He held you with one arm while bracing the other against the ground, lying flat.
"Don't look down! Hold onto me!"
You swung your free hand up and grabbed Jaehyun’s forearm, securing better stability. With great effort, he pulled you up - slowly, but steadily. Your feet searched for hollows in the rock to shift some weight back onto yourself, but Jaehyun was strong enough to lift you all the way with one arm alone. When most of your body had passed the stony edge, you propped your free elbow against the ground and heaved yourself over the last part until you felt secure soil under your body again.
Then, you were sitting there in absolute silence. Face to face, breathless, and still in shock over what had just happened. When the emotions finally crashed down on you and the painful realization hit that you would have nearly died if it hadn’t been for Jaehyun, you started crying and collapsed into his arms, causing him to fall backward onto the ground. But you didn’t care, and neither did he. You sobbed into his chest, but said nothing, and neither did he.
After a while, you felt the same hands that had rescued you wrap around your back in comfort. It was the best feeling you had experienced in a very, very long time.
You didn't know for how long you had laid there as a thought suddenly crossed your mind. "The snake!" you called out nearly breathlessly from all the crying and sat back up, Jaehyun's arms slipping from your back. "Where is it? Is it gone?"
"Hey…"
"Hm?" You looked back at Jaehyun who was still lying on the ground.
"I think it's gone. We were lucky this time."
You frowned as you watched him. He didn't move, but only looked at you with glassy eyes and half parted lips. You wondered if the paleness in Jaehyun’s face was mirroring the aftermath of the events or caused by something entirely else. You had never seen Jaehyun like this.
"We should go," you suggested unsurely, because you didn’t know what else to say. "Get up."
But Jaehyun didn't. Instead, his pupils turned towards the sky, beads of sweat now forming on his temples. "Taeyong… Come home with me."
"Jaehyun…" You gulped. "Who's Taeyong?"
But he didn't listen to you. You were unsure if he had even heard you as he continued speaking, "Doyoung, you too. Come home with me. I don't… wanna be alone."
You had no idea what was going on with Jaehyun, but you were certain that this was not normal and it made you nearly freak out again. Was Jaehyun having hallucinations? Did he need to take medicine he had missed out on?
"Jaehyun!" You crawled closer to him, settling again by his side and shaking his arm. "Jaehyun, what's wrong?"
"I don't… want to be the only one left," he only murmured, still not facing you. "I don't deserve it."
"Jaehyun…" you pleaded, jolting more intensely on his arm now. "Jaehyun, you're scaring me! What's wrong?"
Suddenly, his eyes locked with yours. "It hurts…"
"You're hurt? Where?"
"Leg…"
You instantly shifted your attention to Jaehyun's legs, but you found no signs of external wounds as you inspected his pants. Under other circumstances, it would set your mind at ease. But this was Jaehyun and he didn’t joke around. It turned even clearer that he was suffering from something by the way his breathing suddenly became jagged and his right leg started twitching.
You heard the blood rush in your ears as you pulled up Jaehyun’s pant leg. You gasped for air as Jaehyun’s shin revealed two red dots slowly oozing blood. No… this couldn’t be.
You wanted to cry out from sheer despair. What was worse than losing your own life was losing Jaehyun. You were nothing without him, you couldn't survive without him. You needed him.
You took a deep breath and lifted Jaehyun’s leg, placing the sole on the ground so it formed a triangle for better access. You then wrapped your hands around the bitten area and brought your mouth to his injury. You had no idea what you were doing as you had only seen this in movies, but you figured it was better to try something to save his life than do nothing at all.
You squeezed your eyes shut as your lips met Jaehyun’s injured flesh and sucked on the wound, trying to draw out as much poison as possible. You nearly cried again when nothing came out, but you didn’t give up. Relief washed over you when you finally tasted the metallic tang of blood on your tongue. Spitting it onto the ground beside you, you repeated the process several times until your cheeks ached and nothing more would come out.
But Jaehyun didn't look much better than before. If anything, you swore he looked even worse. Had you even done the right thing? You were not so sure anymore and cursed yourself out for the fact that you might have probably worsened his condition.
Your location was not too far from the car. You just didn't know where the next hospital was and whether Jaehyun would last for so long.
But you couldn’t lose him.
____
October, Yukon, Canada
You arrived at the hospital two hours later. Under normal circumstances, it would have taken you one hour if only you had still remembered how to drive such a big, manual car. On top of that, it had taken you three interactions with locals to find the nearest hospital as the map Jaehyun had been using only had roads on it.
"Have you tried sucking the venom out of him?" the doctor asked while the nurse freed Jaehyun from his garments. He was lying on a bed in the emergency room, having passed out by now.
"Y-yeah," you quietly admitted.
"Never do that!" he chided forgivingly, but assertively. "It doesn't benefit the injured in any way. If anything, it can cause the venom to spread even faster."
You covered your mouth with two hands and swallowed down a cry. "But will he be okay, doctor?"
"He's a tall man who can take a lot. He'll be fine. But now, please take a step back so that we can treat him. You can return to the waiting area. Someone will come to you later."
He would be okay… the doctor said he would be okay. There was barely a time in your life where you had gone through so many emotions within such a short time span.
Now, you wanted to cry again, because you were so happy that Jaehyun was going to live. You wondered when your attitude towards him had changed so drastically though. Most likely, when you spent so much time with one person only, it was inevitable after all.
But… did you like him as a person or were you dependent on him? Did both feelings go hand in hand or should you look at them individually? You couldn't find an answer to this thought yet.
It was a small hospital, so there were only three other people present. After a quick wash up in the visitors' restrooms to get rid of all the dust and dirt as best as possible, you returned to the waiting area. You took a seat with your cold hands slipped into the pockets of your jacket when you suddenly felt it. The strawberry chapstick.
You hadn't used it once, because it was your most valuable treasure and you didn't want to waste it. Yet, you were carrying it around with you wherever you went. It was odd how coming from a wealthy family, your most meaningful belonging had suddenly turned into strawberry chapstick from the gas station.
But it was because Jaehyun had given it to you, a silver lining when you had gone through dark times. Without Jaehyun, even that would be gone. Tears slipped from the rims of your eyes again.
"Dear, here." You hadn't noticed how an elderly lady had moved herself next to you, holding out a tissue for you to take. You took it gratefully with a nod. "I heard what happened to him. Don't worry, your boyfriend will be fine."
"What if not? It's all because of me.." You wiped your tears, but they returned in an instant. Since you couldn't reveal your identity, you just went with whatever she assumed you were. "I… I don't know what I will do without him."
The lady nodded. "I understand. But don't cry too much. You wouldn't want him to be all worried about you when he walks out of the treatment room, right?"
Even though her advice was so simple and a bit silly since she was unaware of your entire history together, you just nodded quietly. Just imagining Jaehyun's confused face when he spotted you crying for him outside here was enough for you to feign a smile for the woman.
You continued talking until you stopped crying altogether and she left the hospital. You were too nervous to nap, and only very few people came in and out throughout the day. Your gaze eventually stopped on the side table that you had been trying to ignore for too long already.
Should you dare take a look into the magazines and newspapers scattered there? Perhaps, you would find some articles about your family inside them now. But what difference would it make? Yet, your curiosity won in this weak moment and you walked over to the reception to take a newspaper into your hands.
It was brand new, only having been released today, but you didn’t find an article about your family inside it. Unfortunately, the tabloids hadn’t changed issues yet, so they were the same as the ones you had inspected at the gas station.
You didn't know how to feel about this. The less they reported about the incident, the better it would be for your family's safety. Perhaps, your dad had instructed for a media blackout after the initial news.
But what if this wasn't the case and your family was just less relevant than you had ever assumed… Would that be it? Just a single article in a nationwide newspaper, then falling into irrelevancy, because there were things more worth being reported if you didn't top the daily scandal list? Did hard work and success not matter to the world?
Was this the life you had been living up until now and wanted to return to?
____
"Miss?" … "Miss."
You jolted upright, realizing you had apparently fallen asleep earlier. In front of you stood a nurse, and judging by the lighting in the hall, it was well past late afternoon. How long had you slept?
The nurse smiled at you. "We gave your boyfriend an antidote and he is stable now."
"Thank god!" you called out with much relief. "Thank you! Thank you so much!"
She nodded. "We need you to fill out this form about him since we have to keep him here until tomorrow for observation. If you want, you can go to him now."
"Yes, I want to!"
You took the clipboard and paper into your hands and followed the nurse into the treatment area, heading for the bed in the far corner of the large room. The nurse pulled back the curtain, revealing Jaehyun sleeping on the bed. He looked so peaceful after everything that had happened. You had never seen him like that.
"You can sit here, miss." The nurse rolled a small chair in your direction and gave you a pen. "He will wake up soon."
You looked at the form pinned to the clipboard. You couldn't answer any of these questions except for the one about his first name. You didn't know Jaehyun's surname, his address, his health insurance, his blood type… You didn't even know if he had any diseases or what he was allergic to.
You knew absolutely nothing about Jaehyun. It was devastating for two people forced to be this close.
"Here, take this cream too." The nurse approached you once again and handed you a white tube. "His scars seem to hurt very much lately since they're relatively recent, right? We've treated them too, but this will help him ease the pain at home. Please tell him to get them checked regularly to avoid further inflammation."
Jaehyun had been in pain this whole time? You hadn’t noticed. Or he had been hiding it very well. But you should have known since you had fought the same battle when you were much younger. Yet, you hadn’t seen it - or hadn’t wanted to.
This was another deep, hidden part of Jaehyun that you were completely clueless about. You didn’t want to continue your acquaintanceship like this. After all, you were now sitting here next to his hospital bed, waiting for him to regain his consciousness when you could also just leave him here, steal his car, and drive all the way home by yourself. But you had chosen differently.
He had rescued you, because he needed to. You had rescued him, because you needed him. But Jaehyun had given you the chapstick, because he wanted to. And now you were sitting here, because you wanted to.
You stretched out your hand and placed it on Jaehyun’s. But before you had time to think about why you were even doing that, his fingers wrapped around your wrist and pulled you down toward him. Jaehyun looked at you with widened eyes.
"You're awake!” you exclaimed. “I will call the nur-"
"No!" Jaehyun had apparently picked up on his surroundings quite quickly as you watched his expression change from confusion to near terror. "We have to go!"
"What?" Jaehyun tried to prop himself up, but you pushed him back on the bed. "Are you nuts?! You nearly died a few hours ago, the venom could still do something to your body! You have to stay under observation here!"
"It's too dangerous!" he hissed. "Did you talk to anyone? Did you give out your name? My name? Any other information?"
"Of course not!" you defended yourself. "Do you really think I'd be this reckless?" You kept the fact hidden that even if you needed to give out life saving information, you weren't able to provide them with any.
"Good. Then let's go. Hurry."
Jaehyun braced himself up with great effort, letting out a low groan, but you didn’t say a word - even though there was so much you wanted to say. You were aware of the dangers of being in public, but you were willing to take the risk as long as Jaehyun was completely healthy. He, however, didn’t share your opinion. You slipped the scar cream into your pocket and left the form on the chair as Jaehyun climbed down from the bed.
He was a bit weak on his feet, but he refused the support you offered. Step by step, Jaehyun was walking slowly, growing steadier the further he went. You were quite certain that what you were doing wasn't exactly legal, leaving the hospital without any information to charge you for the treatments when everyone had been so nice to you here.
Back in the car, Jaehyun insisted on driving, even though you offered to do so yourself.
"Will it be okay with the CCTV here?" you asked worriedly. "I'm sorry, I didn't pay attention to this when driving here."
"I just left one thousand Canadian Dollars on the bed. In cash. They'll let this one slip."
You didn't even ask where he had hid such a large amount of cash all this time. It sure as hell was from your father and intended to be spent on such emergencies.
Jaehyun didn't start the car immediately despite having pushed you to leave so urgently. He sat there in the driver's seat, silent and thinking for a long time. And you let him.
"Thank you," he finally said, his eyes fixated on the steering wheel. "Without you, I'd be dead."
You shook your head. "No. Without you, I'd be dead."
There was a faint smile on his lips. "Let's just say we're even now. So, are you ready for the last part of our journey?"
"We'll be there soon?"
"Assuming we're in Watson Lake now, then by tomorrow, we’ll be at our destination, yes."
You had been convinced that you wouldn't miss the time on the road. But now that you thought about the end of it, it was not only happy feelings seeping into you. You didn’t know whether the new life in the woods would be better than the one on the road after all.
When Jaehyun drove into the sunset though, the road stretching endlessly in your periphery and vanishing between a mountain range, living in nature didn't sound as disheartening anymore. If this would continue being your daily view, it was manageable.
Perhaps, you would come to endure this new chapter. Just for a little while.
____
October, Alaska, USA
You had never seen a land this breathtakingly beautiful before. Your gaze was practically glued to the window as you watched the mountain range roll past, vibrant forests spreading at their feet, rising gradually until they gave way to gray rocks, which converged and ended on snow-covered peaks merging with the blue sky.
You had never felt so small in the face of such majestic nature. The city couldn't compare to this.
Jaehyun had driven through the entire night, but at a much slower pace than usual due to his condition. You had passed the border back into the US by sunrise, and because you expected to reach your destination soon, Jaehyun insisted on pushing through the final stretch of the drive.
It had gotten incredibly cold, the temperature dropping constantly the further you approached your destination. Even now, you were freezing, wearing the thickest layers Jaehyun had packed. You hoped there would be some kind of heat source in the cabin, because otherwise you wouldn’t know how to survive the Alaskan winter.
You read "Skagway" on a street sign, but Jaehyun didn't follow the main road. Instead, he turned onto a smaller one that ran parallel to a river, then swerved onto an unpaved road that disappeared into a dark forest. From there, you drove a few hours more through the deepest woods.
Somewhere along the way, you totally lost orientation. Everything looked the same to you. You didn't dare ask whether Jaehyun himself knew where you exactly were, but you silently agreed to trust him. He had never been wrong so far.
"We're here."
The road had suddenly ended.
You wondered whether it had been forged and only used by Jaehyun himself, very certain nobody would follow an unpaved, narrow road into the deep, dark woods for hours. You unclasped the seat belt and got out of the car after Jaehyun.
Outside, his wooden cabin stood right in a small clearing that barely deserved its name, because the trees were so tall and dense that hardly any sunshine made it through. They surrounded the cabin like a cage, as if it had been dropped there first and the forest had grown around it. The thick woods offered visual security from any curious intruder. It was a place very well chosen if you wanted to hide from the world.
"How did you find this place, Jaehyun?"
"You can find a lot of great places when you read maps right."
You approached the wooden cabin. It was just as small as a general studio in New York City in the lower price class, judging by the exterior. You spotted a window right under the pointed roof. It seemingly consisted of two floors, so it was indeed bigger inside than you had first assumed.
"I warn you though," Jaehyun said when he opened the door and entered first. "There is no electricity and running water here yet. I plan to install a generator later on though."
"I don't mind," you shrugged it off. Electricity and running water… you hadn't thought about these things at all when you had always assumed they were so essential for you. "It's fine for me as long as I’ll be warm in the winter.”
“Don’t worry, there is a fireplace.”
“What a relief to hear!”
Only minimal light from outside found its way into the cabin, making it hard for you to take in your surroundings first. But as you stepped fully inside and your eyes slowly adjusted to the dimness, you realized you were standing in a living room with a couch facing the mentioned fireplace. A small kitchen nook was nestled at the back of the room, partly hidden by small stairs that disappeared on the second floor. By the wall downstairs, between the kitchen and fireplace, you spotted a table with two chairs and a dresser close by.
Of course it was simple and nothing in comparison to what you had at home, but it was very cozy as everything was made of wood, and it would be warm. You would have a comfortable place to sleep. It was enough. You walked over to the dresser to inspect what was inside, eyeing Jaehyun for permission.
"The first two drawers are all for you to use, I've already stored a few clothes for you inside. Take a look." Jaehyun nodded. "The last one's mine."
You opened the drawer and found a few shirts, sweaters, trousers, leggins, socks and even underwear inside - all in your exact size. In the second drawer, Jaehyun had placed towels, a thick puffer jacket, a beanie, a scarf, gloves, and sanitary products. It was very attentive, you had to give him that.
But how long had they been planning this for him to have had so much time to prepare? It must have been at least two weeks prior to the news, likely even more. Had your father lived in fear for at least just as long?
"I guess upstairs is the bedroom?" You pointed at the stairs.
Jaehyun nodded. "It's all yours, I won't step a foot inside. I'll sleep on the couch."
You climbed the narrow stairs and found yourself in another cozy space beneath the roof, just large enough to fit a queen size bed. The ceiling was so low that you couldn’t stand upright across the room and had to duck as you moved. A tiny window set into the slope of the roof offered a view of the sky when one lay on the bed. The space was clearly meant for just one person.
When you returned downstairs, Jaehyun was already unloading the car. You helped him with the rest of the things, storing your clothes in the first drawer inside the dresser and your toiletries in the second one. Since it was generally quite dark inside the cabin, you lit up a few oil lamps while Jaehyun was kneeling by the fireplace, arranging the logs before striking a match.
"Where is the bathroom?" The moment you asked this question almost distractedly, you already regretted it. So you quickly added, "If there is one I could describe as such."
Jaehyun had just managed to start the fire when he got back on his feet and told you, "Follow me."
Indeed, right behind the cabin, there was an outhouse. "There is no drainage, so…"
You hadn’t expected more anyway. You would manage after the past week. "I get it."
"Come, I’ll show you where we will get water from."
It was only a few meters before you heard the rushing of a stream that was hidden behind dense trees. It was wide enough to cross in a few steps, but also deep enough to bathe in, Jaehyun told you.
"In the winter, we can heat the water on the stove which runs on gas. I'll show you how to use it later."
Despite having no electricity yet, you didn't feel as remote or cut off as you had expected. In fact, you might have even considered this a holiday destination if you had to choose a place where you could do some social media detox.
Social media… Here, it meant nothing. Posting something irrelevant wouldn't have brought Jaehyun back if he had succumbed to the venom. Scrolling through unfunny videos for hours wouldn't have brought him back. Reading every scandalous article about you wouldn't have brought him back either. What was it good for, anyway?
"All the food is stored in these cabinets," Jaehyun instructed and opened their doors for you to look at. "And down here on the left side too. On the right side, I have the pots and dishes stored."
There was one pair of each. Plates, bowls, cups, cutlery. You furrowed your brows.
"Who built this cabin, Jaehyun?"
He tilted his head in confusion. "Me, it’s mine after all. Why?"
You were even more confused than him. "You mean… you brought all the stuff here and built this cabin entirely yourself?"
"Yes." He shrugged. "Of course I didn't do all the work here. I prepared everything elsewhere and just set it up here, part by part."
Why did he talk like it was the easiest task in the world, building a house all by himself? "How long did this take you?"
"Approximately a year."
"What did you do before?"
"I told you, I was a Marine."
"For how long have you known you'd need to provide me with shelter? When did my father hire you?"
"What are you up to with these questions?" Jaehyun shook his head and took out a can with instant ravioli from the shelf that had been there before your arrival. "If you want to know anything about your father's business, I cannot tell you. Not because I don't want to, but because I don't know myself."
"But surely, you must benefit from this deal, right? Is my father greatly rewarding you with a large sum?"
Jaehyun fell silent and instead filled the ravioli in a small pot that he then placed on the stove. He had already begun stirring when he admitted, "Of course I don’t do this for free, but I don’t need much money as I don't intend on leaving this place, ever."
You already had a feeling that it was going to be like this. "Will my father come here when everything is settled?"
"Nobody knows about this place."
Your chest suddenly felt heavy. "But you said my father knows where to find us.”
Since Jaehyun had turned his back at you, stirring in the pot, you felt unsettled as he didn’t answer directly.
Eventually, he said, "I meant we have agreed on a location to meet up when the time is right."
“And how would you know the date when you don’t have a phone to contact each other?”
Jaehyun shifted his head back to you. His eyes were sincere, but why did the heavy feeling refuse to go away? “Please be at ease, we have it all figured out. Trust us.”
There was no reason not to. Right? Yet, the heavy feeling stayed in the back of your chest.
____
You couldn't remember falling asleep. Probably because you had slept in a rather uncomfortable car seat for too long, the moment your back touched a soft mattress, your entire body immediately shut down. The warmth from the fireplace had traveled all the way upstairs, so you were very comfortable during the first half of the night, despite Jaehyun having extinguished the fire before you went to bed.
But the cold night air had crept in through every crack and crevice in the wood. Condensation had formed on the lower part of the window, the glass fogged when you looked up. Yet, you could still make out the gray morning sky filtering through the dense canopy of trees. It was a nice view to wake up to.
You made your way downstairs, but Jaehyun wasn't in the living space anymore. You put on your jacket and opened the front door. Outside, Jaehyun had prepared a pair of padded shoes for you that fit you perfectly and into which you now slipped with a small bottle of water, a towel and toiletries in both hands. You made your way down to the stream.
Jaehyun was already there - topless, only dressed in trousers, and body halfway immersed in the water. Your front teeth sank into your bottom lip. You couldn't explain why you suddenly didn't feel so frozen to the bone anymore.
"Aren't you cold?" you called out to him. "It's freezing out here!"
"It's good for your health," Jaehyun answered and shook his head so that the water flew in every direction. "You should try it too!"
You declined. Instead, you crouched on the riverbank and began brushing your teeth. After rinsing with the bottled water, you washed your face and dried it with the towel. Jaehyun approached you once you were finished, and you didn’t know where to look, trying to keep him from noticing that your gaze now lingered on his muscular chest and arms far too long.
"How did you sleep?" Jaehyun wanted to know. "Was everything okay?"
"I slept well. How about you?"
You had directly noticed that the couch was way too short for Jaehyun. Of course, because he had planned on sleeping on the bed on the upper floor all along. But it was currently inhabited by no one other than you.
"I also slept well."
Liar. From afar already, you had seen him twisting and turning his head, massaging his shoulders, and using the water to soothe his tense muscles. Having him sleep on the couch for the entirety of your stay couldn't be the solution. It was actually you who was supposed to sleep there, but you felt like he kind of owed it to you. At least a few nights in a real bed after everything you had been through.
You reached your hand into the pocket of your jacket and pulled out the tube with the cream that had been given to you by the nurse. "This is for you. The nurse saw your scars. You were in pain this entire time. Why didn't you tell me?"
Jaehyun took the tube and eyed it suspiciously, but he didn't reject it as you had falsely presumed. You swore you saw his features softening in relief even. "It's none of your concern."
But you pressed the topic anyway. "Did it happen on duty? Is that the reason why you’re not in the Marine Corps anymore?" A nearly unnoticeable nod for which you rewarded him with a confession of your own. "Mine happened when I was little. Clearly, you've seen them too."
Jaehyun turned his head away, and admittedly quietly, "Yes. But you don't have to tell me your story as I won't tell you mine."
"That's fine, I will anyway. Just in case one day, you decide you want to talk." You smiled meekly, waiting for him to hold you back, but he didn't. "I was in a car accident with my mom when I was around twelve years old. That day, I was throwing a tantrum, because I didn't want to go to school, but my mom had already dropped my younger sister off. It was usually our live-in nanny's job, but she was sick that day and my mom had to take over her duties as no one else was available on such a short notice. She didn't know how to handle my tantrums, so she just gave in and drove to a mall with me instead. She bought me so much stuff, it was the best day of my life. Until now, even." You paused to take a deep breather. "We watched a movie in the cinema and she got me every plushy I wanted. And ice cream. Really, a lot of ice cream. We went back to the car to pick up my sister from elementary school in the afternoon, but we never made it there. She collided with a truck. Our car was flipped and they had trouble getting us out. They took me first before our vehicle caught fire. My mom didn't stand a chance."
You watched Jaehyun's Adam's apple move. He was still avoiding eye contact, but he had listened. That was enough for you.
"The oatmeal you made every morning, with the cinnamon and sugar… She also made it for me on the weekends. And on that fateful day." You threw your towel at him so that he could properly dry his hair. "I'll go back now. Don't forget to use the cream."
Back inside the cabin, you took a package of oats from the kitchen cabinet and began heating it on the stove with water. The oatmeal was almost done when Jaehyun returned as well.
"You can already sit down, breakfast is ready now."
But instead, Jaehyun moved over to the kitchen area and stood close by you when you removed the pot from the stove. You expected him to offer help with setting up the table as otherwise you couldn't come up with a believable reason as to why he would be right in your space.
"You do it for me,” he suddenly demanded.
"What?"
Jaehyun held out the tube to you and repeated, "You do it for me."
You usually didn't struggle with reservations when it came down to touching people, especially men. You loved touching men, as a matter of fact. You regarded them as very attractive humans, and Jaehyun certainly was no exception. But you were reserved with touching Jaehyun, because you feared you might cross a line that had probably been crossed quite a while ago already. Slowly, without you consciously acknowledging every step of it.
You took the tube in your hand and Jaehyun turned around, lifting his shirt. Your fingers brushed against the scars that peeked out from his trousers. He pulled the fabric of his pants down slightly, just enough for you to reach a larger area of scars. Good. You wouldn’t have gone any further anyway.
Carefully, you squeezed some cream on your fingers. When you touched Jaehyun's scars, he shivered a little due to the sensitivity, but didn't back away. He stood still, waiting for you to cover the entire area that was visible. While he was not shaking, you did instead, a flush of heat suddenly striking you. You didn’t know where it had suddenly come from, and now lingered even.
"I got them in the same way as you when I tried to crawl out of a burning vehicle," Jaehyun explained to your surprise. "I wasn't fast enough and my leg got caught up in the flames." It was apparent that there was more to the story he wasn't ready to talk about just yet. You would leave it to him to decide how far to go. "I'm sorry for what happened to you."
Because there was more to your story as well. "Me too."
You watch the cream getting absorbed into his skin while closing the tube. Jaehyun then pulled his shirt over his wounds. "Let's eat. I'll then make a fire again since you must be cold."
He was wrong about that. Somehow, you still felt very warm. Especially when Jaehyun took out the cinnamon and sugar and put it on your oatmeal as a topping again. It made you so happy, yet so sad at the same time. The feeling nearly choked you.
____
You awoke later that day to dull blows coming from outside in an irregular rhythm. Apparently, you had accidentally fallen asleep on the couch in front of the fireplace, which was now warming the entire cabin. You propped yourself up on the cushion and struggled with orientation at first.
When you peeked out of the window, you spotted Jaehyun chopping wood only in a t-shirt. Reality struck you at that moment. This was not a hotel, not a holiday residency, and certainly not your city home where you always had staff taking care of such mundane tasks. This was a hideout. There was no electricity here yet, no running water. You shouldn't just lie around, sleeping and doing nothing.
You put on your jacket, slipped into the boots and opened the front door. "Is there something I can help you with?" you asked Jaehyun.
He paused, wiped his glistening forehead with the back of his hand, and looked straight at you. "Maybe, you can carry some water from the stream up here. Boil it and then pour it into the canister in the kitchen, so we’ll always have fresh water to use for the day."
You nodded. "Where do I find a bucket?"
"Behind the cabin where the other tools are."
"Alright."
Behind the house, in a cabinet attached to the outer wall, you found tools as Jaehyun had described. Above the cabinet, he had stacked logs for the fireplace. Inside it, there were different sized buckets, an entire toolbox, a broom, a spare gas cylinder for the kitchen and other useful instruments. You reached for the bucket, but then halted.
Stunned, your eyes fell on something you hadn't expected you would need here. It was a pair of handcuffs. But not the silly toy ones. No, the real ones used by the police. You would know, because you'd been arrested more than once already.
You wanted to give Jaehyun the benefit of doubt. He would be outside here all alone. Of course he needed something to defend himself with, that was why he was also storing a rifle and a gun inside the house as you had discovered before.
But the handcuffs… it was not the same. They were outside as though he had purposely hidden them from you. And this was not all. Next to it, you found duct tape and a rope.
If you wouldn't know it better, you could swear these were the tools one would use to keep a prisoner. You tried to reason this discovery with the fact that Jaehyun needed to fend off intruders if someone ever stumbled close to his hideout. It was the only explanation you could come up with that didn't include you. Because you were here and you were free. Weren’t you?
But you couldn't shake off the feeling that everything could be entirely different as well. That if these accidents hadn't happened a few days back in Canada, you wouldn't have simply accepted life here. And what would have happened then? What would happen if you ever tried to run away? Would he stop you? And if, how? With these tools?
"Did you find it?"
Jaehyun's head popped up from around the corner and you quickly closed the cabinet. "Y-yeah! I-I'll go now!"
"Good. Call me when you need help."
You nodded and made your way down to the stream once again. It took you three walks back and forth, putting the water into the largest bowl to boil it and then fill it into the canister each time. After that, you swept the fireplace, cleaned the entire cabin from the second floor to the last corner in the kitchen and went back to the stream again to wash some clothes.
There was much time to think about what you had discovered in the outside cabinet. But as you came back from the stream with a bucket full of freshly washed clothes, you found Jaehyun standing by the stove, preparing dinner.
"I found some mushrooms nearby, so today's dinner will be fresh."
He sounded so proud of himself, and the tense features you had been wearing the entire day softened. No he wouldn't hurt you. He had never intended to. Those tools were only safety measurements, never to be used against you.
You trusted him.
____
"Is this one edible?"
You held a brown mushroom out to Jaehyun who inspected it quite carefully.
He had approached you earlier that day, suggesting that you go collect mushrooms with him as it was the middle of the high season. The mere thought of only eating canned food for months on end had been convincing enough for you to put on your jacket and boots, and follow Jaehyun deeper into the surrounding woods.
You had spent a few days in the cabin already, but to your surprise, you hadn't grown bored yet. Somehow, there was always something to do, especially now that the coldest season was upon you.
Jaehyun was chopping and storing as much wood as he could find, and you usually helped with collecting the logs the first half of the day. He had already warned you that winter was going to be especially hard for many, many weeks - months even. There was a chance you wouldn’t be able to leave the house if you got snowed in.
You hadn’t dared to ask how you would be reunited with your father then. You had already, though reluctantly, accepted that you would spend the entire winter here in the Alaskan woods.
"Yes, it's edible," Jaehyun declared and let you put the mushroom in the basket.
"How about these?" You wandered to a bush that harbored dark berries. "These are blueberries, am I right?"
"Yes," Jaehyun confirmed. "But what will you do with them? They won't last long inside."
"We could make some jam and put them in our breakfast. We cannot make bread as we don't have an oven, but putting it into oatmeal is just as good."
"Sounds delicious." Though his expression didn't give it away, Jaehyun sounded content and earnest.
You wondered if you would ever encounter the day where you found Jaehyun smiling brightly out of sheer happiness.
There had been a few moments when you thought he was close to it, but something always held him back. As though, at the last possible moment, he reminded himself that he wasn't allowed to feel the slightest touch of genuine happiness.
You knew that feeling all too well. It had taken you many years to accept the fact that you being happy wouldn't have changed your mother's fate. In fact, nothing you did after her death would have changed her fate. So you started doing whatever you wanted.
"Stop."
Jaehyun suddenly held you back, the rifle in his hand clicking. He had intended on bringing it along in case something happened or you accidentally ran into someone… or something. You were in the wilderness after all, he had warned you. There were bears, wolves and moose running around.
"Is there a bear?!" you whispered hurriedly, petrified with fear.
"No." Jaehyun brought the rifle close to him, steadying it. "But a deer."
"You want to shoot a deer?!" You faced him, shocked. "Why would you shoot an innocent deer?!"
"Don't you want fresh meat for dinner?"
"That's no reason to shoot a deer! The majority of the meat would only go to waste since we don't have the storage to keep it frozen. Its death would be… for vain. "
"The other animals would eat the rest."
You shook your head, expression stern. "Is that how you handled it in the Marine Corps?"
"Yes. How else would we survive in the wilderness with only a backpack and no roof over the dead?"
"Well, not with me here now." You made Jaehyun lower his rifle. "It shouldn't die only for us to feed on it for one or two days."
"And what should we eat then? Our provisions will last us throughout the entire winter, but only if we use them sparsely. It will be good to stock up on food since we'll run out of mushrooms as well once the season has ended."
"There are…" You gulped as you weren't too much of a fan of this idea, but you needed to live through the harshest season, he was right about that. "Rabbits and squirrels. They are also active during winter, and they populate a lot and fast. Wouldn't they be enough?"
Jaehyun seemed to thoroughly think about your suggestion, and he came to the conclusion that it wasn’t an idea to push aside in an instant. "That should do it. But I am by no means a good shooter when it comes to small… targets. Perhaps, there is a chance of fifty-fifty. When I miss a target though, I will scare away all the remaining animals as well, and we might end up with nothing at all."
You drew your brows together, thinking of a solution. "Then what about traps? Like… small animal traps for the outside."
Jaehyun looked at you, perhaps in an impressed way? You couldn't exactly tell. "And you know how to build one?"
You grimaced. "I thought you would know… okay fine. I'll come up with something that will work." And quieter, you added, "Hopefully. Come on."
Back in the cabin, you directly went to work on the said trap. It took you all afternoon, weighing the options and replaying every possible scenario in your head. You had never done something like this before and you didn't possess more than the usual crafting skills of a person not trained in that field. But you had a very vivid fantasy.
It was already getting dark when you presented your first prototype to Jaehyun. Behind the outhouse, a little deeper in the woods, you had built a construction from three sticks that formed a triangle when you looked at them from above. Two of them were fixed in the ground on opposite sides. Between these two sticks, you had attached a bucket, partially supported by the pressure from each side. The third stick extended into the bucket, about a third of its length from the front. All three sticks were additionally tied together with a string. On the ground, right under the bucket, you had scattered some blueberries.
"Since the sticks are tied together, a rabbit getting lured under the basket by the blueberries means it will tug on the strings, causing all the sticks to collapse. The rabbit will get trapped inside the bucket that came down due to the pressure taken from it. Quite genius, isn't it? I've tried out a few methods, and this was simplest, but the most effective."
No praise. But you hadn’t gotten your hopes up in the first place. "Will it work though?"
"It will, just so you wait!"
But you found nothing in the trap the next day. And neither on the day after that.
Jaehyun didn't say a word, but you felt his reproachful gaze on your back whenever you passed the area as though he silently signalized you, "Told you so!"
On the third day, though…
"Well…" You stood in front of the trap with your arms crossed in front of your chest, beaming proudly. "It worked after all. Thank you for the sacrifice, little rabbit."
Jaehyun stayed quiet even then. But you saw it right there, on his face.
A tug of a smile.
____
November, Alaska, USA
Autumn passed in the blink of an eye, and it grew even colder.
The next month, you were greeted by trees gradually shedding their colorful leaves and frost every morning that sometimes the sun couldn’t even melt. But Jaehyun refused to leave the fireplace on overnight due to the risks. He also forbade you from switching sleeping places, so you still spent the nights in the bed while Jaehyun settled on the couch. All the complaining couldn’t make him change his mind, so you stopped asking eventually.
Every day followed the same routine, sometimes mixed up.
In the morning, you and Jaehyun met at the stream to wash up together. On other times, when it was too cold, you took the water from the canister in the kitchen and boiled it to wash yourself with instead. It was little compared to taking a shower or a whole bath, but still better than submerging in the freezing stream like Jaehyun. Breakfast followed when he returned to the cabin.
After that, Jaehyun usually chopped wood while you went into the forest to collect everything you had learned was edible, as long as nature still provided it. A small lunch was eaten when you both met back in the cabin to take a short break. You then stayed inside to clean before you returned to the stream to do the laundry. In the meantime, Jaehyun handled all the work outside of the cabin to make it weatherproof.
Jaehyun had additionally taught you how to fish and prepare the meat. Since you usually went hunting in the afternoon for dinner, you got to eat fresh meat almost every other day thanks to your traps that you constantly perfected and now worked on other small animals too - and Jaehyun never had to use his rifle.
The first snow fell halfway throughout the month.
Luckily you had stocked up on everything you would need to survive for several days in case you were snowed in. You had exchanged your fall jacket for the thick puffer jacket already, never leaving the house without the hat and gloves anymore. You couldn't imagine how harsh winters were up here, especially in a wooden cabin.
But you would get to know sooner than you had imagined.
____
The first day you were snowed in was one week after the first snowfall.
You woke up and couldn't see through the small roof window above you. The view was blocked by a thick layer of snow you had first mistaken for an animal having settled right there. By the noises coming from downstairs, you figured Jaehyun was still inside the house when he would usually be by the stream already.
"We're almost snowed in," he revealed to you.
You opened the door to confirm Jaehyun’s statement, but were met with a wall of snow that reached your hips. It looked solid, yet you didn’t want to risk it sliding into the cabin, so you quickly shut the door again.
"I still went to the trap last night and found a rabbit inside, so we will have meat for today at least," Jaehyun continued. "We will boil the snow to use as drinking water. Later, I will dig a way through the snow so that we will reach the outhouse, and maybe the other traps too. Otherwise, we can just hope that it will stop snowing soon. Luckily, it’s not that high."
"Is it possible it will be like this… for weeks?"
"Yes, it's possible if it continues snowing like this."
You had prepared everything for this kind of situation throughout the past weeks, stocking up on logs and other necessities. Yet, being right in the middle of it was quite intimidating. In New York city, you had never experienced such heavy snowfall to be locked inside for weeks.
You went on about your day as usual, but by midday, you had run out of chores and things to do. For the first time, you wished you had your phone with you. Not to look yourself up or to text anyone, but to do something entertaining. There was nothing cozier than to cuddle up in front of a fireplace and watch a movie during a heavy snowfall. Cuddle up, though? You startled yourself.
"Jaehyun, what's wrong with your scars?"
You were watching him change his clothes as he had gotten all wet from digging a path into the snow outside. His scars were burning red again and he scratched the back of his head, avoiding your piercing, questioning gaze.
"Perhaps, I got a little negligent about using the cream," he confessed.
You jumped up from the couch and hindered Jaehyun from putting on his shirt. He looked at you with much confusion. "Take off your pants and lie down."
"Pardon?"
"You heard me clear enough." You pointed with your index finger at the couch. "It's crucial for you to treat the wound in the early stages, so that you won't carry the pain and scars for too long. Trust me, I know."
"Maybe, I deserve it."
"You don’t deserve it. Whatever you did, whatever I did… we have to stop thinking this way. The scars are our punishment, so that we will be reminded of what we've been through for the rest of our lives. It's enough. You’re not a bad person, I know this now.”
"You think so?" Jaehyun asked, bitterness and guilt carrying his tone as it broke out of him, the entire truth. "I left my comrades and friends inside the vehicle to die while we were on our way back from a mission. I was the only one who was still physically able to get out of the overturned car after it had swung off the street and slipped down a slope. I was the driver, and everyone else was either unconscious or trapped. I wanted to get help, but when I had almost made it out, the flames erupted. I was outside, and they were still inside, despite me being the one who had caused the accident in the first place. How am I supposed to be punished enough for this?"
So that was how it was. "We got into that accident, because I was distracting my mom by whining about… about something I quickly forgot after that, because it was so trivial. My mom died, because I was just being a kid who didn't know it better. It wasn't on purpose. You also never wanted your friends to die. They knew that."
Pain flashed across Jaehyun's face, the most visible emotion you had ever seen him display. How much pain was he carrying of which he thought he deserved it? Did it come close to yours or was it much more, because the wounds were still so fresh?
You pointed at the couch again. Despite his initial reluctance, Jaehyun complied, stripped himself of his pants and lay down on the cushion in only his boxers. You grabbed the cream tube from the top of the drawer and knelled next to Jaehyun on the floor. He was placed on his stomach, his burnt side easier for you to reach like this. He had his arms folded in front of him and was resting his head on them, face turned away from you.
Jaehyun began speaking the moment you touched his thigh, "I was distracted too. Taeyong and Doyoung were arguing about something, and instead of paying attention to the street, I thought I knew it better and meddled. It was so trivial, I've now forgotten what the conflict was in the first place. That was a little more than a year ago. How did you get over it?"
You smiled mildly as you coated Jaehyun's red scars with cream. "Years of avoiding therapy, and eventually years of therapy. What helped me was changing my entire mindset. My mom loved me. She gave me the gift of life as she urged the firemen to save me first. She wouldn't want me to waste this gift just for a single minute."
"I wouldn't know what my friends thought or said," Jaehyun admitted quietly. "I only thought about escaping and getting help. I… didn’t look back before it was too late."
"Then think like this," you suggested. "There was a reason you were friends in the first place. You share the same mindset, the same values. You loved each other. If you had been in their situation, how would you feel? Would you encourage your only friend, who was able to escape, to leave the car and get help?"
Without hesitation, Jaehyun instantly exclaimed, "Of course!"
"And if that only friend intends to stay in the car for you, despite knowing the danger of this situation, despite knowing it's for vain, how would you feel?"
"Angry." Jaehyun gulped, his neck muscles tensing. "Angry at him for wasting his life when he has the chance to survive, even as the only person."
"Yes. You will never know what your friends thought exactly at the moment of the accident. Perhaps, everything was different for them. Perhaps, they had an entirely different perception of what had caused the accident. Our own feelings of guilt are possibly distorted, because we're the only survivors. We will never know for sure. But what we know is that if the situation was reversed and we were able to save them, then we would have done so, too. Because we love them. And that person should live life the best they can."
It was silent for a very long time and you focused on treating Jaehyun's entire area before he continued, "But everyone else blamed me for the accident. I was discharged with only a small amount of compensation with which I built this cabin here. Far away from where it happened."
"You want to run away," you concluded.
"I want to stay secluded. Somewhere where I cannot hurt anyone anymore."
"Then why take me with you?" you wanted to know, having finished tending to Jaehyun's wounds now. You closed the tube and pushed the topic, "Why didn't you come here alone? Why agree to all this in the first place? What did my father promise you if you didn't need money?"
A rustling, then a long sigh before Jaehyun lifted his head and turned it around to face you. "He offered me money, of course. Despite me not needing it, I must make sure my family back in my home country is taken care of as I cannot follow my initial profession anymore. It’s enough for them to live comfortably, that’s why I’m doing it."
You closed the tube, spreading the remaining cream between your fingers. "Do you regret having agreed on this deal with my father?"
It was a genuine smile that slowly grew on Jaehyun's lips. It was the first time you were able to witness it, and your heart nearly teared in happiness at the sight of him turning so sincere.
"You're not the worst company in the world."
____
December, Alaska, USA
Since that day, something inside Jaehyun had shifted.
Naturally, it was impossible to achieve what had taken you years of therapy in such a short amount of time, but you were positive that if Jaehyun took every day for what it was, then he could discard his pain layer by layer and wouldn’t let it determine the greater part of his life anymore.
You noticed it in the way his footsteps carried less weight, his shoulders were a little less slumped and his eyes were a bit brighter. You liked it. Baby steps.
The snow stayed.
On some days, the snow level was so high that Jaehyun had to dig a tunnel. On other days, you couldn’t go outside at all and somehow had to make do inside the cabin. By then, Jaehyun had long since given in and started a fire before going to sleep despite his earlier belief that it might be dangerous at night. Eventually, he had come to the conclusion that freezing to death was the only other option left you needed to avoid at all cost.
One day, you ran out of logs.
The cabin grew so cold that you put on every piece of clothing you had, and it still wasn’t enough.
"Jaehyun," you called out into the night when you were lying in bed, watching the night sky through the window above you. A white cloud formed in front of your mouth when you called out once again, "Jaehyun!"
"What?" he finally answered from downstairs.
"Are you not cold?"
"No."
Liar. The spare blanket was much thinner than the one you were using that was initially supposed to be his. There was no possibility for him to withstand the cold that had entirely taken over the inside of the cabin now as well. He was freezing, and so were you.
"Come upstairs. There is enough space in the bed."
Silence. Hesitation? Then a rustle. "No."
He would never admit to being cold, so you had to. "But I am cold."
Stillness. Your heart nearly stopped as you lay on your back, the blanket pulled up to your chin, not daring to move. You breathed shallowly, waiting for some kind of reaction from Jaehyun.
It came in the form of another, softer rustle, followed by footsteps on the wooden floor, the boards creaking under his weight. The stairs groaned as Jaehyun climbed them, his figure casting a long shadow over you when he reached the bed.
Wordlessly, you rolled onto the right side of the mattress, just beneath the roof window. Jaehyun brought his pillow and blanket, tossing them onto the bed before slowly climbing in himself. Neither of you spoke as he lay still beside you, a certain distance between you.
It wasn’t going to work this way, you needed to break this awkwardness if you wanted to fall asleep comfortably.
"My family doesn't say it out loud, but they hold me at fault for my mom's death.” You didn’t know what else to speak of. Perhaps, it would help him understand you a bit better, too. “I don't blame them, I would probably feel the same."
"That's not true…"
You watched clouds passing by, partially covering the starry sky. "It is. They told me in a fit of rage, my father and my sister both separately, on different occasions. It took me so long to overcome the feeling of guilt myself. And when I have finally succeeded in doing so, they tell me they have never reached this point in the first place."
Jaehyun shifted, the mattress giving in under you, his voice now directly by your ear. "It must have been hard on you."
"I'm the heiress, but my father constantly threatened to disown me and pass the position on to my younger sister, who is far more fitting for this position anyway. His words." You paused. "I wished for nothing more. I really wanted him to disown me. To free me from all this pressure, to just… let me go. Why can’t he do that?"
You knew the answer before Jaehyun spoke it out. "Because he loves you and believes in you. There will always be situations where we say and do things we don't mean and regret immediately. Even though we don’t directly speak it out. You said we would always want the best lives for the people we love. That also applies to the rest of your family, you know."
A tear escaped from the corner of your eyes. "All these things… All these scandals about me… I've done all this just so that he could finally free me from all the responsibility. I've always assumed no one would want to have such a person as an heiress to their company. I dropped out of university and made sure to be on the headlines as often as possible. But he never let me go. As it dragged on, I started to enjoy torturing my family's reputation way too much. If he wouldn't pass the position to my sister, then I could do whatever I wanted, I thought. So I did."
Dropping out of university, going out with different guys, all the partying and the press, the arrests, and the recent scandal with the engaged prince… You had enjoyed it very much - to some extent. But all this time you were aware that this couldn't be how your life was defined.
Somewhere along the way, you had grown so tired. It was about time you would stop. It was ironic, but your father's downfall had come at the right time.
"Couldn't you just step down on your own?" Jaehyun asked.
"It was my mom's wish for me to become the heiress. I would have never stepped down voluntarily as I thought I owed it to her. I never had the courage to do so in fear of disappointing my mom, even in death. In my head, it was only reasonable if my father stripped me of the title. Like that, I was able to justify it in front of my mom. I know it doesn't make sense, but for me-"
"Never say it doesn't make sense," Jaehyun stopped you. "You don't need to justify your feelings and actions. If they make sense to you, then they're valid."
You nodded, deeply grateful for his words. "I've already prepared a secret bank account, you know. I was ready to start a new life somewhere else if one day I had grown brave enough. Just like you. I just didn't know how to do it as I've never known another way to live. I was such a coward. I just wanted to be prepared in case one day I just woke up and… went away."
"And now? Do you now know how?"
Jaehyun had to leave his comrades behind to escape the flames, and he loathed himself for it. You had to leave your mother behind to flee from the fire, and your family loathed you for it. Now, both of you were searching for a life far away from your pasts. At one point or another, you were the same.
"Yes. Now, I know."
You wondered what would happen when your father finally got his situation settled. Could you ever return to your old life? And more importantly, did you want to? If not, what kind of life did you want to continue living from here on?
"Good," Jaehyun responded.
He placed his blanket over your thicker one and moved close to you so that he was spooning you from behind after you had naturally shifted positions. He placed his arm under your neck so you could use it as an additional support to your pillow. You were relieved that he put his other arm around your stomach, otherwise he would have noticed how fast your heart was beating. You felt his breath against the back of your neck, and you could have sworn his breathing was just as irregular and filled with uncertainty as yours.
This was all so that you wouldn't freeze to death, you kept telling yourself over and over, even long after Jaehyun's breathing had found a rhythm and his grip around your stomach loosened a bit.
You couldn't fall asleep for hours that night. And when you woke up the next morning, having stretched yourself out all over Jaehyun's warming chest, a part of you wished that you wouldn't sleep alone anymore - be it on cold or warm nights.
____
That very day, on your self-proclaimed Christmas Eve, you had come to a decision.
From your drawer, you pulled out a piece of clothing you hadn't touched for more than two months. But you couldn't imagine a better day to wear this glittery party dress here again except for today. You didn't know what to do with your hair to make it special, nor with your face as you lacked makeup. You were aware that this all didn't matter now, but since today would mark a milestone, you wanted to somehow look different than on the occasional days.
You hadn't dared to use the chapstick Jaehyun had given to you yet, because you were scared you would waste such a special gift. But if there was a perfect day to coat your lips with something he had chosen for you, then it would be today.
A little while later, you were sitting on the bed, dressed in your party dress. You had brushed your hair so often that it now fell silkily over your shoulders, lips tinked pink with strawberry flavor. It was by far not your most glamorous look, but to Jaehyun it wouldn't matter anyway.
You made your way downstairs and prepared the dinner, into which you had put especially much effort today. For the main course, you served rabbit with rice as it was now cold enough to keep fresh meat outside, with fish soup as a side dish. For dessert, you had cooked up some rice with water and sugar, and would serve it with blueberry marmalade that you had preserved a little while ago.
When Jaehyun returned to the cabin from preparing the logs for the night, he stilled by the door, totally forgetting to shut it as ice cold wind blew inside.
"Close the door!" you urged him, and he only reluctantly did so, his eyes not wavering from your appearance.
"What's going on?"
"Did you forget what day today is?" you gave him a leg up. "It's Christmas, and we will celebrate!"
He blinked slowly in confusion. "Christmas might still be three or four days away, perhaps it even passed already. Neither of us have a calendar."
"I don't care," you shrugged and brushed it off. "Now sit down, I've prepared a special meal."
"Well…" Jaehyun smirked and willingly did so, taking a seat by the table after having taken off his boots and jacket. "I won't complain then. Thank you for the meal. I'm afraid I'm not dressed for the occasion though."
"It doesn't matter to me."
You poured soup into small bowls and took each into one of your hands. You brought them over to the table where you had already prepared the cutlery.
"I thought you'd never wear this dress again," Jaehyun remarked, then smiled. "You look beautiful in it."
Your cheeks heated up. "Why shouldn't I? I'm only wearing it for you."
He turned his head away, but you still caught the emotion of guilt briefly flashing across his face. "Because you wore it the day I took you away. It must be tainted with horrible memories of that night. I don't want you to associate the traumatic memories of that dress with me."
Jaehyun had worded it so weirdly. "You didn't take me away. My father instructed you to do it, and you only did it to help your family."
"But you wouldn't have come with me voluntarily."
"Of course not, you were a stranger!" The moment it dawned on you that he could misunderstand your very vocal denial, you continued, "But if we had met in another way… If you had approached me under other circumstances, with other intentions, then…"
"Then, what?" Jaehyun looked at you, partially challenging, partially inviting. His gaze then fell and rested on the lower part of your face, making him notice what you were wearing on your lips tonight. "You wouldn't have spared me a single glance. I know what kind of man you prefer."
"Prefer perhaps, but certainly not like!" You perceived Jaehyun's Adam's apple bopping, his eyes turning back to observe your whole expression while his own features remained unreadable. "It's all different now, because I am different."
Jaehyun drew a long breath in, the initial brightness in his face suddenly dropping as though it had only been a facade to conceal deeper emotions. "Now, are you…? Are you here because you want to be or because you had no other option?"
"Why are you asking such things?" His words hurt, you had no idea why his mood suddenly carried a vicious edge to it.
He seemed to notice it too and quickly shook his head. In seeming agony and frustration over himself, Jaehyun reached to touch his forehead. "My feelings are all over the place. Can I trust your words when your perception is alternated by isolation and confinement?"
"I feel as though my perception has never been clearer."
"If you had to choose between going back and staying here, how would you decide?" A pause followed, but you were about to answer when Jaehyun suddenly responded to his own question with a clear, "See."
You wanted to scream at him for not even giving you a chance to express your feelings properly. At one point, you had assumed you understood each other, that he would recognize the new person you had become - the one who had been hidden beneath all these superficial features, not the person he had first seen in this dress.
You reluctantly sat down, but didn't touch the food either. Instead, you admitted, "Tonight, I wanted to tell you that if I had to choose between going back and staying here, I would… stay here. At least for a little while more. Until I figure out what to do with my life since I definitely don't want to go back."
Your voice was hopeful, but you didn't meet the reaction you had expected of Jaehyun. Your words hadn't given him a single bit of relief. Instead, they had angered him more.
"You cannot use me as a safeguard until you someday maybe find out what you truly want just to avoid your family."
You knitted your brows together, thrown off guard by his continuous offending reaction. "I thought you might like the idea of us spending more time together, but I was wrong."
"That's not what I mean." Jaehyun shook his head, his mien stood stern, but apologetic. "Don't you think it will hurt me too? Getting used to all this despite knowing it will eventually come to an end and you will still not choose me? Don't torture me for longer than necessary, I'm also only human."
You were mortified. He had every right to be upset, because you had hurt his feelings. Perhaps, you hadn't changed all that much from your former self yet.
You had only thought about what you wanted, not about how it would affect Jaehyun - as you always did. That was so typical for you. Yet, you couldn't bring yourself to say what he wanted to hear from you. You were all dressed up, ready for him, yet you couldn't give yourself over to him entirely. It wasn't fair.
"I-I'm sorry. You're r-right." Your head dropped and you suddenly didn't feel so hungry anymore. "I didn't think about that, because I've never thought you-"
You stilled at the touch of his warm palm against your cheek, and as you lifted your eyes, you met his gentle, but not yet entirely forgiving smile.
"Don't be sorry. Now you know about how I feel. When you return to your old life and then still want to come back here, to be with me, not temporarily, but forever, you know where to find me. I'll never leave this place. I will always wait for you."
The following words were hard for you to bring over your lips, but you knew you had to ask them out loud. "What if I go?"
"Then I'll let you go. I won't keep you here against your will and you shouldn't feel obliged to stay just because we spent so much time with each other or because I saved your life. You don't owe me anything, neither does your father. We've all kept the ends of our deals, and if you wish to go, I will let you when it's safe enough."
"What if I stay?" You barely dared to look into his eyes, because you were scared to find them filled with hope, longing… love. It would make an unaffected decision even harder for you.
"You know the answer to that."
Jaehyun had said he didn't want to be your safeguard, yet he turned himself into exactly that, offering you a forever home if only you were willing enough. But you weren't yet, and he was absolutely okay with giving you more time if you ever reached that point.
But your appetite didn't return and Jaehyun slept on the couch again.
____
A few days later when the snow only reached your shin, you went on a walk around the area. You had mostly stayed inside for too many weeks in a row, and you feared that if you didn't go into nature again right now, you might forget how it felt like to be entirely by yourself.
The stream was frozen from both sides, leaving only a small cleavage in the middle from where water occasionally spilled out. You wandered up and down the riverbank, watching birds and a family of deer from a distance.
There was not much to do during winter outside in the woods, you only enjoyed the serenity of the frozen nature which was not only soothing, but also impressive. You could stay out here for hours.
What would you be doing in the city right now?
Potentially, nothing different from what you were doing in summer, spring and autumn. It was always the same. Same buildings, same streets, same type of people. Nature was ever changing as well, but you had never grasped the entirety and intensity of its beauty. In New York City, you used to blend out every overwhelming stimulation from outwards, whereas here, your senses felt heightened and they nearly couldn't take in all the impressions you wanted to experience and remember all at once.
Back at home, you had been so infamous and known, you had done everything to draw attention to yourself. And for what? To be forgotten the moment you disappeared off the face of the earth?
Had anyone ever wondered where you had gone to, made moves to even look for you? What would you find when you got your phone back, how many missed messages, how many missed calls? Or had your supposed friends you only met for shopping and partying shrug your entire existence off once they didn't have someone to fund their lives anymore?
You didn't know a convincing answer to that. And that itself was confirmation enough for you. Because Jaehyun would, no doubt at all.
He would tear the whole world apart just to make sure you were safe, no matter where you were and no matter whether he had to risk his own life as well. And not because your father had paid him to. You were certain about that, more than anything. What could you ask more of someone you loved?
You watched the family of deer, a mother with four fawns, slowly approaching the stream, observing you cautiously. The mother stopped, gauging the danger coming from you, but as you stood totally still, she judged the situation favorably and went with her children closer to the stream, searching for food and water.
You nearly teared up at the thought of being favored by wild animals. How could something so pure, so simple, cause you so much happiness unlike anything before that?
You pivoted around and ran all the way back to the cabin. How could you have been so blind? How could you have hesitated for so long when everything you had wanted, aware or not, had been right here before you? You didn't want to leave. Not anymore.
"Jaehyun!" you called out, spurting through the snow, protecting your face from the branches that threatened to slap right into your face as you met them with speed. "Jaehyun!!"
You wanted to live where Jaehyun was, right here in the woods.
You had first thought they were dark, deep and dangerous. But the forest was nothing like that. The woods were full of beautiful life and gave you a beautiful life as well. You could very much live here. You wanted to. This was enough as long as Jaehyun was here too.
"Jaehyun!" You stopped right in front of the house, but didn't spot him. "Where are you?"
"Up here!" You heaved your head and found him sitting on the roof, looking down at you with questioning eyes. "What's up?"
"What are you doing up there?"
"The chimney is clogged, so I'm cleaning it," he explained.
"Okay, can you come down?" you breathed, small white clouds forming in front of your mouth. "I need to talk to you."
He visibly debated whether to drop his work and follow your plea, but he eventually decided against it. "Can you wait a bit until I'm done here? It's not taking too long anymore."
"No!" You feared that, if you waited for a little bit longer, all the bravery would leave your body, and you didn’t know when it would return. "I need to talk to you right now!"
"Okay, then." Jaehyun sat back on the roof. "Tell me what you want to tell me."
You were perplexed. "Here?"
"Yes."
"Now?"
"Yes." A smirk. "Tell me."
You couldn't shake the feeling that he long knew what you wanted to tell him and was only taunting you now. For having kept him on the edge for so long, for making him wait all this time. Fair enough.
You buried your hands deep into the pockets of your thick jacket and drew small circles into the snow with your feet. When you had made up your mind about your words, you looked up to Jaehyun, who was now leaning back as though he had settled comfortably to spend more time on the roof until you finished.
You eventually began, "You were right. Back in New York City, in my old life, we wouldn't even have looked at each other. But I was barely even able to look at myself. My life was full of fame, wealth, and people. Yet, I still felt so lonely and empty inside. You may think the day you took me from that life was the day you broke me. You were wrong. The truth is that I was already broken, and when I went with you, your companionship and everything we've experienced pieced me back together. I became a whole new person I never knew existed in the first place."
Jaehyun shifted, bending forward to look at you more closely. His hair, that had significantly grown through the past weeks, now fell into his forehead. His mien was unreadable. "Are you aware of what you are saying? What any of this means?"
You nodded eagerly. "I know. I'm sure. Money, fame, materialistic stuff… What does it matter when I have all this?" You paused, feeling the heavy thumbing of your heart in your throat. "What does any of that matter when I have you?"
"Me?" Jaehyun huffed. "I cannot replace any of that for you."
"But that's the point!" you advocated. "You're not a replacement, you were never meant to be! I didn't need all of that insignificant stuff in the first place. I need you! I want you!… All of this! So… can you come down now, please?"
A smile as bright as the winter sun shining right into his face appeared on Jaehyun's lips.
You thought you had seen so many beautiful things in your life already, yet the man here right in front of you, accepting your love with much happiness, was the most beautiful thing you had ever witnessed. The things that were significant, the ones that really mattered, couldn't be brought with money.
Jaehyun stretched out a hand to you as though he could reach you from up there. "Come up here."
"What?"
"Come up here."
You let out a long sigh. Now, he was only teasing you. You walked over to the wooden ladder and climbed up the steps until Jaehyun's arm was in sight. You grabbed his hand and let him lift you over the last section until you securely settled on the roof, right in front of him. Your legs were still shaky, and you wondered whether the roof could even hold both of you as the surface was so slippery from the ice and snow.
"I didn't hear you," Jaehyun said coolly, in pretense. "Can you repeat everything that you said?"
You rolled your eyes and laughed. Moving forward, you settled between Jaehyun's spread legs and cupped his cold cheeks that were tinted in a light pink.
"I said love you."
You only got a glimpse of how his eyes widening in delight at your direct confession, but whatever he wanted to say in return, he didn't come to verbally say it anymore, because you pushed him back into the snow with your lips on his.
The temperature was cold, but your bodies turned warm as you straddled Jaehyun and kissed him for the first time right there on the top of your small cabin, and you couldn't imagine a greater bliss in life.
Jaehyun wrapped one arm around your waist and pulled you closer down to him, deepening the kiss by placing one of his hands on the curvature of your head and parting your lips. You felt your heart flutter and located a ticklish feeling in the pit of your stomach.
You had kissed many men in your life, on many occasions, but none of them had ever made you feel the way Jaehyun did right now.
If this wasn't love, then what was?
____
"I've never done this before."
Jaehyun leaned back on the bed, with the oil lamp on the floor providing the only light in the small room.
You had discarded him off his shirt and pants in a very long session that had taken place shortly before, leaving him breathless and disheveled, and yourself in awe over his perfect physique. The dim stream of light crawled into every crevice of his prominent abs, his arm muscles flexing with every motion.
You had seen many men in this position before, but none of them had ever come close to the view Jaehyun was giving you. You had been very cautious with his scars that were still healing, but which were no longer worn as a mark of guilt. No, Jaehyun now wore them as proof of a long battle he was about to win.
But you hadn’t shown him your own, in all their full size, yet. It wasn't like you hated your own scars. On the contrary, even. Sometimes, you inspected them in the mirror and imagined your mother telling you how beautiful they were. It was just…
"I've never shown them to anyone before," you revealed to Jaehyun. As you met his questioning expression, you continued, "I've always found ways to hide them when… you know. I didn't want to explain to everyone where they come from and earn their pity."
He understood. "Come here."
You slowly walked over to the bed, your eyes fixed on each other when you knelt on top of the mattress. You were still fully dressed in a shirt and pants, and you nearly didn't recognize yourself as you willingly let Jaehyun pull the top over your head.
He knew the fire got caught in your jacket back then while crawling out of the car, and despite the firemen acting quickly, you hadn't been able to escape unscathed, the marks adorning your back like battle scars - the proof of your existence, your mom’s gift.
"Turn around," Jaehyun whispered. "Let me see."
You twisted in your position, rotating on your knees so that you eventually faced the end of the bed, Jaehyun sitting behind you. You recoiled at the touch of his hand on your back, but stood still so as to not irritate him. No one had ever touched your scars again with bare hands except for the physicians back then. When you slept with someone, you usually did so in total darkness or with enough clothes on to cover up the scars.
You were baring yourself entirely in front of Jaehyun, in more sense than just one. This was the highest declaration of love you could offer to him. And he knew.
Jaehyun's fingertips gently brushed over your scarred back, starting from the top and running all the way down. First, two fingers at once, then three. No pressure, just a slight incessant touch that sent pleasant shivers down your spine.
When he reached your waist, where the scars ended but were also the most prominent, he used both of his palms to place on the very spots, running them along your back to the outer sides. His hands then rested on your hips, and you heard him rustling in the sheets when a moment later, you felt the touch of his lips at the very base of your spine.
You let out a gasp. Jaehyun wasn't trying to feel and memorize every raising, every crevice of your scars. He had his own, he knew what they felt and looked like. What he did was acknowledging them for what they were, the pain they had caused you, and letting you know that he accepted them as a part of you, too.
"They're beautiful, I love them," Jaehyun then declared when he arose again. "Because they are a part of you, and I love you too. The whole of you."
You looked down on yourself and watched Jaehyun's hands sliding across your body until he rested them on your stomach, pulling you back right into his hug. The curve of your body fitted perfectly into his as you had already noticed from the cold night you had spent together.
Jaehyun's lips were first on your shoulders, warm and mellow. You rolled your head to the side to give him better access to your neck that he then trailed the kisses up to. He sucked gently on the sensitive skin, making you swallow hard to keep yourself in control.
Whenever you had slept with a man, it used to be a quick act. You had barely known them as it had only been for fun, never caring all that much. But Jaehyun, you knew him. You had gotten to know every part of him that you usually avoided in men. You had been living together with Jaehyun in the smallest space, at one point sharing only a car for days. And he still wanted you, and you him.
"Do you know for how long I've been wanting to do this?" he breathed against your neck, letting his tongue run over your jawline. You shuddered and closed your eyes halfway. "It was pure torture sharing the same house and even bed with you, holding myself back when I’ve always wanted all of you, all at once."
Earlier, Jaehyun had explained to you that he had never made a move, because he didn't want your feelings to get influenced by the confinement he had put you in. You found it weird that he always used that word… confinement.
For you, it was not any kind of confinement. He had let you live without interference, had let you be with your thoughts and feelings until they had become clear to you all by yourself.
It was the purest form of dedication you had been able to offer to him, because by waiting for so long, you had purposefully decided on him, despite everything you two had been through together, despite knowing his entire history and character. You had decided on him out of your own free will. After all this time, everything had eventually fallen into place.
Jaehyun fiddled with the button of your pants and opened them in one swift motion. He hooked his fingers into the waistband and dragged them down until they hung around your thighs. His upper body was pressed close to your back when he slipped his hand into the front of your panties, making you shudder the moment he cupped the wetness between your legs.
You arched your hips against the curve of his body, giving his other hand better access to your breasts, which he then massaged with his palm.
"This," Jaehyun muttered against the dampness of your neck, remnants of his passionate kisses, "I've been wanting to do this for so long."
You moaned quietly as his fingers spread you open, stroking between your folds. Your legs trembled, aroused by stimulation in two places at once. You let him undress you fully, and you didn’t mind it for a single second.
With Jaehyun, everything felt more palpable, more intense. It was as though you had been kept in darkness and had only stepped into daylight the moment you met him. He might say he had taken you away, but you would say he had brought you into the light.
Jaehyun didn't let you cum in the same way you hadn't let him cum before, having teased him over and over again until he had begged you to stop and release him from this torture. Though admittedly, it had been so much fun - Just as much fun as right now, when you straddled him on his thighs, having him pressed back into the mattress as you carefully moved forward to his groin.
Jaehyun’s manhood was fully erect again, and you already knew exactly how it felt in every angle of your hands. You watched him close his eyes in delight when you rose to your knees and reached for his length once more.
Determinedly, you guided his tip to the area where wetness was spilling out of you, and you bit into your bottom lip at the release and completeness when you sank down on him until you connected in the most intimate way two people could.
Jaehyun let out a groan, and you waited a moment before you began moving. You lifted your hips with the strength of your thighs, sliding his length halfway out of you, then lowered yourself back onto him again. As you repeated this action leisurely to adjust to his proportions, Jaehyun reached out his hands and fondled your breasts, eyeing you carefully to catch up on your reaction. You smiled at him, threw your head back and increased your pace, the sounds he made music to your ears, feeding you with courage.
With your body leaning forward and your palms braced against Jaehyun’s strong stomach muscles, you engaged your thighs and moved even faster than before, his length sliding in and out of you with every lift and drop of your body.
The moans you both let out came in unison, blending with the wet, slippery sounds of your bodies moving against each other.
"Wait!" Jaehyun then signed you to stop.
"Hm?" You looked at him in confusion, stilling. "Did I do som-"
"No, no!" He placed his hands on either side of your face, drew you close to him and gave you a long kiss. "I want to see all of you when… Turn around."
"Around?" You looked to the side. You had always avoided this position for obvious reasons. "I've never done this before either."
"Then let me be the first one. Let me see all of you for the first time."
His words fueled something inside you that you had long deemed dead: The confidence of showing your scars off, of them being accepted as a part of you and completing your beauty rather than diminishing it. Not that you had ever thought of yourself that way. But despite all the confidence, you were only human, too. Of course you had feared the judgment of other people, which was why you had kept them hidden from everyone.
You carefully slipped out of Jaehyun and turned around to put him back inside you the moment you settled on his groin. You straightened your posture and felt Jaehyun’s hands on your hips, following your up-and-down movements with an unwavering grip.
"So… beautiful," he breathed and touched your back, right where your scars were. "You're so damn beautiful."
You eventually figured it would be hard for you to feel as much pleasure as before in that position, so shortly later, you were lying beneath Jaehyun with your stomach pressed into the mattress and your head turned to the side. Your fingers were entangled in the sheets, gripping the fabric tightly as Jaehyun moved in and out of you, his groin pushing against your bum with every thrust.
He hovered above you, his forearms propped on the bed on either side of your head, and you felt his irregular breaths against your skin. You angled your hips, not only to give him better access, but also to stimulate the spot that brought you the most pleasure when Jaehyun stroked it from inside.
You closed your eyes and whimpered, "Please don't stop… Don't stop."
Hot, breathless kisses on your cheek were the answer while Jaehyun increased his pace. You got sent over the edge almost immediately after, muffling your screams with your face buried in the pillow. Your legs shook, then your entire body. For a moment, you thought your soul had left your body.
"Shit," Jaehyun muttered right next to your ear as you slowly started to come down from your heights. "Sorry."
There was no need for him to say sorry when he had just made you cum like no one else before him, even while still inside you. Jaehyun withdrew himself, but stayed in that position. He hid his face in the hollow between your shoulder and neck, and it followed a low moan with him carefully biting into the flesh where his lips met your body. You then felt him spilling his release, hot and wet, right on the base of your back.
You didn't know how long you laid there, with your bodies entwined, watching the dim light flickering on the wooden roof above you, still naked and still out of breath.
When you did it again for the second, third, then fourth time with some light naps in between, you were able to watch the sunrise slowly turning the dark sky light blue by the hour morning arrived.
It was going to be one long, dark winter. But you figured with Jaehyun's company, it was going to be endurable. Enjoyable, even.
____
March, Alaska, USA
The winter months had been long and dark, and the woods had turned even more threatening the moment the sun vanished from the sky. Most hours of the day, you had spent in near darkness, but you had found routines and activities that kept you both sane and warm, turning the long, dragging winter days into a period you came to quite favor.
But nothing could compare to the Alaskan Spring. The new season came slowly, almost unnoticeably, with every passing day from the middle of March on. One day, you stepped outside and realized. It was still cold, but you were able to change into your lighter jacket without freezing too much as your body had adjusted to the temperatures here in the North already.
The trees had turned light green, some showing off full leaves and others buds already. You listened to the chirping of birds, found traces of wild animals on the ground that had awoken from their hibernation, and even spotted a few wildflowers breaking through the cold surface. A few rabbits crossed your path on the way to the stream that was not fully frozen anymore.
You filled the bucket in your hands with water and while waiting, turned your head to the sky and let the sun warm up the tip of your nose.
When all of this was over, when you could safely talk to your father, you would explain everything to him and ask him to handle all of your formalities only so that you could stay here and continue living with Jaehyun. Your sister would become the heiress, he would surely not mind.
As for your mother… she would have wanted you to be happy. And if this was what made you happy, she would have supported it fully, you were certain about that. It was all settled.
When you returned to the cabin with the bucket full of water, you found Jaehyun already standing next to the car, making some adjustments. But luckily, even after much snowfall, it looked and worked perfectly fine.
Today, he was planning a trip to the closest town of which its name you had long forgotten, and stock up on food and supplies that you had all used up during the long winter months.
"I’m sorry you have to stay here,” Jaehyun apologized again when you approached him. “I'm positive no one will recognize you, but we cannot risk it, even though we are so remote and there are only around a thousand residents living in the town."
You shook your head. "There is still so much to do here. I will spend the day cleaning, repairing and cooking. Don't worry, I'll be fine. But you offered to bring me burgers for dinner, so you should keep your word on that at least."
Jaehyun lowered his head and kissed you long and hungrily. It wasn’t that you hadn’t done far more than just kiss that morning already. You simply hadn’t been apart for more than a few minutes in months, and you couldn’t imagine Jaehyun being even physically away from you. Your heart and body already longed for the moment he came back.
"Last one," he repeated between kisses, and you giggled.
You wrapped your arms around his neck and looked into his eyes that were now partially covered by his grown out hair. You were supposed to cut it for him in the upcoming days.
"I'll be perfectly fine here."
"I'll hurry," Jaehyun promised before returning to the car. "I'll order a generator as well, so we'll soon have electricity. You can look forward to it."
You tilted your head, lips curling up into a smile. "I do. But more so, I look forward to you coming back as soon as possible. With burgers."
____
While Jaehyun was gone, you searched the cabin high and low for a missing shirt that needed to be washed with the rest of your dirty clothes. You owned at most a handful of garments, which made you wonder how that shirt had gone missing in the first place.
The possibility that it had accidentally ended up in Jaehyun’s belongings suddenly crossed your mind, and you walked over to the dresser, pulling open the last drawer. You had never looked into it before out of respect for Jaehyun’s privacy, but he surely wouldn’t mind since you had a good reason.
You searched through Jaehyun’s clothes, of which he didn't own more than you, when your fingers suddenly brushed over something hard that felt out of place in there.
You pushed Jaehyun's clothes aside after curiosity had gotten the better of you and felt your breathing stop when you found a smartphone hidden in the very corner of the drawer. It wasn't yours, so you assumed it belonged to none other than Jaehyun. But this couldn't be… he had told you he didn't own a phone at all.
Though, how else could he get in contact with your father? You had even suggested he should use a prepaid phone instead, but he had owned one all along. It all didn't make sense.
It hadn't made sense from the very beginning now that you thoroughly thought about it. Back then though, you had been so overwhelmed by everything suddenly changing in your life that you hadn't paid much attention to his story not seamlessly interconnecting, as a matter of fact.
Your fingers were trembling when you reached for the phone. You wanted to give him the benefit of doubt - again. Perhaps, he only kept it for emergencies. Perhaps, it was old and not working. Perhaps, he needed to stay in contact with his family. Perhaps… perhaps….
But it was a very new model, not older than a year, and as you turned it on, it worked immediately. As though it was always charged or got recharged every time it ran low on batteries, ready to be used when needed.
You felt nausea seeping into your stomach as you swiped over the display and it unlocked instantly. Of course… he didn't need a password, because he had never needed to fear someone else using the device. You cursed under your breath, having turned entirely pale.
When you went to the call history, there was only one number he had spoken to that wasn’t saved in his contacts as he had no contacts listed at all. Mostly, it was outgoing calls from Jaehyun. The last one got registered at the end of December.
What did it all mean? Why was Jaehyun hiding his phone from you and who had he spoken to? Perhaps his family? You prayed it was his family who he regularly kept in touch with, you would accept this as the only possible excuse for going behind your back and lying to you. But you needed proof and Jaehyun wouldn't be back until a few hours later. You couldn't wait for so long.
There was no network when you looked at the display, but somehow, Jaehyun must have been able to use the phone whenever he wanted to for the entire time he was here. You didn't need to think for long where this place could be.
Shortly later, you had already moved the ladder against the back wall of the cabin and climbed up to the roof with the phone safely stored in the pocket of your jacket.
You didn’t even need to take the device out to get it working - the phone started chiming the moment you set foot on the roof. You remembered finding Jaehyun on top of the cabin often before December, always assuming it was part of his usual work. But this explained a lot, since he had stopped going up there after the end of last year.
The display came to life with each sound, one notification after another popping up. Almost all of them were calls that turned into messages toward the end - every single one from the same number. When you opened the call history, you saw that they had started back in December and continued up to this month.
The last call, followed by the same repeating messages, was from only a few days ago if you had counted the days right. The messages read,
Call me back.
Where are you?
Tell me where you are!
Answer me immediately!
What did all of this mean?
Was it indeed Jaehyun's family trying to reach him? But why was it only one number he hadn't saved then, and why hadn't he turned his phone on ever since?
The way Jaehyun had wanted to weigh his family in safety before coming here, you had assumed he wouldn't just abandon speaking to them out of nowhere. It just didn't make any sense at all. The way the texts were constructed also wasn't the sentiment you would come up with when you talked to someone you missed dearly. There was only one way to find out.
The thumbing of your heart was nearly as loud as the blood rushing through your ears that you both seemed to feel more intensely at this moment.
You knew your perfect little world out here in the woods teetered to crumble, and there would be no coming back from it, no matter who would be on the other side of the line. But you couldn't live on and pretended this grave discovery had only been a dream either.
You were sitting in a crouch, holding the phone to your ear with both hands, because you were scared your anxiety had petrified you to the point of letting it drop. You had made sure to hide the number prior to calling, worried about triggering a chain reaction when you only needed little information to test the waters.
Your breathing was loud and out of rhythm when you heard the phone trying to connect to the other number. The tension was suffocating, so you stood up the moment the dial tone stopped.
"Hello? Who's there?"
The male voice on the other side let your breath catch.
"Jaehyun, is that you?!"'
You moved as you called out, breathlessly, "Dad?"
But the phone fell out of your hands when you suddenly lost balance and slipped. You were so, so stupid for having put your emotions over safety.
You slid down the slope of the roof on your back, catching a glimpse of the pale blue spring sky for a split second. You thought about how beautiful it was, and how sad it was that you would never get to see it again.
Just before you fell to the ground and hit your head so hard, you immediately lost consciousness.
____
March, Skagway, Alaska, USA
"We have to transfer her to the hospital in Juneau. There is nothing more we can do for her here."
"But she will live, right? Tell me she will live! I demand you to assure me that she will live!!"
"Sir, please calm down. We’ll arrange an immediate transport on an emergency flight, as she’s stable enough now. Everyone is doing their best to save her life."
"This doesn't answer my question!"
"Sir, please step back or I will have you arrested."
"If you won’t save her life, I will have all of you arrested for negligence!”
____
March, Juneau, Alaska, USA
"Did no one come with her?"
"No. Apparently, she's been brought to Skagway hospital by a man no one has ever seen before. But he refused to follow and disappeared the moment she was transferred. He has given us a number, though. He said it was her family. The nurse is already in contact."
"How bad is it?"
"She fell from a roof, head first. Luckily enough, it wasn't too high. It's not something I believe our neurosurgeons cannot fix."
"Very well."
…
"Doctor! I've gotten in contact with her father! He said she went missing almost three months ago. He's on his way here."
"My god, I think I recognize her face from the news!"
____
Read the second part and final conclusion to "DARK WOODS" in its short sequel "CITY LIGHTS"!
“ain’t no country boy quitter, i get the job done.”
📀now playing: the giver by chappell roan
❯ summary: Something doesn’t sit right when Jake hears his childhood best friend’s back in town. It’s worse when he finds out your city-boy boyfriend dumped you. But what really sends him over the edge is learning that the asshole never got you off once during your entire relationship. And as a self-proclaimed giver… Jake’s pretty damn set on fixing that himself.
❯ pairings: cowboy!jake x fem!reader
❯ genre: childhood best friends to lovers
❯ words: 6.5k
❯ tags: 18+ minors dni!, slight jealousy, mentions of a break up, alcohol consumption, oral sex (fem!receiving), male masturbation, praise, pet names, hair pulling, just jake getting the job done yeehaw!
Two years ago, Jake would’ve lit up like a damn Christmas tree at the news that his best friend was back in town. He means, not to be that person, but he did always say city life wasn’t meant for a girl like you.
You. His ranch partner-in-crime. His middle-school mud-pie sous-chef. The girl who beat him in every horseback race. The country ran through your blood. There was no debate. That’s why he can still remember guffawing (and yes, he’s using that word on purpose, because his laugh was that loud and that ugly) the first time you told him you were talking to a guy from the city.
Because come on. This was you. The same girl who once swore you’d marry your horse before marrying any boy in your class. Jake remembers the way his chest went all tight that day. Though he didn’t have a name for that feeling at ten.
But at twenty-four, watching you talk to this city guy for over a year (a guy Jake met once on FaceTime and immediately pegged as a preppy, cologne-wearing asshole), he’s found the word. Irritation. Hot, stupid irritation because there is no punchline.
You and city boy Soobin are not a joke.
Which is ridiculous in his opinion. Truly. Because Jake knows, somewhere deep in that dusty, denim-covered chest of his, that Soobin is not right for you. But how exactly is he supposed to say that without sounding like the jealous cliché from every Hallmark movie you force him to sit through?
“Sorry, Y/N, but a girl like you doesn’t belong with a guy like that”?
Yeah. No. Jake might be a rough around the edges ranch hand with a tractor tan, but he’s not a complete idiot. He did graduate high school—not to brag. And he’s seen enough rom-coms against his will to know that the guy who says something like that is always the villain.
So, he’s kept his mouth shut. Literally. He’s opted to let his jaw tick like a bomb every time you mentioned getting serious with your city-boy fool. His mama always told him that if he didn’t have anything nice to say, he shouldn’t say it at all. And Jake has absolutely nothing nice to say about Soobin.
Not even when you said you were moving across city lines to live with the guy. He thought it was ridiculous. Not just because you hadn’t met him properly yet—in person, without a pixelated face and the chance to see if he's a bad kisser—but because you were moving a thousand miles away.
You might as well have said you were relocating to Mars. To Jake, it was all the same distance. Far. Gone. Apart. Because there had never been a version of his life that didn’t include you.
You both grew up in a town so small the high school graduating class barely filled a bus. What was he supposed to do without you—make friends with Jungwon? Please. He’s seen that boy ride a horse. Any kind of race against him would be light work, and Jake’s pride couldn’t take constant pity victories. He needed challenge. He needed you.
How was he supposed to function when you’d always just… been there? Like the creaky front porch. Like the crickets after dark. Like the coffee mug his mother refuses to throw out. You packing up and leaving felt like somebody scooped out a piece of him and mailed it straight to the city.
And now—like he said—two years ago, the news of your return would’ve made him happy. Finally, that missing piece would come back to the sender. But standing on his parents’ front porch, watching you climb out of that little rental car in your city jeans (tight as sin, might he add) with a wine bottle dangling from your fingers, strangely, he doesn’t feel happy.
He feels dread. A deep, gut-twisting kind of dread.
Because whatever brought you back here is bad. He can see it in the wrongness of your smile and your stiff shoulders. In your red, raw eyes that look like they’ve suffered too many sleepless nights.
You’re upset.
And Jake hates seeing you upset. Always has.
“You miss me, Amateur?”
Your voice carries across the gravel drive. Bright. Teasing. Far too sweet for someone who is visibly not okay. It’s the same tone and the same nickname you used to call him when you’d lap him at the summer fair barrel races. He used to hate that voice. But he’s missed it too. Probably more than he should admit.
“Still got that mouth on you, huh?” Jake snorts and drags a hand down his face, stepping down from the porch.
The board under his boot complains with that long, theatrical creak that’s been threatening to snap since you were kids. His parents really should get it fixed, but he loves that it still sounds the same. Reliable. Like it’s been waiting for the two of you to come back and stomp all over it again.
He stops at the bottom step. “How’ve you been, Hotshot?”
You shrug and walk toward him. When did he get taller? Or broader? Or whatever this new unfair configuration is? Two years shouldn’t make such a difference, but apparently it’s enough time for him to outgrow every mental snapshot you kept of him.
He’s filled out that black t-shirt to an unreasonable degree. The fabric is clinging for dear life, stretching across his chest, and his arms… his arms. His biceps have biceps. Who does he think he is? The Hulk? It’s not even like he runs the ranch full-time. He works part-time. There is absolutely no reasonable explanation for his forearms to look like that!
As if he can feel you staring—and judging—Jake shifts his weight. His mouth twitches into that half smile he does, the one that always looks like he’s trying not to laugh at you. It snaps you back to reality. To where you are. To who he is.
“Meh,” you say finally, lifting the bottle dangling loosely in your hand. “Been better. But I’d much rather talk about it over this.”
“Wine?” Jake raises a brow. “What’s the label—” he leans in, squints, “—Château Margaux? You gone posh on me, Hotshot?”
You scoff. Naturally. Then you shoulder past him and head up his porch steps, push open his front door without pausing, and march straight for his parents’ kitchen.
“If you must know,” you call over your shoulder, hearing him follow, “Gramps turned ninety last month, and this was the only alcohol left that I could find under the sink.”
Jake lets the screen door fall shut behind him. The loud thwap echoes through the empty house. “A birthday gift, huh? Must’ve been from someone who doesn’t know him. Your grandpa only drinks beer.”
You pause, fingers worrying the wine label. “Yeah,” you say after a moment. “But Soobin insisted we send it. Said it was more sophisticated than a six pack of Fosters.”
Continuing, you slip into a perfect city accent. Crisp consonants. Over-enunciated vowels. Jake’s jaw ticks like a clock.
“‘He’s ninety, Y/N. Your grandpa deserves something nice,’” you mimic. “Which is hilarious, because that was months ago and the bottle’s still untouched. My parents probably got a shock and a good laugh when they pulled it out of the gift bag.”
Jake huffs out a quiet laugh. “Bet they did.”
You hum and turn toward the window, starting to tug open his cabinets. You move through the kitchen like you never left. You remember everything: the sugar jar that’s actually filled with sweetener because his dad’s diabetic, the top cupboard with the squeaky hinge, the drawer that only opens if you give it two good tugs. (One tug if you’re built like the cowboy behind you.)
Jake leans a shoulder against the doorway, arms crossed, watching you rummage through his parents’ kitchen like it’s a scavenger hunt map. “You’re looking for what exactly?” He asks.
“Your ma has to have wine glasses somewhere,” you mutter, stretching onto your toes and checking the highest shelf.
Jake blinks. Then, unexpectedly, he breaks into laughter. It rumbles low in his chest, deep and easy. It should coax a smile out of you. But it doesn’t. And when you stay facing the cabinets, opposed to turning around and joining him, Jake frowns.
“Wait. You’re serious?”
Now you twist around, unimpressed. “Does she or not?”
“Y/N.” His voice dips into that familiar drawl. “We’re a beer family. Cans. Not fancy glasses. I don’t think my parents have held a wine glass since their wedding day.”
You sigh dramatically, even though your lips twitch with a nearly-there smile. Because he does have a point. Jake’s family have always been loud, rowdy, and unapologetically themselves. You spent half your childhood here, soaking it all in. Running barefoot in the dirt. Catching fireflies. Watching his parents slow dance on the porch with beer cans in their hands. You’re almost sure that’s where your own wild streak was born.
Though lately, you feel a little disconnected from that older version of yourself.
But even with that disconnected heaviness settling in your chest, you still find yourself cross-legged on his parents’ old, tattered couch. Drinking wine out of his mother’s favourite coffee mug—the one with the chipped handle and faded yellow zigzags—because, as Jake reminded you, country folk are not in the business of wine glasses.
The windows are cracked open, letting in the soft hum of crickets and the sweet, green scent of freshly cut grass. The TV murmurs in the background with a football game Jake isn’t even pretending to watch. And it’s nice. For the first time in a long while, you feel something you haven’t felt since leaving.
Steady.
You take your last sip of wine and set the mug on the coffee table. “Your ma should really throw this thing away before someone loses a finger.”
Jake chuckles, reaching for his beer—a can, obviously. “You sound like my dad. He hates that mug.”
You smile. “Where are they anyway?”
Jake’s nose scrunches up like he’s smelled something bad. “I really don’t like to think about it, but it’s their twentieth anniversary.”
You light up. “Shut up. Mr. and Mrs. Sim—twenty years? That’s adorable. Are they on a little romantic retreat?”
“Stop it, Hotshot.” He groans, grabs a throw pillow, and hurls it at your head.
You catch it, laughing as it settles in your lap. “You know, my Nonna always said sex was the greatest foundation for marriage.”
Jake nearly chokes on his beer. “Jesus Christ, Y/N,” he sputters, setting the can down before he drops it.
You dissolve into laughter—full-bodied, head-tipped-back laughter—and Jake can’t even pretend to be annoyed. He’s just staring. Watching you like he’s terrified you’ll vanish if he blinks. His heart does that stupid teenage thing it’s been doing since he was fifteen, tripping all over itself and beating too fast, too hopeful. Because you’re back. Really back. And for the first time in two long years, the ranch feels like it’s remembered how to breathe.
“I’m serious, though,” you say, still struggling to contain your giggles. A snort slips out, and Jake grins like he’s been waiting his whole life to hear that exact sound again. “She said good sex, like really good, can fix anything.”
“Funny,” Jake mutters, shaking his head. “My Nonna said good communication is what makes a relationship work.”
“Pfttt.” You wave him off. “If that were true, I wouldn’t be back in my childhood bedroom filled with One Direction posters, drinking wine with my best friend to get over my shitty ex.”
Jake’s entire body goes still. And just like that, the air shifts.
This is what he’s been dreading. The reason he hasn’t asked questions, hasn’t pushed, hasn’t even let himself think too hard. He knows you. Knows how quickly you shut down when someone pries. So he’s been waiting, walking on eggshells, pretending not to care, while every part of him has been dying to know what dragged you all the way home.
And now he has his answer. Soobin. That city-boy asshole has made you cry. Jake feels his grip tighten around his beer until the aluminium crumples beneath his fingers.
He clears his throat, nudging the floor with the toe of his boot. “That why you’re back, huh?”
You freeze. Colour blooms across your cheeks like you didn’t even mean to say it. Like you’d give anything to scoop the words out of the air and swallow them back down.
“It’s, uh… well—it’s complicated.”
Jake hums slowly. “Doesn’t have to be.” He tilts his head. “Nothing’s ever been complicated for us. If you can’t talk to me, who can you talk to?”
Your throat tightens. Because he’s right. He’s always been right. And him—this house, this couch, this quiet—is exactly why you came here first. When you landed and smelt the small town air and wild sage, you didn’t think. You didn’t stop at the corner store to grab his favourite beer. You didn’t even go inside your own house for more than thirty seconds.
You just grabbed a bottle and came straight here.
To your safe place.
To him.
Because even after everything (leaving, Soobin, pretending you’d outgrown this town) you never stopped needing Jake. And sitting here now, barefoot on his mama’s couch, drinking your grandpa’s birthday wine out of a chipped mug, you feel it deep in your bones.
You’re home. You can finally get it off your chest.
You suck in a slow breath, bracing yourself. “We broke up.”
Jake blinks at you, deadpan. “Thanks, Y/N. I had absolutely no idea. Glad you cleared that up.”
“Okay, smartass.” You grab the pillow in your lap—the one he threw earlier—and launch it back at him.
He catches it cockily with one hand before tossing it right back. And just like that, it’s there again. The old, effortless rhythm the two of you fall into like muscle memory. It’s why he’s your best friend. Because even now, with worry tightening his jaw, he’s trying to keep things light. Jake Sim has always hated the sight of you hurting.
“Okay… what I meant was…” You swallow hard. “He—uh. Dumped me.”
Jake’s expression changes instantly. His jaw flexes, muscles tugging tight at the hinge. You hear something suspiciously like “asshole” get muttered under his breath.
“What dumbass reason did he give you?” he finally asks. There’s something protective in the way he says it.
You hate that you notice it because it only makes this part (the part you’d hoped to avoid) more strenuous. You groan and bury your face in your hands.
“It’s embarrassing.”
The tension snaps right back into his shoulders. “Y/N?”
You peek out between your fingers. “I’m serious. If I tell you, it crosses like… every friendship boundary ever created.”
Jake’s lips twitch. “Even more than when I told you I got soft during my first blow—”
“LALALALALA!” You slap your hands over your ears. “I have that memory blocked out, thank you very much.”
Jake laughs, and then he shifts on the couch—closer, close enough that his knee brushes yours. He reaches out, takes your wrists gently, and pulls your hands away from your ears.
“Hey,” he murmurs.
You look up. He’s closer than you realised—so close you can smell the warm soap on his skin and that faint trace of hay that somehow never leaves him. He wets his lips, eyes softening as he lifts your hand. His fingers brush your palm, then start tracing slow, absentminded circles.
It’s something he used to do when you were kids during sleepovers, whenever nightmares pulled you awake. He’d take your hand, draw lazy circles until you drifted off again. Comfort. Safety. You’d fall asleep on the living room floor, curled side by side, his parents never the wiser. Which, in Jake’s mind, meant success—because it meant you didn’t have to go home.
“Come on, Hotshot,” he says gently. “Talk to me. You know this has always been a judgment-free zone.”
And damn him—because when Jake looks at you like that, pulpy and stable and understanding, you feel your guard buckle. It’s impossible to pretend you’re fine. Not with him.
Exhaling a long and shaky breath, you say: “Itoldhimhecouldn’tmakemecum.”
Jake’s eyes flash before his brows pull together. “Try again. Slowly this time, Y/N. You and I both know I didn’t catch a single word of… whatever that was.”
You glare. “I said—I told him he couldn’t…” You wave a helpless hand. “Makemecum.”
“Y/N.” His tone drops to a warning. Which is exactly why you blurt:
“For fuck’s sake! I told my boyfriend that in the three years we’ve been dating, he has literally never once made me orgasm. Ever. There. You got all that?”
The silence that follows is deafening.
Jake just…stares. Then his eyes flicker. Then he opens his mouth like he’s about to say something, but instead his brain malfunctions before words can properly form. Like a fish. It would be funny if you weren’t currently dying of mortification.
You reach for your mug out of sheer uncomfortable desperation, only to remember it’s empty—because obviously the universe hates you. You set it back down and force your spine straight, trying to reclaim what is left of your dignity with your chin lifted.
“He—uh—” Jake clears his throat, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Not once?”
You shake your head. “Not unless I, you know…” You make a vague gesture between your thighs. “Played with myself a little too…while he was—”
“Yeah. I understand what you mean,” Jake cuts you off, voice suddenly rough. He shifts in his seat, rubbing his palms on his jeans—nervous, restless. It’s strange. Jake Sim does not fidget. At least, the Jake you knew didn’t.
He exhales sharply through his nose. “So what—he just… broke up with you after that? Didn’t take it as constructive feedback?”
You bark out a humourless laugh. “Obviously not. You men and your fragile egos—you're all so damn sensitive.”
“No,” Jake cuts in. “Not men, Hotshot. City boys.”
“Oh my God,” you groan, dragging a hand down your face. “Do not make this a city boy thing right now.”
“Fine,” he shrugs. “I’ll make it a ‘you have terrible taste in men’ thing instead.”
“Ex-fucking-cuse me?” you sputter. “How is this my fault? I was trying to be honest. Communicative. Isn’t that what everyone says? ‘Use your words,’ ‘share your needs,’ blah blah blah.” You throw your hands up. “You know, as much as I adore your Nonna, she can shove her advice up her—”
“Easy,” Jake’s laugh interrupts you. “That’s not fair and you know it.”
He’s smiling, but there’s something concerned underneath it.
“Look, I hear you, Hotshot. You were being a good communicator. That asshole just didn’t deserve the conversation because he wasn’t willing to listen.” His gaze lingers on your mouth for half a second too long. “Put it this way, if my girl told me I wasn’t getting her off…”
He pauses. Swallows hard. The air thickens.
“…I’d stay between her legs until we got it right.”
You freeze. The world tilts a little.
There’s so much to unpack in that single sentence, you don’t even know where to begin.
My girl hits first—warm, fuzzy, loving. Then the image—the idea of him being that focused, that attentive—with someone else. Someone not you? That thought stings. More than it should, probably. But naturally, your brain chooses the least helpful detail to respond to.
“Yeah, well,” you blurt, “Soobin never wanted to go down on me.”
Jake goes very, very still.
His eyes narrow—not confused. Angry. “What?”
You wince. “Heneverwentdownonme.”
In an instant, Jake’s hand is under your chin, tilting your face up. “We’re not playing that game, Y/N.” His voice is low. “Repeat what you just said.”
Your throat goes dry. He’s too close to your face. You see the tiny scar on his jaw, the one he got from falling off his horse at fifteen. The reason you call him amateur. You can feel his warm breath ghost against your cheek. And his eyes—those deep, warm, stupidly pretty brown eyes—pin you in place. It’s disarming to be seen like this. Really seen.
So you lie. “I didn’t say anything.”
“Really?” His mouth twitches. Not quite a smile. “Because I could’ve sworn you said your boyfriend of three years never ate your pussy.”
You choke on air.
[Okay. Slightly mortifying to admit, but hearing him say that—in that low, velvety drawl—nearly gives you your first orgasm from another man in three years.]
“Nope,” you squeak. “Didn’t say that. Must’ve been the wind.”
He tuts. “Stop trying to be cute, Hotshot.”
“I’m serious.” You straighten. “You still go to Chenle’s dive bar? The music was always loud. Maybe you’re going deaf.”
Jake’s patience finally snaps. His fingers slide from your chin to your wrist, snapping your attention to his face. To his eyes.
“Y/N,” he says, thumb brushing along your pulse point. “My hearing’s fine. And so far tonight, I’ve heard you loud and clear.”
You swallow hard. “Oh, yeah? And what’s that?”
He leans closer. “That your ex is a pathetic man who doesn’t know a damn thing about your body.”
Your mouth opens. “Well, I didn’t exactly phrase it like that.”
“It was implied.”
“Well,” you pout, arms crossing in a flimsy attempt at self-protection. “It’s not like I asked him to go down on me.”
Jake scoffs. “Ask?” He shakes his head, muttering, “I think you just helped me develop my own marriage advice.”
“You’re not married,” you remind him. “Or… in a relationship?”
[Okay. That last part wasn’t technically necessary. But you’re just a girl drowning in selfish curiosity. Because, hello—he’s a cowboy with stupidly broad shoulders, workman hands, and a clear enthusiasm for oral sex. You’re only human.]
“No,” he says finally. “But if you have to ask your boyfriend to eat you out, he’s not the one.”
Your body goes genuinely, clinically warm.
Jake leans back slightly, running a hand through his hair. “That shit’s not a chore, Y/N. At least it shouldn’t be. A real man—someone worth keeping—wants to. Because he fucking enjoys it.”
Heat creeps up your neck. You’re melting. Absolutely liquefying. He’s not even touching you anymore, and still—every word feels like it lands on your skin. So you try and deflect with humour. Because that’s what you do when your insides are starting to dissolve.
“Do you even meet the requirements of your own standards, Jake?”
Something flickers in his eyes. “You asking me if I like eating pussy, Hotshot?”
The words hit you like a jolt. He has to be teasing. He has to be. Except… he doesn’t sound like he is.
“It was implied that you do,” you mumble, throwing his earlier line back at him.
“Not necessarily.” His lips curl and he leans back. “Ask me.”
You blink. “W-what?”
“Ask me what you actually wanna know, Y/N,”
The words hang between you because you both know what he means. You both know what you want to ask.
But—God. He’s your best friend. Asking that would cross a line you’re not sure either of you could come back from. And you’ve already smudged so many boundaries tonight. So you pivot, trying to act casual.
“Do you meet your own—”
He shakes his head before you can finish. “Wrong question.”
Your heart stumbles. “Jake—”
“Try again,” he murmurs.
“Do you…” You inhale, panic and want tangling in your throat. The rest comes out as a single mortifying syllable. “Eatpussy?”
This time, he doesn’t make you repeat it. He doesn’t tease. Doesn’t smirk. He just… looks at you, long and steady and measured, like he’s peeling you open.
Then, softly: “Do you want me to?”
Your stomach plummets. “What?”
“I said,” his fingers circle your wrist again, voice dropping an octave, “do you want me to eat your pussy, Y/N?”
Those boundaries you thought were blurred? Yeah. They don’t fucking exist anymore.
You stare at him, pulse thundering in your ears. You must’ve misheard him. Or you’re delirious. Or you’ve fallen into some kind of cowboy-flavoured fever dream where your best friend suddenly talks like this.
“Jake,” you whisper, and it comes out embarrassingly breathless.
“Yeah?”
“This is… this is insane,” you say, except it sounds more like a confession than an objection. “We’re best friends.”
He nods. “I know.”
“And this is…” You wave your free hand between you, trying to motion at the tension, the heat, the gravitational pull. “…whatever this is.”
“I know,” he says again, lips twitching.
“You can’t just—just offer something like that.”
“Why not?”
“Because,” you hiss, cheeks flaming, “you’re not supposed to… want that with me.”
That gets him.
“Hotshot,” he murmurs, leaning in until your noses almost brush, “you have no idea what I want with you.”
When you don’t respond, Jake tips his head, his expression gentling. “You’re shaking.”
You are. God, you are. Not from fear—at least not the bad kind—but from the dizzying realisation that this is happening. That he’s being serious.
“And you’re—”
You cut yourself off, because the alternative is blurting you’re looking at me like you’re going to eat me alive, and yes, you could mean that figuratively, but also… not figuratively.
“You don’t have to be nervous,” he says. “Not with me.”
You snort, high-strung. “Right. Because my best friend offering to go down on me is a totally normal, nerve-free scenario.”
“You think this is a joke?” he asks, softer than before.
“I—I don’t know.”
Jake leans in, slow enough that you could pull back, but you don’t. You can’t. His forehead nearly touches yours.
“No jokes,” he murmurs. “Not about this. Not about you. I’m offering because you deserve to feel good after three years of abysmal sex—”
“Hey!” you sputter, and he has the audacity—the absolute audacity—to smirk.
Then he bites his bottom lip like he’s trying not to laugh, like he knows exactly how much that expression is turning your bones to soup.
“Sorry,” he says, not sounding sorry at all. “Mediocre sex.”
You swat at his shoulder, but he catches your hand midair, fingers sliding between yours with ease. His thumb brushes the side of your index finger in a way that should not feel as intimate as it does.
“But if you don’t want that,” he goes on, voice lowering again, “that’s fine, Y/N. I’m a big boy. I can handle rejection, or feedback.”
The casual tone is at odds with everything simmering in his eyes. Heat. Intent. Restraint stretched thin.
“But…” His fingers tighten around yours. “I want to do this. I want,” he says slowly, like he needs you to absorb each word, “to eat you out.”
You swear the room tilts. Your heart, your ribs, your entire sense of self collapses into a singular point of focus: his mouth. The softness of his lips. The way his jaw flexes as he speaks. The way he’s looking at you like he’s imagining every sound he could pull from you.
“Jake…” His name comes out broken. Too thin. Too wanting.
“I need you to know that I’m not offering out of pity. I’m offering because I want to taste you. Because I’ve thought about it more times than I should. Because I know I can make you feel good.”
Your thighs press together involuntarily, and his gaze drops before snapping back to your face like he’s restraining himself with both hands.
Your voice is barely a whisper. “You’ve… thought about it?”
He lets out a breath that sounds like a confession. “You have no idea.”
Heat crashes through you, hot and whirling.
“Say something,” he murmurs. “Or I’m going to start assuming the answer’s yes.”
You swallow hard, pulse kicking so fast you can feel it in your fingertips. In your mouth. Between your legs.
“I…” You can’t think. Can’t breathe. Can’t look away from him.
Jake leans in, lips almost grazing your cheekbone as he whispers, “Do you want me on my knees for you, Hotshot?”
You do. God, you do. And Jake doesn’t wait for permission in the form of words—he just understands. Something in your breath, in the way you’re holding yourself with aching stillness, has him sinking to his knees anyway. Like kneeling for you isn’t a decision at all, but an instinct buried in his bones.
And the sight of him there—eager, focused, devoted in this quiet, devastating way—knocks the air from your lungs. Because it feels like he was made for this moment. Being on his knees for a woman is just in his nature.
His hands rise to your hips, fingers brushing the waistband of your jeans. There’s a low exhale from him, almost a laugh, almost a groan—because this feels like an odd victory. Getting to peel off these snug painted-on jeans that have been taunting him since you showed up on his front porch. His thumbs press into the button and zipper, tugging slowly.
When he finally works the denim loose around your ankles, he helps you step out of them, and you swear you feel each brush of his fingers in places far from where he’s touching. He rests his palms on your thighs, thumbs tracing idle paths along the soft skin just inside them. Then he looks up with those big, earnest puppy dog eyes full of a question he refuses to assume the answer to.
Is this okay? Are you okay?
And the sight of him kneeling on the worn rug of his parents’ living room, shoulders broad, chest rising and falling steadily, eyes molten, knocks the breath out of you.
Your voice has clearly abandoned you, so you nod. Hard.
Relief flickers across his features. “Good,” he murmurs, “Because I’m not stopping until you cum all over my face, baby.”
You actually cannot breathe. You’ve always been Hotshot, Y/N—never anything softer. Never baby. But the new term of endearment he uses goes straight to the centre of your body. It makes heat bloom low in your stomach in a way you can’t hide.
Jake’s lips curve, noting your reaction. He leans in, breath edging over your inner thigh, light and pleasant. But when he presses a slow kiss to the sensitive skin there, your legs instantly tense.
“Relax,” he whispers against you, another kiss trailing closer, “you don’t have to hold still for me. I need all your reactions to know I’m doing a good job for you, Y/N.”
Your fingers curl into the couch cushion behind you as he nudges your legs wider with his big hands. You let him. You open for him like it’s your own nature to be bare for him. His nose grazes the edge of your underwear, and he fucking inhales. Actually inhales you, until his throat pushes out a sound so low and guttural.
“Jesus, Hotshot…” His voice roughens. “You smell… fuck.”
Your thighs twitch, and he smiles against your skin.
“Lift your hips for me.”
You do—immediately, embarrassingly—because his voice leaves no room for anything else. He hooks a finger in the waistband of your underwear and pulls them down with agonising care, like he’s unwrapping a present. When they’re gone, he sits back on his heels for a moment.
He takes you in. Slowly. Thoroughly. Almost like just getting to look is a privilege. Almost like he’s getting off on it—which would have been unbelievable if his pupils weren’t dilating as he traces his eyes over you.
Eventually, his hands slide back up your thighs, thumbs brushing the inner edges again, and his breath hits your bare skin.
“Look at me,” he says softly.
You do, and his eyes are black, blown wide with hunger. He leans in, the tip of his nose grazing just above where you’re aching.
Quietly, he says: “I want you watching when I taste you for the first time.”
Your breath stutters.
Jake settles in between your legs, fingers spreading you for him, his thumbs opening you gently until he lowers his head and gives you one torturous, deliberate lick. His tongue drags from the bottom of your opening all the way up to your clit.
Your entire body jolts—knees buckling as a sound you’ve never heard yourself make stutters out of you.
“Oh fuck,” you gasp, one hand flying to his hair before you can even think.
He smiles against you—actually smiles—before he does it again. Slower this time. Deeper. His tongue presses, tastes, claims. And god—god—he’s not fumbling, not figuring you out, not guessing. Other boys might need a map, but he doesn’t. He licks you like he’s known your body forever.
When he reaches your clit again, he closes his lips around it softly and gives the tiniest, most perfect pull. Your hips jerk, which makes his grip on you tighten instantly, keeping you right where he wants you.
“That’s it,” he murmurs against your pussy. “So fucking responsive for me.”
He drags his tongue through you again, savouring every twitch of your thighs, every shaky breath, every sound you’re too overwhelmed to swallow.
“Jake—” you gasp as a jolt cuts through your spine.
He groans when you tug on his hair. Not in pain. Not even in surprise. But like you just rewarded him. He noses lower, mouth opening fully against you, and he gives you a broader, wetter lick.
Your hips try to lurch away. You don’t mean to, it’s completely out of your control because it’s all too much, too good, too new. But none of that matters because Jake clamps his hands around your thighs.
“Don’t run from it,” he commands. “You’ve gone your whole life without anyone doing this right. Let me fix that.”
“I—I’m not—”
“Used to it?” he finishes, licking another slow stripe that makes your vision white at the edges. “I know. But you will be.” He lifts his eyes. “Because I’m not a country boy quitter, Hotshot. I finish what I start.”
Then his tongue pushes into you. A hot, thick glide that steals the air from your lungs. Your knees actually start to slide apart, chasing the pressure that pleases him.
“That’s it,” he mutters, fucking you with his tongue. “That’s how I want you. Open for me.”
You fist your hand in his hair so hard he groans again into your body. His tongue pushes harder. His nose nudges your clit. Your thighs close around his ears before you can stop yourself—but he only groans louder, hands sliding up to grip your hips and keep them apart again.
“Jake—fuck—Jake—”
He’s got you wrapped around his finger, and he knows it. Nothing about him is amateur at this. And with the sudden clarity of hindsight, the nickname you gave him as kids feels oh so stupid. Because whatever you thought you knew, whatever you thought oral was supposed to feel like… you were wrong.
It was never like this. It was never even close.
Heat floods your face, your chest, your entire body. You’re overwhelmed, undone, strung tight on a sensation you didn’t think you could want this much. And Jake doesn’t tease you for your reaction. He pulls back just long enough to speak, lips slick from you.
“Can’t believe that asshole didn’t want to do this to you.” His thumb strokes your hip. “You taste too fucking good to not have one good memory of someone’s mouth on you.”
Before you can respond, he dives back in—more eager, more urget. His tongue thrusts into you again, and the sound you make is so raw you slap a hand over your mouth.
Jake instantly reaches up and pulls your hand away.
“Don’t you dare hide those sounds from me,” he growls softly. “I want to hear what I’m doing to you. Those sounds are fucking mine, Y/N. Give them to me.”
You have no choice but to do just that when his mouth seals around your clit and sucks slowly, deeply, and devastatingly. Your back arches so hard you almost lift off the couch. Jake moans into you. You feel the vibration and then—
You hear it.
A faint, wet sound.
You look down, dazed, and your breath catches in your throat. Jake’s free hand is in his jeans, stroking himself, his knuckles brushing against the denim rhythmically as he eats you like he’s starving.
“Jake—” you choke out, heat flooding your face.
He lifts his mouth a fraction, panting against you.
“Don’t worry about me,” he says. “This is for you. Just you. Just take.”
“But you—”
He shakes his head and drags his tongue up your slit in one fluid, hungry stroke. His pace around his own cock doesn’t falter at all. There’s no shame in his voice, in his eyes, just pure unadulterated lust.
“Just let me get you there,” he murmurs. “Let me feel you cum on my tongue. That’s all I need. Please, baby.”
That has your thighs shaking around his shoulders. He notices. He loves it.
“Good girl,” he breathes. “Just be so fucking pretty for me and take it.”
Then he latches back onto your clit, sucking harder now, tongue teasing in perfect circles as his fingers slide beneath you and lift your hips into his mouth. You cry out, and Jake’s rhythm on himself quickens.
“Fuck, that’s it,” he growls against your clit. “Take it, Hotshot. Take every damn thing I give you.”
Your hand tightens painfully in his hair. He loves that too.
His tongue returns to thrusting into you matching the pressure on your clit, building you up to a euphoric edge. Each flick of his tongue hits a spot you didn’t even know you had. Your thighs shake. Your stomach tightens. Your breath comes in wild, uneven bursts.
“Jake—oh my God—Jake, I’m—”
His hands grip your hips hard, pulling you tighter against his mouth.
“Yeah?” He pulls you tighter against his mouth. “Give it to me. Cum on my tongue.”
And when he sucks again, the world explodes. Your orgasm tears through you so sharply, so powerfully, you can’t even form his name. Your body convulses, thrashing against him, and Jake moans—loud, broken, filthy—like the feel of you climaxing on his tongue is undoing him.
Because it is. Sucking you through orgasm, has his balls tightening. Flicking his tongue and drawing every pulse out of you until you’re shaking uncontrollably and collapsing back onto the couch, has him cumming in his pants like a teenager.
And he has no shame about it. Because you—his best fucking friend—have just cum all over his face. Only then does he ease up, barely kissing your inner thigh as you tremble.
“Good girl,” he pants. “I told you. I finish what I start. And I always get the job done.”
Tags/Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI!! jealousy, possessive!Seonghwa, simp!Seonghwa, cussing, nudity, mention of worshipping, fingering, oral sex (female receiving), endearments (let me know if I missed something!)
Sypnosis: You're at a Gala waiting for your husband, when you bumped into someone you knew from your university days. To say your husband was jealous would be an understatement.
Note: This is the first time I wrote smut...hope you'll like it!!
Disclaimer: The following content is a work of fiction and does NOT represent the written member in any way. You're responsible for the content you consume.
You're standing on the marble floor of one of the biggest hotel around the world, with your mask in place, and your hand gliding over the slightly wrinkled part of your beautiful red dress, attempting to straighten it.
You're at a Masquerade Gala today, your 'husband' nowhere in sight. He did say he's going to be late—well, technically, his secretary did—but you still felt nervous and out of place. You looked around, everyone wearing a mask, but you're sure that these people are very important people, just like your husband.
You're husband is the young CEO of a big food company, passed down to him by his father, who retired early to 'enjoy the rest of his life'. You, on the other hand, is the heir to your mother's famous fashion brand.
You both never really did anything like other couples do, because your marriage was just out of convenience for both companies, but of course, you have to act like the perfect couple in public, under the watchful gaze of thousands of people who knew you both. Being the children of your popular parents certainly isn't as wonderful as others think.
Your thoughts were interrupted when someone gave you a tap on the shoulder. You turned around, facing the masked man with two glasses of wine in his hands. He looks familiar.
"Want one?" He asked, pushing one of the glasses towards you.
"Thanks." You took the glass with a small smile, not wanting to seem rude, though, you wouldn't drink it, the fear of getting poisoned again made you wary of other people offering you food or drinks. Does he recognize me?
Back then, you were at a party organized by your mother, when one of her friends' daughter offered you a glass of champagne. Not thinking much, you drank it without hesitation, but it tasted weird and bitter. Suddenly, you had the urge to puke, and good thing you did, because it contained some kind of cleaning substance. Your mother noticed you immediately among the crowd and brought you to the hospital before anything worse could happen. Later, you found out she did that out of jealousy. Ever since then, you never ate anything anyone gave you, unless you saw it being prepared.
He tapped you slightly on your arm this time, waking you back to reality.
"Are you okay?" He sounded genuinely concerned.
"Y-yes." You choked out a forced chuckle.
"Do you remember me? It's Joong." He confessed, seeing the wariness in your eyes.
With that, your eyes widened and you suddenly found yourself hugging him. He wrapped his arms around you too, smiling a little.
"Oh my gosh! It's been so long!" You were ecstatic to meet him again, your college best buddy. You two always hung out back in your univeristy days, whether while studying, or doing club activities, you were always with him, and him too.
He pulled away from the hug, chuckling, tucking the fallen strand of hair from your bun, behind your ear.
"Yes, it has, indeed. We've both been very busy." That's true, after graduating university, you both had to work for your parents' company, not having time to hang out or catch up with each other anymore.
Suddenly, you felt an arm wrap around your waist. Startled, you looked up at the person, then sighed of relief.
Park Seonghwa.
Even with a masquerade mask on, you still recognized him. How would I not recognize the man I love?
"So it was true." Your gaze shifted upon Hongjoong who was smirking, looking at Seonghwa's arms around your waist then back to meet Seonghwa's eyes.
"It is, of course. You thought you had a chance?" Seonghwa's mocking tone with a mix of anger confused you. What the hell are they talking about?
Before you had the chance to ask, your husband took your hand and pulled you to the elevator.
You looked up at him while he's just staring at the elevator's door, eyes sharp, his grip on your wrist like steel.
When the elevator opened, he dragged you to a room, tapping the card on the lock. He didn't even bother to turn on the lights before pinning you against the wall.
"You think you can just flirt with whoever the fuck you want when I'm not around?" His face so close you can feel his breath on your lips.
"I wasn't flirting with him, I was just—" before you could finish your sentence, he buried his face on the crook of your neck and wrapped his hands around you, inhaling your scent then started planting small kisses from your neck to your shoulder blades.
"You're"—kiss—"mine,"—kiss—"you got that?" His stare made you feel butterflies on your stomach. He was so close that you can feel his hot breath hitting your lips, your body starting to feel hot too.
"God, I've been wanting you for so long." He uttered with his deep voice, looking at your lips then back to your eyes. His lips mere inches away from yours.
Fuck.
You couldn't hold back anymore. You crashed your lips to his, moaning at the feeling of his lips against yours. You felt him smile before he started kissing you passionately, like a man starved for days.
His hands started roaming around your body, hands touching every inch of your skin, leaving not an inch untouched. He took a hold of your hips, urging you to wrap your legs around his waist. When you did, he walked over to the bed, gently laying you down with him on top, not breaking the kiss.
He unzipped your dress, pulling it down then throwing it somewhere in the room. Then, he removed his clothes one by one, leaving both of you in your underwear. That's when he broke the kiss to look at you.
"God, you're fucking beautiful, so damn beautiful, like always." He couldn't help but repeat his praises towards you, finally saying the things he failed to tell you before. He knew he wasn't a good husband to you, and you deserved better, which he, will become better for you. He was the one who planned for you to marry him, kneeling in front of his father, asking for permission to marry you. You didn't know the lengths he had to go through in order to get married to you, and he planned to keep it a secret forever. He would never let others have you.
He started kissing you again, moving over to your neck and all over your stomach, then he came face to face with your clothed core.
"May I?" He asked for your permission first. He would never do anything to you if you're not comfortable with it. He respects you above else.
When you gave him a nod, he gave you a kiss on the forehead first before he unclasped your bra and removed it.
He was looking directly at your eyes while removing your panties and crashing his lips to your wet pussy, finally tasting you. You moaned in surprise, feeling the soft pillowy lips of his against your bare core. You felt his tongue lick long stripes from your core to your clit, then he slowly put in a finger inside you. He started slow, gradually incresing in speed.
Your moans were like music to his ears, something he can listen to 24/7. Even the feel of your hands pulling on his hair felt oh so good. Fuck, he could worship your body all day if you'd let him.
He sucked on your clit then added another finger inside you, his other hand busy fondling with your breasts.
"Honey, faster please." You plead breathlessly. He was taken aback by the endearment, but it sure as hell made him harder.
"My pleasure, wife." He smirked against your clit before sucking it harder and fingering you faster.
He felt your pussy tigthen around his fingers, indicating that you're nearing your orgasm. He moved over to your breast, sucking each of them alternately without his finger stopping.
"Fu-fuck, I'm cumming—" your orgasm hits you before you can even finish your sentence.
Slowly removing his finger inside you, he hugged you while you catch your breath, his head on top of yours. That's when he pulled back and looked at you with a suggestive smile.
genre: smut (with cute bits in it, again), best friends to ???
word count: 6k (got a lil into this one lmao)
summary: When you get a new order of lingerie, who better to call in than the most fashionable person you know, your best friend, Seonghwa! You had been friends for so long that there wasn't anything you wouldn't do together, but perhaps you should've thought twice about the fact that you'd be dolled up in lace and modeling for a man who has always been very easy on the eyes. What could go wrong?
warnings: unprotected sex (pls wrap it up irl i beg), needy!reader (you want it oh so bad), dirty talk (Seonghwa loses it a little), Seonghwa calls reader petnames (doll and good girl), breeding/accidental creampie (dont do that!!! reader is cool with it though), p in v sex, marking (hickeys specifically), mating press, rough sex
author's note: Super excited to share this one because not only is it my first Seonghwa fic but it's the first installment of an ot8 series I'm starting called Friendly Favors! Each member will have their own part following the same premise, but each story will be unique to them. One down, 7 to go! I hope you enjoy this one!
series masterlist | main masterlist
Seonghwa is one of the most fashionable people you know. Every single time you two made plans to step out on the town, he would show up in a look that belonged in Vogue or on a runway during Paris Fashion Week. He's helped you craft jaw-dropping, traffic-stopping outfits for first dates plenty of times, and even if the dates went to shit, at least you looked good enough to get some compliments (and sometimes even a phone number) on your way back to your car. So when your order of new lingerie sets arrived, of course the first thing you did was call Seonghwa to your place so he could help you decide which to keep and which to return.
Which brings you to the current moment; Seonghwa leaning against the headboard as he sits on your bed, and you rifling through your choices.
"Pick a color." You say distractedly as you pour the contents of your laundry hamper onto the sheets. Seonghwa chuckles to himself as he watches your hands move faster than your brain could process. Always an excited one you were. Cute. At least to him.
"Blue." He responds, crossing his legs.
You pull out the first blue article of clothing you find, a floral embroidery set. What pulled you to this set was the fact it came with a garter belt as well, and you enjoyed thigh highs perhaps a little too much.
"Close your eyes." You call over your shoulder as you start taking off your shirt.
You don't check to see if Seonghwa is actually doing it or not, you knew he would. Sure, he was going to see you basically naked in a few seconds but that didn't mean he needed to see everything laid bare. You could still cling to a small bit of your dignity knowing he hasn't seen your bits entirely bare.
After some final adjustments to make sure no strap was twisted and the belt wouldn't snag on your thong, you turn to the mirror and do a full 360 spin to look over yourself. The blue and white lace with gold accents complemented your skin nicely. Filling the space between the gorgeous embroidered patterns was see-through white lace that left little to the imagination. The design covered your nipples but parts of your areolas were clearly visible. Thankfully the see-through portion of the thong cut off before your pussy would show, only the upper mound area was peeking out from the lace, but it was still a lot to show and much too belatedly you start reconsidering whether you should show Seonghwa. He was your best friend without a doubt and he wouldn't make this weird, if you thought for even a second he would then you wouldn't have invited him over.
But this? Maybe it was too much to show him even as a best friend.
"You alright?"
Seonghwa's voice breaks your train of thought and you whip around to face him. His eyes were still closed as you expected they'd be.
"Oh! Yeah I, um..." You trail off, unsure of what to say anymore as you glance in the mirror one more time. You were welcomed with the sight of your very bare ass in the pretty lace thong you had on, "Not sure if this one is for me."
"I bet you look beautiful, you look pretty in everything you've ever worn."
For reasons you can't really put your finger on in this moment, that reply makes your face grow hot. You shake your head, trying to remove whatever weird feeling settled into your chest. It was just Hwa being Hwa, nothing else.
"Even that neon orange dress that reminded me of the Lorax." Seonghwa continues, a small smile on his lips as you burst into laughter like he hoped you would.
"Okay fuck you, I wanted to try something new." You cross your arms with a small pout and Seonghwa chuckles to himself as he turns his head in your direction but keeps his eyes shut.
"It was new! And truthfully it looked worse online than it did on you. You just look good in general. That's how I know you look great in whatever blue set you put on. Let me see you, please?"
His voice was so gentle, so sweet, gently coaxing you out of whatever mental pit you put yourself in. Seonghwa was always good at that, being the most reassuring person in your life who made you feel like you can conquer everything. Even this little moment where you're suddenly feeling slightly out of your comfort zone despite this lace being some of the softest fabric you've ever felt. You take a deep breath to steel yourself before responding in what you hope is a normal tone of voice.
"Okay. You can look."
Your best friend's eyes open, a trace of amusement still in them from his earlier comment, but then his eyes graze over your entire body - slowly, carefully, his gaze turns analytical. You were no stranger to Seonghwa's attention. He's given you many looks: adoring, annoyed, exhausted, amused, and anything else you can think of, but in your years of knowing him you've never seen this look before. There was something sharp in his gaze, not the type that would normally settle when he admired something beautiful. No, this sharpness pierced into you in a way that made you squirm, your skin growing warmer the longer he looked.
"Turn slowly." He commands with a weight in his tone that makes you listen before your brain can fully process what's happening.
You slowly twirl, showcasing the embroidery and the way it clings to your skin - accenting your figure in ways that made Hwa's head spin. Halfway through your turn, you use the mirror stationed right behind you to your advantage and sneak a peek at Seonghwa's face. The intensity in his eyes only seems to deepen as your back faces him, and the light warmth under your skin flares into a steady blaze that creeps down your neck to your stomach.
Did you...like him looking at you like this?
No, that can't be it. Seonghwa is a gorgeous man and sure maybe for the first month you knew him you harbored a small crush, but that was years ago and the crush died back then, right?
Right?
You finish the spin, facing Seonghwa again as you swallow thickly, waiting for him to speak. He shifts a bit on the bed, eyes locking onto yours before he nods.
"Keep. Black next."
He closes his eyes and leans his head back on your headboard as if this was normal. As if the energy in the room hadn't shifted in a way that made your stomach flip on itself. As if you couldn't feel your body reacting to his lowered tone in ways it really shouldn't. As if he wasn't effected at all.
Maybe he wasn't? Maybe you were making a mountain out of a mole hill and this was normal-
"I don't hear you moving, Y/N." Seonghwa teases, an eye cracking open to look at where you were still frozen, "I wanna see the others, come on."
Your limbs move of their own accord, picking through the options on the bed as you avoid his gaze like the plague. Not that you had to try hard, Seonghwa closed his eyes again once he was sure you were moving.
You take deep, quiet breaths - trying to steady your heart as you choose a black babydoll chemise and a black pair of hipster panties to go underneath it. You peel off the set you have on carefully, setting it aside before slipping on the chemise and panties. Somehow you feel even more exposed in this set than the previous one despite it technically covering your entire midriff. The lace flows down your body like a gentle caress, settling just below your mid-thigh. The panties covered most of your ass but your cheeks were still peeking out and another unique feature was very prevalent the more you moved in them but that wasn't something you wanted to think about right now. You already felt like you were on a hairline trigger and last thing you needed was to be set off. You chew your lip as you run your hands down your body, spinning to watch the flow of the chemise before it settles against your curves again.
Would Seonghwa like this one? One part of you hoped he did because you thought it looked nice on you. Another part of you, deep deep down hoped he liked it for reasons you refused to address in this moment.
Just two best friends, one modeling lingerie and the other choosing which to keep, nothing more nothing less.
"You can look." You internally flinch at how your voice cracks slightly, but your face stays neutral as Seonghwa again sets his sights on you. You notice he's now fiddling with one of your plushies as it rests on his lap.
For the second time you stand still as his eyes traces over your body, that fire relighting in your belly when he tilts his head ever so slightly as his eyes move down to your thighs.
"Spin." Seonghwa commands, eyes locking with yours with an intensity that makes your brain buffer.
He raises a brow when you don't move after a few seconds.
"I said spin, doll."
That nickname was one you always loved hearing from your best friend's lips, but right now? With that heaviness in his voice that made you want to sink to your knees and his eyes staring as if he could see just how he was affecting you, it was almost too much to bear.
You barely hold back whatever sound was about to squeak its way out of your throat as you start to spin in a circle. Just like before you watch Seonghwa in your mirror as your back faces him. His eyes trail down your back, to your ass, to your thighs, back to your ass. For just a few moments, thinking you can't see him, he lets the calm exterior melt and reveal his true thoughts of you modeling for him. You watch as your best friend catches his bottom lip between his teeth, his movements quick and subtle as his hips gently rut into your plush and he keeps his eyes on your cheeks peeking out of the panties.
As soon as you start facing him again, he's back to the Hwa you know and love albeit with darker eyes. Not a trace left behind of his lewd actions against your plushie, if it wasn't for the mirror you never would've known.
"Definitely keep. Let's do red next." He says calmly, taking one more look at your body before he averts his gaze to the other sets on your bed.
But you don't move. You stare at him, brain running a mile a minute. You know what you saw. He was just grinding against your plushie, getting off to your backside as if it was standard procedure not even 30 seconds ago and you're supposed to just change into another set as if your brain isn't actively melting? As if you aren't torn between lust taking over your entire being and climbing into Seonghwa's lap or continuing this game that's unknowingly started? As if you weren't starting to stain these panties with arousal? As if the energy in this room wasn't suffocating you with how potent it was, lust swirling around both of you and filling your lungs with desire you've never felt for anyone before, let alone this man sitting on your bed?
No. That's not what's about to happen here.
You're walking to Seonghwa's side before your logical mind can scream at you to stop. To not risk your years of wonderful friendship with this man over some urges you thought died years ago, but the warning bells in your head fall on deaf ears.
Seonghwa raises a brow as you stop next to him, wordlessly asking what you need and trying desperately not to look at your tits deliciously filling the cups of the chemise.
"Do you think this fabric is nice to the touch?" You ask sweetly, tilting your head slightly as you hold a part of the chemise out to him.
Your voice had dipped into a territory you know all too well, the tone you used when you were trying to hook someone into your bed for a night. A tone you've never once used on the man sitting in front of you.
Were you really going to do this?
Seonghwa licks his lips absentmindedly as he looks at your offering, contemplating something. You wish you could crack open his mind and see what he was thinking. Were his thoughts as clouded as yours? Clearly his dick was in it but was his head in it too? Would he also want to do this?
As he gently rubs the fabric between two of his fingers and the plushie in his lap falls off him just enough to show his cock straining against his sweatpants, you pray to any entity who may hear you that he will because your mouth waters at the thought of seeing what's underneath.
"It is." He nods as his eyes flit up to meet yours, the chemise still between his fingers.
"Do you like it?" You ask, inching a bit closer to him.
Whiplash doesn't even begin to cover what you feel. A few hours ago you would've laughed in the face of anyone who would suggest you want to sleep with Seonghwa, but now you find yourself craving it in ways that should make you take a moment to reassess the situation. Yet there was no time for that because Seonghwa was here now. You didn't need to understand why you wanted something to know you do want it.
Seonghwa watches you pull your bottom lip in-between your teeth, likely due to nerves. He could read your body like a book, seen this song and dance more times than he can count at various social gatherings once you've found someone to go home with, but never did he think he'd be the recipient of it.
Never did he think he'd loved it.
"I said keep it, didn't I?"
The silence that follows is thick, the lack of words easily substituted with the heaviness of what's happening between you two. His hand hovering close to your thighs, your heartbeat pounding in your ears, his darkened eyes laser focused on you, his jaw clenched. Not a single touch from him and yet your mind was starting to feel hazy, not entirely thinking through your actions. Your next words shock both of you.
"You're hard."
Your tone isn't accusatory, or disgusted. It was neutral, as if you were pointing out the weather instead of the state of arousal your best friend was in. Seonghwa can't help the chuckle that huffs out of his chest.
"Yeah."
"I didn't think you saw me like that." You admit, voice quieter than usual.
"I'm respectful, not blind, doll." Seonghwa replies, eyes trailing down your body heatedly.
Your thighs clench and his eyes catch the movement, you notice the knowing quirk of his lips before he schools his expression. You lick your lips, mouth suddenly feeling dry as the air continues to crackle with newfound tension. Seonghwa thought you were attractive. He was sitting here, holding your lingerie in his hand, his expression still sharp and intense as when you first came to stand next to him. And you?
You were into it. The feelings you swore died years ago bubbled right to the surface, loudly taunting you as you stood just inches away from Seonghwa's hard cock, but he makes no move. Despite the want in his gaze reading clearly, he just holds your chemise in his hand, other hand firmly planted against your bed. He was restraining himself, and that fact drove you even crazier.
Your body moves before your brain catches up, a knee settling next to his hip on the bed before you throw you other leg over him, straddling his hips and sitting back gently on him, his clothed cock pressed right against your drenched core. You watch your best friend's eyes widen almost comically, and in any other instance you would've probably laughed, but that was the furthest thing from your mind as you fight the urge to grind against the man below you.
"We should probably test the durability too, don't you think?" Your voice betrays your attempt to be casual, cracking slightly as you speak.
Seonghwa doesn't speak for a moment, instead he takes in the sight of you straddling his lap, pretty lace draped on your skin as you look at him with those sweet, sinful eyes of yours. Slowly he drops the lace and moves a hand to settle on your hip, goosebumps blooming where his fingers land.
"Are you sure?"
The gravity of the question doesn't go over your head, the unspoken parts are loud even if he left them off.
Are you sure you've thought this through? We can't turn back if we do this. This can change everything.
Knowing all of this doesn't stop you from leaning down toward the blonde haired man, lips hovering over his as you place a hand on his chest. Your pulse racing and your core throbbing, consequences be damned, you'll deal with it later. You needed him now.
"Fuck me, Seonghwa."
Three simple words and the tension finally snaps.
You're on your back faster than you can blink, lips and tongue tangling with Seonghwa‘s in a flurry of passion that leaves your heartbeat pounding in your ears. His hands are all over you, gripping your chest, pushing your chemise out of his way to rub your stomach and grip your waist. He grinds his hips into you hard but slow, emphasizing the drag of his sweatpants against your barely covered pussy in a tease that makes you whine against his mouth. You help him shrug the straps off your shoulders, pulling the lace down until your tits were completely exposed. Only when the need for air becomes desperate does he finally pull away to let you breathe, but he doesn't stop there. His kisses trail from your jaw to your earlobe, which he gently bites before moving down your neck to your chest. You watch him with lidded eyes, trying to make sense of the sight of Seonghwa kissing his way down your body but nothing could ground you as Seonghwa bites down on the swell of your breast. Your back arches toward his mouth as he sucks at the tender skin to soothe it, his other hand moving to circle the nipple of the tit his mouth wasn't currently on.
He teases you, thumb gently rolling it around then lightly tugging in time with his soothing sucks before biting down again, growling into your skin as your fingers thread into his hair and pull on the soft strands. Only when he was sure a mark would stay behind did he repeat the same on your other tit, his wild eyes staying on yours as he watches you shudder beneath him. He pulls off your skin with an audible pop, adjusting so he was more to your side and able to reach a hand between your legs. Despite you starting this, you still shy up when he spreads your legs, eyes still locked on yours while he exposes your wetness to the room.
"Keep those eyes on me, honey." He purrs, voice dropping into an octave you've never heard from him before.
Your thighs tremble under his feather light touch as he begins at your knee, slowly making his way toward your core. A small smirk tugs at his lips when you whine desperately, your eagerness starting to show through your hips jolting up toward him, wanting something - anything to touch your aching clit and give some form of relief.
"You're so responsive." Seonghwa hums, drawing a circle on your skin midway down your inner thigh before gently slapping it, making you jump slightly, "But patience."
You pout in response, close to throwing a fit but something in his stare kept you pinned to the bed, listening to him even with need pulsing through your veins.
"Good girl."
Your eyes almost roll back at that and Seonghwa notes it with a widening smirk.
"I'm learning a lot about you today." He muses, fingers continuing their way to your core, "I thought I knew you inside and out, but it seems you continue to surprise me. What else will you show me today?"
You don't give him a response. He isn't expecting one.
Seonghwa's fingers finally come into contact with lace and the smirk falls from his features, face becoming entirely unreadable. A panic starts to rise in your chest as his stormy eyes slowly turn away from you to look in-between your legs. In your cloudy mind you try to figure out what's gotten his mood to shift so fast, but then he presses his fingers into your panties and you feel it, a loud moan ripping from your mouth as his fingers press right into your clit.
Oh yeah. That.
The unique feature you entirely forgot about.
The fact that these panties were crotchless.
That melted out of your head long ago and now Seonghwa was looking at you with a hunger that makes you clench around nothing. He doesn't move for a few moments, his fingers still pressing against your clit and your desperate mind makes you rock your hips against his fingers, taking anything you can get out of him. Seonghwa swallows thickly, adams apple bobbing as he takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. His eyes snap back to yours and your body freezes under his stare yet again, there was an almost...unhinged glint in his eyes that made you shudder. He pulls his hand away, taking his shirt off with one hand and tossing it behind him somewhere.
"I promise next time I will take you apart slowly piece by piece. I will devour you inside and out until you're a completely delirious mess." He begins, eyes moving to your exposed wetness as he licks his lips.
He shifts back to his spot between your legs and instinctively they try to close but he grips your knees firmly and keeps them spread wide open for him.
"I will figure out what makes you tick and break you beyond what you ever thought was possible, doll." He continues, leaning to hover over you again, his eyes moving to lock with yours once he was right in your face. His heavy breaths fan across your cheeks.
"But right now? I can't wait any longer. I need to be inside you. God, crotchless? You really thought to straddle me in panties that leave nothing between you and my cock?"
He grinds his hips against you again. A slow, hard, filthy drag that sends a spark up your spine when your clit connects with the fabric of his sweatpants.
"Hwa, please." You beg, your legs locking around his waist to meet his grinding.
Satisfaction thrums through his body hearing you plead for him in such a desperate, whiny way. He never once thought about how you sound when you break, but now it's all he wants to hear.
"You sound so sweet when you beg. Let me hear that again." Seonghwa encourages, a wicked smile pulling at his plump lips.
You aren't making it easy for him to get his sweatpants off but you don't care, unwilling to unlock your ankles from behind his back as he shimmies them and his boxers down enough to get his cock out. You could sob from joy when you feel a weight against your cunt that couldn't mistaken for anything else.
"Please."
Your voice was so soft, small, unlike you, but you can tell Seonghwa is thoroughly enjoying it when his cock twitches against you.
"Again." He commands, his hips rutting against you again as your back bows into him slightly.
What you wanted was so close, so close, to where you wanted it. You couldn't see it due to him being almost chest to chest with you but you could feel it. How thick it was, how wet you were making his shaft, his precum dripping on the brim on your panties, his now slick cock rubbing right against your needy clit, and it was filling you with a yearning so bad it made tears well up in your eyes. There's no shame left in you as you beg Seonghwa once more.
"Please, Seonghwa! Please, I need it so bad- need you so bad! Please fuck me-"
Your cry is cut short as you're rewarded with the feeling of a blunt head at your entrance and then Seonghwa bottoming out in one smooth, solid thrust. No resistance, your body accepted him like it was made for his cock and you moan in sync into each other's mouths. For a few beats, there's no movement. You both sit in the moment, as if the reality of the situation at hand has finally sunk in.
But neither of you care. Not with Seonghwa hitting you so deep and your walls fluttering around his cock, trying to pull him impossibly in further.
Seonghwa's lips find yours again before he pulls his hips back halfway and slams them into yours. You cry into his mouth and hear the softest exhale of a laugh leave him before he sets a harsh pace, slipping his tongue into your mouth. One of your hands returns to his hair, trying to keep your mind somewhat in the moment but with each thrust the only grip you manage to keep is the one on his hair and shoulder as Seonghwa sucks on your tongue. Your mind is gone, swimming in pleasure as he fucks you into the mattress and his hand moves to roll and tug on your nipple again. The stimulation melts you to the bone, your once tightly locked legs weakening into jelly, threatening to limply fall to the bed, but Seonghwa has other plans.
Before they can hit the sheets he catches your legs by the knee, pausing his strokes only to maneuver them onto his shoulders, a devilish grin on his face as he leans over and folds you in half - putting you in a mating press. Your eyes widen as you realize how he had you, how open you were for him, how much deeper he'd get with the new angle. The look in Seonghwa's eyes shows he is well aware of that, giving you a wink before he thrusts with a force that makes your bed creak alarmingly. The wail that leaves you is your loudest yet, for a moment you think of your neighbors who could very well be home but that thought is quickly fucked out of your mind when Seonghwa thrusts deep again, hitting that sweet spot that makes your legs tremble and jaw go slack.
"There it is. Right there, yeah?" He husks, one hand holding a leg in place while the other held onto your hip to keep you in place.
You didn't have to reply, he already knew, and he made it his mission to hit that same spot every time he fucked into your cunt slow, deep, and heavy - gravity aiding him in fucking you harder than you've ever been. You thought he was deep before, but this? This was an impossible depth, one your mind couldn't wrap around, not that you could think of anything in this moment. The only thing you could register was the rhythmic pounding of your best friend's cock as he pushes you closer to an orgasm that was winding your body up tighter than it ever has before.
Words, a warning sound, anything. You tried to get something out of you to let Seonghwa know how close you were getting but nothing was coming out except nonsensical whimpers and wails as you sink your nails into his chest. Your eyes start rolling back into your head as your chest heaves with your quick breathing but Seonghwa stalls his hips. Your eyes come back forward and you look at him, ready to complain when your breath catches in your throat. For the first time you really take in how he looks: body covered in a light sheen of sweat, hair sticking to his forehead, lips slightly puffy, eyes blown wide and swirling with carnality, veins in his neck protruding, chest heaving with the effort of him fucking you into oblivion.
"No, no, doll. Look at me." He brushes your cheek with a tenderness that is a stark contrast to how he throbs inside you. "I want you to remember this. I want you to remember exactly how I looked when you touch yourself later, wishing I was there to fuck you open like I am now."
You've never heard such filth come out his pretty mouth but the way you flutter around his cock is more than enough proof that you loved it. You shrink back into yourself a bit as Seonghwa leans in closer, his eyes scanning your face as the hand holding your leg moves to cup your cheek. His thumb slowly runs over your bottom lip and you part them naturally, not needing a prompt to let him slip his thumb into your mouth and rest on your tongue. No prompt was needed for you to start sucking on his thumb either, still maintaining eye contact as your tongue runs along the pad of his finger.
“You’re gonna drive me insane.” Seonghwa groans through gritted teeth, cock twitching at the attention your mouth was giving his thumb.
Part of him wants to put your mouth to better use, but the part that wins is his deep need to see you fall apart around him. He fucks you faster and harder than before wanting to push you over as soon as possible. His thumb isn’t deep enough to trigger a gag reflex but you find spit pooling in your mouth and dripping down your chin as you jaw falls open to let out more moans.
Seonghwa’s insistent pounding at your g-spot, eyes trained on your mouth, sweat dripping down his temple pushes you back to the edge very quickly. It's a struggle to keep your eyes on him like he ordered you to, but you try your best, even as that coil in your stomach twists dangerously and you tighten like a vice around Seonghwa's pulsing length. Sensing your impending orgasm, Seonghwa bends you further somehow, his torso pushing your legs further into your chest as his lips meet your ear.
"That's it. Cum for me, doll. Fall apart on my cock like a good girl. You can do that for me, right?"
The words register as praise but the tone he uses, guttural with the tiniest hint of degradation, strikes a chord in you that has tumbling over the edge. Your vision goes white as you cry out his name, body tense and trembling in Seonghwa's grasp but he doesn't stop fucking you through your orgasm. He couldn't stop even if he wanted to, his hips moving of their own volition, seeking the warmth and tightness of your cunt as soon as he slips out of it enough to leave just his tip in. It was addicting, you were addicting, and with your walls spasming around him like that his delirious mind doesn't think twice before he follows suit and cums as well.
Deep inside of you, hips flush against yours, balls smacking your ass harshly one last time, he paints your insides white with a broken moan and the hand in your mouth moves to grip the pillow beside your head. The sensation of being filled makes you whimper, turning your face into his sweaty neck at the filthy feeling that you loved. In a bubble of your own, Seonghwa entirely curled over you, breathing heavily into your shoulder, you both lay in silence.
Seonghwa moves first, letting your legs fall to the side as he leans back to sit on his heels. Even when he's wrecked, he somehow looks like a God. It's unfair really. He carefully pulls out of you, watching as his cum flows out of your hole. The emptiness felt wrong, you wanted him back inside of you. The realization that that was your immediate thought makes you cover your face.
"Sorry about the..." Seonghwa trails off, eyes still heatedly watching his cum flowing out of you, "It sort of snuck up on me...I meant to pull out."
Your hands slowly slide down from your face and Seonghwa is already looking at you, tips of his ears red with embarrassment.
"It's cool. I'm on birth control and I...like that anyway."
This time your face is the one to heat up as Seonghwa blinks in shock.
"Don't say that to me, I'll end up flipping you over and doing it all over again." He groans as he drags himself off the bed.
You watch him leave the room, to get a towel you can only assume, and take a moment to look at yourself in your mirror across the room. Two hickeys blooming on your chest, tits out, hair messy, a lot of cum pooling under your ass - and you start laughing. A small giggle that becomes your shoulders shaking as you cackle.
Seonghwa comes back in with a towel, confusion on his face as he approaches the side of the bed and begins cleaning you up.
"What's so funny?" He asks, a corner of his lips quirking slightly from seeing you so joyful.
"This whole situation is, I just can't...believe we did that. That was..." You trail off, not sure how to finish that sentence.
"Crazy? Insane? Really good? I'm taking reviews actually." Seonghwa speaks up, smiling as you playfully push him away.
He continues cleaning you up as you reply.
"I'd give it a solid 9.5 out of 10. Great mouth, great cock, almost broke me in half. Would recommend."
Seonghwa rolls his eyes with amusement, setting the towel aside before he sits next to you.
"Would recommend, alright. Would you do it again?"
The question hangs in the air as you stare at your best friend. One of your absolute favorite people. The one who was there for your hangovers, your life achievements, your lowest moments, your great days, and your worst. A lot had happened today, and you were sure you had a lot to think about more thoroughly, but right now in this moment the answer was-
"Yes."
No hesitance, no uncertainty, the honest truth. Seonghwa smiles warmly at you and your heart annoyingly thumps harder as he leans in closer to you.
You stare into his brown eyes, no longer clouded with lust or hunger, just soft, warm, adoration - a fondness that wasn't new but felt different now. His gaze lowers to your lips before going back to your eyes and you find yourself leaning in to meet him halfway. His lips meet yours in a soft, chaste kiss. Almost like he was testing the waters despite cumming inside of you 5 minutes ago. When you pull away from each other, the smile that breaks out on your face is involuntary. You liked his kisses, that's something you knew for sure. You open your mouth to tell him as much when Seonghwa starts speaking first.
"The lingerie works well, by the way."
"You're so annoying." You deadpan and Seonghwa laughs heartily, falling to lay back on the bed next to you.
pairing: best friend!Wooyoung x chubby/plus size f!reader
genre: smut, best friends to ???
word count: 7.6k (i got realllll into this lmao)
summary: Wooyoung loves two things: making you happy and proving you wrong. So when you confess a long-withheld desire you've always wanted to try, but felt like you couldn't do due to your size, he's quick to offer himself up to make you eat your words (and to eat your pussy).
warnings: face sitting, alcohol consumption (theyre buzzed at worst though), very minor spanking, very minor biting, oral (f receiving), overstimulation (f), squirting, masturbation (m), marking, Wooyoung calls reader pet names (mostly 'pretty', but he uses babe, good girl, and slut once or twice), weight/size is mentioned but not for super long, i think that's it? If i miss something lmk!
author's note: soooo this is realllll self-indulgent LMAO I had so much fun with it for that reason though. definitely my favorite of them all so far and i hope you guys love it as much as I enjoyed writing it! We're really getting through these and I'm so happy about that. 3 down, five to go! Let me know your thoughts, and happy reading!
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Wooyoung was a really fun best friend to have. He was down for almost anything you wanted to do and he's dragged you out of your comfort zone and helped you flourish in ways you didn't think possible. The trust between you was rock solid and unshakeable. Two sides of the same coin, attached at the hip unless life gets to be too hectic. If the hustle and bustle of everyday life started to throw you off kilter, you can bet on Wooyoung to pull you back to yourself. So when Friday night rolls around and the week had been far too long with way too much happening, you knew you needed two things: a drink and your bestie. Dragging your phone out of your pocket, you quickly go into your favorites and give Wooyoung a ring.
"Well if it isn't my favorite person!" Wooyoung answers the phone with his usual cheerful flourish and the corners of your lips quirk without you even noticing.
He just had that kind of effect.
"Don't let San hear you, he'll start pouting." You tease, breaking into a full smile as Wooyoung laughs.
"Eh, he'll live. What's going on?"
You let out a deep sigh and without needing to speak, Wooyoung immediately understands. The sounds of him getting up and picking up his keys are music to your ears.
"I'll be there in 15 with a bottle of wine."
"Thanks, Woo. See you soon." You reply, pouring all of the appreciation you can into those few words.
He didn't have to come over, yet he would any time he could sense you needed him. There was no end to how thankful you were to have someone so solidly reliable in your life.
True to his word, Wooyoung rings your bell 15 minutes later and you buzz him in and wait to hear his footsteps coming down the hall. Once you hear the elevator ding, you peek your head into the hall and look to see if it's him. You're greeted with the sight of Wooyoung carrying a brown paper bag in one hand and his keys in the other. He smiles brightly at you and you smile back just as bright, opening the door wider to let him in.
"Hey, cutie." Wooyoung chimes happily, kissing your cheek quickly as he passes you.
"Hey. Thanks for coming, I'm just...over it." You sigh, deflating after you close the door behind you.
Wooyoung tuts, grabbing your shoulders and pulling you to the couch you were just sitting on.
"None of that! We are going to drink some wine, and watch some shitty reality TV, and not think about a single thing except what we're gonna order for dinner." Wooyoung declares, making you plop on the couch before he goes to your kitchen to grab two wine glasses.
You watch him poke around your cabinets, knowing exactly where everything was, his hair bouncing and swaying around. He had decided to dye it recently, bleaching almost his entire head but leaving the top black. You've taken to calling it 'Oreo hair' and he pulled it off well. Especially since he had been growing it out so the back of his hair was down his neck. He could even put it in a half-up ponytail if he wanted to. His outfit matched his hair: black leather jacket with a white t-shirt and black jeans with holes in the knees and random patches stitched onto them.
You feel a bit underdressed in your tanktop and shorts but you were home and fresh out the shower so, of course this is what you'd end up in.
Wooyoung makes his way back to you and sets the glasses, a corkscrew, and some snacks down on the table in front of you before joining you on the couch. He picks up the remote and clicks through options with the practiced ease of someone who has been to your place a hundred times. You nod your head to the beat while some synth-filled theme song plays on the screen, signaling the beginning of an episode of some housewives type show. Their problems and drama were always trivial, but you two loved poking fun at it and being absorbed in the surface level petty drama that distracted you from your real lives. Wooyoung popped the cork out of the bottle, pouring some wine into the two glasses before handing you one. You take it gratefully, knocking back two big gulps before you lower your glass and relax into the cushions under you.
"You think Charlotte is ever gonna leave her shitty husband?" Wooyoung asks, opening a bag of chips and grabbing some out.
"With the amount of money he makes? Fuck no, and I wouldn't either. He leaves her alone and she gets his black card. I'd kill for a sugar daddy." You sigh wistfully, putting your hand in the bag that Wooyoung was offering to you and grabbing some chips out.
"What would you buy if you got a black card?"
You take a moment to think as you chew your chips.
"Hm, honestly I'd pay off my car first."
"Boooooo! Fun answers only!" Wooyoung cupped his hand around his mouth for added effect and you roll your eyes.
"Fine! Fine, I'd buy a first class ticket to the Maldives. Book a full resort experience and fuck off for like a week."
"And you'll take me with, right?" Wooyoung leans toward you, looking at you with an exaggerated flutter of his eyelashes.
"Never look at me like that again and I will." You put your finger on his forehead and gently push him back to his side of the couch.
"Deal!"
You turn back to the TV and tune in to see what drama was unfolding now, wine glass rising to your lips again to take another sip. The housewives were throwing a bachelorette party for one of their friends and had met up to organize the night's events. Talk of a stripper comes up and a wife voices concerns about things getting too kinky.
"What if he tries to lick whip cream off someone or something? She's about to be married, that's too much!" The housewife says adamantly, shaking her head as the others at the table sigh in annoyance.
"I mean, sounds hot to me. Always wanted someone to lick whip cream off of me." The woman (who you're pretty sure the party is for) speaks up and the circle of women explodes in commotion.
Some saying that was way too far, others saying to let her do what she wants for her own party.
"Isn't that kind of standard at a bachelorette's party?" Wooyoung pipes up beside you as he pours more wine into his glass.
"For some, yeah. Some see it like a last hurrah or whatever, get some random dick thrown in your face before you commit to one person for the rest of your life." You explain, shrugging a bit.
"The fact she thinks licking whip cream off someone is kinky is laughable. That's pretty tame if you think about it."
Wooyoung hums to himself as he thinks for a moment before turning to look at you.
"What's a kink you've always wanted to try?" He asks curiously, swirling his wine in his glass a bit.
You blink as you process his question and turn to meet his expectant gaze.
"Sir?" You respond in disbelief.
"Sir kink? That's pretty tame too."
"No! That's not what I was saying and you know that!" You swat his shoulder and Wooyoung giggles into his glass as he takes another sip.
"Then what is it? Come on, out with it, babe."
He continues to look at you with an expectant gaze and normally you wouldn't entertain this at all. Sex wasn't a taboo topic between you two, but usually it was about hook ups gone wrong or great and not specifically about what you were into. With the wine flowing through your body and your lips more relaxed than normal, you were leaning toward giving him a real answer before you shake your head, cheeks heating up as a specific kink you really wanted to try to came to mind.
"Don't got one."
You knew Wooyoung wouldn't fall for that. He blinks blankly at you, knowing your expressions far too well.
"Spill." He presses, poking your side and you jerk away from his hand.
"It doesn't matter anyway! I can't do it." You say, hoping it would be enough to get him off the topic.
Instead, he becomes even more interested.
"Can't do it? Why? Is it something extreme?" He continues to hurl questions your way, leaning into your space to watch your reactions and see if he's hitting the nail on the head.
You can smell his cologne from this distance: Dark Amber and Ginger Lily. It was an alluring scent, distracting your brain long enough to forget about your best friend's nosy questions. Until he set his glass down and starts speaking again.
"We tell each other everything! You can tell me, I promise I won't judge. Pinky promise! Pleaseeee?" He drags out the last syllable as he hugs your side and rests his head on your shoulder, looking at you with puppy dog eyes.
You sigh deeply, ignoring his calming warmth as you take one more big gulp of your wine. You needed the liquid courage for what you were about to say.
"Face sitting." You confess, voice quiet as you look down into your glass, the liquid reflecting your ceiling lights and shimmering back at you.
You've had interest in sitting on someone's face for years now, but you remember that you're not exactly light and your brain has thoroughly convinced you that you would suffocate anyone you try it with. Once or twice you almost let yourself ask a partner if they'd let you, but then you think of all that could go wrong. The embarrassment you'd feel if things went bad would make you go into a permanent hibernation, never facing society ever again. A bit dramatic, sure, but you couldn't handle that kind of shame. So you just tucked that desire away far in the back of your mind and pretend it wasn't there like a dress thrown into the back of a closet to be forgotten.
In reality it's only a few seconds, but it feels like forever before Wooyoung speaks up again, unwrapping his arms from you and picking up his glass from the table.
"Well face sitting is more of a position than a kink, isn't it? Eh, besides the point. That's what made you clam up like that? I thought you were going to say something off the wall like total enclosure fetishism or something." Wooyoung laughs into his glass as he takes another sip.
You huff lightly, frowning at how he downplays your confession.
"Look at me. Look at these," You slap your thick thighs, currently splayed out as they press against the cushion of the couch, "I could crush a watermelon with them! I can't put a head between them and be on top, what if they suffocate and die!?"
Wooyoung's head tilts back to rest on the couch as he laughs louder this time.
"You are so dramatic, you can ride a face. I know you can. You just have to try."
"I can't." You stress, irritation seeping into your tone as you set the glass down and frown, staring at the liquid in it like it had done you wrong.
With the wine influencing your thoughts and mood, the usual jokes you'd bounce back had turned into actual annoyance. Wooyoung's smile fades slowly as he studies your face and realizes you were dead serious. You really felt like you couldn't ride someone's face and it actually bothered you. Besides the low hum from the TV, the room is silent for a few moments and you start chewing your lip, feeling like you'd brought the mood down with your random outburst.
"Sorry, sorry. It doesn't matter anyway! It's just a silly fantasy, let's move on to yours. What's a kink you've always wanted to try?" You toss the question back to Wooyoung.
When you glance over, Wooyoung is giving you a look that makes you wonder what was going on in that head of his. He doesn't let the moment pass and move on to his own fantasy like you thought he would. Instead he set his own glass on the table and turns his body to face you on the couch, a rare serious expression on his face.
"I think you should ride someone's face." His tone is final, like he isn't budging on his stance and you sigh, picking up your glass and taking a big swig before you reply.
"You say that like you have someone in mind already. Really, Woo, it's fine-"
"I do." He says matter-of-factly, like he's got it all figured out.
Shock and curiosity hit you at the same time, blinking at your best friend with the question of "who?" flashing through your eyes so brazenly that he doesn't even wait for you to ask.
"Let me rephrase. You should sit on my face."
That makes your brain shut down for two seconds— then you're stammering over your words, but nothing intelligible comes out. He's effectively broken your buzzed mind. The heat that was once only on your cheeks spreads through your entire face as you look at Wooyoung like he has three heads.
"You...what?" You manage to piece together those two words after some effort to organize your thoughts.
Wooyoung, however, was cool as a cucumber. As if he recommended you a new snack to try instead of the idea of you sitting on his face.
"I think you should sit on my face. I know you, you're scared of the things that can go wrong, yeah? You need someone you trust and after you see you won't kill anyone, you can go on to do it with others no problem. I can't think of anyone you trust more than me, sooooo." He reasons, folding his legs under himself.
You wait for him to break into a smile and say he's joking, to playfully push your shoulder with a loud laugh before turning his attention back to the show that's been forgotten on the TV. It doesn't come. He continues to look at you with that uncharacteristic serious expression, waiting for your reply.
"Wooyoung, that's..." Your words fail you as you try to compose any sort of coherence.
"Am I wrong?" He raises an eyebrow at you.
And he isn't wrong. You know he isn't wrong. You did trust him with every fiber of your being and if there was anyone who you could comfortably try it with, it would be him. Except he was your best friend and best friends don't typically ride each other. Also, Wooyoung isn't the sturdiest man you know. He wasn't paper-thin but he wasn't bulky by any means either.
"Oh, don't worry about me. I can take it, easily." He reassures you when he sees you eyeing him.
That confidence in his voice wasn't something he ever faked, he was sure of himself, and the wine thrumming through your veins makes you very curious as to why he was so confident. Wooyoung was a very open person when it came to sex. You've met a handful of his hookups and they never looked the same: different heights, different sizes, different genders. He simply ran off "vibes" as he says. So the chances of him having someone of your stature on his face are pretty high.
A small voice in the very back of your mind starts whispering at you, only encouraged by your choice to drink a glass and a half of wine, pushing you toward saying yes. He was essentially offering you a dream chance on a golden platter, no strings attached. The whispers become louder the more you ponder the offer.
Would it really be so bad?
"You promise you won't make fun of me if it goes wrong?" You ask, crossing your arms as if to shield yourself from ridicule that didn't exist.
"Y/N, I would never. Ever. You know that. We can stop whenever you want and pretend this never happened, no matter how far we go. Okay?"
He places a hand over yours, eyes stern but still warm like you know them to be. Part of you feels like you shouldn't be accepting this proposition no matter how good it sounded, but instead you squeeze his hand and nod in agreement, tossing caution to the wind. Wooyoung was your best friend before anything else, no matter what happened it would be fine. That you were sure of.
"Okay."
Wooyoung smiles softly, bringing your hand up to kiss it like he has many times before, but this time your heart jumps a bit. You set your glass down for the last time, wondering how exactly this would start. Thankfully, Wooyoung seems to be thinking ahead of you.
"We should get you used to being on top first. Come." He pats his lap before he shrugs off his jacket then tosses it on the arm of the couch.
Small bits of doubt still plague your mind as you slowly crawl over and straddle Wooyoung's lap, looking down at him with a heat in your cheeks that refused to go away. He smiles up at you, his own face a bit red thanks to the wine, fondness swirling in his eyes as his hands rest on the outside of your thighs. You feel the familiar light burn in them as you subconsciously kept a bit of your weight off him.
"How does this feel?" His voice is low and soft, thumbs rubbing circles on your bare skin.
"Fine." You answer, despite your skin feeling warm and your heartbeat starting to pick up.
Wooyoung nods, hands starting to rub up and down your thighs before he pushes down lightly, trying to get you to sink more onto his lap. Your brain instinctively resists, but the point of this was to get used to you putting some weight onto him.
"Relax for me, babe. You can do it." Wooyoung encourages you, hands gently squeezing your plushness.
Without realizing you do exactly that, dropping into his lap more firmly and resting on him. Wooyoung smiles at you as he pats your thighs.
"That's my girl." He purrs, voice dropped into an octave you've never heard from him before.
His praise strikes you in the chest, need starting to bubble to the surface and creep into your stomach. Your eyes drift down to his shirt for a moment, but then two fingers under your chin lifts your head to look him in the eye again.
"Can I kiss you?" He asks, the hand under your chin moves to cup your cheek.
Your voice fails you, so you nod instead and lean down to capture Wooyoung's lips in yours. You taste the familiar sweetness of the wine on his lips as the kiss remains light, a gentle test. Your eyes flutter open as you pull back and look down at Wooyoung. The smile he gives you is still reassuring, but his eyes are noticeably darker as they scan your face. When he finds no discomfort, he leads you into another kiss, more relaxed and loose. You sigh softly into it, melting into his lips as his tongue swipes along your bottom one. You part your lips for him, moaning softly as his tongue meets yours and his hands start to roam from your thighs to your ass. You start grinding against his lap, the rough demin of his jeans the perfect texture to stimulate you lightly through your shorts and panties. Wooyoung's hands fall to your ass, gripping and pulling you against him as he rolls his hips to meet yours. He swallows the shocked squeal you let out when he gently smacks your ass, smirking into the kiss when you push your ass back into his hand, wordlessly asking for more.
"Oh that's right." Wooyoung muses once he pulls away to breathe, his lips kiss swollen and eyes completely darkened with lust, "You're a bit of a slut, aren't you?"
His harsh words should jolt you out of your haze, he's never spoken to you like that before, but with years of friendships came years of conversations. Ones that clued him in to what you liked even if you never told him directly you were into it. He kisses down your jaw to your neck, hand rubbing to soothe before he pulls it back and spanks your ass harder at the same time he sinks his teeth into your neck. The moan you let out is downright sinful as the combined stimulation makes you collapse slightly onto him, forehead settling onto the back of the couch. Wooyoung chuckles softly at how you fall apart in his hands before he's even gotten to the good part.
Oh, he would have fun with this.
"Don't go empty-headed on me just yet, sweetheart. We're only getting started." He coos, hands moving to your hips as he kisses down to the base of your neck.
A buzz settles into your body, making every touch and kiss from Wooyoung feel that much more intense. You knew your nipples were poking through your thin tank top at this point, and you would be embarrassed if you weren't so damn turned on. Instead you grind against him harder, seeking more stimulation, more of him.
Wooyoung must've sensed the growing need in you because he grips your shoulders and pushes back until he can look up at you.
"Let's take this to your bedroom, yeah? I think you're ready."
He gives you a final kiss before gently patting your ass and waiting for you to stand. Your horny brain needed a minute to process it, but eventually you do stand up on slightly shaky legs, swallowing thickly as Wooyoung stands up and pauses the TV. He takes your hand and leads the way as if this is his place, in some ways you guess it was. He did have a toothbrush and some clothes lying around in case he needed to crash with you randomly. Those would probably come in handy later, but none of that mattered now. What mattered was Wooyoung taking his shirt off and tossing it onto the floor.
"Take off your shorts and top, then get on my lap again." He orders as he sits on the edge of your bed and leans back on his hands.
You feel his eyes raking over every bit of your body as you shrug your shirt and shorts off, tossing them aside and wrapping your arms around yourself, some shyness returning with the intensity of his stare. His eyes soften a bit at your coyness, clearing his head enough to remind himself that while you were hot, you were also uncertain and he would have to guide you gently through this experience. He reaches an arm out to you, gently beckoning you over with a fond gaze.
"Come here, pretty. We aren't getting right into it. We have some things to discuss first, but I want you on me while we talk. Is that okay?"
His more relaxed demeanor and inviting gesture has you walking before your brain can kick in to cause anymore hiccups. His hand on your hip grounds you into the moment as he helps you straddle and sit on his lap again. This time you sink onto him more without his prompting and Wooyoung can't help the small burst of pride he feels as his other hand settles on your hip. You look down at him with such eager attentiveness that it takes everything in him to not kiss you again.
"It's time for the sexiest part. Safety!" He jokes, smiling as you giggle and rest a hand on his shoulder.
"Now, while it's called face sitting, you won't actually be entirely sitting on my face because that's dangerous for anyone to do. You're gonna use the headboard for stability but also leverage, put most of your weight onto that, okay?"
You nod in response, hanging on to his every word. One of Wooyoung's hands slides from your hip to your stomach, slowly inching lower as he continues speaking.
"We also need to have clear signals for when either of us needs to stop. Are you familiar with the color system?" He asks, thumb coming into contact with the top your panties and still moving further south on your body.
His questions registers in your brain but your tongue feels like lead in your mouth, useless and heavy as Wooyoung's thumb presses right into the middle of your wet panties. You feel him slide up and down your slit, smearing your arousal around as he settles right on your clit. Your body tenses and you grip his shoulders, but his face stays annoyingly neutral as he starts drawing slow circles on your sensitive bud.
"I asked you a question, pretty. Are you familiar with the color system?" He repeats.
"Y-Yes. I am." You force the words out of your mouth as your hips grind against his thumb, chasing the small jolts of pleasure that makes its way up your spine.
"Good. Tell me what each color means."
You open your mouth but what comes out is a soft moan instead of an answer. You didn't wanna answer anything, you wanted to sink into the feeling of Wooyoung toying with your body, but that wasn't gonna fly. Wooyoung's hand stills and he raises a brow at you when you give him a pleading look. You knew what he wanted, and he wasn't going to continue until he got it.
"Green is I'm okay, keep going. Yellow means slow down. Red means stop immediately." You pout as you speak and Wooyoung chuckles at how huffy you were.
"Good girl. Do you have a safe word?"
His thumb continues its small circles but at a pace that still allows your mind to think.
"Tamagotchi."
His hand pauses as he tilts his head with a clear question in his eyes.
"It just came to mind and it stuck." You shrug, not having a real explanation beyond that.
"Tamagotchi..." He echoes, exhaling a laugh, "Alright, I like it, but we won't always be able to speak, especially me once you sit, so actions are also needed. If I need you to get off me, I will make a fist and knock on your thigh three times."
You jump lightly when his free hand mimics exactly what he said. You were certain it was distinct enough for you to pick up even if you were in the throes of passion, so you nod to show you understood.
"If you need me to stop immediately and for some reason find yourself able to speak," Wooyoung continues, you notice the small smirk tugging at his lips as he said that part, "just tap my head three times. Do it now."
You reach up and pap his head three times. Now satisfied, Wooyoung nods and smiles up at you before moving his thumb to tease at your clothed slit again.
"Any questions for me before we do this?" He asks.
A small voice at the back of your head slithers its way to the front, coming through your lips before you can stop it.
"Are you sure?"
You want to sink into the floor and disappear forever after the words leave you, turning your head to the side to avoid Wooyoung's face as heat floods yours. Without missing a beat, Wooyoung grasps your chin and turns you back to face him before he pulls you down to lock his lips with yours. You whine softly into it, the mix of Wooyoung's thumb and how deeply he kisses you leaves your head floating when he pulls away. He keeps a gentle hold on your chin, staring deep into your eyes with his dark ones as he speaks low.
"Take your panties off and sit on my face."
The heat in his words, the certainty in his voice, the clear want in his eyes makes your legs weak before he's gotten a chance to get between them. You can only nod dumbly as Wooyoung scoots back on the bed until he can lay his head on your pillows. Your panties get tossed to the side of your room as Wooyoung undoes his jeans to relieve some pressure. Your eyes drift to his crotch as you crawl up toward his head and you notice how hard he is.
What would he get out of this? Maybe you could turn around and-
"Up here, pretty. Don't worry about that." Wooyoung's voice breaks your thoughts once he notices where your gaze has landed.
You want to argue with him but the look on his face makes your words die in your throat. Something told you not to try it with that look on his face. You continue up to the headboard, gripping it as you get up on your knees.
"Take it slow when you move your leg, don't wanna hit anything." He advises and you simply nod as your heart thuds in your ears.
This was it. Your bare, sopping wet pussy was about to be hovering above your best friend's face. The nerves paralyze you briefly, but then you feel a soft kiss on your thigh. You look down to see Wooyoung press another kiss to your skin before he lays back again and smiles at you in that way that always makes you feel secure and reassured. You return the smile softly before taking a breath to steel your nerves. Slowly you plant your left knee next to his ear, then you carefully swing your leg over as you grip your headboard. You glance down to make sure you weren't on any of his hair and the sight of the top of your best friend's oreo hair peeking out from your thighs makes you clench around nothing.
Wooyoung on the other hand was taking in the sight of your wet pussy hovering right above him. He had kept a thumb on your clit to make sure you were already ready for him when you got on his face but the mess you made was more than he could've imagined. He couldn't wait to sink his face into it, but he swallows back his eagerness to clear his throat and speak.
"What's our safe signals and words?"
"Tamagotchi and the color system, you'll knock my thigh three times or I tap your head three times." You recite perfectly, shuddering as you feel Wooyoung's breath ghost over your thigh.
"Good. Remember that. You ready?" Wooyoung presses light kisses to your thigh, sucking softly on your skin in a way that made you tremble.
You don't think you'd ever be ready for Jung Wooyoung to eat you out while you sit on his face, but you were already here so despite the lump in your throat, you say yes. Wooyoung's hands splay on your hips as he gently pulls you down some more, leaving kisses leading up to your inner thigh before he sucks lightly at the sensitive skin. He squeezes your hips as he continues to kiss his way to your cunt, but he kisses over the top of your slit and makes his way to your other inner thigh. His tongue is hot against you as he sucks and nips just hard enough to leave marks. Your hips twitch, grinding against nothing as he runs his lips and tongue over any inch of skin laid bare to him that he can reach. He continues to tease you for a while, letting his breath ghost over your dripping cunt for just a second before moving to kiss you right where your inner thigh meets your pussy. The stimulation on everywhere but where you wanted was driving you insane, every graze of his teeth made your body feel that much more sensitive until even a brush of his lips against you made you whine.
"W-Woo, please." You plead as your hips writhe in his hands.
"What was that? Kinda hard to hear you down here, gonna have to speak up."
You could picture his smirk in your head and annoyance flashes through you for a moment, but then he drags his tongue over where your inner thigh and pussy meet and it instantly disperses, replaced with a deep need.
"Please! Please, I need more. Please, I-." You beg, unable to finish your thought, tears starting to pool in your eyes.
You grip the headboard, making sure to keep most of your weight on it as you lower your hips even more onto his face. Wooyoung smirks to himself. This was what he was waiting for. You squeak softly when you feel his hands move between your legs and his thumbs spread your pussy wide open. Your head falls forward to rest on the headboard, a wave of embarrassment washing over you at the fact that Wooyoung was simply looking at your spread pussy.
But then he licks a stripe from the bottom of your cunt to your clit and all thoughts are wiped from your mind.
One of his arms comes around to wrap around your thigh and anchors you down on his face as he licks at you hungrily. The sounds of him slurping at you were obscene and lewd but you couldn't bring yourself to care as your hips rut against his tongue, eager for more stimulation after so much teasing. Wooyoung is more than happy to oblige, spreading you with two fingers and switching between harsh sucks and flicking his tongue on your clit. Your back bows as you cry out, thighs tensing and legs shaking but Wooyoung is relentless.
Once he releases your clit, he's moving to your pussy, slipping his tongue inside you as far as it can go and fucking you with it. He presses in deep, his nose nudging into your clit and making your breath catch in your throat. With him working you like this, you find your orgasm coming at you fast and Wooyoung can tell with how you tighten around his tongue. His thumb moves to rub at your clit as his tongue keeps reaching as far as it can into you and that coil in your stomach is right at its breaking point when you manage to finally get words out of your mouth.
"C-Close, Woo! Close!" You warn him, trying your best to fight the urge to collapse onto his face as your thighs burn but the pleasure was worth it.
Especially when you cum the hardest you have in a while on Wooyoung's face. Your entire body starts shaking and you slump forward toward the headboard, hoping it would keep you up because the strength to do so was rapidly leaving your body. Wooyoung moves with you, refusing you let you off his tongue as it moves back up to your very sensitive clit.
"W-Woo!" You swat his head once but he just grips your thighs and sucks hard on your clit, earning him a loud half-moan, half-sob from you.
His tongue draws filthy patterns along your clit, coaxing another orgasm to the surface faster than you expect him to.
"W-Wait, just- fuck! Woo!" You cry out as you grip his hair tight in your fist.
You wonder if he truly can't hear you or if he simply isn't listening, instead choosing to keep sucking at you like his favorite treat with no signs of slowing down even as your whines turn into soft sobs of overstimulation. Tears blur your vision as your eyes roll back and another orgasm is ripped from your already wrecked body. Wooyoung licks you through that one too, slurping up everything you gave him before dipping his tongue back in for more. Thankfully he leaves your clit alone for a bit, but even his tongue pumping into your sensitive cunt has you keening and wiggling away from him, not that you make it far. Wooyoung's firm grip pulls you right back where you belong, nose brushing against your clit, making you convulse on his face. You couldn't see his face but if you could, you'd see nothing but bliss on it. Oxygen be damned, he would die between your thighs to keep tasting you, to keep hearing your sweet cries as your body trembles and shakes above him.
This time the knot feels different. Bigger, more tense, like it was pulling at the very edges of your sanity and you were close to breaking completely. Your mind was foggy, unsure of what's coming and you pull at Wooyoung's hair with a weak hand.
"H-Hold on, Woo! W-Wait!"
Overstimulated whimpers pour from your mouth as he takes your abused clit back into his mouth and sucks at it, not as hard as before but still enough to make you drool. It felt like your brain was floating in jelly, trying to figure out what you want, what's happening to you. You knew how to make it stop, but did you really want it to?
You were too far gone to know at this point, so there's nothing stopping Wooyoung as he pushes you to your third orgasm and that big knot snaps in a way that makes your body go completely stiff. No sound leaves your throat, it couldn't even if it tried. You grip your headboard so tight you fear it might break on you, but you needed something to ground you as you squirt onto Wooyoung's face. He groans loudly, slurping obscenely and lapping up all that he can before it spills down his jaw and neck to your sheets.
Unable to hold yourself up anymore, you slump over to the left, collapsing awkwardly on the bed on your side with your body half crumpled against the headboard. Your chest heaves as you close your eyes and try to come back to Earth, but then you feel a hand grab your ankle and pull you to the middle of the bed. You end up on your back, eyes snapping open to lock eyes with Wooyoung.
His cheeks, mouth, chin, and neck were covered in your juices. His hair was a mess, you notice the hair at the back of his neck was dripping wet and stuck flat against him. His brown eyes were blown wide with lust, a hungry, dangerous glint in them as he breathes heavily and settles between your legs again, this time laying on his stomach.
He can't be serious.
You whine and shake your head, trying to clamp your thighs shut but his head stops you.
"I know, I know, baby. Just one more. You can give me one more, right?" He coos as his fingers glide up your quivering slit. "You did so good sitting on my face, I just wanna give you one more reward."
Your hips twitch away from his prodding fingers but your melted brain sinks into his sweet words. He presses a kiss to one of the marks he's left behind on your thigh, looking up at you with those eyes that threaten to devour you whole. Yet, you let your legs fall open again and Wooyoung takes the invitation immediately. He slips a finger into you slowly, reveling in how your walls flutter around the intrusion.
"So sensitive but still pulling me in like this? You really are greedy, aren't you?" His tone is teasing as his lips curl into a smirk.
You can't even muster up a reply, instead watching Wooyoung with eyes that were starting to water again. He slips a second finger in and starts curling them in search of that special spot. He knows he's found the right angle when your entire body jumps and you let out a mix of a squeak and a cry. His free hand moves to hold down your hip as he starts pumping his fingers right into that spot over and over, burning the image of you writhing and moaning under him into his head for later. You were beautiful like this, overstimulated, tears on your face, eyes rolling back, words failing to form on your lips. He forces himself to settle for sucking at your inner thighs instead of latching onto your clit again. A small mercy really considering he was hitting your sweet spot with enough force to make you outwardly sob. It isn't as big as the others but you still cum around his fingers with a whimper that was laced with exhaustion.
Finally, Wooyoung slides his fingers out of you and moves from between your legs. You stare at the ceiling, barely there as you again try to pull yourself back to Earth. Your pussy was throbbing and sensitive, legs still twitching every once in a while, you were sweaty but you felt great. Sure you could barely hold your head up, but you finally fulfilled a long-wanted fantasy and it felt amazing. Wooyoung may be a cocky little shit but he always put his money where his mouth is.
As if you summoned him with your thoughts, you feel the bed dip again and a towel dragging its way across your body. You whine softly when it grazes your clit and Wooyoung chuckles.
"I'm just cleaning this time, I promise. You did so good for me, pretty."
You bask in his praise, a loose smile tugging at the corners of your lips.
"I did?"
"Mhm. Such a good girl for Youngie." He gently kisses your knee before setting the towel aside. You roll on your side to face him and he smiles at you.
You go to return it when a big yawn interrupts you. You don't even bother to cover your mouth and Wooyoung's heart melts a little at how cute he finds it.
"Get some rest for me, okay? I'll clean up." Wooyoung rubs your leg before he pushes himself off the bed.
Wooyoung starts walking to the door and in your half awake state, you voice one last desire.
"Stay?"
Wooyoung pauses at the doorway, looking over his shoulder at you: markings between your legs, sleep and fondness in your gaze as you stare at him with an arm stretched out. The sight tugs at his heart and he can't help but smile warmly as he coos to you.
"Of course, pretty. I just need to clean up a bit and I'll be back to stay with you, okay? Promise."
You nod, trusting him to keep his word and closing your eyes. You're deep in sleep before he even makes it to the living room.
Wooyoung puts everything away, washing out the wine glasses and turning the TV off before he decides a shower is in order. This is familiar to him. He's taken many showers in your place: some short and quick, others long and hard where he thought about life problems, but all of them ended with him going to cuddle with you in your bed for the night.
Unlike every other time, this shower proves to be a more mentally taxing one in the way his body and mind refuse to stop thinking about what just happened. He lathers up his chest almost robotically, body on autopilot as his mind wanders back to your blissed out face, whining and whimpering as he pulled another orgasm out of you. When he closes his eyes he can still feel your tremors under his hand as he held you to his face, still smell you, still taste you on his tongue.
God, your taste.
His once half-hard cock was now fully awake, throbbing and aching from neglect as he didn't touch himself at all the entire time. It was about you and your pleasure, but now you were asleep and there was no way you'd wake up soon. So he sets the washcloth aside, leans back against the wall, and closes his eyes. His wet hand slips down his chest to where his cock hangs heavy between his legs. He bites down on his lip hard to hold in his sounds as he furiously fists his cock trying to come to a quick finish. Not that he needed much, he had been on edge for what feels like forever.
He just wanted to do a favor, but now he feels like he's opened Pandora's box.
He wants to hear your whines again. He wants to hear you call his name desperately again. He wants to make you squirt on his face again. He wants to know how you'd sound if he sank his cock deep into your velvety walls. He wants to feel you clench and cum around his cock, not just his fingers. He wants you.
He really shouldn't entertain the thought, he knows that. Yet, he finds himself shooting his load to the thought of pressing you into the shower wall and fucking you from behind until you're a sobbing mess.
As his cock softens and he goes back to lathering himself up with the bodywash you always smell like, he decides to not think about that for now. The night wasn't even over yet and though unconscious, you were waiting for him in your room.
He quickly wraps up his shower, walking back into your bedroom, and pulling on a pair of boxers from his designated drawer. The moment he's crawling into the bed you seek out his warmth and he lets you curl up against his body and settle down. He's felt you like this a million times before, but never while you were naked and never after you had sat on his face and squirted directly into his mouth.
Wooyoung bites back a groan as his eyes shut and he wills his brain to shut the fuck up. He throws an arm over you, closing his eyes with a soft sigh.
Lord help him.
please do not repost my works. thank you for reading!
Summary: You are a librarian who somehow charms the most dangerous member of the family. The mobster tries to be threatening but keeps getting flustered when you correct his grammar or organize his illegal documents.
Fandom: ATEEZ
Pairing: Park Seonghwa x Reader
Genre: Mafia AU, Romance, Fluff
Warnings: Mentions of illegal activities, Money laundering
A/N: Me writing a reader obsessed with grammatical errors while I make mistakes every few seconds is something...
Organized Standards: Down Bad Behavior
====================================
You’d always prided yourself on being predictable.
Monday through Friday, 7 AM sharp, you’d arrive at the Crescent City Public Library with your color coordinated planner, sensible flats, and a thermos of tea that was always, always Earl Grey. Your life ran on schedules, proper filing systems, and the Dewey Decimal Classification like clockwork.
Which is why finding a man bleeding on your library steps at 6:47 AM on a Tuesday was particularly inconvenient for you.
“Excuse me,” you said, adjusting your glasses as you approached the bleeding man in the expensive looking black coat. “The library doesn’t open until 9 AM. Also, you’re bleeding on municipal property.”
The man looked up, and you were struck by two things: first, he was devastatingly handsome in that dangerous, sharp featured way that belonged in noir films, not small town libraries. Second, his eyes held the kind of cold calculation that suggested he was used to people running away from him, not politely informing him of operating hours.
“Listen, sweetheart,” he began, his voice low and menacing as he struggled to his feet. “I don’t think you understand who you’re-”
“With whom! you’re dealing,” you corrected automatically, pulling out your keys. “The preposition ‘with’ can’t be omitted in formal speech. Are you having a medical emergency? Should I call 119?”
Seonghwa blinked. In his twenty eight years of existence, most of which had been spent in various states of criminal activity, no one had ever interrupted his intimidation tactics to correct his grammar.
“I… what?”
“Your sentence structure,” you explained patiently, unlocking the library door. “You said ‘who you’re dealing,’ but it should be ‘with whom you’re dealing.’ Although, in casual speech, ‘who you’re dealing with’ would also be acceptable, despite the dangling preposition.”
“Are you seriously giving me a grammar lesson right now?”
“Would you prefer to bleed out instead? Because those are really your only two options until the clinic opens at eight.” You held the door open. “Come on. I have a first aid kit in the reference section.”
And that’s how Park Seonghwa -heir to the most feared crime family in South Korea, the man who could make grown adults weep with a single glance- found himself getting bandaged by a librarian who hummed softly while she worked and smelled like vanilla and old books.
“So,” you said, carefully cleaning the cut on his forehead, “what’s your name? For the incident report.”
“You’re filing a report?”
“Well, yes. Municipal property, potential liability issues, and I need to document the use of library supplies for non library purposes.” You paused. “Don’t worry, I’ll categorize it under ‘community outreach.’”
Seonghwa stared at you. “Park Seonghwa.”
“Nice to meet you, Mr. Park. I’m Y/N.” You applied a neat bandage and stepped back to admire your work. “There. You should see a proper doctor, though. I’m only certified in basic first aid and children’s story time management.”
====================================
Three weeks later, Seonghwa found himself back at the library. Not because he was injured -though he’d taken a concerning number of hits lately- or because he kept getting distracted thinking about proper grammar, thinking about proper grammar, but because he figured you probably needed a proper first aid kit after using the last one on him.
He found you exactly where he’d expected: behind the reference desk, sorting through a stack of returned books with the focused intensity of a surgeon.
“Mr. Park,” you said without looking up. “Your books are overdue.”
“My what?”
You held up a copy of “Advanced Accounting Principles” and “The Art of War.” “Checked out on your library card three weeks ago. That’ll be ₩6.500 in late fees.”
“I don’t have a library card.”
“You do now.” You slid a laminated card across the desk. “I took the liberty of signing you up when you bled on my steps. Emergency contact information was needed for the incident report.”
Seonghwa picked up the card, noting his name printed in neat block letters. “You listed yourself as my emergency contact.”
“Well, I don’t know your family, and you seem like the type who might not have many close friends. Occupational hazard of being mysterious and intimidating.” You finally looked up, adjusting your glasses. “Although you’re not very good at the intimidating part.”
“Excuse me?”
“You apologized when you bumped into the biography section. Twice. And you’ve been standing there for five minutes without saying anything threatening. Very un-menacing behavior.”
Seonghwa opened his mouth, then closed it. You were right. He was probably the least intimidating he’d ever been in his life inside this library.
“I brought you a first aid kit,” he said instead.
“Keep it. You seem like you might need it again.” You stamped a returned book with unnecessary force. “Besides, I ordered a new one. Much more efficient.”
That’s when Seonghwa noticed your desk. Every pen was in its designated holder, arranged by color and tip size. Your staplers (you had three) were lined up in ascending size order. Even your paper clips were sorted by color in a small divided container.
“You’re very…” he searched for the word.
“Organized? Yes. It’s a professional requirement. And a personal preference. And possibly a mild compulsion, according to my sister, but I prefer ‘thorough.’”
“I was going to say ‘perfect,’” Seonghwa said, then immediately looked horrified that he’d said it out loud.
You blinked owlishly at him. “Oh. That’s… thank you?”
For a moment, you both stood there in awkward silence, the air filled with the soft sounds of the library; pages turning, the distant hum of the air conditioning, someone typing on the ancient computer in the corner.
“Would you like me to show you how to properly return books?” you asked finally. “Since you’re apparently a cardholder now.”
“I should probably mention,” Seonghwa said, because he was apparently having some sort of crisis of conscience, “that I’m not exactly a law abiding citizen.”
“I assumed as much. People who follow the law don’t usually show up bleeding.” You walked around the desk. “What kind of not law abiding are we talking about? Tax evasion? Jaywalking? Running a criminal empire built on fear and violence?”
“More the last one.”
“Hmm.” You considered this. “Do you sell drugs to children?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Do you return your library books on time?”
“I… didn’t know I had library books until five minutes ago.”
“Well, we’ll work on that.” You smiled at him, the first real smile he’d seen from you, and Seonghwa felt something dangerous happen in his chest. “Everyone deserves access to literature, Mr. Park. Even morally ambiguous individuals with dramatic tendencies.”
====================================
The next few months fell into an unlikely routine. Seonghwa would show up at the library every Tuesday and Thursday, apparently to fill out his paperworks or browse the business section, but really to watch you work. You’d greet him with the same polite professionalism you showed everyone, but you’d also started leaving books you thought he’d like on the reserved shelf- biographies of famous strategists, novels about complicated anti heroes, and, memorably, a cookbook titled “Meals That Don’t Require Alibis.”
“That’s not a real cookbook title,” he’d said.
“I know. I made a custom cover. The actual book is ‘30 Minute Meals for Busy Professionals.’” You’d looked pleased with yourself. “I thought the joke was appropriate.”
It was things like that; your dry humor, your thoughtful book recommendations, the way you’d started keeping bandages at the reference desk “just in case” that made Seonghwa realize he was in serious trouble.
The kind of trouble that had nothing to do with rival families or federal investigations and everything to do with the way you’d started smiling when you saw him, like his presence was something pleasant rather than threatening.
The crisis came on a rainy Thursday in November.
Seonghwa had been having a particularly difficult week. A territorial dispute had required his… intervention, and he’d spent most of Tuesday in meetings that were really negotiations that were really threats wrapped in polite language. He was tired, on edge, and probably should have gone home instead of to the library.
But he’d promised to return “The Prince” (which you’d recommended with the note “thought you might relate to the moral complexity”), and Seonghwa had never broken a promise to you.
He found you at your desk, but something was wrong. Your usually perfect organization was in chaos. Papers scattered, books in wrong piles, your pen holder knocked over.
“Y/N?” He approached carefully. “Everything okay?”
You looked up, and he saw how your eyes became red and puffy. “Oh. Hi, Seonghwa. I’m fine, just… budget cuts. The city’s closing the library.”
“What?”
“Lack of funding. Apparently, we’re not cost effective.” You gestured at the mess. “I’m trying to organize the collection transfer, but some books will just be… disposed of. Forty years of carefully curated literature, and they’re treating it like garbage.”
Seonghwa had seen you handle rude patrons, broken printers, and his own dramatic appearances with unflappable calm. But the thought of losing your library, your kingdom of organized knowledge and quiet sanctuary, had you falling apart.
Something protective and fierce rose in his chest.
“No,” he said.
“I’m sorry?”
“No. That’s not happening.” Seonghwa pulled out his phone. “Hongjoong? I need you to look into the Crescent City municipal budget. Specifically, library funding.”
“Hey! Seonghwa, you can’t just-”
He held up a hand while listening to his brother’s response. “Yes, I know it’s weird. No, I’m not having a breakdown. Just… do it. And see what it would take to make a significant anonymous donation to keep it open.”
You stared at him. “You can’t buy a library.”
“Watch me.” He ended the call and looked at you seriously. “How much do you need?”
“I… this isn’t how municipal funding works. There are protocols, procedures, approval processes-”
“Y/N.” He stepped closer, and for the first time since you’d met, his voice carried the edge that made other people afraid. “How much do you need?”
You told him. He made another phone call.
“It’s handled,” he said afterward.
“Just like that?”
“Just like that.” He started helping you reorganize your scattered papers. “Though I should probably mention that you might want to be extra careful about following proper shelving procedures for the next few months. The donation is coming from a… let’s call it a ‘shell corporation,’ and we don’t want to attract unnecessary attention.”
You watched him sort your papers with unnecessary gentleness, and something clicked into place.
“You’re not just ‘not law-abiding,’” you said slowly. “You’re actually dangerous, aren’t you?”
Seonghwa’s hands stilled. “Yes.”
“Like, genuinely scary to most people.”
“Yes.”
“But you just saved my library because I was sad.”
“…Yes.”
You were quiet for a long moment, processing this. Then: “Your shell corporation has a grammatical error in its name.”
“What?”
“‘Mars Enterprises LLC.’ You can’t use ‘LLC’ with ‘Limited Liability Company’ because ‘LLC’ already stands for ‘Limited Liability Company.’ It’s redundant.” You pulled out a red pen. “Also, you’re missing a comma in your articles of incorporation, and your tax documentation is filed under the wrong fiscal year. I've seen the documents you've brought here.”
Seonghwa blinked. “You read my corporate filings?”
“I read everything you bring in here. Did you know you have 8 different shell companies, and all of them have minor clerical errors?” You started making neat corrections on the papers. “It’s like you’re trying to get audited.”
“I… no one’s ever mentioned that before.”
“Well, your accountant should be fired. This is sloppy work.” You handed him the corrected papers. “I took the liberty of fixing the most egregious errors, but you really should have someone detail oriented review your documentation process.”
Seonghwa looked at the papers, then at you, then back at the papers. Your corrections were neat, precise, and absolutely accurate. You’d identified problems that had somehow slipped past his very expensive legal team.
“Y/N,” he said carefully, “would you be interested in a consulting job?”
====================================
Which is how you found yourself, three weeks later, sitting in the back room of what was definitely a legitimate import/export business and absolutely not a front for organized crime, color coding financial documents while Park Seonghwa watched you with fascination.
“The red tabs are for quarterly reports, yellow for tax documents, and blue for… what did you call these? ‘Operational expenses’?” You held up a receipt. “Though I have to say, claiming a flamethrower as a business expense seems optimistic.”
“It was for a barbecue,” Seonghwa said.
“A barbecue that required a flamethrower?”
“It was a very large barbecue.”
You gave him a look that suggested you weren’t buying it, but you filed the receipt under blue anyway. “Your bookkeeping is atrocious, by the way. How have you not been arrested for tax evasion?”
“We have lawyers.”
“You need accountants. Possibly accountants who specialize in creative financial interpretation, but still.” You pulled out another stack of papers. “What’s this receipt for ‘duck food’? Fifty thousand dollars worth of duck food?”
“We own a duck pond.”
“Nobody owns a fifty thousand dollar duck pond, Seonghwa.”
“We have very expensive ducks.”
You stared at him. He stared back, his expression perfectly serious.
“I’m not going to ask,” you decided finally.
“Probably for the best.”
You went back to organizing, but Seonghwa noticed you were smiling. Somewhere in the past few weeks, you’d stopped being shocked by his world and started being amused by it. You treated his criminal empire like an especially chaotic library collection. Something that just needed proper organization and systematic management.
“Seonghwa,” you said suddenly.
“Yes?”
“This document says you’re the ‘Regional Manager of Intimidation Services.’”
“That’s… accurate.”
“It’s also the most ridiculous job title I’ve ever seen. What does that even mean in practical terms?”
Seonghwa considered this. “I make people afraid so they’ll do what we want.”
“And how do you do that?”
“Usually I just stand there and look menacing. Sometimes I have to break things. Occasionally I threaten people.”
“Hmm.” You made a note on your tablet. “What’s your success rate?”
“Pretty high. Most people find me intimidating.”
“I don’t.”
“I’ve noticed.”
You looked up from your organizing. “Does that bother you?”
Seonghwa thought about it. Six months ago, the fact that someone wasn’t afraid of him would have been a professional problem requiring immediate correction. Now, the thought of you being afraid of him made something twist uncomfortably in his stomach.
“No,” he said. “I like it.”
“Good. Because I have some suggestions for improving your operational efficiency, and they’re going to require you to be significantly less mysterious and dramatically brooding.”
“I don’t brood.”
“Seonghwa, you spent twenty minutes yesterday staring pensively out that window while wearing all black and looking like you were contemplating the weight of your sins.”
“I was watching for surveillance.”
“While brooding.”
“I don’t-”
“You definitely brood. It’s very atmospheric, but probably not great for productivity.” You pulled out a color coded chart. “I’ve analyzed your workflow, and I think we can streamline your intimidation process significantly.”
Seonghwa looked at the chart. You’d somehow turned his methods of frightening people into a neat, organized system complete with decision trees and efficiency metrics.
“You made me a flowchart.”
“I made you several flowcharts. This one’s for standard intimidation scenarios, but I also have specialized charts for ‘dramatic reveals,’ ‘threatening negotiations,’ and ‘ominous warnings.’” You looked proud of yourself. “I even included a section on proper dramatic timing. Did you know you pause for an average of 4.7 seconds too long during threatening monologues? It’s affecting your impact.”
Seonghwa stared at the charts, then at you, then back at the charts. “You’ve been timing my monologues?”
“I time everything. It’s a habit.” You flipped to another page. “I also noticed you tend to over complicate your threats. For example, instead of saying ‘Cross me and you’ll discover what happens when someone forgets that actions have consequences in a world where power determines the difference between mercy and justice,’ you could just say ‘Cross me and you’ll regret it.’ Same message, 73% fewer words.”
“But the first version is more intimidating.”
“Is it, though? Because based on my observations, people stop listening after about fifteen words. You’re burying your actual threat under unnecessary philosophical commentary.”
Seonghwa opened his mouth to argue, then closed it. You were probably right. You were usually right about these things.
“I’ve been doing this for ten years,” he said instead.
“And I’m sure you’re very good at it. But there’s always room for improvement.” You smiled at him, and Seonghwa felt that dangerous thing in his chest again. “Besides, think of how much more time you’ll have for other activities if you can resolve intimidation scenarios 23% faster.”
“What other activities?”
“Well, you still haven’t finished reading ‘Pride and Prejudice.’”
“That book is 400 pages long.”
“It’s a classic of English literature.”
“It’s a romance novel.”
“It’s a brilliant examination of social class, personal growth, and the dangers of first impressions.” You gave him a pointed look. “I thought you might relate to Mr. Darcy.”
“The brooding rich guy everyone thinks is an asshole?”
“The brooding rich guy who turns out to have a good heart under all the dramatic posturing.”
Seonghwa stared at you. “Are you saying I have a good heart?”
“I’m saying you saved my library and you bring me coffee every Tuesday and Thursday.” You went back to your filing. “Also, you alphabetized my emergency contact list without being asked.”
“It was bothering me that it wasn’t in order.”
“See? Good heart. It was bothering me too.”
They worked in comfortable silence for a while, you organizing and labeling while Seonghwa watched and tried to figure out when exactly his life had become something he didn’t recognize. When had he started looking forward to Tuesday afternoons in a back room, watching you turn his chaotic criminal enterprise into neat, color coded files? When had your approval become more important than his reputation?
When had he fallen completely, irrevocably in love with a librarian who corrected his grammar and wasn’t afraid of him?
“Y/N,” he said suddenly.
“Mmm?”
“Would you like to have dinner with me? Somewhere that’s not a library or a legitimate business establishment that definitely isn’t a front for organized crime?”
You looked up, a slight smile playing at the corners of your mouth. “Are you asking me on a date, Mr. Regional Manager of Intimidation Services?”
“Yes. I am.”
“Will there be proper grammar involved?”
“I’ll do my best.”
“And no dramatic brooding?”
“I make no promises about the brooding.”
You laughed, actually laughed, and Seonghwa felt something settle into place in his chest.
“Okay,” you said. “But I’m picking the restaurant. You have terrible taste in public venues.”
“How do you know that?”
“You chose a library for bleeding out in front of. A library, Seonghwa.”
“I didn't have lots of choices, and It worked out.”
“It worked out because I don’t intimidate easily and I have a thing for mysterious men with good bone structure and poor organizational skills.” You went back to your filing, but Seonghwa caught your smile. “Also, you’re paying. Saving libraries is expensive, and I assume your ‘duck food’ budget can handle dinner.”
“The ducks are very high maintenance,” Seonghwa said solemnly.
“I’m sure they are.”
And as he watched you organize his criminal empire with the same care and attention you gave to library books, Seonghwa realized that maybe being predictable wasn’t such a bad thing. Maybe having someone who treated his dangerous world like a collection that just needed proper cataloging was exactly what he’d been missing.
Even if she did keep correcting his grammar.
Especially because she kept correcting his grammar.
THE END
====================================
BONUS PART:
“Seonghwa,” you called from the kitchen of his ridiculously secure apartment, “your tax documents came in, and I have concerns.”
“What kind of concerns?” he called back, not looking up from his laptop where he was reviewing what were definitely legitimate shipping manifests.
“The kind where you’ve apparently donated half a million dollars to ‘Literacy Programs for At Risk Youth’ and I’m wondering if that’s code for something illegal or if you’ve actually gone soft.”
Seonghwa smiled to himself. “Maybe I just think education is important.”
“Seonghwa Park, Regional Manager of Intimidation Services and secret supporter of childhood literacy programs.” You appeared in the doorway, wearing one of his shirts over your pajama pants and holding a cup of tea. “Who would have thought?”
“Don’t tell anyone. It’ll ruin my reputation.”
“Your reputation as what? The world’s most considerate criminal?” You settled next to him on the couch, automatically straightening the papers scattered across the coffee table. “Hongjoong called earlier, by the way. He wants to know why all your recent contracts include clauses about proper citation format.”
“You said it was important.”
“It is important. But I’m not sure your clients appreciate having their illegal agreements corrected for APA formatting.”
“They’ll learn to appreciate it.”
You laughed, and Seonghwa realized that this, you in his space, organizing his life and making everything make sense, was better than any reputation he’d ever had.
Even if you did still correct his grammar.
Especially, because you still corrected his grammar.
====================================
A/N: Reader has been copying and correcting Seonghwa's documents because she got annoyed and angry at all the stupid mistakes in it, so her heart dropped for a few seconds when she heard that they were illegal documents. Thank god our reader fears no one in this scenario and could finally get those documents in proper order.
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