My Disappointing Life As It Unfolds

Condemned | heartbroken | Hopeless | Depressed | Suicidal

[suicidal-depressed-msh]

Lowest of the low.

When you are sitting naked in the bathtub with a blade against your wrist.

When you have a gun in your hand and the barrel of a gun is pointing towards your head.

When your eyes are closed and standing at the edge of the roof.

I have been there... a lot of times, but failed.

Failed to...

Run that blade across my wrist and cut those veins wide open.

Pull that trigger and blow my brains out. 

Take that one small step off the ledge and fall 25 floors down. 

That’s me.. a failure. Failed to live this life. Failed to end this life. 

[suicidal-depressed-msh]

Need Help.

I have been feeling very low, depressed and suicidal lately. I have very limited coping mechanisms at my disposal. One of these coping mechanisms is jogging and walking. In order to take care of my mental health, I have started a new blog. I would appreciate if you all can follow this new blog and give me some encouragement. Thanks. 

https://msh-run.tumblr.com/

[suicidal-depressed-msh]

Question: What is the worst thing about depression?

Answer: Slow, long and painful death. 

[suicidal-depressed-msh]

2021

I wanted to die in 2020. I want to die in 2021. I just want to die. 

Death is the only thing that can bring peace and happiness to me. 

This has been my story for the last few years. 

Death..Death..and Death.

[suicidal-depressed-msh]

For a depressed soul, death is a bliss.

[suicidal-depressed-msh]

Everything comes to an end. It has to. It has to because this end gives space to something new.

Shamelessly occupying space in this world. 

[suicidal-depressed-msh]

Normal people see jumping rope and think about workout. I see a jumping rope and think about suicide.

[suicidal-depressed-msh]

Me being alive or dead means nothings to anyone. I am just a useless piece of shit who is occupying space in this world.

[suicidal-depressed-msh]

It’s gonna be a very painful and lonely death for me. Same as my life.

[suicidal-depressed-msh]

My silence is screaming for help.

[suicidal-depressed-msh]

I wanted to defeat the monster in my head. I failed. The monster in my head has consumed me. Debilitated me. Defeated me.

[suicidal-depressed-msh]

The monster in my dead is telling me end this misery.

[suicidal-depressed-msh]

Failures upon failures upon failures. This was not the start that I was expecting.

[suicidal-depressed-msh]

I was waiting for Santa to show up he did not show up this year as well. I am indeed a god forsaken, invisible piece of shit.

[suicidal-depressed-msh]

Death is a naked sword.

[suicidal-depressed-msh]

Failed. Yet again.

[suicidal-depressed-msh]

He killed himself.

This is how the world would remember me.