and i can’t move on, babydoll @sukunaryos - Tumblr Blog

the heart of the moment ⋆ ‧ ° 𓏲ּ𝄢 gold retriever!yuji x mean!reader ; fem!gojo's sister!reader ; fuzzy timeline ; slight early season one spoilers ; main character death ( but there is resurrection so its lowkey ok ) ; ptsd ( + graphic descriptions of mc death ) ; ALL graphics made by me ( except the star gif ) ; wc 2.8k

Your phone buzzes once.

You ignore it.

It buzzes again, longer this time, like whoever's on the other end has decided you're the kind of person who needs persistence.

You almost turn it off as you try to rationalize it being your brother. Who else would risk their sanity by trying to get into contact with you on a Friday night at near nine o'clock at night? But regardless, you flip it over in your hand, already annoyed, already preparing to snap at whoever it is.

You pause when you look at the unknown number pop up in your list of messages. You stare at it for far too long before unlocking your phone and opening up the text chain.

hey!!!

Your heart thumps as your eyes begin to scan over the next and much longer message.

this is yuji btw. i just got ijichi to get me a phone. DON'T TELL ANYONE!!!!

Your stomach drops, like something underneath you has given out without warning. And for a second, you swear you don't breath. White hot rage fills every crevice of your body and your fingers moves before your brain catches up.

you think your real fucking clever impersonating a dead man and then trying to fool me of all people when i find out who you are i am going to kill you

You try really hard not to think about whether not this could actually be Yuji. That you had somehow made up the whole thing. The whole heart thing. Your vision blurs and you curse yourself — No! You curse who ever was trying to play tricks on you.

nooo i swear its yuji!! im ok like actually ok its this whole with sukuna but its a long story please believe me 🙏

Yuji is texting you.

Yuji is dead.

Your brain flips back and forth. No! You won't fall for it. This doesn't happen. People don't just come back to life, not even if they have a curse sharing their body. Yuji is dead. Yuji is dead. Yuji is —

Something hits the ground at your feet. You don't remember stepping forward, but suddenly you're closer now, half a step in front of Megumi. There is blood everywhere. Blood in places there shouldn't be.

Thick rivulets pour down the tones and planes of Yuji chest and abdomen. Blood also drips from the hand held towards you.

Yuji's — no, Sukuna's — hand offering Yuji's heart to you.

The world snaps back into place like a rubber band and you are almost greatful. The memory alone is enough to give you chills. You don't even want to think about the words Sukuna muttered to you as he dropped Yuji's heart at your feet.

You swallow hard, locking your jaw almost to the point it begins to ache. But anything is better than the feeling that rises in your chest. Yuji is dead. You know that. But you can't help your traitrous heart or your traitorous fingers.

The next message you type out is one made with out free will but sheer desperation.

prove it

There is no response at first. No message of him trying to tell the most random fact that one Yuji would indeed know and there is no bubble to indicate that he is even trying. It feels solid now. This isn't Yuji and for a moment you think maybe whoever was on the other side of this phone realized that they have pushed to far.

You jump when your phone lights up and begins to buzz in your hand. They are trying to call you. Your heart stutters. A part of you doesn't want to answer because it would serve them right. You don't want to give them anymore than you already have.

It rings once and then twice. After a third, you've grown impatient and wholly more angry. You answer the phone with a huff and a snap. "I swear to god, I am going to rain curses on you for being such an incredible asshole for trying to play with me!—"

"Honey-baby! I swear to god it's me. I just—"

You shut your eyes tight until you feel pin prinks behind your eyelids and static fills your vision. He sure does sound like Yuji, more than that, he acts like Yuji. And who have you ever let call you honey-baby besides him?

"I swear on my heart—"

His heart. It squelches as it plops onto the pavement. Splatters of blood stain your shoes and the ground between you and Sukuna. "He always said he wanted to give you his heart," a sick and sinister smile stretches across his face and despite it being the same face as Yuji, it makes you nauseous.

"Sorry! Was that insensitive? I can't really talk right now."

"Why are you doing this?" you surprise even yourself with the question and more so with your tone, shaky and on the verge of tears. This is exactly what you were trying to prevent. Curse Yuji for making you feel things when you have done so well at pushing everyone else away.

"What?" Yuji asks, breathlessly.

"You might not have been there, but Yuji Itadori is dead! I don't know what kinda of cursed energy is making you sound like him but this is just cruel!" Your sob almost breaks at the end and even though you mostly kept it in, he definitely heard it.

"Honey-baby, please don't cry—"

"Only he can call me that!" you shout into the phone before abruptly hanging up the call without even listening to hear him off.

But without fail your phone buzzes once again, then twice.

??? did it cut out??

fuck off!

honey-baby please how can i show you it's me??

you can't

okokok what about the honey-baby?? you said only i can call you that and you threatened to break my jaw the first i said it but you didn't

that means nothing anyone could know that

ohhh you are sooo stubborn and i usually like that about you but rn its superrr inconvenient

fuck off

The more you message with him, the more he sounds like your Yuji. And he is right only he knows about the Honey-baby because he is right, you threatened to break his jaw if anyone heard him call you that, so it became a sort of inside thing between the two of you. And as far as you knew, no one else knew except Yuji.

if your really yuji i wanna see you

you wanna see me???? 😏

hey!

right sorry sorry thing is you know i soooo wanna see you but im not really supposed to tell anyone im alive

wtf i knew you were lying if you want me to believe you i need to see

pls dont make me say i promised gojo-sensei

gojo knows?

well he was kinda there when i came back to life dont be mad

im not mad

really??

im fucking livid and i 100% don't believe you

okokok pls dont be mad at me 😭😭 im at the school like lower level somewhere idk gojo kinda dragged me here i swear i wanted to tell you ☹️

The lower levels of the school carry sound differently. You had never really noticed it before but now it is all you can hear. Every step echoes just a little too long, as if if the space itself is reluctant to let anything settle.

The air, too, feels heavier the deeper you go.

A dull clang rings out somewhere ahead. Metal striking concrete, then silence, then another hit sharper this time. Then it is followed by something rolling.

You follow it.

The hallway leads to a open doorway that leads into a room and the first thing you notice is the mess of crushed soda cans scattered all around the room and puddles of the sugary drink. Some are split open, other dented, and some are completely twisted. You know the exercise, heck, you've done it before in your first year.

Movement pulls your attention upward.

Gojo stands in the middle of it all, another can already in his hand. He tosses it up without looking, catches it mid fall with a clean practiced strike and then crushes it with cursed energy as if he is putting on a show.

You can't see past him but you know there is someone else in the room.

Then Gojo turns slightly and he catches you out of his peripheral vision. At first his shocked that you managed to find them when he worked so hard to stay hidden. Then his expression turns to that of confusion because you are not paying him a lick of attention. Your eyes are glued to the man behind him.

Because Yuji Itadori is standing there.

Yuji Itadori is alive.

He hasn't noticed you yet, that your sure off. His tongue is sticking out just past his lips as he focuses on the can on the table just across the room. Yuji's hand glows with a dark bout of cursed energy as he tries to crush the can as Gojo did.

He is smiling.

The realization doesn't hit all at once. It builds slowly until your stomach turns and your body reacts before your mind can catch up. Your gaze drops instinctively, thought it doesn't do much good because this time Yuji is fully clothes and his back is to you.

As far as you can see, there is no blood. Which means there might not even be a woound at all. Your breath stutters, catching painfully in your throat and for a moment you can't reconcile the memory with what is in front of you.

You physically jump at the sound of a can crushing. Yuji jumps in excitement and turns to Gojo, mostly likely looking for the praise of his sensei. "Gojo-Sensei! I did it! Tell me you saw that?" Yuji questions when he notices that Gojo is no longer paying any attention to him.

Then he sees you and the shift in his demeanor is immediate. His entire expression brightens, if that is even possible and he takes a step forward without hesitation. "Hey!"

Your body moves before you can stop it, taking a sharp step backward that puts distances between you again. The reaction is automatic, almost violent in how quickly it happens, and it leaves something uncertain flickering across him face.

Gojo straighten, you know he can feel what is about to happen, the bomb that is ticking slowly but surely inside of you right now. "How'd you know?" he asks, but his tone doesn't convey anger, just amusment. He tiles his head slightly, glancing between you and Yuji and weighing how much of this he needs to take seriously.

"He told you?" Gojo asks and it is pure confusion. Sure, you and Yuji were part of the same team that had gone to the prison with Megumi and Nobara but beyond a pairing for a school project, he was not aware of any kind of friendshipbetween the two of you. In fact, he recalls that you are quite mean to Yuji.

Something in your chest tightens, you jaw tightens and you can't help as your cursed energy begins to thrum. The pressure in the room slowly ticks up a notch. "You let me think he was dead?" you whisper.

The statement lands heavier than you meant. You were trying to keep your cool but your skin was buring and the space between you and your brother stretches in a way that has nothing to do with distance.

Yuji glances between you and Gojo. He is torn between interrupting and letting this play out. He is well aware that you can take care of yourself. "You knew!" you step forward this time, though your focus never leaves Gojo. "You let me—"

You stop studdenly, as if really realizing what you had said. "Us! You let us think Yuji was dead!" Gojo's posture changes just slightly, not defensive, but attentive in the way that suggest he's is recalculating. "I had my reasons."

"You had no right!" you yell. The angrier you get the harder the air gets to breath, Yuji and Gojo both notice it and they both fight it. "You have no idea what is going on," Gojo counters.

"No! You have no idea because you weren't there," tears begin to fill your eyes and you want to scream because why are you crying! "You weren't there when Sukuna reached into his chest and ripped out his heart right in front of me and dropped it at my feet!"

A short, humorless laugh slips out before you can stop and you think you must look insane to them. Crying on second and laughing the next. "But that's good. That you had reasons."

Yuji shifts again, more cautious this time, closing a fraction of the distance you created. "Hey, it's not — he didn't—" he tried, voice softer than you think you've ever heard it before. You don't know exactly how his body sharing with Sukuna works or how much, if any, he remembers when Sukuna is in control.

You whip on Yuji so fast, you think you gave him whiplash. "You were dead, Yuji," the words cut across him before he can even think about his next placations. He stills completely as whatever he was about to say dissolves on his tongue. "I mean, yeah," he admits after a beat, rubbing the back of his neck in the familar, sheepish way, "But I'm ok now, so—"

"So?"

The single word is enough to stop him again because up close it's different. Challanging you over texts had been one thing. The voice on the phone, another. But standing here, though, there;s no distance to soften it. No delay to give you time to think. He's right there, breathing, moving, looking at you like nothing in the world has fundamentally changed.

Like nothing was taken.

"Is that what you think?" you ask, the question quieter now, though the tension in it hasn't gone anywhere, "That everything is just ok, now?"

He blinks, clearly trying to followw, trying to understand where this is coming from without having the context to get there. "I didn't mean to—," he starts, and even now there's no defesiveness in it, just a genuine attempt to meet you halfway.

Your jaw tightens as your eye flicker down again, drawn back to his chest beofre you can stop them, and this time you force youself to look away before the memory can fully surface. "Don't you ever do something so stupid again."

The words slip out under your breath, quieter than everything else you've said, but they carry more weight than any of it. For a second, he just stares at you, and then he nods, quick and earnest like he's been given something important. "Yeah, yeah, ok. I won't," he promises.

You know it is impossible to ask that of him, but he makes it anyway.

A quiet exhale from the side draws your attention just enough to remid you that Gojo is still there. "And here I thought this was going to be about the higher ups," he says, tone light, though there's a thread of something else underneath now.

You don't bother looking at him when you bark at him to get out. And he doesn't dream of getting on your bad side, so he raises his hands in the air, waving his white hair as a surrender. The heavy metal door closes with a thud behind him.

Yuji steps closer again, "Hey, " he says. "I'm really ok. I promise."

You don’t move but you don’t step back this time, but you don’t close the distance either. Instead, you stand there, caught between what you know and what you’re seeing, with no way to make the two line up.

He’s alive.

You watched him die.

And neither one is willing to give.

Yuji shrugs and you know he is trying to gather the confidence to say something. Any other time you would bark at him to hurry up and spit it out, but you stay silent, suddenly feeling embarrassed by all your outbursts. "Did he really do all that?"

You know who — what — he is talking about. "You know, put it at your feet?" You gulp because you have thought about that moment so many times today, you don't think you can handle another. You nod, "With a few choice words too," you explain but you don't elaborate much further.

He takes one last step, effectively eatting up every bit of space left between you two. His thumb and pointer finger settle on your chin before tilting it upward so you have no choice but to look him in the eye. "I'll kill him," he whispers, "I swear I'll find a way. For what he did to you," Yuji vows and you think, this might be the most serious you have ever see him.

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and i can’t move on, babydoll