The joke falls flat. Maybe she should of laughed or at least smiled, a witty comment on the end of a fierce tongue. She didn’t feel very fierce right then. Although it hadn’t been so long ago that they had stood side by side and laughed about all the things that their lives were now, how time had played so many tricks on them and created a softness in their hearts that had never existed before. The two of them were so different and yet he was the only person who still felt the same.
“You know,” she says finally, her teeth digging into her bottom lip which is painted red as she wraps her arms around her body. It is not cold but she feels so small in the grand scheme of things; she hates that feeling, the lack of control. “A part of me still expects to see that stubborn blonde haired boy that considered extorting me for your help to save the school…” she breathes, a sad expression that should of been a smile but simply wasn’t.
There is something so quiet about the space inside her head, the life she has built for herself that is nothing like who she used to be. A part of her that even misses Zach and his desperate heavy sadness… the burdens that she carried. Now her life is safe, it holds her up in ways that nothing else ever has. She watches Aiden on the television and thinks about a life where they were something else and then about a life where they were the best of friends; so many narratives that come face to face every day. So much lost and nothing ever gained. All too be thrown in the air again like confetti.
She moves towards him and her arms drop down by her sides as she gulps an unsteady breath because sometimes it feels that all she touches disintegrates, that everything she loves is destined to belong to someone else’s story. She had never craved love or admiration, she had spent her entire life fiercely loyal in every sense… even when she had felt that she was trying her hardest not to be.
She only remembers one other instance in their entire lives when she had behaved this way (at least in this universe). She reaches out and her fingers gently wrap around his wrists as she comes to hold them, her breath uneven, “Just put your arms around me, please.”
He was trying not to be too serious. Aiden was someone who would much rather cover a situation up with sarcasm and witty remarks, getting either a laugh or an eyeroll -- usually the latter -- than face whatever deeper emotions surrounded what was going on. He was trying not to be too serious, but it was quickly apparent that wasn’t Faye’s approach. His grin vanished. He thought back to the boy she mentioned, what had happened to him? He could hardly remember who he was back then; he’d like to say he was the same, but he wasn’t, and he knew it. Everyone must’ve known it. Was it for better or worse?
“There’s more fog than memories in here,” he admitted, tapping the side of his head. They’d survived so much. Somewhere along the way, it had become too hard to figure out what was real life and what was a fever dream. What had actually happened in this lifetime and what had belonged to another Aiden Summers. Perhaps it was nothing but a coping mechanism --- he couldn’t break down over what happened if he couldn’t remember what happened. If he started digging, he knew. It would all come back. He’d relive it all. And he couldn’t break, not again. There was one thing he knew about himself, he was supposed to be nonchalant, it was the only trait he could cling to, and it wasn’t very nonchalant to cry himself to sleep.
He’d gotten so distracted by his own thoughts he hadn’t noticed Faye coming closer until he felt the touch. It would’ve made him jump if it hadn’t been so soft. When was the last time someone had touched him at all? His coworker bumped into him in the hallway somewhere around last week. But that hardly counted. Intentionally, when was the last time he’d had any sort of physical affection? It was concerning even to him how blank his mind came up.
Aiden’s expression clouded with surprise. He was partially afraid he’d heard her wrong, that he’d wrap his arms around her shoulders and she’d punch him and demand to know what he was doing. Faybian Davis asking Aiden Summer, of all people, to hug her, was not something that happened in their reality. But, Hell, half of the things that happened was not something that happened in their reality. One look at her face was enough to know she was being serious, enough to make him want to ask if she was okay, but he already knew the answer. No words came to mind. He couldn’t even tease her. There was no reason to talk in this silent apartment where no one else could see or hear them. As strange as the action was, he closed the space between them, pulling her into a tight embrace --- realizing, as he did so, he’d wanted to ask, too.
