symptoms of madness

NOAH SUMMERS. 21. and so, as a person, I was pretty lost. and I was searching for someone that I no longer knew. the person that I used to be.

[summers-noah]

My heart is breaking a little right now. I can't believe I have been here from day one until now, it's so rare for any RP to last this long. I took on this character and in some ways he and his relationships became my own and meant so much to me. Almost as much as the friendship I made with all of you. Thank you for putting up with me when I've been in miserable moods and for putting up with Noah when he was in miserable moods. And for always being the ones to make my days better. I don't know what I will do without this place, it has become my safe haven and it always will be even when it's gone.  I love you all so fucking much and I am so glad that I got to experience this with you all. If you want to keep in touch then my kik is wasteddecember LOVE YOU BUNCH OF LITTLE SHITS <3

[summers-noah]

Text | Grumpy Cat

Jo: No, I don't know. I've been in a weird mood the past couple of days. But I love you too.

Jo: I'd rather not stick around here. It's not really a vacation, so I'd rather just go home.

Noah: Extra grumpy, you mean?

Noah: It happens. I get it. I haven't exactly been my usual self either.

Noah: Well, I'll be happy to have you back.

[summers-noah]

Text | Grumpy Cat

Jo: Well, I was just making sure I was supposed to be there.

Jo: I should be coming home Monday night, hopefully. Everything's almost done, so I should be good then.

Jo: I shouldn't be leaving anytime soon, hopefully.

Noah: You know you are. You think I'm just suddenly going to stop loving you?

Noah: You don't have to rush back...

[summers-noah]

Text | Grumpy Cat

Jo: Okay, good, just checking.

Jo: I mean, there's Dorian, Daniel, Avery too...

Jo: So, just making sure.

Noah: Well, they got it too...

Noah: When are you coming back to me?

Noah: When are you coming home?

[summers-noah]

Text | Grumpy Cat

Jo: I mean, I don't know if you meant this towards me...but yeah, I love you and miss you too.

Noah: Oh god, I thought I had missed you out...

Noah: I'm just kidding. I meant to send it to you.

Noah: Because I do. Love you.

[summers-noah]

Text | All Contacts

Noah: Hi...

Noah: If you get this, then I love you, and I miss you.

[summers-noah]

[summers-noah]

[summers-noah]

For Blue Skies - Stray's Don't Sleep // Half Life - Duncan Sheik // Sleeping Sickness - City And Colour // How To Disappear Completely - Radiohead //  Asleep - The Smiths // Circles - Passenger // When You Break - Bear's Den // You've Got  A Friend In Me - Randy Newman // Satellites - Sleeping With Sirens // Nerve - Half Moon Run // Black Rain, Black Rain - A.A Bondy // You Will Pull Through - Barcelona // Hold You In My Arms - Ray La Montange // Breathe Into Me - RED // Looking Too Closely - Fink // Listen Here |

[dorianaye]

Did you just call me a div? What the hell is a div? I don’t like you anymore. …Wait, are you kidding? You’re kidding, right? You’re exactly like your mom. And the parts that aren’t, you’re like your dad. And then you’ve got some shit that’s just you, which is where the annoying bits come in, but your whole family is awesome and I’m not worried about any of you. I’m not writing you letters about my life, and you’re not changing the subject to avoid going to a shrink. If I have to go, you have to go. It’ll be shitty, but we’ve both been through worse.

[summers-noah]

I ain't telling you, you're going to have to figure it out on your own buddy. You think I'm like her, and my dad? I never really thought that I was, but  suppose I look at myself in a different way to others. Thanks man, I appreciate you saying that. I've been avoiding Max and I feel like shit for it, but he's just a kid and I don't want him to see me like this, you know? I'll agree to go once, but if I'm not comfortable then I'm not going back. I don't need a shrink. I'm fine. Like you said, been through worse. I'll just write it all down and then burn the paper like I usually do. 

[summers-noah]

CALL → Grumpy Cat - Turtle Noah

Jo: She sighed and leaned against the railing of her balcony, overlooking the view that was in front of her. It was hard to accept what he had said - nobody was invincible and people had weaknesses, even those you thought were the strongest people in your life. "Yeah, you're right. It's just hard. But...things do get better. At least, I hope. If I don't hope then there's really no fucking point, you know? They have to get better." She tapped the side of her phone, uncomfortable with where this conversation was going. She wanted him to be okay, for everything to be okay - but it wasn't. All she wanted was everything to be okay again, but she knew that it wasn't going to be that easy. Taking his silence as a no, she said, "Just...try to take it easy, okay?" His next words stung, but she knew he was right. He would have been there, and she wasn't when she should have been. She rubbed her neck, walking back inside her room and pacing around the tiny space. "I know you would have been. You're a better person than I am. I just got reminded of when I was there for my mom, so I ran. That's a shitty excuse to run though, and I'm sorry. I know there's probably not much I can do to make up for it - or even if there's anything at all - but I'm sorry. And now I'm not even there to say it your face."

Noah: Noah didn't really know what to say by this point. For days he had been able to hold it together, others he just seemed to shut down completely. He knew that he should be able to deal with it better, but he just felt so weak - like he had no control over anything any more. "Maybe there is no point. They should, but no, they don't have to. It doesn't work like that. In case you haven't noticed, Jo, life doesn't give us much of a choice," he whispered, shrugging like what he had said was nothing. He ignored her again. He didn't want to agree to do something that he wasn't sure that he could stick to. Sitting around taking it easy usually led him to the feeling of insanity. He needed air and he needed to be out of his house, especially when Avery and Dorian left for work. His parents had been around, but sooner or later they would have to go back to London. "It's not about who is the better person. No one is better, we're all just people. We deal with things differently. I guess I just once again felt like - like I'm the one who loves too much in this. I know it's silly, but I just couldn't stop myself from thinking about the little things, you know? Like how I always say I love you and I miss you first, or how I'm always the one to kiss you first. I always do it all first, and sometimes I wonder if you only say and do it back because you feel like you have to. I don't mind loving you more, I just know that...the people that love more are usually the ones who end up broken. I'm broken enough as it is, Jo...I don't know if I can..." he stopped, his breathing now faster, more heavy. He said nothing else, because he felt like he couldn't.

[landonfk]

Look, man, I know what happened to you was tough, but you don’t need to let all your frustration out on me. She was with you all the fucking time and left for three hours to distract herself and she probably figured it’d be best with me. Is that really too much of her to ask? She was worried about you, she probably hasn’t slept two hours combined in all the time you were missing and hospitalized, so blame her for wanting a few hours of a little distraction, yeah? You’re not the only person that’s dealing with something, remember that. So, don’t be a fucking dick to everyone around you. But hey right, since I’m always the asshole and my life just seems to be fucking perfect, let’s just keep it that way constantly right?

[summers-noah]

Don't fucking even. What, I'm not allowed to talk about what happened? I'm not allowed to be fucking....a mess because of it? I know I'm not the only person that goes through shit, I know because I'm usually the person there helping everybody else through theirs. You'd know that had you bothered to know anything about me. Wow, the dick of dicks is telling me not to be a dick. Hilarity at it's finest. I didn't say your life was perfect, nobodies life is. If you didn't act like the big I am all of the time then maybe more people would give a shit. Hell, I don't even like you but if you came to me and needed to talk, I would listen. And I'd be honest. That's who I am. You just never bothered to learn that. You just hated me for no reason. No fucking reason. 

[landonfk]

Gotta get your cousin to do your dirty work? That’s always a good sign. You jealous or something? You know I’ve know her all my life, right? Or are you one of those people that wants her around all the time and won’t let her have any friends? And for your information, she asked me, because ever since the two of you got together, we’ve barely spoken. Yeah, I’ll wait her. Or do I have to get a permit from you beforehand?

[summers-noah]

I would do it myself but in case you haven't noticed I'm kind of physically fucked up right now, and I also don't want to give my girlfriend a reason to hate me, especially a reason that involves someone I don't give a shit about. Wait, yeah - you're right. I have no right to be upset about the fact that I was in hospital after getting kidnapped and almost killed, yet the person that I needed was off out at the movies. Yeah. I mean, I've known Avery my whole life so if Jo was in hospital I would probably just fuck off out of there and go have a day of fun with my best friend. Nah, you can stay. I'll find somewhere else to read. I'd rather not waste another minute of my life arguing with you. You really aren't worth it. Have a nice life, asshole. 

[dorianaye]

That she did, I’ve always told you she likes me better than you. Shh, she loves me for me, okay, at least someone around here does. She’s as okay as a person can be in this kind of situation. She’s stronger than steel, your mom, she’ll be fine. You can help by getting your shit together. Did you look over the list of shrinks I found? I want us to go to the same one so we can talk shit about them after. I’ve never read it, what’s it about?

[summers-noah]

Don't tell me things like that, I might just start to believe it. I love you for you, you div. Which isn't very okay at all, is it? Yeah, I know she is - she's gotten through way worse. Several times. I wish I could be more like her. I...skimmed it. It's about a boy who writes to his favourite author. It starts out with questions for a book report about him, but then they talk about all of the things going on in his life. Hey, maybe you can write to me even though I'm technically not an author nor your favourite, but I could be your shrink and I could just not go to see one. Sounds good to me. 

[landonfk]

I’m pretty sure that th writers room doesn’t belong to just you, mate. I’m not throwin’ anyone out of set either when we’re filming.

[summers-noah]

If my cousin was here right now I'd get him to flick you and you'd be out the door. I'll let him do it when he's recovered. I'm sure he'll enjoy it. Now, if you'll excuse me random annoying person that somehow always seems to pop up when I least want him to, I want to get back to reading my book. Why don't you take my girlfriend to the movies again like you did when I was in hospital. Actually, she's away right now so you'll have to wait a few days. Do you plan on waiting in here? Because if so, I'll just go back home. 

[jfcmindy]

I don’t need a fucking life lesson from you Noah. I get that I messed up and I’m trying to fix things even though I’m completely aware that there is nothing I can do about it now. Look, I’m a really shitty person. I get that know. I’m very aware of what everyone thinks now. Don’t worry about it, alright? I’m not going to bother him. Happy?

[summers-noah]

You were a bit of a shitty person, but we've all been shitty people. You just did a lot of extra shitty things. I'm not trying to give you a life lesson. I haven't got the first clue about life. I just want him to be okay, and I think that all you should care about right now is getting yourself better. Because until you do that the relationships that got ruined aren't going to be salvageable. 

[landonfk]

I mean, if you’re allowed to broadcoast your every step to the entire world, I might just be allowed to let you in on my unnecessary opinions.

[summers-noah]

In the writers room? Yeah, actually - I can. My domain. So you, can fuck right off out of it.