I felt like I’ve completely lost myself in these past few months.I jumped at the chance to move out and start this new chapter and didn’t take into consideration how it would affect me. I wanted to get out of my comfort zone but if anything I am hanging onto that little piece of comfort by a thread. I thought moving away would make me independent but it’s actually made me more reliant on those closest to me. If you asked me a year ago about moving closer to my boyfriend I would have been ecstatic, but I’m now realizing I spent so much time focusing on the us and I let the me portion slip away. I’m finding that the us part is thriving but everything else seems to be suffering. I feel like I am falling into toxic tendencies by relying so much on what my relationship has to offer. I left my closest friends home and didn’t realize the toll it would take on me not having close friends anymore. I crave friendship and it has become a void that my boyfriend just cant fill. I took on a job I knew I wouldn’t be passionate about, and I moved to a city I knew I wouldn’t love. I was in such a rush to move on to a new chapter that I took the first chance I had rather than waiting for the right one. It feels disappointing to have such regret hanging over me, especially when I envisioned things so differently. I know I can’t move forward unless I learn to put myself first.
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