Shit Happens

[sunbleachedsails]

3:00

It’s 3am and sleep insists on being elusive; I don’t think I can blame it on the coffee I had at 3pm with you.

[sunbleachedsails]

you were my beloved summer

but we only had one summer

[sunbleachedsails]

search bar

our old conversations pop up when i search for something. even the most innocuous words. maybe because.. we used to talk about anything and everything. funny things, random things, weird things.. every possible category out there just manages to pull out conversations from 3 years ago as the top search results instead of what i’m actually searching for. the worst part is that i can’t help but click into it and read and relive that moment and that conversation. every single time. and it always kinda derails me from life in that moment and reminds of what could have been. i really should delete these things but i also can’t bring myself to.

[sunbleachedsails]

i regret everything i said, and everything i didn’t say

i just want to watch a sunset with you for the last time

[sunbleachedsails]

it’ll be fine

i will be fine

[sunbleachedsails]

it’s one of those nights

really missing your voice, scent and warmth

[wondrousworld]

Yamanakako Village, Japan by Yuga Kurita

[breathings]

Fichtelsee, Germany

[sunbleachedsails]

Happy to see you’re doing ok, except for the toe thing.

Actually, just happy to see you.

[sunbleachedsails]

Today was a tough one (aftermath)

i think i finally get it. why people get into relationships and find it worth sticking around for. having someone who is inexorably on your side at the end of an astronomically shit day of shit days; to hear you out about everything that happened, to lend you that shoulder to cry on, or to simply hold you when words just can’t seem to take form. that must be unimaginably comforting. at least it beats being alone.

[sunbleachedsails]

FUCK

Just want to say a big fuck it to this world without anyone asking me about it.

From the very bottom of my heart, fuck this.

[sunbleachedsails]

I don’t even know why I still bother. And why I’m still affected. You would think 2 dozen years of experience would make you immune.

[sunbleachedsails]

not yet there, but hopefully someday

[jospivey-deactivated20190429]

[sunbleachedsails]

dejavu.

I thought I would never relive that feeling again. But I still remember.. everything.

[sunbleachedsails]

Fuck I miss shanghai so much and all it stood for in my life

[suspend]