You know I’ve never killed a man before tonight. It’s the truth. I came close once. See there was this bar my wife and I used to go to. It was our favorite bar. It was our favorite bar because it had our favorite jukebox. Favorite jukebox because well…it had our favorite song. You are so beautiful by the one and only Joe Cocker. Probably the greatest love ballad ever written. I’m sure you agree. You see, there was this guy. This guy, he uh had one of those voices you can’t unhear. You know it was like my brain had been high jacked and I can’t think anymore. Anyway, he is talking and laughing. The song is playing being completely obnoxious. So my beautiful wife Lucille. She gets up, goes over to where he is and politely asks him if he could keep it down. So she could hear her song. Well…let’s just say he chose poorly. So now I gotta get up. And I go over and I tell him that he owes me fifty cents. So I can play the song again and he can shut the hell up and my wife can enjoy her song. Now here’s the important part. I really want you to pay attention to this. You know when people get so angry they say they see red? That shit is actually true. When this asshole comes at me, all I see is red. Like I am looking at the world through blood. So I wail on him. I wail on this son of a bitch until he’s not moving. And then I reach down, I grab his wallet and I take out one dollar. And I play our song again. Twice. Turns out that this prick, his kids they go to the school I teach at. Needles to say, the school is unthrilled. I get fired. This guy sues me. I don’t have a job so now my wife has to pay his medical bills. So the point of this is, there were consequences to me seeing red. Seeing red was a bad thing then. I was a bad man. Then. But see now, nobody is suing anybody. Nobody is getting fired. Hell, nobody is keeping score. Now when I see red, it’s just a question of what I am capable of. And well, man…I hate to break it to you. See I am starting to think that I am capable of damn near anything. So this…this is for not killing me.
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