ISA @sunjakez - Tumblr Blog

Feb 10

The Walls — lhs

nocturna series

pairing: dabbler!heeseung x addict!reader (afab)

synopsis: the world of intoxication and ecstasy was something you never thought could be so enchanting, so tempting. until you went spiraling into it unable to supress the inner cravings and strong thirst for something so forbidden but so euphoric.

genre: angst, smut, fluff, dark realism

contains: drug consumption, drug addiction, alcohol consumption, coctailing, unprotected sex, smoking, established relationship

smut warnings: dom!heeseung x sub!reader, high sex, unprotected sex, dryhumping, manhandling, overstimulation, begging, cum play, oral (f. & m. receiving), dirty talk, praise, spit play, facesitting, snowballing, masturbation (f.)

NOT PROOFREAD! (english is not my first language)

MDNI!

It was his fault.

No.

It was really his fault.

But he himself couldn't stop, at least not right now.

The kisses you were leaving all over his neck, your hands groping every inch of his shoulders as you grinded over him on his lap made him weak. He threw his head back, moaning in pure bliss, the blood in his veins pumping fast, carrying adrenaline together with something more, something addictive. Cocaine.

You yourself weren't a stranger to it. If not, you were a little too far gone than Heeseung. It was enthrilling. Euphoric. No other feeling could compare to it, no other experience is equal to it. Just pure heaven. The arousal spread through your body faster, tactical. Every sound he made seemed so far yet so close. Your mind was fuzzy, body felt light and limp, it was only desire that moved you.

"Fuck baby—" He groaned out the moment you bit down into his jugular, messily letting the saliva slide down. Your thighs trapped his hips down to the couch, his slight thursts lazyly losing power with each grind down of your clothed cunt. The room felt suffocating, curtains were pulled over the windows, not letting any of the moonlight in. Only source of light was a small lamp right by the couch, casting shadows all over the living room as much as it's weak light reached.

Heeseung threw back his head, whines leaving his parted plump lips whilst you pulled back and locked your gaze on his expression. Fuck. You moaned, half lidded eyes fighting to stay open with each grind of your hips becoming harsher and faster. His sweats were drenched, your juices mixing into a messy patch. His hard lenght pressed into your pantie covered folds, sliding and letting you feel everything even over the clothes.

He was a mess, whiny. He could feel his orgasm approaching with each bump of his covered tip over your clit. Heeseung's head pulsed, the pleasure getting to his every nerve and the only thing he could do to brace himself for the high of the highs was to bite down on his forearm that he drapped over his mouth in a poor attempt to stop the sounds of becoming any louder than they already are. His other hand traveled to your hip, pushing you down harder in a desperate chase of his long awaited orgasm. "Hee, it feels so good!" You whined out, voice already hoarse from all the sounds that you let out for the past hour of humping and making out.

Heeseung was out, his eyes were tight shut, head still thrown back as his teeth dug deeper into his flesh. He nodded vigorously, not caring that you weren't getting the confirmation back. His hips gained the rhythm back, harshly fucking up into your slippery folds, cock already sore, sensitive and on the brink of bursting. You were so gone, the high of the drug not letting you down, only letting your body succumb to the pleasure easier. "Baby I'm gonna cum!" You closed your eyes, focusing on the hot knot on the verge of explosion, hands sliding over your swollen breasts, giving them a rough squezze. "Ah fuck...harder—" You cried out, head thrown back at the harsh slide of his tip over your swollen bud. It was all it took for pleasure to overflow you, hips sttutering, mouth agape open as you humped yourself through the climax.

Heeseung was there too, and the moment he hurriedly looked at your body over his lap, shaking from your own orgasm, and feeling your hot drenched pussy drag in a slightly slower grinds as you indulged in every and each second of your high, he moaned loudly letting his own take over. His tights trembled, humps became sloppy, his heart hammered violently against his ribcage as he released in the confinement of his briefs with the loudest moan he ever elicited.

Hard breathing filled the room, breaths mixing messily as your head spun from the overwhelming pleasure. His chest heavied up and down, glistening with thin layer of sweat, exhsustingly trying to get to some air. You reached over to the night table with the lamp right by the couch and swiped your finger on the residue of white powder, slowly raising it to your lips and sucking it off. You moaned in delight, eyes rolling to the back of your head.

Heeseung observed you, the both highs slowly wearing off. But you on the other hand were still having fun. The euphoric smile on your face as you felt the small crytal powder against your taste buds was telling enough. Your hips grinded against him again, getting a small hiss of sensitivity back but you were still out of it, out of this reality. "Heeseung, I want more..." You cuddled into his chest, whiny voice barely sounded stable as you kissed his neck. He chuckled, peeling you off of him and bringing you up to face him.

"You want what Y/N?"

His thumb brushed your bottom lip, pulling it down before letting it bounce back. Just as he was about to pull his finger away you grabbed his hand, hazed red eyes looking up at him through the lashes. "Coke..." You took his thumb into your mouth, sucking harshly and messily. A breathy laugh left his throat at those words and he smiled teasingly. Smiled because he didn't know what mess will be created from just letting you in on his world of dabbling drugs, just simply enjoying the high for fun.

"Got you addicted to high sex, huh baby?"

And it was a mistake.

A big mistake that can't be undone as wished.

• • • • • •

Music hit Heeseung's eardrums unplesantly loud, making him silently wince in response as the entrace door closed behind him. He was hit with a smell of smoke invading his nosetrils, leaving a burning sensation up his sinuses as his eyes stinged due to the toxic fume. As he slowly took steps down the hall here and there couples were scattered around, some talking, some fighting and some making out using the hall as a secluded area for their private matters. He stepped into the living room where the rest of the party was and the scene fully unraveled before him.

Heat rushed over him instantly. The air was thick with the scent of alcohol, sweat and something undistinguishable. A makeshift dance floor had formed near the speakers, bodies moving in a reckless rhythm, lost in the music. A couple lounged on the couch, too deep in their own world to notice the people around them. The coffee table was scattered with red plastic cups and half-empty bottles, illuminated by the soft erratic glow of the neon sign placed on the wall.

Jake always knows how to throw a good party, that's for sure.

"You finally made it!"

The sudden collision with you attaching to his chest and hugging him startled him. He gasped in surprise but quickly, a smile was on his face as he hugged you back. "Woah, slow down girl!" You giggled against his thick hoodie, in the process getting some of the liquor from your cup onto his clean clothes. Heeseung felt the warmth of your body against his, but something was off. Your grip was tight—too tight. Your fingers trembled slightly where they clutched at his hoodie, and when you pulled back, he got a better look at you. Pupils were blown wide, your smile lopsided in a way that wasn’t just from the alcohol. The faint smell of vodka clung to your breath, mixing with something sharper, something artificial. He could tell.

Heeseung forced a smile, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as he studied you. "You feeling good?" His tone was casual, but his mind was racing. You grinned, nodding quickly. "So good. You should catch up, baby." You said, pressing a cold cup into his hand. Your fingers lingered on Heeseung's, eyes gleaming with a kind of feverish excitement. "Maybe later." He gave you a tight lipped grin as he placed the cup on the nearest table. Your red and hazy eyes still looking up at him, giggling to yourself.

His stomach clenched. He'd been the one to introduce you to the world of casual highs, to the occasional pill or line at a party when the night called for it. But you had been careful, hesitant even. Lately, though, that hesitation had vanished. And tonight? You were on something more than just alcohol—he could see it in the way your body swayed, like you weren't fully anchored to the ground.

It scared him.

Your relationship was just taking it's leap. Six months and counting, the first day you met still fresh in his mind as a day. And how could it not be? You got together just a few months ago, still getting to know some parts of one another and getting comfortable. You were a good girl, shy at first, always up in your own small world, kind and smart. You were everything Heeseung could ask for in a girl. But now, you were slowly changing. Maybe he shouldn't have brought you to one of these parties a couple of months ago, maybe he shouldn't have let you see him taking a ecstasy pill, maybe just maybe he didn't have to give you that pill too.

"Yo, Hee!" Heeseung's attention was stolen by the new approaching figure. "Hey Jake, what's up? " He stood before him grinning as he dabbed him up. Jake's cologne was mixed with the ever-present scent of booze and smoke in the air, his dark hair slightly tousled like he'd already been through a few rounds of partying. He glanced between Heeseung and your slow body giggling for no reason, and he gave his friend a look of concern, his eyes filled with something that only they could understand at the moment. Heeseung let his eyes drift to the ground before wandering all over the place, scanning the strangers in a attempt to avoid the pressure of his friend's gaze, and Jake got the message.

"You finally decided to show up!" Jake spoke teasingly over the loud music, getting a little closer to Heeseung. Heeseung forced a smirk. "Wouldn't miss it." Jake chuckled and held out a shot glass that he already brought with him in preparation. "Then prove it." Heeseung glanced at you and your swaying figure, the half empty glass he took out of your grip earlier now in your hands again. You seemed loose and carefree, enjoying the rhythmic bass as you let it get to you and be the only thing occupiying your mind. His uneasiness didn't fade, but it was drowned put by the heat of moment — the music, the energy. Maybe he was overthinking. Maybe you were just having fun.

And as if let off the leash, he grabbed the shot from Jake's hand and downed it in one go. The burning liquor left a heating sensation down his throat, making him grimace. Jake whooped in approval, getting himself a unopened beer from the table and handing one to Heeseung too.

And just like that, the night swallowed him whole.

Hours blurred into moments—more drinks, more laughter. Heeseung kept an eye on you, watching for any sign that you were spiraling, but the alcohol dulled the sharp edge of his suspicion. Every time he caught you giggling at nothing or losing focus mid-conversation, he told himself it was fine. You were fine. His concern that sat deep in his chest was replaced with carelessness the more he let himself enjoy the night, but it was till he felt your fingers lacing through his, pulling him with as you both stumbled through the crowd together.

Strangers brushed past him, some with barely a glance, others throwing quick smiles or playful shoves as they moved through the crowd. But it was all a blur to his tipsy mind. Dimly lit hall way was somehow empty, the only two figures that stumbled into it were you two, his hands gripped at your waist as you pushed him harshly against the wall capturing his lips in a hungry kiss.

No slow build up like usual, no teasing. Just a messy hungry kiss. Your mouth moved sloppily against his, making Heeseung smile into the kiss. You were barely standing, pathetically holding onto his shoulders as he held you up against him by the waist, the glass that you refused of letting go the whole night still somehow gripped in your palm. Agitation took over your whole body, but it was fighting with all its streght to stay collected. Your muscles were slowly giving out, but the euphoria that traveled through your system was not persisting.

You were pressing yourself against Heeseung harder, desperate to keep on partying, to keep the heat going. Heeseung whined against your lips, saliva messily dripping between your bodies and right onto your exposed clevage. You lips all of a sudden felt numb, tongue too as if something paralyzed them. No sensation was felt on them whatsoever and then your grip loosened, hands gripped at Heeseung's hoodie, lips disconnected as he was taken aback.

Heeseung barely had time to process it before your body gave out, knees buckling. A choked sound escaped your throat as if your brain was struggling to keep up with what was happening to your own body.

"Hey—" Heeseung caught you before you could hit the floor, his arms wrapping around your waist instinctively. His heartbeat, which had been pounding from the drunken high of the moment, now raced for an entirely different reason. You were trembling.

Your head lolled against his chest, breathing uneven. Heeseung quickly switched your positions, pressing your back against the wall for support. His hands framed your face, tilting your chin up so he could see your eyes. They were unfocused, pupils blown wide, expression dazed as if you weren't fully present.

"Babe—" His voice came out hoarse, the alcohol in his system doing little to soften the sharp panic slicing through him. "Hey, talk to me." Your lips parted, but no words came out. Eyes blinking sluggishly, like you were trying to wake up from a dream but couldn't find your way back. Heeseung sobered up in an instant.

This wasn’t just being drunk. This wasn’t just a high.

His stomach turned as realization hit him all at once—whatever you had taken, it was too much. Way too much. He had seen people go too far before, seen the way their bodies stopped listening to them when the mix of substances became lethal. But never you. Never this. Heeseung swallowed hard, pushing down the rising fear in his chest.

"Jake!" His voice cracked as he turned his head, searching the crowd for his friend through the living room door, hoping that somehow someone will hear. "Jake—help!" Everything around him blurred—the music, the people, the party. None of it mattered anymore. The only thing that mattered was keeping you awake. Keeping you here. Heeseung pressed his forehead against yours, gripping you tighter. "Stay with me, okay?" His voice was barely above a whisper now, his own breath shaking. "Just stay with me."

"Hey what's happe—"

"Jay! Help me get her to the bathroom! Quick!" He picked you up in his arms, running into the living room and through the crowd of piled up people, getting some insults and shows back, but he didn't care. Jay ran after him, being the only one in this whole party that didn't touch a drop of alcohol or any kind of drug since he got here ten minutes ago. The climb up the stairs felt excruciatingly longer than usual, Heeseung dodged bodies and bodies. "Move — move!" Jake barked,dragging open the bathroom door, Heeseung barged inside quickly putting you down by the sink. "Grab the sink Y/N, hold yourself up, come on." Jay slammed the door shut, fiddling with the lock hurriedly until it clicked.

Heeseung instructed to you whilst he got the water facet on, cold water numbing his fingers under the stream as he got it on your face. "Jay, hold her." Heeseung was panicking but still held his composure with his movements sharp and precise. The other boy slipped right by you, grabbing your arms that weakly gripped the sink. "She's burning up..." Jay's hand flew to your forehead. "What the hell did she take?" Jay spoke, his usually playful demeanor nowhere to be seen. Heeseung ignored the question. He didn’t know, and right now, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was getting you back.

The music was thumbing in your head, the bass ringing off in a drowsy melody. Your ears felt stuffed, muscles weak and worn out, eyes were fixed on one dot with your mind blank and dazed. It all felt too unreal. The coldness on your face and neck made you shiver. Slight trembles were shaking you, breathing still shallow. You flinched when another splash of water meet your face, a small gasp leaving your dry mouth and lashes fluttering. Heeseung kept on cupping your face with cold water, bringing it down to your neck too. "Come on Y/N!" He spoke loud and clear, emphasizing your name.

Your breathing was still shallow, but as Heeseung pressed another handful of cool water to your warm skin, your eyes started to clear—just a little. Fingers twitched weakly against the edge of the sink with Jay still clutching you in his arms. "There you are..." Heeseung whispered, his voice barely steady, breathing still deep.

You blinked up at him, lips parting slightly as if you were about to say something—but then a sharp gasp tore from your throat. Before either of them could react, you lurched forward, retching violently into the sink. Heeseung's chest tightened, but relief washed over him at the same time. Your body was fighting back. You were coming down. Jay moved beside you, grabbing a towel and wetting it before handing it over. "She's gonna be okay. " He said, more to himself than anyone else. Heeseung nodded, rubbing your back gently as you clutched the sink, breaths ragged and uneven.

Heeseung hovered over you, one of his hands now grabbing at bits of your hair as the other gripped the wet towel, his jaw clenched tight. His gaze observed your flushed face as you gripped the sink tighter, knuckles turned white from all the retching and the vomit that was spilling from your sore throat. It was agonizing. The stench that filled the room was like no other, just pure filth of alcoholic vapor. Jay grimaced, covering his mouth with the forearm in a poor attempt to dull the smell.

You struggled to breath whilst vomiting, eyes were glossy and felt like they would fall out of your sockets any minute. The vomit slowed down, your spit getting the last bits out. You gasped for air, mind still unaware of what just happened. You slumped down onto the toilet seat right next to the counter, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. Your cheeks were flushed, eyes watery but bright, still wide with the remnants of the high. Then, you laughed. A light, airy giggle that echoed off the tiles.

"God... " You said, breathless, looking up at Heeseung with a dazed smile. "That was intense." Jay observed everything, eyes going from your giggly figure up to Heeseung's fuming frame. "I'm gonna leave you two to it..." Jay mumbled before slipping out of the bathroom, giving you two space—or avoiding the fallout. The moment door clicked shut, the world quieted.

You kept on giggling, almost falling off the toilet. Heeseung stood there before you, looking down at your state, party obviously continuing in your head. His fists clenched at his sides, anger raising hot and slow beneath his skin. "Come on, let's go back—" Your hand went to grab his forearm in an attempt to stand up on your wobbly legs but his sharp voice cut you off.

"What did you take?" He asked, voice low, too calm. You blinked up at him, slightly swaying with the smile not faltering. "Relax. I just—" You chuckled softly. "I didn't expect it to hit that hard."

"What. The Fuck. Did you take?" Heeseung spat out through gritted teeth, eyes blazing through you. Your eyes flicked to his again, smile faltered for the first time tonight, eyes squinted as you thought back to it. "I had... two tabs of acid..." You spoke, words dragging against your tongue a little. "Then someone gave me a bump—he said it was just molly... I think there was something else in it. Then vodka. But not that much!—" You smiled up at him at the last part, vision still slightly blurry. His serious expression made you confess, as if he didn't already know. "—not really... "

Heeseung couldn't believe his ears. How reckless you behaved. He took a half step back, racking his hand through his hair with a huff of disbelief. "Jesus Christ—" He stared you down, waiting for any sign of regret, of realization of what you just did for the first time. But none surfaced, only a smiley drunk mess looked back at him, slightly swaying to the beat of music that got to the bathroom. "Are you even hearing yourself right now?!" His tone raised, anger getting the best of him.

"You are so hot when you are angry..." You bit your bottom lip, eyes narrowing in a seductive gaze, back leaning back against the tank. Heeseung was so worked up, not noticing or hearing your comment whilst he continued. "I was not here for the first two hours because of family stuff and you go and do something stupid like this?!" He was particularly yelling at you his hands flying all around with each word. You lazyly grabbed one of his wrist, hooded eyes looking up at him through lashes with his body being pulled close to you. "Why are you so mad? You have done worse. You were the one who told me to stop overthinking this shit and just... feel it."

"Not all at once! Not like this! I didn't tell you to fucking black out" Heeseung was furious, not being able to comprehend that you did something so reckless, something that a month ago would be a story that would creep you out before you went to bed. "You could have collapsed out there!.... If I wasn't with you then what?! You think someone would have noticed?" He stopped, attention finally fully on you that was basically hugging his hips, red glossy eyes looking up at him with your bottom lip stuck between your teeth with your chin resting on his lower stomach. You weren't listening to a thing. He clocked it the moment you two locked eyes, pure lust radiated off you as he huffed in frustration, defeat taking over. "Unbelievable." His voice cut sharp over the distant music letting each syllable bounce off the four tight walls. You giggled at that.

A joke.

This was all a joke to you.

"We are going home. Now."

"Nooo~"

• • • • • •

It's been a month. A month after you almost blacked out. You promised to Heeseung the day after the party when the hangover hit harder then ever that you won't do it again. And boy, was it hard. You got into the relationship with Heeseung knowing that about him. That he does it for fun, occasionally. You were not supportive of it, not one bit, always staying away from any kind of drugs. Throughout the whole high school you never even lit a cigar, let alone tried drugs. So being in relationship with a person who is all about the YOLO motto was kind of new, scary and at the same time refreshing.

You got to try everything that seemed intimidating and always followed with some stigma and fear. You lit your first cigar a month into the relationship at one of the visits to his apartment, surprisingly, on your own request, and he gave you one. The first ever head you got was, again, by him in his car while it rained and you two had to stop due to the downpour. It was mind blowing. Definitely one of the best rainy days to be remembered, that's for sure. The first time you got drunk was again around the same time, a month and a half into the relationship, Jake's house and that hang out is definitely one of core memories.

You could say that you were blooming, finally experiencing all the teenage stuff you missed out on. You felt alive. For the first time in your life you felt the adrenaline of doing something off limits, something that was forbiden for the longest time you could remember. The strictness of your parents that you were under till you turned eighteen was excruciating. But thankfully you were now free of that, the constant nagging now turned into "how was the party" and so on. A breath of fresh air.

On top of all that, you felt safe with Heeseung. One of his biggest virtues is making everyone feel like they belong, like they are protected when near him. And that was what attracted you to him the most. The relationship overall was thriving, you two met at the campus one random day when he actually showed up for the classes, since he had a part time job and could not get to each and every lecture. It all happened so fast, but the instant click was there.

You love him. He was everything you could ask for. Caring, kind, humble, faithful and so on. He was a dream come true. You really hit a jackpot with him as your first boyfriend and you were proud of it, of him.

But it all started slowly crumbling down bit by bit the moment drugs hit your senses. At that time you didn't realize that the clever and occasional highs with your boyfriend would have led you here.

You sat at your study desk, trying to focus and get this part of the lesson over with, but it was hard. Your leg kept on bouncing under the table, fingernails were all the time between your teeth, some of them already bleeding and red. Your mind raced with the words from the paper running around in a hope of distraction. It was no use. Your mouth was dry, no sip of water could get it hydrated enough as the water simply seemed to evaporate from your organism the moment it came in contact with it.

"Fuck." You groaned under your breath, hands coming up and messing with your hair before they rested in it. You need something. You really do or you will go insane. Abruptly getting up, you went over to your drawers and opened the first one, rummaging through it you found nothing. You groaned loudly in anger, slamming the drawer shut. You used up all the weed you had, but you knew you needed something stronger. Well as much as you told and promised Heeseung about staying away from any kind of drug that much you were lying.

The thirst was something indescribable, something you never felt before. And it could not be pushed down or forgotten. You craved the drugs. Your body betrayed you, asking for something you knew was forbiden, but it always won. No matter how hard you tried. Heeseung didn't know about your cravings, but you didn't need to tell him, he saw right through you. He knew you good enough to notice that not everything was right.

You walked in circles in the middle of your room, huffing in frustration. What should you do? Racking a hand through your messy hair you stopped. One name on your mind that you knew you could call up. Your shaky hands grabbed your phone from the bed hurriedly, quickly typing in the name and clicking on it.

One ring.

Two rings.

"Hello?"

"Hey Jungwon..."

• • • • • •

It’d been a quiet night. For once.

The apartment smelled faintly like instant noodles and cologne, the blue glow of the TV flickering across the walls as Heeseung leaned back into the couch, controller in hand, eyes locked on the screen. Jay sat on the floor, legs crossed, fingers moving furiously over his own controller. "Bro, you always camp that corner." Jay complained, tossing his head back. "You are such a rat."

"Strategic positioning." Heeseung smirked, taking another shot in game. "Don’t hate the player." Jay groaned and tossed a chip into his mouth. "Your 'strategic positioning' is annoying." The banter rolled easy between them. Normal. It felt good, like space had formed between Heeseung and everything messy he's been drowning in.

Then, his phone lit up. Heeseung's thumb paused over the controler as his eyes flicked over to the bright phone screen.

Y/N<3: come over. I miss u

He stared at it for too long that Jay noticed. "Her?" He asked, eyes back on the screen, thumbs still working over the buttons. "Yeah..." Heeseung mumbled back, already reaching for his leather jacket. "She wants me to come over." Jay's jaw clenched, hesitating before he spoke. "Wait. Before you go..." Heeseung was already on his two feet, swinging the jacket over his shoulders as he got it on. "What?" Jay shifted uncomfortably, eyes all off a sudden interested in the carpet. "I forgot to tell you... She, uh, asked Jungwon for something last week."

Heeseung blinked. "Jungwon? Like...Jungwon Jungwon?" Jay nodded back. "Yeah. Said she hit him up asking for some pills. Something mellow. I didn't think she would actually follow through but—" Heeseung's gut twisted. "You are joking." Jay raised his hands defensively. "I thought you knew." Heeseung was already walking towards the door, aggressively putting his shoes on. "She told me she was done. She looked me in the face and told me she was done."

"I know man. I didn't wanna stir shit up if she was just asking—"

"You should have told me the second you knew!" Heeseung barked, grabbing his keys. Jay stood up, eyes wide. "Wait, Hee! Don't go there pissed, you will just blow up and—" But his friend was already out the door, slamming it on the way out.

His knuckles were white around the steering wheel. Every red light made his pulse throb harder in his temples. The memory of you last time—laughing, stumbling, trying to kiss him like nothing had happened, the parties where you had no restrains played on repeat in his head. He really wanted to classify them as you just having fun, but it was going out of control even before that infamous blackout a month ago. He noticed all the small signs, the slight shakiness of your hands while at lectures, the bit down fingernails, constant drinking of water in a attempt to try and calm yourself. He noticed all. It was till the point he stopped getting high with you when alone, finding excuses like "I'm tired" or "I have none left" just so he wouldn't have to watch you fall apart. He shouldn't have gave you any in the first place to start with.

He regrets it.

You said you stopped and he believed you. And now you were doing it again. Behind his back. When he pulled up in your driveway, he noticed your parents car was not there, the only light in the house being on was in your room. Great. Getting himself out of the car he ringed once and simply let himself in. You were home alone and even left the door unlocked? Pretty responsible.

Heeseung scanned the dark living room, stepping inside and closing the door making sure to turn the lock and get his shoes off before heading up the stairs. Your door was slightly open, letting the light peak through the slight crack. When he pushed the door open, jaw locked tight, he scanned the room like he expected to see drugs lying out in the open. You flinched at the sudden sound, gripping the towel around you tighter as you turned towards the door a small smile on your lips. "Hey Hee..." You adjusted the towel on your head before taking steps towards him. Heeseung stood there, eyes going over your freshly washed body, but stiil, the smell of your baby talc was not the only thing that lingered in the air. Weed.

"Well that was fast—"

"Did you hit up Jungwon for pills?"

Silence.

You stood before him, staring blankly at his serious face. Your lips parted slightly, like you hadn't expected him to lead with that. "What?" You retorted, almost too innocent, your brows narrowed in confusion, slight smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "What are you talking about—"

"Don't lie to me." He took a step closer, and he had what to smell. You reeked of weed, the earthy scent faded but still there. You rolled your eyes, tension tightening your shoulders. "I didn't take anything. I just...asked."

"Why?" He snapped. "Why the hell would you do that? After everything that happened? After I carried you to the bathroom so you wouldn't pass out in the middle of a party?! Wh—"

"God, Heeseung!—" You took a step back, overwhelmed. Eyes now full of something he couldn't decipher, something you yourself couldn't quite put a finger on. "Will you stop for once... " Your chest moved shallowly as your tone changed to a whisper. "Acting like I'm a baby and can't care for myself. Stop playing dad, Jesus!" You turned away from him, taking the towel from your head and throwing it on the bed. Wet hair on your shoulders sent shivers down your spine as you grabbed the comb and started doing your hair in front of the mirror, like nothing happened. Maybe it was you just avoiding conflict. Or you were scared of the confrontation you knew will come with the argument.

"Oh, so now I'm the villain? And for what? For caring too much?! Miss me with that fucking bullshit! You think this is only about that one time huh?!..." Heeseung now stood next to you, your peripheral vision blurred by him standing close whilst you slowly dragged the brush through your wet hair, jaw tightening. "You really think I didn't notice what's been happening to you? How you have been slipping further? You think I didn't clock every excuse, every lie, every time you said it to my face and weren't honest? It's not a phase, Y/N. It's an addiction—"

"Get out of my fucking face!" You pushed at his chest, making him stumble back a bit, but not from the force—but from the slight tremble and a crack in your voice. The brush tumbled to the ground, forgotten. He hit a nerve. You trembled, eyes boring through his, fists clenched by your sides. "Hit a nerve huh—"

"I don’t need you standing there like some savior." you hissed, voice shaking—not from weakness, but rage laced with fear. "Like you are above this. Like you haven't done the same shit, worse even." He scoffed, jaw clenching. "Don't turn this on me. I never lied about what I was doing. I never pretended I was okay."

"No, you just gave it to me!" you shouted, pointing at him. "You were the one who got me into this. You handed me the first pill like it was a game. Don't stand there and act like you’re clean."

"I never thought you'd drown in it." he said, almost under his breath, but the words landed like a punch. "I didn't think you would need it." Your throat tightened. That sting behind your eyes rose fast. But you refused to let it fall. Not in front of him. Not now. "You don’t know what the fuck I need." You muttered, voice barely held together.

"That's what you do, isn't it?" he went on, voice bitter. "You push until people leave so you don't have to face what you’re doing to yourself."

"Oh, fuck you!" You screamed. "You don't know me! You think just because you stuck around during a few breakdowns, you have earned the right to speak like you are some authority on who I am?!"

“I do know you." he growled, stepping forward again. "I know you are smart. I know you are strong. And I know you are so goddamn scared of being vulnerable that you would rather burn down every good thing around you than admit you need help."

You shook your head, shaking with anger, frustration, and fear. "Stop acting like you know everything. I don't need you coming in here trying to fix me. I'm not addicted!" The last words sat heavy on your tongue, your glossy eyes looking straight into his but behind them there was something that couldn't be hidden. Unsureness.

Heeseung's face hardened. "You know what? Maybe not. Maybe I’m not good. But at least I’m not hiding behind a bottle and a fake laugh while I rot from the inside out." That one hurt. You physically recoiled. A tense, horrible silence fell between you both. Breathing hard. Shaking. You spoke first, bitter and cold.

"Get out."

Heeseung’s jaw flexed, eyes burning holes through you. "Gladly." He turned on his heels without another word and stormed out, slamming the door so hard it rattled the frame. You stood there, heart pounding, fists trembling, eyes burning.

You didn't cry.

You didn't move.

You were too mad for tears.

Too hurt to call him back.

And way too scared to admit he might have been right.

• • • • • •

It's been days. Days since you talked to your boyfriend and it was weird. Everyone noticed your distance, especially at the campus where you two litteraly avoided each other. Heeseung needed time. He had to process everything and actually think about what he wants out of this relationship. He had to figure where you two stand. It was not so easy.

You on the other hand felt empty. With Heeseung no longer by your side you felt more alone then ever. You were lonely. Sad to admit, but he was your only company. You never had much friends. The ones you had were left behind by you the moment you entered a relationship with him, and you shouldn't have done it. Heeseung was telling you that, to try to rekindle the contact with some, but you were too deep into your relationship, it consumed you to the point you didn't care for anyone else except him.

It now backfired.

As you sat down on your balcony, the starry sky over you shining and illuminating your face, almost as if caressing your heavy lashes, you were lost. Your eyes were red, red from the drug that was rushing through your bloodstream and playing with every nerve in your brain. The pill had kicked in a while ago—maybe thirty, maybe fifty minutes. Time had melted into something meaningless. Benzos always did that. It didn't hit like a train, didn't smack you across the face. It just...hushed everything. The noise in your head, the ache in your chest, the trembling in your fingers. All muted now. Just a soft, slippery nothing.

The metal chair you sat on felt uncomfortable, digging into your leaned back and backside uncomfortably as you held your legs close to your chest, head thrown back against the wall. You fucked up. You did. And your eyes stang, again. A single tear dropping down your cheek whilst you kept a blank face. He was right. He was right about everything.

Another tear.

You had a problem and you didn't know how to fix that. You shouldn't have touched drugs, you shouldn't have even thought about it. But the thrill pulled you in and made sure you kept coming back. It was a game that rarely who managed to escape, and that thought scared you. You were too prideful, no, too scared to admit what path you were going down just days ago, but now, it was all clear. There was not a day you weren't on something. That's how bad it had become. Crises were becoming a everyday thing, your apearence started to exude your inner conflicts, leading to you going to lectures not caring about proper hygiene. The last days were really a spiral that seemed inevitable. Your meals all the together weren't regular. A mess, that's the last week summed up. A fucking mess.

It had been days since you heard from him. Not a text. Not a call. Not even a passive-aggressive story repost you could overanalyze. Nothing. And somehow, this hurt more than all your fights combined. The tears started pouring down, your shaky hand came up to wipe them off but only more were coming. You gasped, hands rubbing your calfs up and down, a nervous tick that kept going even if you weren't nervous anymore.

You should have been angry. But you weren't. Or maybe you were. You couldn't tell anymore. Everything inside you had flatlined.

The highs weren't fun anymore. It wasn't wild or dizzying or euphoric. It was hollow, only acting like a stabilizer that kept you alive. The cravings did not have mercy. You fucked it all up. And maybe you had. Maybe he was done. Maybe he meant it.

The thought left nothing but a painful ache in your chest. Your head pounded, body trembled as the tears heavied your vision, the night sky now dissolving into one big blur, the sobs never stopped .

• • • • • •

The sound of laughter and bicker bounced off the alley walls next to Heeseung's building as the friends kept on talking. The city buzzed in the background, cars passing, distant chatter of people, the light bass of the music on the rooftop bar could be felt. Heeseung sat on the wodden crate with the half-burned cigar between his fingers, legs stretched out in front of him, his head tipped back as he exhaled slowly.

Jay was leaned up against the opposite wall, flipping the lighter open and shut out of habit whilst Sunghoon and Jake debated over some movie trivia, their voices loud but harmless. "Bro, I'm telling you..." Jake insisted, pointing his cigar like it was a mic. "It wasn't his real kid, it was a setup." Sunghoon scoffed at that, rolling his eyes. "Shut up. You always think everything is a conspiracy." Jay let out a chuckle at their stupid argument. "Y'all sound like a YouTube comment section." He looked over to Heeseung. "Back me up."

Heeseung gave a half-laugh, corners of his lips tugging up slightly. "I'm too high for logic right now." Everyone laughed just for a moment. Everything seemed fine. Until Jay's eyes lingered too long on Heeseung's face, reading the quiet behind the smirk. Then he spoke. "So... You heard from Y/N?" The laughter stopped like someone had hit mute, Sunghoon and Jake turning to Heeseung, noticing the uneasiness after the mention of you. His jaw ticked, fingers tightening slightly around the cigar. He didn't look at them, just took another drag, slow and heavy. "Not tryna start something. Just asking." Jay added on in defence.

Heeseung let the smoke sit on his tongue for a second before blowing it out with a scoff. "No, I haven't." The words lingered heavy in the air, Sunghoon and Jake exchanged a look but didn't say anything. Jay leaned a bit, voice low. "You miss her?" Heeseung stared ahead, watching the smoke snake through the air, his mind blank but at the same time racing before be answered. "Of course..." Jay nodded slowly, flicking the ash onto the ground. "You think she is gonna come back from it?"

Silence.

Heeseung finally looked at him, eyes darker then usual. "I don't know. That's the part that pisses me off the most. I don't know." There was a long pause. City was still bustling, but here it felt like it was frozen. "I tried." voice quiter now but still sharp. "I tried to pull her out, talks and talks. But it seems like she doesn't get the weight of it. This is all just a getting loose thing to her and it pisses me off. Acting like a fucking child..." The boys stared at him, their eyes carrying something more—sympathy, maybe. Or guilt.

"And every time I bring it up she turns it on me. I get it! I get it that I shouldn't have let her dabble with me, but I didn't know she was that labile..." Jay nodded again, humming in understanding. Sunghoon cleared his throat, breaking the awkward silence with the offer. "You wanna hit something more after this? Grab a drink or something?"

Heeseung blinked, taking the last long drag from the cigar, toxic smoke spreading through his lungs before it exited through his nostrils and slightly parted lips, creating a cloud of fog over his head. He let the cigarette butt down by him, stepping with his heel on it before he answered. "Fuck yeah."

Jake whooped and threw his unfinished cigar. "Let's go!" Like always, he was up for drinking and partying. His reaction got smiles on other boys' faces, light laughter filled the alley. Heeseung knew he needed this. No regret or overthinking tonight, just simple night out with his friends. Carefree and alive. Tonight, he will get you off his mind, even if that only lasted a couple of hours.

He needs this.

• • • • • •

The clicking of cutlery against porcelain echoed softly in the dinner room together with your parents banter. The dinner before you looked beautiful—roasted vegetables, grilled chicken, all neatly plated and ready to be devoured. But you couldn't stomach any of it. You sat at the table, shoulders slouched as you stirred the rice unappetizingly with your fork. Your eyes were tired, the tired that makeup couldn't hide anymore. Your frame was hugged by a baggy hoodie, sleeves run down your arms as if almost trying to swallow you.

"You barely touched your plate." Your mom said gently, pausing her glass of water halfway to her lips. "Are you still feeling sick?" You blinked slowly. "Yeah..." You murmured under your breath. "Still kinda... off." Your dad glanced up from his phone, eyes drifting from a important email and right to your weak figure. His eyebrow furrowed. "You missed three days of classes. You sure you are okay?" Concern could be heard in his gentle tone.

"I'm fine." You answered a little too quickly, voice flat. "It's probably just the flu or something." Your mom gave you a look, skeptical but not confrontational. "Maybe we should take you to a doctor, sweetie." You shook your head. "No. I'm just tired. I'll be okay." A silence took over for a few seconds, your fork again in the plate before you, scraping it. Then your mom spoke again, more careful this time.

"I haven't seen Heeseung around for awhile. Everything okay between you two?"

The fork stilled in your hand. Your eyes locked to the plate, breathing barely noticeable. The question sliced through you —normal, casual, but you still couldn't answer it. Your mouth was opening but nothing came out. Your throat tightened, tongue sat heavy and dry. The silence grew noticeable, both of your parents now hyper focused on you, every movement stopping. Your mothers brow's knitted together. "Y/N?" You still didn’t answer.

You didn't know what to say. How do you explain that the boy they once smiled at across the doorway has not spoken to you for weeks since the last time he looked at you was like a stranger when you were in the same room together? That you couldn't bring yourself to feel normal anymore, not in your skin, not in your thoughts—and you didn't even have a good enough reason for why you spiraled in the first place.

Your dad glanced between you and your mother, he didn't push. He never did.

You finally forced a weak shrug, voice flat. "We have just been... busy. He's been with his friends." Your voice cracked in the middle, so quietly that your mother had to lean in to catch it. More silence. Your mom smiled faintly, not convinced of your words. "Alright. Well... Let us know if you want to talk about anything." You nodded quickly eyes never leaving the plate.

But in your chest, shame coiled tight—hot and choking. They didn't know. Not really. And if they ever did… if they ever truly looked close enough—

You took a shaky breath and stabbed a piece of cold chicken.

Pretending was easier.

• • • • • •

The room was dim, lit by only your bright phone screen and the moonlight that came down through the blinds. The house was quiet, pretty quiet. Your parents were working night shifts again, so that meant no people to distract you. Sheets were tangled at your feet, music playing low from the speaker, something ambient and slow, barely keeping you tethered to reality. You sat up as you clicked on the first icon in the message app, staring at the last message you had sent him.

You: come over. I miss u

It woke up the ache that you worked so hard to avoid. But there's no going back now. Your finger trembled as they danced over the keyboard, typing and retyping the same message with unsureness.

You: I miss you

Send.

You: Please come over

Send.

You: Please

Send. Send. Send.

Your chest tightened, a dull sharp ache pulsing behind your ribs. The benzodiazepines rolled through your bloodstream, turning your thoughts into a slush and muting the sharpness of the world. You didn't feel the pain exactly—not like you should have. It was more like you were watching yourself fall apart from the other side of the room. A weak laugh escaped your lips, cracked and breathy as if you were barely standing. Your hand wiped under your eyes. You didn't know if you were crying again or your vision was distorted from the high. Maybe both.

No reply.

You stared at the screen until the words blurred, until your thumb hit the message bar again and typed without thinking.

You: I'm sorry. I fucked up. I just want you. Please just come.

The silence in the room was unbearable. You fell back against the pillows, eyes locked on the ceiling. Everything felt too quiet but too loud at the same time. Your limbs were warm and numb, heartbeat slow and steady, but your thoughts spun in circles, clashing. You couldn't stop seeing his face. The way he looked at you during your last fight — angry, hurt, done. It made your gut twist at the reviving.

You sent another message.

You: I just want to feel something real again

• • • • • •

The phone buzzed once. Twice. Again. Heeseung looked at it from where he was sitting at the edge of his bed, hair damp from the late night shower, hoodie half zipped up, blunt burning low between his fingers. The screen lit up with your name, over and over again.

Y/N<3: I miss u

Y/N<3: Please come

Y/N<3: I just want to feel something real again

He stared at it, jaw tense, stomach flipping. He could already tell—you were high. The pattern, the desperation, the timing. Everything added up. He knew that too well. His thumb hovered over the screen, his pulse jumped. He hated you for doing this. He hated himself for caring. But most of all, he was hating how fast he was standing up and grabbing his keys.

He was already in your driveway, no sign of your parents car. Of course. Of course you get high and call him when you are alone. He exited the car, pulse quickening with every step he took towards the door. No light was on in the house, not even your own room. The front door creaked open under his hand. Heeseung didn't ring. He never had to.

You always left it unlocked whenever you wanted him to come. It became a unspoken rule that still somehow stood. Even now—weeks after the fallout, after everything that was said and left unsaid.

He took a step inside, slow and cautious, scanning the dark familiar living room. The whole place was quiet, dead almost. He was not even sure if anyone was at all home. He shut the door and made his way up the stairs, no light was needed, it was all too familiar. With each step up the stairs his heart hammered, throat tight. Am I really doing this again?

Reaching the top, he could see the weak light coming from under your door which was slightly cracked open, like always. He took steps and finally was face to face with the comfort of your room, only separated by the thin wood. The moment he pushed the door open, there you were. Sitting cross-legged on the bed, hoodie slipping off one shoulder, hair wild and unbrushed. Your phone was clutched in your hand and eyes red and unfocused, blinking slowly. Your head turned sluggishly when you felt him on the doorway. You didn't flinch, didn't say anything. You just stared at him like he was the only thing keeping you tethered to this world with wet cheeks and watery eyes.

"You left the door unlocked..." Heeseung spoke flatly, almost lifelessly as his eyes scanned you. How glassy your eyes were, pupils blown wide, how you were barely holding yourself together. "You came..." Your hoarse voice echoed through the room, sniffles continued. "I wasn't sure if you would." A bitter smile pulled at your lips.

Heeseung didn't answer, jaw tensed as he shut the door behind him, eyes never leaving you. "You are high." He said, eyes sharp now. You looked down at you lap. "I just needed to feel... less."

"Less what?"

"Just— less."

He slowly made his way towards you, stopping right at the foot of you bed. "You are fucking dissappearing." Your dazed eyes followed him, full of tears that were ready to downpour. You sniffled, pulling your legs up to your chest and hugging them. "Why do you care? You left me." The words left your mouth in a whisper, strained almost inaudible. "I didn't leave!" He snapped. "You pushed me out! You kept lying. Hiding even. You broke my trust!" Tears suddenly started pouring out your eyes quietly, still listening to every word his angry voice spoke. "You became distant, even when I wanted to get close to you!—"

"You think I don’t know what’s happening?! You think I can’t see it too? You think I like being like this?!" You shouted through sobs, finally letting it out. Heeseung’s eyes softened, drinking in every word as his mind raced. "No, I don't th—"

"Then stop acting you you know fucking everything!" You were now gasping from how much tears you were sheding, it was exhausting. You snapped finally, frustration getting the best of you. Everything deteriorated, everything you built collapsed right before your eyes. You chest hurt, hands trembled as cold sweat coated your skin. Heeseung took a step back from the sudden outburst. The rawness of it making his own legs weak. The moment you heard him take steps back your head snapped towards him, eyes wide in fear. "Nonono—" You repeated shaking your head in denial, getting on your wobbly knees and hands. "Heeseung, please! I'll be good. I swear, please—" You crawled towards him, eyes looking up at him through your wet lashes, glowing under the moonlight.

You finally got to the end of the bed, grabbing his wrist before you pulled him back towards the bed, staring up at his upright and strong figure hovering over your crawling one. "Please. Don't go." You got on your knees, attaching yourself to him, hands grabbing at his waist and every inch of his upper body, histerically. Like you would lose him right now, right here.

Heeseung was at a loss for words, blankly staring at your face up close after so long. And you were so beautiful. With your puffy glossy eyes, plump lips swollen, cheeks red from all the stress. You still were so beautiful to him. He gulped, scanning your panicked face, hands still by his side, not daring to lay a hand on you. Not because he didn't want to, but because he was scared he would not be able to stop.

Suddenly your eyes met, your gaze instantly changing, like a switch. Your hands sensually slowed down, caressing his hoodie covered waist. Your breaths mingled, mixing as your eyes traveled down to his lips. Silence became tense, the only sound being your slow and deep breathing. Heeseung gulped and you felt it. That subtle shift in the air, the way his chest raised just a bit more forcefully, the way his fingers twitched at his sides. He was trying, really trying to hold the line. But you could feel him crack under the weight of your desperation.

Your hands moved slower, more intentionally now, sliding up the fabric of his hoodie, gently feeling his muscles contract under your cold touch. "You still want me..." You whispered, eyes hooded and red and voice broken, shaky. "Even now... don't you?" He didn't respond. But the silence was the response.

You leaned in closer, face tilted up, lips ghosting the underside of his jaw. "Say it." You pleaded, voice trembling like your body was. "Please. Just say it." Heeseung's eyes fluttered shut for a second, jaw clenched. He was breathing through his nose, trying to keep control. "Y/N stop—"

"You always love having me like this." The graze of your lips against to corner of his mouth was the last straw, his hands finally moved—grabbing your wrists, gently but firmly, pulling them away from his body. You looked up at him, panic flashing again, eyes wide. But before you could speak, he crashed his mouth to yours.

It wasn't a kiss. It was a collapse.

Your back met the mattress again, his body following, heavy and hot, mouth devouring yours like it's his last. Your legs instinctively wrapped around his waist as his hoodie rode up, fingers digging into the sheets, into his back, into anything you could hold yourself onto. His hands found your waist, your thighs, your face — gripping, stroking like he couldn't decide what to do first. The kiss was messy, uncoordinated, like both of you were leading your own way. Saliva mixing, tongues fighting to get the taste of each other's mouth, hungrily. He suddenly detached, earning a whine from you in response as he let his kisses down your jaw and right over your neck.

"I hate you for this." He mumbled into your neck, voice sharp, breathing erratic. "You drive me insane." You moaned in response, arching your back off the sheets and right into his body asking him to get back to work. "Hee, please..." He dived back in, kissing your neck, your clavicles, leaving open mouthed kisses with his hands traveling up your hoodie. Your skin was cold but sweaty, chest heavied up and down with each touch of his fingertips. He moved down, slowly descending onto his knees at the foot of the bed, meeting with the carpet as his lips grazed every inch of your stomach, hoodie pushed up by his big hands. You gasped for air, raising yourself by your elbows and watching him. His slouched figure grabbed at your thighs, hips, anything that was available. His nose nuzzled onto your waistband, underwear on full display before him.

He raised his eyes, making direct eye contact with you making you almost moan out loud. Heeseung had a sight to see, you meesed up, desperate for him, eyes now puppy like almost begging him to devour you. "Didn't eat this pussy in a while baby..." His fingers grazed your inner thighs, eyes moving down to scan the mess that was already accumulating. The wet patch stabbing his eyes, making him hiss at the slight movement of your hips against his gaze. "You want that, hm?" You hummed out desperately, nodding your head quickly, legs spreading further on their own.

Heeseung caressed it with the back of his fingers, feeling the wetnees over the drenched fabric. You relaxed into the touch, his knuckles hitting your covered clit in a stroking motion just right. It was gentle, teasing, and he enjoyed watching you fall apart just by his simple touch. You were sweating, the drugs still slowing you down, making the slight pleasure feel otherwordly. Heeseung hooked his fingers on your panties, pulling them away from your core before letting it slap back against it, the action making you slightly jolt. The wet sound that came of it making his mind spin. You were humming repeatedly in a haze, your eyes closed and head thrown back, hips chasing the stimulation under his eyes. "Fuck. Don't do that..." He grimaced, his sweats feeling tighter then ever. Just the simple squirm of your body was enough to make his tip leak precum in anticipation.

His hands grasped your hips, adjusting you as he lowered his head, now face to face with your soaked underwear. He blew at it experimentaly, to see if you would feel even the slightest of brush and you did. Your hips rolled in an attempt to meet whatever that was, not nothing. That's how sensitive you were. It was the last straw before he was tipped over the edge, impatience getting the best of him as he pulled the underwear off you, throwing it somewhere behind. Pushing your thighs spread open again with his palms pressing onto them, he left a harsh lick all the way from your hole to your clit. It made you scream in surprise, body aching and trembling the moment his tongue went flat over your bundle of nerves.

He was impatient. His mouth quickly attached to your clit, engulfing it with his soft wet mouth as he sucked. Your back met the mattress again, arms too weak to hold you up. You panted, head thrown back as he refused to let your bud go. It was becoming sensitive with each flick of his tongue as he harshly sucked, even moaning against your wetness. Heeseung was enjoying himself, head bobbing with each squirm of your hips against him. You tasted divine.

You were becoming a moaning mess, cold sweat covered every inch of your skin, the hoodie feeling suffocating on your torso more than ever. Lightheadedness was taking over. You were so sensitive. You can't take it. So you trashed around against his mouth, trying to run away from his savage lips, but it only made him groan, your moans became erratic, a small tight knot forming in the pit of your stomach.

It made him mad. You trying to run from him. His fingers digged harder into your inner thighs, keeping you in place. You hissed in pain from his strong hold, he was too aggressive, his mouth detaching from your clit to just let a filthy glob of spit onto it before diving back in. You sighed in slight relief but the overwhelming pleasure was back, this time his tongue skimmed over your holds, collecting all of your sticky arousal before it circled your hole. You raised your head and opened your heavy eyes, vision blurry from all the tears, cheeks flushed and red, neck heating in a uncomfortable fire. His eyes locked with yours. You moaned, mouth agape as you kept the eye contact. He smirked with his tongue traveling up to your bud and down to your hole again, teasingly poking at it, again and again.

"Tongue fuck me, yes..." You mumbled lowly through a breathy tremble more to yourself as you bit down on your lip and closed your eyes whilst throwing your head back. Hips meeting his shallow thrusts into your cunt. Heeseung almost came from the simple sight of you fucking yourself against his hot muscle. The next thing he did made you whine in need. He grabbed your knees, his hot hands against your sweaty skin made you shudder as he pushed them up and against your chest, your cunt on full display and at his mercy now. He dived right in, folding you in a uncomfortable position as his tongue thrusted into you, harder this time. You bit your bottom lip, pleasure eating you up as he didn't stop, not for a second. His hot muscle rubbed your entrance and walls in such a dirty way, hammering at a speed that had your head spin. You moaned and moaned, voice already hoarse.

"Heeseung fuck!" Your voice strained and breathy as it came out, the knot forming faster then ever, thighs shaking, ears canceling out everything as your body prepared for the climax. Heeseung could feel that you were close, your walls clenching and convulsing against his tongue, saliva dripped all onto your skin, trickling down your ass cheeks and onto the mattress together with your juices. He moaned, tongue already tired but he did not stop. His eyes closed tight in delight, waiting for your orgasm to wash over you.

One more thirst of his was enough for your body to shudder. The heat spread throughout you, blood pumping faster then ever. You moaned one last time, jaw tensing and thighs shaking. You came hard on his tongue as he fucked you through your orgasm, making sure to remember every sound and move your body let out at the moment, his smile never falling. You furiously tried to get your hips to grind against him, but it was no use, he held you down. "Yes fuck keep going— mhm..." Your pussy convulsed, after shocks still shaking you as he slowed down, finally letting your legs down and onto the bed. You were breathing hard, eyes still closed as your ears ringed. Heeseung let out a chuckle, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, collecting the wetness that dripped down his jaw. He got onto the bed, knees dipping the mattress right at the sides of your worn out legs before he leaned over you, eyes scanning your panting and flushed face.

He moved a strand that sticked to your glossy lips, and he kissed you. Hard. His hands cupped your face, holding you in place. You could taste yourself on his lips, salty and tangy. It made you whine leading to him moaning in response. You grabbed his wrists, gently but firmly, pulling them away from your face and getting your hoodie finally off. Your breasts raising and falling with each breath in and out, making him lick his lips at the sight. You pressed a peck to his lips before you slowly slipped your body down, eyes boring into his glimmering with mischief. He furrowed his brows, watching your figure slide beneath his slowly, sheets wrinkling with your back dragging against them. "Y/N what—"

You were already beneath him, face to face with his bulge, cupping it as you looked over your head, lip stuck between your teeth, hand squizzing him. Heeseung’s breath got stuck in his throat whilst he stared at your figure under him who was still on his fours, gawking at your head that was now caged with his thighs . The eye contact made him smile slyly down at you, getting the idea you had. Before he could react your hands already pulled down the front of his sweatpants together with his boxers, revealing his raging cock. It almost hit you in the face, tip bulbous and red, leaking precum. Your mouth watered at the sight, and before Heeseung could say anything your tongue slid over the pulsing vein right on the underside of it.

Heeseung's mouth opened, eyes went closed shut, palms fisting the sheets painfully hard. You smirked at his reaction, getting one of your hands around his base and taking the tip into your mouth. Your tongue went over the slit, fluttering around the pulsing head as the hand stroked it. Heeseung let out a shaky breath, adrenaline making his ears hotter than ever, throat dry and hoarse. The moment your hand squeezed his lenght, he got himself upright, knees dipping deeper next to your head as a moan ruptured from his parted lips. You suckeled on the tip, teasing the hell out of him, the hand stopped with the strokes, instead both arms went around his thighs, keeping him close and anchored. His muscles flexed, contracting with each slight move of your tongue over his slit.

His hands went up to his hoodie zipper, finally releasing himself of unnecessary clothes before he threw it on the floor. Your eyes went over his revealed torso, eyes rolling back in distinguished pleasure at the picture before you. His lean body glistened with sweat under the moonlight, abs contracting on their own in tandem with your mouth against him. His chest seemed flushed, shallow breaths left his lungs in a reckless rhythm. Heeseung looked down, his fingers combing through your hair, getting a gentle grip onto it. "So good... so good for me, yeah—" He kept your head in place, giving your mouth a slow and tender thrust, not all the way in yet. You hummed in response, the vibrations sending his mouth agape, eyes narrowed and focused on the way your lips wrapped around him.

"Letting me use your mouth just how I like—"

Another whiny hum.

"Ah— look at you... So desperate that you didn't even wait for me to ask." His grip tightened around your hair, just slightly, enough to make your eyes look up at him. Tears clung to your lashed from the sheer intensity, saliva messily clinging to your chin. Heeseung's thrust gradually became deeper, his pants and whimpers coming out melodically. "You missed this cock... didn't you?—" Your mouth succumbed to him, giving him the full control, letting him thrust steadily as much as he wanted.

"Admit it."

With those words he pushed himself fully in, making you gag before retracting till he pulled out and let his tip rest on your swollen and glistening lips. You did not break eye contact, letting your tongue out and kitty licking the flushed head with the slight nod of a guilty admition. You did miss him fucking you. More than anything. Heeseung could barely breath. "You are so goddamn filthy." He stuttered out.

You teasingly opened your mouth letting it hover over his raging hard on before nodding slowly, eyes looking up at his with a glint of playfulness. "Only for you." And he was in your mouth again. Heeseung started thrusting right away, groans and whines escaping his lips. The whole time your wetness was pooling more and more between your clenched thighs. Every sound, every tremor of his body sent a wave of arousal through you. You clenched your thighs, rubbing them together in a attempt too relieve the swelling that was starting to ache.

The sliding of his cock against your soft flesh felt all too ecstatic. Saliva was dripping from the corners of your mouth, allowing him to glide with ease. His body was unraveling. His thighs were trembling now, muscles twitching from the overload. His chest rose and fell like he’d just run miles, eyes still locked on where you two connected. "You are gonna make me cum so hard…" He growled, voice hoarse, breathless. "You love doing this, don’t you? Love wrecking me."

Another groan ripped from his throat, and this time, it was broken—shameless. His hands slipped behind your head, gently, and he hissed through his teeth as he tried to hold back. You fisted the material on his hips, bracing yourself for his release. "T-take it—take all of it. Just like that—fuck, yes."

And when it finally hit him, it was devastating. His hips bucked, His hand tightened in your hair but not enough to hurt, just to ground himself in you—because he was gone. Utterly gone. Voice lost in the moan that ripped from deep in his chest.

And you didn’t move away once.

Didn’t even flinch. You kept him in your mouth, cum filling your warm cavity, some even collecting at the corners of your tight wrapped lips. You moaned in delight, tasting it against your taste buds after so long. He bucked his hips one more time into you, making sure to fuck it down your throat, and you let him before he pulled out. Cock all sore, still pulsing and limply standing before your face. His hair stuck to his forehead, chest still gasping for air as he racked a hand through his dark locks, tossing it back. You did not swallow, instead kept it in your mouth as you wiggled out from beneath him, getting on your two feet before making your way again on the bed, your knees shifting the mattress and grabbing his attention as you got in front of him. He looked down at you, raising a brow just as you grabbed his face and kissed him. Heeseung’s hands instinctively found your naked waist, pulling you closer and flush against him, your bare skins rubbing and sliding.

It was messy, raw.

His tongue tasted himself on you like he needed it—like it was the only thing that could bring him down. Cum dripped down between your bodies, messily sticking to your hot and sweaty skin. Your palms glided down his neck and right over his bulging biceps' giving them a squeeze as you caressed them, making goosebumps arise on his wet skin. "You are unreal." He groaned against your mouth, teeth grazing your bottom lip. "So fucking nasty—" His tongue licked at the white fluid dripping down your chin. "My nasty girl."

You giggled, breath hitching as his hands groped at your ass, until you were flush against his again hard cock that stood proud onto his abdomen. The way you grinded your body against it made him bite back a deep groan. You left a light kiss on his nose, the action so pure in the midst of a filthy moment. You moved his arms away from you, letting them drop down to his sides as you sat down on the bed, bottom lip caught between your teeth as you retreated all the way against the headboard. Heeseung just observed, your legs, your hips, thighs, waist, breasts — it made blood rush to his already throbbing dick. Waistbands uncomfortably hugging his scrotum, only adding more pressure when it shouldn't.

Your legs already spread, your cunt glistened with slick, the sticky substance covered your inner thighs. Fuck. Heeseung just stood there, still on his knees making sure every move you make is payed attention to till the maximum. You giggled, watching his focused face not take his eyes off of your throbing pussy. You were still glowing from the high of what just happened, skin dewy and flushed, legs spread slightly as you laid back into the pillows. But it wasn't enough. You weren't done.

You let your fingers trail lazily down your chest, between your breasts, your stomach flexing under your touch.

Heeseung didn't speak. His eyes said everything. They darkened the second your hand dipped lower. You felt your own slick, the heat of your body burning into your fingertips as you began to stroke yourself slow and deliberate—like you knew he was watching. Like you needed him to. You just locked eyes with him, fingers moving. A soft gasp left your lips, and Heeseung's expression darkened instantly.

His eyes dropped again.

Watched.

He didn’t say a word. Didn’t move.

You moaned softly, head tipping back, body arching ever so slightly, just for him. You breathed, voice like silk. You moved slow—teasing both of you. Circling, pressing, gasping. All while he watched, unmoving, fists clenched at his sides, chest rising in sharp, ragged breaths. You knew it was driving him mad—the fact that you didn't need him in that moment… but still wanted him to see it. To feel it with you.

"You like this?" you asked, lips curling. "You like seeing how wet I still am for you?" Heeseung growled, low and guttural. "You have no fucking idea." You moaned softly, fingers working against your swollen bud, gradually speeding up as you rolled your hips into your hand, lashes fluttering. He watched your thighs tremble, the way your stomach tensed with each circle of your fingers, the way your breath caught in your throat when you rubbed it in a unexpected good angle. He was painfully hard again. You could see it too, on full display against his lower stomach. His eyes never left your body.

"You are so wet." He muttered lowly, almost in amusement. "Dripping all over that pretty hand. Is that all for me?" Your back arched in response, legs spreading as far as you can, breath catching. "Always for you." You gasped. Heeseung leaned forward, finally breaking. "Let me help." It came out almost as a beg in a whisper as he crawled towards you. But just before he could touch you, your fingers moved faster and slid over your slippery clit, lewd noises filling the quiet air together with your raged breaths—head tilting back, thighs clenching. His name was escaping your parted lips, like a mantra. It was right about to wash over you, one more flick and you would have fallen apart but Heeseung couldn't just watch anymore.

He grabbed your thighs with his arms from underneath and harshly pulled you towards him, your back now flat against the bed as his upright figure stood over you on his knees. Your hand instinctively stopped the movement, instead you gasped in surprise, legs already hooked onto his hips, the back of your thighs pressed against the firm muscle of his, flexing beneath the fabric of his sweats.

Your chest rose with every breath, your heart racing in tandem with his.

Heeseung stared down at you like he was drinking you in—every curve, every flicker of expression in your face. His eyes were dark, unreadable, but you could feel what they meant. That he wanted you. Right now. His hand grabbed the pulsing cock, dragging it between your folds collecting your arousal before he tapped it on your already worn out bundle of nerves. The taps against it sent shocks through you, moans escaping your lips with head tilted back and eyes closed shut. "F-fuck..." Your strained voice echoed, almost sounding a little too painful and aching. It was a groan of desperation. Heeseung stroked himself, tip attached to your clit, his eyes scanning your folds and the way your hole was clenching, asking to be filled.

And he did just that.

He repositioned his knees, pulling them slightly away from you to get the better angle, one of his arms holding himself up next to your shoulders as he leaned over you, still pretty faraway but closer then ever at the same time. His hand led his tip down to your hole, the tip poking against the entrance in shallow teasing thrusts . He bit his lip, looking down at your fucked out expression—lips swollen, eyes half closed, cheeks flushed and hair tousled. Your hips helplessly bucked into his, almost begging him to ruin you. And before you could say anything he slammed into you. Hard. You screamed, not from pain but from pleasure—finally being filled up. He slid in with such ease, every next thrust going in easier then the last. You were getting wetter.

"Ah— shit..." He muttered under his breath, the other hand now next to your waist as he moved steadily. "Didn’t feel this pussy for so long —ah... Fuck!" He was losing it. The way you wrapped around him, hugging his lenght with your gummy walls, the sounds that came from where you two connected, and every whimper you tried to conceal every time his pelvis came in contact with your clit sent him into a frenzy, his thrusts becoming faster. "Heeseung! God— yesyesyes!" You chanted over and over again, getting your eyes down to where you two connected, his hips slamming against your skin, a sound that repeated unstoppably. You did not miss the chance to gawk on his torso—muscles moving and contracting with each movement. He looked like a fucking pornstar.

Your hand went over his forearms, grabbing at them for the support. You were a mess. He continued to ram into you, chasing his own climax—eyes closed, mouth agape. His biceps' and forearms were starting to cramp from holding his whole weight up but he didn't care. Pants filled up the room, moans, whines, groans. It was too good. Your head throbbed, neck burned and felt like it was on fire. You were close. "Heeseung I'm gonna cum! Gonna cum!" He felt you clench and he was losing it. "Yeah? Make a fucking mess baby..." Your back arched, mouth open with endless moans spilling from it, the orgasm shook you to the core with your hips bucking up to meet his, and the moment one of his hands came down to rub your clit it drove you insane. The pleasure prolonged with your thighs shaking and ears ringing, hands clawing at his forearms as if your life depended on it.

"Shit...you are gonna make me lose it!" He gasped out, almost drooling at the feeling.

You trembled, after shock sending your muscles twitching. But his thrusts didn't stop yet, he was still chasing his own release. The overstimulation made you hiss, your body relaxing in an attempt to hold on. But it was too much. "Too much Hee..." It did not reach his ears at all. His thrusts stuttered, but still went hard and deep. Whines were escaping his lips uncontrollably before he let himself fall over your trembling body. His weight trapping you down with his head nuzzling into your neck as he fisted the sheets next to your head. "Please, baby, please!—" His begs sent another spark on in you, making you moan in response. His breathing fanned your neck in rapid brushes, making you shiver. "I'm cumming! I'm cumming!" His thighs convulsed, a groan escaped his throat as his tip painted your walls white. His hips sloppily fucked the releasing cum into your cervix, making you moan through hard breaths, nails digging into his sweaty back.

He groaned with one last snap of his hips, his cum spilling from your tight hole as he lazily pulled out. Head still in a daze as he threw himself on his back right next to you. Pants filles the room , the silence that took over was loud enough. Both of you stared at the ceiling, up in your thoughts.

Your limbs felt numb, you were sore.

Heeseung felt conflicted and asked himself if he really knew what he got himself into.

The drugs in your system were at the brink of wearing off. And it hurt to admit. It really did.

But you felt it.

The warmth that wrapped around your body like a second skin began to fray at the edges. That false sense of ease, of pleasure, of forgetting—started to peel back. The shadows in the corners of your vision that had looked soft and slow now loomed sharper. The air felt colder, like it had shifted while you weren’t looking.

It was a circle you will be back running in even after all of this.

You knew it.

You felt it.

And stil you rolled over to your side, snuggling into Heeseung deciding that, maybe, just maybe you could ignore it and enjoy a moment for once in pure rawness. No drugs, no nothing. Just you two and the feelings. Like before.

But was it all that easy?

• • • • • •

! this is all work of fiction. in no way this is a representation of enhypen members nor do I believe this is how they behave in real life or condone these actions!

taglist: @wheretheheckis-ssaki @firstclassjaylee @nithxhoon @twilght-talks @juicygirl4life @ikeuloirinho @isagistar @adoredbyjay @muranini @nesquikluvr @cristy-101 @y04wonwon @fancypeacepersona @sjakewrld @xuevkim @jellyrushzz @kittympirty @ssanhwatto @nodoubtily @kristynaaah @cyjhhyj @miabaddie @engeneheree @jinnibug

sunjakez

reblogging because the whole series has my heart and needs the attention it deserves ❣️

let me eat your ass pretty please x

#enha x reader #enha fanfic #enhypen oneshots #enhypen smut #enhypen hard thoughts #enhypen x reader