Wow one of my last posts is how I still feel this pain really is hittin different. I’m ngl I’ll fully admit I’ve been going to some nsfw chat sites and that ain’t helping either. It just doesn’t feel the same. I really miss that intimacy and I will fully admit it, I don’t care.
After almost a year I still got nothing from these shitty dating apps. No matches go anywhere the rare times I get them and honestly then you got the likes where I don’t really feel physically attracted? Then sometimes you get a “oh maybe.” And she has an extremely bad take like being a moderate or a centrist which lmao lol. Or cops good lord why be a dumbass cop.
It’s also incredibly stupid but sometimes... i hate admitting it I fucking hate to admit it cause it’s not healthy at all and I know it isnt. Sometimes my indecisiveness is in hopes that she comes back. The other side of it is that I’m scared to commit cause I don’t want to be hurt again. I’ve been hurt so many fucking times like practically every relationship I’ve been in has ended in me being replaced by someone better. Why even bother
Oh yeah and to add to it all, in March we (my family) had to put our 6 year old cat to sleep cause we found out his lack of eating and weight loss and all that was from hereditary issues and there was nothing that could be done. So fuck me being happy ever I guess.
You know back in 2016, things were really looking up for me for once, like maybe the never ending dark tunnel would end but... now I’m in a worse one and I honestly can’t take it anymore.
I miss them both so much... I don’t know how in the hell anyone is gonna compare to either of em.
