dismember the world

highly selective multimuse featuring canons & ocs ☀ ☀ ☀ ☀ written by cyn ( 25+, she/her ) est. february 2018 ☀ ☀ ☀ ☀ ( may contain triggering content, particularly violence )

[sunlightpassed-blog]

     putting this blog on hiatus.

     i really want to get this blog manageable for me. i spend a lot of time thinking about writing here and not doing it, so this should be just a small hiatus until i figure out how to do it!

[sunlightpassed-blog]

needfulthings‌:

     The clock is ticking while she listens to him. She wants to go with him. His side is where she’s always wanted to be. However, reality didn’t work that way. Winchester was in love with a dead woman. Mira couldn’t compete with the ghost of Mary. She never tried.

     “Yeah, John, I know. Nothing is ever easy with the great John Winchester, who always gets what he wants.”

     But she’s tired. Exhausted from being a part of the team. 

     “Unfortunately for you, I’ve made up my mind. I’ve chosen my side. And to tell you the truth….” Head tilting, she takes a breath. “…with everything I’ve done for team Winchester, you owe me this much.”

     ❝ I don’t. ❞ John counters, he’s not going to force her one way or another. He might do his best to convince her otherwise, but to pretend that he got what he wanted? His life is full off too many instances where it’s been the exact opposite.

     Maybe he should feel lucky for what he does have, given the circumstances. But, the circumstances were unlucky, at best and proof that fate would’ve wanted him to fail along the way.

     ❝ I’m not going to argue that you haven’t, that I don’t owe you – but why this route? ❞

[sunlightpassed-blog]

needfulthings‌:

     Becoming painfully silent during their argument, Jesse looks to the ground as if he’ll find an answer there. He wants to hear Cassidy admit everything; to tell him the God’s honest truth: that he is in fact in love with Tulip. 

     Paranoid as hell and unable to deal with the situation, Custer wants to give up on everything and leave himself. Leave both of those sons of bitches behind. He knows when it’s time to give in. There are more important things out there he should be focusing on: the grail, finding God, anything other than trivial horse shit such as relationships.

     “Always about me,” he echoes softly, still gazing at the floor. His spirit is broken. All his life he has been dedicated to Tulip. Maybe that is the problem.

     “You’re right, Cassidy. It doesn’t matter. Never did.” He shrugs a careless shoulder, finally looking the vampire in the eye. “It’s only about me.”

     Cassidy stands tensely, waiting for Custer to speak up. He wrinkles his nose briefly, when he echoes his words. It is about him.

     ❝ You right bastard. You’ve got everything. It’s you and her, and that’s it. ❞ Cassidy’s tone is beginning to drop. ❝ World revolves around you, Padre. ❞  It’s not sarcasm that’s coming out of him. The frustration is still there, the fear that they’re dropping from an argument into a more solemn tone is one that he wants to protest. Arguing’s easier. Yelling and fighting – all of it – easy.

     But to speak calmly? To speak genuinely? It’s painfully sobering. He’ll always be aside them. It’d be easier not to love either them, but they’ve made it impossible.

     ❝ You know it, don’t you? ❞

[sunlightpassed-blog]

needfulthings‌:

     Arms rising in surrender, he tries to reason with his old friend. “It’s only the job, Frank. If I”m here, if i show up at your place, then you’ve done something to send me.” No one was innocent when it came to the job. The art of murder didn’t come cheap.

     His nose twitched, eyes fixing on the gun. “Had I known she was yours, I wouldn’t have come.” Stone cold expression, he narrows his eyes at Frank. “You know that as well as I do.” They both understand the game, or so Dante believes. For the past decade, Ballard has been ending people on contract. This isn’t personal. No kill ever is.

     “You gonna kill me, Frank?” A slight smirk tingles at the edge of his mouth. “After everything we’ve gone through together? You gonna kill me over a piece of ass?” Which is what he figures the girl to be. “Bros before hoes, baby.”

     Lashing out without thinking, Dante punches toward the hand aiming the gun in his direction, trying to knock it away.

     ❝ You’re full of shit. ❞

     He knows it’s not personal to Dante. It doesn’t change that it’s personal to him. Personal to the people whose morals aren’t twisted like Frank’s – that fight to better the world, instead of out of vengeance.

     ❝ Damn straight she’s done something. Against guys worse than us. ❞

     People like her, they were a problem for the guys with the pockets to hire someone to kill. They were a problem for the scumbags that didn’t want people to see the monsters that they were. She’s one of the good guys. He’s aware Dante probably doesn’t know shit about any of it, he’s not sure that it’d matter if he did, but it’s a kill-for-hire.

     Frank’s aware of the business side of it. But it doesn’t make his stomach’s knots untie. Understanding what Dante thinks he sees, Frank eyes him.

     ❝ You’ve got it wrong. ❞ Before more can be said, Dante manages to knock the gun out of his hand. He should’ve been ready for it, should’ve seen it coming – where others wouldn’t have been that bold with him. Gun out of his hands, he takes no time to throw a punch at Dante’s face.

@needfulthings

[sunlightpassed-blog]

astrificare‌:

        ❝ i’d love it if you could let my brain know that there is such a thing as worrying too much. ❞ she can’t help it. she wishes that she could, that she did…but until that time, layla is going to worry about what he’s doing out there, just as she worries about anyone she knows in a remotely dangerous profession. ( even hers could be, occasionally; a slip of a knife, a missing oven glove. it wouldn’t take much. the world’s a dangerous place. )  ❝ i don’t know if it would count, but it might help. ❞

     ❝ Sorry, I didn’t get that superpower. ❞ It doesn’t change that he’d rather not worry her, that he doesn’t go out of his way to worry anyone. But, in her position, he’d be the same, wouldn’t he? He knows that he would. And he knows worry doesn’t just shut itself off because he asks for it.

     ( nothing worked that way, nothing ever would ) 

     Grayson offers a half-hearted smile though, ❝ I am then, ❞ he tells her, pausing with consideration before he adds. ❝ Only way to stay completely out of trouble is to do nothing. I haven’t figured out how to be the guy that does that. ❞

[sunlightpassed-blog]

needfulthings‌:

     A playful smile causes her lips to curve at the edges of her mouth as he admits that women don’t make him nervous the way they do sweet Joey. “Of course not,” faux Lucy agrees with the leader. “Being in charge, you must suffer from dealing with women on a daily basis.” 

     She feels better when he’s farther away. There’s something about him that makes Lisa uneasy, and strangely, it isn’t knowing that he bashes skulls in to prove his point.

      All of her life, she’s dealt with men; proved them wrong in their assumptions, killed them to protect herself, but this one, the closer he came, he set her nerves on fire. Leaning closer made her tremble, but not from fear. From something else she can’t explain.

     “To be honest, I didn’t want to come. My experience with groups hasn’t been ideal.” And this wasn’t a lie. “My first, the man in charge lost it after his kid died.” She folds her arms in front of her. “People started to drop off after that. He was killing them, saving their bodies to have meat for the winter.” Her eyebrow lifts. “It was a long winter.”

     ❝  Fuck. You’ve  seen  a  thing  or  two.  ❞  They  all  had.  But  some  more  than  others. Negan’s hand rubs under his chin,  then  drops,  a  chuckle  falling  as  an  afterthought.

     ❝  Well,  I  don’t  have  any  runts  to  lose  my  shit  over.  ❞ if  he  did,  he  sure  as  fuck  didn’t  think  losing  one  would  turn  him  towards cannibalism.  He’s  saving  people, not  Jeffrey  Dahmer-ing the  fucks.  Smashing skulls  and  gutting folks  didn’t  make  Negan  squeamish, but  eating  people? That  sure  as  fuck  did.

❝   We’ve  got  plenty  of  food  here.  If  you’re willing  to  work  for  it,  your  winter  will  be  a  hell  of  a  lot  warmer. ❞  

     Shit,  making  her  winter  warmer would  be  on  his  bucket list.  He  holds  that  part  back  –  he  can  practice  some  impulse  control.

     (  and  only  some.  )

     ❝  So.  Tell  me,  you  willing  to  work?  ❞ There  wasn’t  much  of  a  choice  in  it,  not  if  she  planned  on  sticking  around.  Well,  there  was  another  route  if  she  didn’t  like  to  work,  but  Negan’s  waiting  to  see  what  she  has  to  put  on  the  table.

[sunlightpassed-blog]

needfulthings‌:

    Eve gazes down at the stranger with a friendly smile spreading across her face. “I’ve been here,” she says, standing and offering a hand to help her up. 

     “Don’t worry about anything. These people here will be talking for three days at most, then focused on some other bullshit hype. There is no reason to feel embarrassed. I promise.”

     After helping the girl up, she returns behind the bar; where she’s meant to be in order to satisfy a paycheck. 

     “Let me make you some coffee?” Eve hopes the woman will comply. “No more liquor for you tonight.” A sly chuckle leaves her chest. “I make a mean grilled cheese and ham sandwich if you’re hungry. Jalapeno poppers on the house.”

     She  says  not  to  be  embarrassed,  but  even  the  alcohol  in  her  system won’t  dull  the  embarrassment.  Still, she  takes  her  hand  and  lifts  up  from  the  floor,  smoothing out  her  clothes before  making  her  way  to  the  bar  instead.  She  makes  a  point  of  ignoring  any  looks  she’s  given as she  slides  onto  the  stool. Still,  despite  how  she  feels, the  other  woman’s warmth  in  helping her  brings  a  smile  to  her  face.

     ❝  If  you  can  get  me  coffee  and  some  food,  you’d  be  my  hero  twice  over,  ❞  she  tells  her,  genuine. She  knows  better than  to  hit  the  bottle harder  tonight.  She’d  be  back  on  the  floor,  if  not  passed out  on  the  bar  before the  night  was  done.

     She’ll  take  advantage of  sobering  up.  Not  that  there’s  any  choice  in  the  matter, but  after  her  meetup  with  the  floor, she  needs  it.

     ❝  I’m  Lydia,  by  the  way.  ❞

[ironbxned-archive-deactivated20]

just remember; i wasn’t always like this. just remember; my thoughts weren’t always to kill. just remember; i was human before i was a monster.

just remember; i’m not human any more. (via ironbxned)

[sunlightpassed-blog]

astrificare‌:

@sunlightpassed / grayson

        ❝ i don’t suppose there’s any point asking you what you’ve been up to. ❞ she puts the kettle on without even asking; everything’s better with a cup of tea, isn’t it?  ❝ is there any point asking if you’ve been safe? i worry about…well, i worry about everything, but i worry about you. ❞

      ❝ You’re worrying too much – about me, anyways. ❞ His intentions were never to worry anyone. He has no interest in the attention that comes with showing up after he’s tapped into yet another problem, after he’s moonlit as a vigilante for the umpteenth time.

     ❝ If I told you I’m as safe as I can be, would that count? ❞

[sunlightpassed-blog]

astrificare‌:

@sunlightpassed / grayson

        ❝ again? ❞ micah lets him inside with a heavy sigh and a vague sweep of their arm towards the sofa — who needs a hospital bed when you’ve got that, eh? — pinching the bridge of their nose as they fetch the first aid kit from the bathroom. at least he’s come to the right person, they suppose. even if he does look like he’s about to keel over at any second.  ❝ are you in fight club? is that it, you muppet? i know the first rule’s not to talk about it, and all, but you can’t keep doing this. ❞

     They’re the first person he thinks to go to – each time. Grayson collapses heavily against the couch, hand pressed to sore ribs, but a smile still drawn on as if to try to mask that he looked like he might’ve crawled, bruised and battered out of his own grave.

      ❝ Would you believe me if I told you it’s not as bad as it seems? ❞ He asks, avoiding the question – it’d be easier to pretend he was Edward Norton, battling it out in some underground club – not playing superhero. With a wince, he brushes his fingers near the gash on his forehead, blood coming off on his fingertips. Grayson heaves a sigh.

      ❝ – or looks? ❞

[sunlightpassed-blog]

needfulthings‌:

     Rising to her feet, she keeps her eyes on him. Playing simpleton with men was easy. They all expected women to be idiots anyway. Biting her bottom lip? Check. Lots of lash fluttering? You bet. The sooner she got him alone, the quicker she could cut his fucking throat. 

    “It’s very kind of you to offer. And yes…” Lisa nods. “Thick Joey was good enough to introduce me to a few people. He didn’t stick around long.” Lisa slowly walks toward Negan. “A bit nervous. He didn’t seem to enjoy my company. Hopefully, you will.”

     A slender eyebrow lifts. She’s biting her lips again. “Sanctuary, right? And you’re the leader? The original. I was told I’d be given a job, a place to sleep, food; everything we dream about on the outside. Sounds almost too good to be true.”

     Coming to a halt before him, she grins. “Please. Fill me in.”

     Negan wasn’t born yesterday. The lip biting, lash fluttering – she’s a shiny beacon with fuck me eyes and Negan’d like to show her just how much he’d enjoy her company.

     He ought to thank Joey, for being a nervous shit.

     His tongue brushes his lower lip. He appreciates the bounce back from his momentary mental hang-up, like his thoughts had never diverted, hauled straight back into moment.

     ❝ Joey’s a bit soft. ❞  When she comes to a halt, Negan has no trouble leaning closer, an invasion of space as his voice lowers. ❝ But not like him, women don’t make me nervous. ❞

      A breathed chuckle breaks it up as he leans back from her again. ❝ And I’m sure as shit not soft. ❞ Negan refuses to test the waters in any small way. He’s a man that dives straight in, a man with the privilege to do it. But, he doesn’t forget the business side of the conversation.

     ❝ It’d be too good to be true if you didn’t have to work for it. But they told you right, you get a job, you earn your keep, you get to live like the world’s not completely gone to shit. ❞

[sunlightpassed-blog]

needfulthings‌:

     Custer looks down at his shaking hands when Cassidy demands that he shut the hell up. He does just that, at a loss for words. The power he holds inside, Genesis, he could make the vampire do whatever he chooses; Tulip, too. But he made a promise.

     “Then you tell me,” he says on a soft tone. Dark eyes flicker, he sees the offered hand but is hesitant for a brief time to take it. Eventually, he does, then stands. 

     “What is the truth, Cassidy?” Jesse’s demeanor has changed completely. He’s tired, exhausted from the arguing, from playing games between the three of him. “She told me, Cass. Said you told her that you loved her. Is she lyin’?”

     As soon as Jesse is too his feet, Cassidy’s hand leaves his. He doesn’t want to answer him. And he’s got free will enough that he doesn’t have to. Jesse could force him to do it, but even while they’re fighting, even when he’s not sure they won’t come to blows again, he expects him to keep his promise. He wants to tell him to shut up again, despite the way his voice has changed. Jesse may be tired, but Cassidy is still tense, he’s still hyped up like he could go another round.

     Dialed back, he struggles with his answer. Not that it’s a hard one to know the truth of. Cassidy doesn’t have to do a mental check or question himself, he knows the truth.

     ❝ Doesn’t matter, Padre, ❞ Cass determines instead. ❝ Doesn’t matter what I said, because it’s all about you, isn’t it? Always was. Always will be. That’s just it, it’s you. ❞ He’d argued for arguments sake before, he’d put up the biggest front possible and could’ve argued it into the ground, but at the end of the day, the honesty comes out of him and it comes out in a surrender. Tulip loves Jesse

[sunlightpassed-blog]

needfulthings‌:

     @sunlightpassed​ | John

     Damn near fifty years old, Mira is done playing games with the boys. It was time to branch out, return to her roots. You know, other tree mentions and what not. 

     After the possession, after the demon confessed her secrets toward their father, staying with with them was only an embarrassment; constant torment. Mira unhappily joined Rowena.

      Now here they all are. Her on the enemy side with the witches and the demons. “Leave,” she commands. “Now.”

     It didn’t have to be this way. He’s lived most of his life without gray areas, with black and white – monsters and humans. That’s how he survived, it’s how he kept his sons alive. As far as he was concerned, she’d played right into the demon’s hands. She let the secret get to her, let her humiliation draw her right towards the wrong side.

     And Winchester’s eyes are sympathetic, but also worried – worried that he won’t be able to get through to her. They’ve lost enough. He’s lost enough. Whether it be a twisted corpse on the ground or a friend taken to darkness. John isn’t ready to let her go.

      ❝ You should know better than to think it’s going to be that easy. Mira, this isn’t how it has to be. ❞

[sunlightpassed-blog]

needfulthings‌:

    The storm was getting stronger, thunder rolling, lightening rapidly spreading across the once bright blue sky. His head turns to Cora. He worries. “You okay?” 

    They’re sitting in his old lincoln, on a job that has to be fulfilled before dawn. “He’ll be coming for her soon. He made bail at eight this morning, so he’s gonna be by to silence her. We have to be ready. Storm or not. Least it’ll cover the screams.” And he would be giving those out shortly. “I need to know you can handle this, girl. I need to know you got my back.”

@sunlightpassed | Cora

     Cora looks to him, car lit up briefly with lightning. She watches the blue flash across his face before it fades, giving way to rolling thunder. It’s strangely fitting, though her eyes remain on him.

     The storm is only a minor obstacle. To reassure him, a smile tugs at the corners of her lips. It’s not the time or place for good feelings nor smiles. But it’s reassurance. It’s comfort. And when her face grows serious again, she nods.

      ❝ I’ll be fine, as long as he’s not, I’ll be fine. ❞ She’s backing him one hundred percent, the conviction is there in her eyes.  ❝ I’ve got your back. You give the word, I’ll follow it. ❞

[sunlightpassed-blog]

needfulthings‌:

@sunlightpassed​ | Lydia

    There on the floor of the bar, Eve leans over the passed out female, smiling kindly. “You’re okay, sweetheart. I got you.” Lifting her head, she looks around at the gathering crowd. “Back off.” The last thing she wants is for the pretty face to be trampled. Attention returning to the stranger, Jackson smirks. “Let’s get you up. You need water. And food. I hope you like deep friend because it’s the only thing I’m good at.”

      Dizzily, Lydia looks up at the woman, hand lifting to her forehead, rubbing between her eyes. She tries to sit up on her own, in hopes to gather some of her dignity back off of the floor.

     The hum of voices around them, the dim lights, it all brings her back to the bar. She knows where she is, and she couldn’t be more embarrassed. Her face is warm with humiliation, but she tries to sit up further.

     ❝ Wouldn’t have room to complain if I didn’t, ❞ she admits, in some attempt at humor. ❝ But thank you — I didn’t plan to end up on the floor. ❞

[sunlightpassed-blog]

needfulthings‌:

     The date had been ideal. She was precious and happy, offering Dante another glass of chardonnay. Ballard only smiles at her. Karen. Lovely girl. Too bad she was on his list.

    “Please,” he replies with a flirtatious grin. With her back turned to him, he walks up, wrapping an arm around her, face leaning in to smell her pretty blonde hair just as the needle sinks into her hip.

    Women were more difficult. He didn’t enjoy killing them. However, her price was right. She jerks back in surprise and his feet swiftly move to carry him away from her. “It isn’t me,” he says. “Only the job.”

@sunlightpassed | Frank

     He’s too late.

     Frank trailed him, heart beating out of his chest, hammering against his ribcage. But he’s trained enough that he remains calm, that no amount of fear icing his veins would change his composure, would change how quick his finger could pull the trigger. He has the countenance of a soldier, even when his mind races.

     The door swings open and he’s too late.

      ❝ Frank? ❞ He hears her voice, breathes in angrily, because it sounds weak. He might not be able to save her, but he can—not avenge, he’s not one of them—he can make it right. And it had to be Dante, didn’t it? Castle’s gun is raised, aimed at Ballard.

      ❝ I shouldn’t let you explain. You made the wrong choice tonight. ❞

[macheteandpython]

Simon in Every Episode » The Other Side Oh, no need to talk. This is hopefully a quick visit. [Well, what can I do for you?] That’s an excellent question. Alas, the answer’s not so excellent. You have a certain somebody that, uh now needs to be Negan’s certain somebody, so what you can do for me is point me in their direction.