something cool about queering your idea of sex is that you can walk out of a heavy make out session feeling like you had the rawest sex of your life. you can be sitting close at a bar kissing them and maybe you’ve found a way to sit so your knee is discreetly between their thighs and feeling the pleasure it gives them and then feeling them give that pleasure to you. you can be looking each other in the eye and you can feel them inside you from that alone. like you want to tear their clothes off and are hungry for the feeling of their skin and their closeness but even just this feels like heaven, feels connected to them in the deep place where pleasure comes from.
a list of things that are sex if you’re gay enough about it and you want it to be:
feeling their desirous gaze on you while you put in drink orders at the bar
holding hands on the way home from the date and it feels like a foreshadowing of what you’re going to do to each other when you get there
heavy breathing on the phone when they’re touching themself to the sound of your voice
grinding in a weird position where you’re both like ???? why does this feel so good????
literally just eye contact
“When I was a dominatrix, I once rubbed balloons all over a man for seventy-five dollars. He would’ve called it sex. I would’ve called it work. It was mutually consensual, and I think we were both correct in our assessment.
If your sex is balloons, if it is blowing raspberries on your lover’s belly, if it happens fully clothed ir in furry costumes, if it happens in a group or alone — give it the same gravity, the same reverence or irreverence as all the tiresome scenes of heterosexual penetration we all grew up reading. … There is no marginal erotic unless you sideline it.”
Melissa Febos, Body Work
