It is 02.35 AM and this is very peacefully quiet 🍃
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@sunsethuntersblog
It is 02.35 AM and this is very peacefully quiet 🍃
I have a lot of questions in my head. Hopefully everything happens for a reason.
It's been so long I haven't written in here. Welcome back!
They say, "Stay single until someone sends you a full essay of why they want a relationship with you."
I found him already ❤️
🌅 Dear Mas Ade
Setangkai bunga mawar putih yang dulu nya layu dan hampir mati, kembali mekar di tangan kamu.
Thank you for coming back again into my life.
Terima kasih sudah memeluk aku yang penuh dengan bekas luka dan trauma. Kamu lah satu-satunya yang berhasil memenangkan hati aku. Kamu juga satu-satunya yang menyembuhkan luka dan trauma ku.
Terima kasih sudah mengajari aku apa itu arti dari bersyukur dan mengajarkan aku bahwa kita bisa bahagia dengan simple things.
Selama kamu sama aku, aku sering menyakiti kamu dengan segala egois nya aku yang ingin dunia berputar hanya untuk aku. Setiap kita arguing, aku menangis atas ulah aku sendiri yang membuat kamu sungguh sakit karna egois aku. Ada banyak kalimat yang aku ucapkan demi meyakinkan kamu bahwa aku akan membunuh segala ego aku, namun aku sendiri yang menelan ludah aku sendiri karena sering membiarkan ego aku menguasai hati aku.
This time, after such a long time we've been together. All the love, fight, and argue, I keep telling myself every morning I wake up "Tolong hari ini jangan ada ego yaa Tia".
Aku juga ada melihat kembali galeri foto kita bersama, melihat aquarium keluarga gupi gupi kita, dan semua yang telah kamu beri untuk kebutuhan aku. Everything reminds me of how we finally can be together.
Semoga semua mimpi kita untuk bisa menikah, touring, camping, melihat sunset, traveling ke sebuah tempat antah berantah, membuka maps dan scroll random lalu menghentikan jari di satu titik untuk kita mengunjungi tempat tersebut, serta semua mimpi-mimpi kita dimudahkan dan dilancarkan.
Aku sungguh bahagia bersama mu. Aku bahagia dengan mu dalam keadaan apapun.
I love you overland and sea, Mas Ade. ❤️
With love and longing, your blooming white roses 🌹
Banjarmasin, 13 Juli 2022 at 03.40 AM
Dear aku,
Bisa gak sih jangan ada ego lagi? Gak capek kah arguing terus sama laki-laki yang tulus dan baik dalam memperlakukan aku.
Hilangkan semua ego nya dan mulailah memperlakukan dia dengan sepenuh hati.
Crying in regret, his blooming white roses 🌹
Banjarmasin, 12 July 2022 at 04.23 AM
I wish I could be there for you to hug you at your hardest time.
I wish I could help you for all your struggles to stay sane from many shits of life.
I wish I have better words to make you feel better while we are in far distance.
I am always here for you sayang..
Things will get better, I don't know when but it's going to be real soon sayaaang..
With gloomy afternoon,
you blooming white roses 🌹
Banjarmasin, 9 July 2022 at 17:32 PM
It's all been countless times I hurt him with my ego. I'm tired of my ego. I don't want to hurt him all over again. I want to fill him with all the love I have. Heal him with my love. Loving him till my last breath.
With love from 612 km, your blooming white roses 🌹
Banjarmasin, 2 July 2022 at 23.49 PM
One thing that I realize,
Two is better than one. I remember when I was all alone, I may be going out with my friends but when I'm home I'm all alone again.
This time, I may not always going out with my friends (even I lost them due to trust issues) when I'm home I have you there.
With love from 612 km, your blooming white roses 🌹
Banjarmasin, 2 July 2022 at 23.47 PM
I miss you
ANCW ❤️
Of all the hurt
Of all the broken heart
Of all the lies
Of all the one-sided relationship
Of all the disrespect
Of all the harassment
I was truly hopeless that every man came to me only just to hurt or hoping for my lust.
There's this man who comes to my life and brings my hope again. He loves me for who I am, respects all my boundaries, beautiful and honest words, keeps our loyalty, and will marry me soon.
Love, Tee-ya.
His name is Eda Cahaya.
The only problem of us is you're still in official relationship with her. While what we're doing is like a cheating.
I'm tired of us arguing this everytime.
Yours truly,
Tee-ya
Banjarmasin, 4 Januari 2022 at 22:30
At this time, I'm falling deeper for you.
I don't wanna lose you.
Yours truly,
Tee-ya
Banjarmasin, 4 Januari 2022 at 22:27
To my dearest Eda Cahaya
Never regret of everything that already happened in our life.
If you don't go to PH, we will never know each other.
If we don't spend the night at dining room, we won't be this close.
If we don't vcall when I'm already in Indonesia, we won't know eachother even more.
I love you overland and sea.
Yours truly,
Tee-ya.
To : my dearest Eda Cahaya.
You're someone I trust and I love.
I was hardly to trust someone because someone betrayed me so bad in the past. I was healing myself for almost 2 years to finally face the reality. During the time, I don't wanna be close to anyone because I don't wanna hurt anyone. I just needed myself to heal me.
Then you come to my life when I'm finally healed and bring many colours. I'm still colouring my world and you bring your colours to mine. You also light up the road that has been dark for so long.
Also, you finally make me believe that there is one man who can respect me in every inch of me and doesn't leave me because I have so many boundaries. I thought that every man on earth is same (just want me because of I have).
Sebuah refleksi diri :
• I am too focused on the things that serve me nothing sehingga aku sering terluka dan tersakiti oleh pikiran aku sendiri.
• Aku dengan mudahnya menyimpulkan sesuatu tanpa berpikir kritis dulu.
• Aku harus mencoba untuk menghindari lagu-lagu melow dan mengubahnya jadi lagu-lagu yang mood booster. Karena salah satu trigger overthinking aku adalah dari mendengarkan lagu-lagu melow.
• Aku harus lebih sering menyibukkan diri sehingga hidupku tidak hanya selalu hal-hal tentang cinta saja. Bahwa masih ada banyak hal-hal yang belum aku pelajari dan coba.
Journaling is how I keep my mind sane,
Tee-ya.
Banjarmasin, 1 Januari 2022 pukul 00:56
sambil mendengarkan lagu Jessie J - Domino
Chapter 1 – The Lovebird
Kami memulai percakapan kami yang sempat ada silent gap year selama 2 tahun. Kami berhenti saling berkomunikasi bahkan berkabar sejak Maret 2019.
Namun, sang Cahaya Eda pun kembali menyapa aku yang baru saja memposting foto dari sekian lama aku gak posting foto. It was in the early of December 2021
Dari situ lah, komunikasi yang sempat terputus itu dimulai kembali.
Setelah saling mengenal satu sama lain lebih dalam, ternyata sang Cahaya Eda adalah sosok lelaki yang baik namun (seperti) disia-siakan oleh ceweknya.
Di sinilah aku ingin menjadi his the one and only. I tried to know him even more and understand his feelings deeper.
Banjarmasin, 1 Januari 2022.