my instructor told me i shouldnt take off my gi top in front of the guys because i might excite them, i always wear a t shirt underneath so its not like im showing anything. should i say something to him? what should i say :(
Allow me to commiserate with you.
I think you and I are detecting each other’s bullshit meter going haywire. The idea that men cannot control their animal desires when a woman removes a layer of clothing is not only fiction, but it’s offensive to men, and plays an important part in perpetuating the bullshittery that women are responsible for the inappropriate (OR VIOLENT) behavior of men! It’s the wrongiest wrong of all the wrongs.
You should feel totally free to take off your gi top in front of guys if you want to, t-shirt or no. But I’d also understand if you wouldn’t considering your instructor’s attitude. It’s stressful to stir the shit sometimes.
I think you’ll have the best radar of how your instructor would react to saying something to them in private. Sometimes that’s a battle we want to fight and sometimes it isn’t. But you could try. I think if my instructor told our class that women shouldn’t change in front of men, I’d have him aside and spell it out. But that’s the kind of relationship I have with my new instructor. I might say…
"Look, it is a bad decision to create a double-standard about who can change their tops and where. When women have to leave the area where men are to make a basic change, you’re really asking them to do things we don’t require the men to do. That’s unfair and discriminatory. If men can change their tops here, than anyone can. If you really believe that the men in the club can’t handle themselves around women taking off their gi tops, then you need to have a discussion with them.”
(I don’t think my new instructor would do this, but if he did, I’d probably talk to him. I might not have bothered with my old instructor and just did what I wanted. See below.)
You could also choose to just ignore your instructor and do as you please. And I’d also understand if you didn’t want to. Sexist backlash can be hard to deal with. Sometimes I feel very ultimatum-y? Like, what would the instructor actually do? I’m pretty sure I could raise a much stinkier stink if I wasn’t allowed to wear a tank top or t-shirt in front of men in my dojang. YOUR MOVE!
Once, my friend told me one of the upper rank men had told her she needed to wear something that covered her breasts more. She, like me, has large breasts and when we cram them into a sports bra and put a regular tank top over it, there is some cleavage. She basically told him to shove it. Sure thing, boss. Like, that is just what my boobs do.
So that’s a third thing. It can be helpful to speak with another girl/woman in your club and find out how they feel. Solidarity can really help. Feeling isolated in these issues is the worst.
You have MY solidarity! And in asking this ask, you’ve very likely given solidarity to others who’ve had this issue too.
tangentwithtanner
andulkaphoto
areudirty
annaxmalina
janainaart
pixelskylines
baratheonpilled
