How do you cope with yourself when you know you dated someone for way too long who was racist, self-absorbed and condescending?Â
Racist, self-absorbed and condescending in the most unsuspecting of ways, of course. Why would I have stayed so long if it was overt. It had to be masked under other contexts for it to be unassuming.Â
Iâm doing pretty well this finals season so I feel like Iâve proved a lot to myself and the things that Iâm capable of. I guess Iâm so bothered lately because I feel like he thinks that Iâm some kind of subpar. Like, my field and my passions arenât up to his thinking and interests. I also recognize that this is where his insecurities lie, even though he never voiced them. Its expected of me to ask questions and be interested in conversations that I know nothing about, but there was never any reciprocity.Â
Okay, a realization. Heâs the very real manifestation of my own insecurities. He ended up legitimizing my insecurities, and instead of seeing past it he took it at face value. So, thatâs the reality I would live in if I continually believe that Iâm not good enough. People will think Iâm not good enough and will treat me as such. He was the alternate reality that told me that Iâm not good enough.
How do you cope with yourself when you know you dated someone for way too long who was racist, self-absorbed and condescending?Â
Racist, self-absorbed and condescending in the most unsuspecting of ways, of course. Why would I have stayed so long if it was overt. It had to be masked under other contexts for it to be unassuming.Â
Iâm doing pretty well this finals season so I feel like Iâve proved a lot to myself and the things that Iâm capable of. I guess Iâm so bothered lately because I feel like he thinks that Iâm some kind of subpar. Like, my field and my passions arenât up to his thinking and interests. I also recognize that this is where his insecurities lie, even though he never voiced them. Its expected of me to ask questions and be interested in conversations that I know nothing about, but there was never any reciprocity.Â
Growing up in New Yorkâs Harlem, Paula Williams Madison knew she had a Chinese grandfather, even though she had never met him. She always intended to track down her motherâs father and learn the full story of her multi-ethnic Jamaican-Chinese family. September 2014.
Growing up in New Yorkâs Harlem, Paula Williams Madison knew she had a Chinese grandfather, even though she had never met him.
When people found out, she says, most of them would make comments such as âReally? You donât look Chinese.â Others would laugh. Even so, she always intended to track down her motherâs father and learn the full story of her multi-ethnic Jamaican-Chinese family.
By the time she found them, her tiny American family had expanded to about 400 living members and a family tree that goes back 3,000 years. A new documentary tells the story of that journey and the discovery of a family that today extends from Shenzhen, China, to Kingston, Jamaica, and Los Angeles, California.
Ms. Madison, 62, spent much of her career at NBC, and retired a few years ago as an executive at NBC Universal, one of the first black women to achieve that rank. She says she waited until retiring to pursue her dream of reconnecting with her Chinese family.
Before, âI did know a handful of my cousins,â she says. âNow there are about 40.â
âFinding Samuel Lowe: From Harlem to China,â directed by Jeanette Kong of Toronto, a fellow Chinese-Jamaican, tells the story of Ms. Madisonâs quest. After slavery ended in Jamaica in 1838, the country sought immigrants to do the work slaves had performed on sugar plantations. By 1920, 4,000 of those immigrants were Chinese. Ms. Madisonâs grandfatherâa Hakka Chinese man from Guangdong province originally named Lowe Ding Chiuâwas one of them, moving there in 1905 at age 15.
Ms. Madison says after she retired, she ventured to a June 2012 conference on Hakka Chinese in Toronto, where many Chinese-Jamaicans live. Ms. Madison and her two brothers asked for help finding their Chinese family at the conference. âAnd for the first time in my life I was among people who said, âWeâre going to help you,â â Ms. Madison says.
For awhile, I had trouble answering people when they questioned why I wanted to do medicine while I was doing a Master in Public Health, their curiosity implying a sort of independence of the two disciplines. Really, I just lacked the words to articulate my intuition and how right it felt to go down that path.
I went to a short talk today about how our bodies metabolize sugar and salt, ultimately feeding into the obesity epidemic. I canât tell you how amazing and surreal it is to be able to understand the physiological mechanisms that make it so but also being able to recount the interventions that have been done, the politics that has influenced this research and how it ultimately affects those most at risk. To be honest, Iâm not entirely sure which role I will play as I get deeper into my career, but I do know that my education and the choices Iâve made have served me.Â
Donât be afraid to give your best to what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves.
John Cho: You know, I had requested that my husband be Asian.
A.V. Club: Why was that?
John Cho: The reason was that I grew up with some gay Asian male friends. You donât really see Asian men together very often. Itâs very rare in life. Iâve always felt that there was some extra cultural shame to having two Asian men together, because it was so difficult to come out of the closet, so difficult to be gay and Asian, that they couldnât really bring themselves⊠Itâs easier to run away from people that look like your family. I wanted the future to be where it was completely normal and therefore, aside from the gender, they look like a traditional heterosexual couple. So that relationship, to me, the optics of it are that it looks very traditional on the one hand and very radical on the other.
John Cho on representation and his concerns with gay Sulu · Interview · The A.V. Club (via venusrobots)
I have this weird tugging at my heart strings when I leave a home. (Itâs amazing that I can begin to call two places home.) I feel like Iâm leaving behind the present, this moment, that I wonât be able to relive again. Iâm excited to head out and do something new. I have my worlds just trying to lead me in all directions and itâs so bittersweet.Â
I cannot believe that Iâve been in NYC for almost two years now. I remember packing up large cardboard boxes in the middle of my family room with my mom and brother, while Waves by Robin Schulz playing in the background. I was a bundle of every emotion possible, trying my best to contain myself. I think that particular moment is burned in my brain like a favorite photograph. Looking back now, moving out across the country has definitely been one of my biggest achievements.Itâs incredibly surreal to sit in the Guggenheim Pavilion and remember how foreign all this once was. Itâs also mind-blowing that two years can happen so quickly. Iâve done a lot and experienced my life in the best way that I could have. Emotionally, its been a hard time. NYC was not very nice and I think that was the best thing for me. Learning how to grow that thick skin and totally understanding that what I need to succeed is positivity around me.
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