....
It's been close to a year. The relationship I thought I wanted ended, but it was for the best. I don't know why I had the sudden urge to come back to this god forsaken website, but maybe it was to get some things off my chest. I'm happy, but at the same time I'm not. I'm my own buzzkill. The thoughts that I had in my head still haunt me and I can't do anything but try to forget. I wanted to believe it would have been easier but now I've got more issues added on top of it. Sometimes I say I'm going to bed only to lay still and have a makeshift therapy session in my head so I can try to understand why I'm hurting so much. The deeper I delve into my issues, I gain a better understanding, but a cost. I end up feeling worse. I used to believe in true love, but now that idea doesn't seem realistic to me. I believe that the first time was the most innocent, most special moment anyone could have experiencing, but I never got the chance to experience that. It wasn't special, and therefore I don't feel special. The idea of true love doesn't exist for me anymore, all I see now is the idea of settling, and it breaks my heart to believe that I am merely being settled for rather than chosen.
