????????

sup

[superimpersonal]

fuck man, your phone re-connecting to a one night stand's wifi after two years is quite the... experience

[superimpersonal]

“damn” is such a simple, but appropriate way to sum it up, right? too little too late.

i wish i felt bad about it, but i really don’t. i’m waaaayyy happier with russ. i’d rather be with russ. this isn’t even me trying to convince myself, it’s the actual truth lol but I just don’t feel like leaving doors open the way i used to. i don’t care if he ever messages me again.

i’d rather russ go through my phone and see me turn people down than him see me leaving the opportunity open

[superimpersonal]

idk... I really liked him. It was amazing to hang out again, and connect, and laugh like we did. i remember i kept thinking “this is why i had such a big crush on him” and when he asked me to smoke with him, i kind of thought he was fucking with me. it didn’t hit me immediately, when he said he had a girlfriend. i knew. i think the “agreement” is probably bullshit he uses to justify himself. it doesn’t sound healthy, but who am I to judge? was kinda what I thought in the moment.

in some ways, it’s gratifying to blow him off, the way he did me. it feels shitty, and hard to explain. i didn’t want to be like him. i also didn’t want it to be ongoing.

it felt shitty the next morning. to know he wanted me, but not the way i wanted him i guess? and then it shut off.

maybe that was when i realized i wanted monogamy not because i want to only love one person. but because i want to be the only person someone else loved. and that’s really selfish. but that’s why i called, russ, right?

because i can love russ the way he loves me.

[superimpersonal]

If I stole your cigarettes off these bar last night, I want to assure you that I am sorry and I 💯 didn't mean to I would give them back if i could

[superimpersonal]

at my core, my animalistic fucking desire is to yell at my ex. it’s all i want to do, at any given moment. i don’t want to work things out, even. i don’t want to explain things and talk like adults. i literally just want to scream at him. all the time. today, while sick and still drunk from last night and in pain an in self-hatred mode, ALL i can think about is how much i want to yell at him.

i hate it. i hate how much i think about him. i’m not scared of him any more. just fueled by anger.

i don’t WANT to be nostalgic for him. i miss having A Person, but god he is not worth the fucking DRAMA

[superimpersonal]

I wish i had thrown my phone in a lake last wednesday

[superimpersonal]

“I’ll suck you off if you want.” “Sure, we can fuck.” “Yeah, let’s make out in your car.” “Funny how it’s 6 in the morning. Yeah, pour me another.” “I don’t have my car, but I’ll meet you at that other bar for sure.” “Want to go get breakfast?” “Tell me about your other family in Tennessee.”

“Just don’t leave me alone yet.”

[healthyshrimp]

“You sell cocaine?” “Let’s do gummy bear shots.” “I’ll drive an hour and half to bring you dinner.” “I’m gonna sleep on the car ride, but I’ll ride with you to Orlando.” “Let me drive you to your friend’s place.” “I’ll come see your band play even though I hate the guy that invited me.” “I’m so excited you came out tonight! Please come next week <3″

I just… Am so desperate.

It’s no question to me now. I feel alone because I don’t want any specific person. I feel bad trying to date because I know most nights I’d rather be able to do whatever tf I want, but nights like tonight… I miss the compliments I brush off and I miss the spooning I used to hate and I want to prolong the ribbing that would normally make me so uncomfortable.

[superimpersonal]

so much of my adult dating life has been based on sexual connection that now that my sex drive has slowed down, I don’t know how to pick a partner any more.

[superimpersonal]

Don't date poets

[superimpersonal]

I fucking pray I dream about him tonight

[superimpersonal]

The guy I'm currently seeing is an alcoholic with two DUIs under his belt who actively goes to AA... He also hadn't slept with anyone else in 2 years and needed me to pay for his uber this morning.

[superimpersonal]

What is it with me and guys who don't/shouldn't drive their own car?

[superimpersonal]

I really wanna fuck his brother

[superimpersonal]

Update: I gave his brother a bj

[superimpersonal]

I miss him........ i miss him so fucking much. It's so fucking hard.

[superimpersonal]

I made shepards pie tonight

SO FUCK YOU RUSS

[superimpersonal]

My heart is pounding..... tonight is probably The Night.

I can't remember the last time I was home alone all day and he didn't Show Up drunk.

[superimpersonal]

I just........... i'm having a hard time.

I......... didn't realize how badly I want to be married. Not even have a wedding, just... know with confidence that I have a partner.

Why did he have to turn into someone who keeps secrets from me? I never felt like it was us against the world.