A breakdown of Ed Sheeran’s “New Man” and why it’s problematic:
[TL;DR at the bottom of the post.]
So yesterday, as I was on Spotify instead of doing work, I realized I hadn’t listened to the new Ed Sheeran album Divide in it’s entirety yet. Turns out, it’s pretty awesome (and if you haven’t listened to it yet, you should go do that)! Unfortunately though, it does have its problematic moments – the track New Man being the primary representative.
Before we go into detail though, let’s give the characters of the song names so that they’re simple to discern from each other:
Let ex-boyfriend be X, girl be G, and New Man be N.
Also, excuse my ADHD. My meds wore off towards the end.
Ok! Now on to the fun bit!
So why is this song problematic, anyways?
I have a couple of different perspectives on this point that we’ll detail momentarily, but to be concise:
X is obsessed with the relationship between G and N, using a mix of manipulation tactics and fallacies to try and convince G to leave him.
X incessantly shames N for basically existing; he also shames G for choosing to do things/be around people X disapproves of.
X enforcing gender stereotypes.
G asking X for sex. Also, G cheating on N.
N wears closed shoes without socks.
Pop culture influences real life, and overall, these are not healthy behaviors.
Give me a moment to mentally choke a bitch out compose myself.
Now, I’m sure there are multiple people reading this post and thinking “silly OP, X is justified because N is a piece of shit,” but here’s the thing:
THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT X IS TRYING TO GET YOU TO BELIEVE.
And by “you,” I mean G, ‘cause New Man is basically a request for G to take X back rather than offering sympathy to G or caring about her as a whole individual.
Let’s take it verse by verse to identify how X does this.
I heard he spent five hundred pounds on jeans
Goes to the gym at least six times a week
Wears boat shoes with no socks on his feet
And I hear he’s on a new diet and watches what he eats
He’s got his eyebrows plucked and his arsehole bleached
Owns every single Ministry CD
Tribal tattoos and he don’t know what it means
But I heard he makes you happy, so that’s fine by me
But still, I’m just keepin’ it real
Still lookin’ at your Instagram and I’ll be creepin’ a lil’
I’ll be tryin’ not to double tap, from way back
‘Cause I know that’s where the trouble’s at
Let me remind you of the days when
You used to hold my hand
And when we sipped champagne out of cider cans
I guess if you were Lois Lane, I wasn’t Superman
Just a young boy tryin’ to be loved
So let me give it to ya
Did you catch it? Here’s verse one rewritten:
“I don’t like N because [insert stereotype about masculinity] and he’s different compared to me”
“But if that’s what makes you happy, it’s ‘ fine,’ [insert eye roll]”
“But actually, it’s not fine, because I miss you (I’m stalking you) and I’m better because we did fun shit even though I was poor and I’m not [masculinity stereotype]”
“Poor me, I deserve love; let me love you”
Essentially, X is saying that because N plucks his eyebrows, has money to spend on something he wants (even if it’s a dumb purchase), and behaves a certain way, it makes him a dumb jock/fuccboi/undesirable/have certain other traits. Therefore, X is desirable (a nice guy), and G should take him back.
Because obviously, as a man, if you keep up with your appearance, like one specific band(s), have an aesthetic/meaningless tattoo, and try to take care of your body, you’re a shitty person (sarcasm). To this last point though, I would like to note that if the tattoo has a cultural implication that N is not part of, it’s a dick move to have gotten it. We’re going off X’s assumptions though, so…
Also, closed shoes without socks is unacceptable regardless of who you are; shape up, N.
I don’t wanna know about your new man
'Cause if it was meant to be
You wouldn’t be callin’ me up tryin’ to
'Cause I’m positive that he don’t wanna know about me
I don’t wanna know about your new man
We’ll get there eventually
I know you’re missin’ all this kind of love
But I’m positive that he don’t wanna know about me
“I don’t want to know about your new man because you’re calling me up for sex (so obviously I’m better and he doesn’t matter).”
“I also KNOW that you’re missing this kind of love (so please come back) and we’ll eventually be able to laugh at him together.”
“Also, he doesn’t wanna know about me (because he’s too big of a dickbag to care obviously).”
On G’s part: dick move. Nobody should call up someone who’s trying to get over them. It just plays with their emotions and gives them false hope (or in this case, it makes X go batshit crazy)
On X’s part: he needs to get over himself. He doesn’t seem care about G or her situation other than wanting her back. He also can’t KNOW what G is feeling or missing unless she’s specifically told him.
Your new man rents a house in the 'burb
And wears a man bag on his shoulder, but I call it a purse
Every year, he goes to Málaga with all the fellas
Drinks beer, but has a six pack, I’m kinda jealous
He wears sunglasses indoors, in winter, at nighttime
And every time a rap song comes on, he makes a gang sign
Says “Chune, bwoydem light up the room!”
But enough about him, girl, let’s talk about you
You were the type of girl who sat beside the water readin’
Eatin’ a packet of crisps, but you will never find you cheatin’
Now you’re eatin’ kale, hittin’ the gym
Keepin’ up with Kylie and Kim
In the back of the club, kissin’ a boy that ain’t him
Okay, you need to be alone
And if you wanna talk about it, you can call my phone
I just thought I would tell you, 'cause you oughta know
You’re still a young girl tryin’ to be loved
So let me give it to ya
[Implied stereotype about people who live in the suburbs]
[Implied jab at masculinity]
“I’m uncomfortable with myself and jealous that he can keep that figure”
[Stereotype about “type” of femininity]
[Cheat-shaming, even though he has no idea what G&N’s relationship is about]
“Even though you behave this way you’re still this [type of] girl somewhere inside.”
“Poor, silly, you. Let me love you because I’m not [stereotype] therefore my love is better.”
A few points with this verse:
This reminds me so much of the people who say the: “I’m not racist, but…” bullshit. X is passive-aggressively shaming N and G through the entire song by implying “N isn’t a fuccboi but… N is a fuccboi – and if you like fuccbois (G), then I guess that’s what you like (but I’m judging you for it because (stereotype))”
I’m not one to advocate cheating if that’s the case, but neither I nor X have ANY IDEA what G and N have agreed to in their relationship. Maybe G found out she’s polyamorous. Maybe N is polyamorous. Maybe they’re fine with having multiple partners. We don’t know, and neither does X! G shouldn’t be shamed.
Again, what is with this guy and shaming people for taking care of themselves? G is doing well for her body! Also, maybe she realized she liked that show (ironically, or unironically: it doesn’t matter).
STOP WITH THE GENDER JABS, CHRIST ON A STICK! That is not okay! N is in no way required to conform to society’s or X’s expectations of masculinity/style/etc.
Another thing: People change! Even if G’s behavior/aesthetic/style/gender identity was a certain way with X, that doesn’t mean she’s locked into those things for the rest of her life! Nor does it express her as a full individual! Crazy concept: you can be chill/humble, take care of yourself, and eat crisps every now and then!
X does get points for the ‘gang signs for every rap song’ line though; that’s unnecessary and ignorant.
Baby, I’m not tryin’ to ruin your week
But you act so differently
When you’re with him, I know you’re lonely
Please remember you’re still free
To make the choice and leave
Don’t call me up, you need to show me
“Baby I’m not trying to ruin your week but…”
[goes on to do/say some dumb shit]
“You act so different, therefore you must be lonely!”
“So please come back to me, but DON’T call me! I demand you show me (see: make it up to me cause I’m too good for that)”
Again… one aspect of a person in one instant is not representative of the entire individual. X is not owed anything from G.
Summary & Societal Implications
X is fucking insane and doesn’t care about G as a whole person. He loves the idea of who she was before.
X continually shames N and G to manipulate G into coming back to him.
There’s a lot of details being assumed.
Also, if you haven’t sorted this out by now: this is a terrible portrayal of romance for people to relate to/internalize. It normalizes creepy/arrogant/ manipulative behavior as well as gender stereotypes. None of those things are healthy within or after a relationship.
If X loves G, he should be her friend and comfort her/help her situation instead of acting all high and mighty/implying something along the lines “I told you this was silly; now come back to me.” If he loves her, and she is not happy with N, he should help her exit the situation without requiring personal gain in return. Unconditional love does not necessitate reciprocal behavior.
New Man has a great beat, but sends an overall terrible message. It also enforces gender stereotypes. Also, X is creepy as fuck and should leave both of them alone, even if G called him, solely because he’s a passive-aggressive, manipulative fuck.
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