So I am not sure why I am writing this because I don’t think anyone will be able to see this, but it’s for me I guess. I need to dcream into a vod for a second..
I relapse. I starved myself for a couple days and I nearly ordered diet pills (I only stopped because I wasn’t sure they’re vegetarian). I think that apart from not being happy with my current weight it’s also some stupid need for control because I feel like I have no control over anything these days. I am getting my MA in 2 years, starting in few days and it’s freaking me out. What will I do afterwards. I always be a writer but I am not sure I can do it. I don’t even know if I am good enough and...shit. My best friend is getting married and I am her maid of honour which i you don’t know is expensive. I don’t know if I can afford it. I started putting money aside, but I am not sure I will be able to save up enough because I am not sure if I’ll be able to take extra classes (I am tutor) with my crazy shedule at uni and I don’t really have many offers either. Fuck, guys. I don’t know what to do and I feel like she expects so much from me and I don’t know if I will be able to deliver that. I spent the whole August in London (I am from central Europe) and I managed to get through the last year by looking forward to that and now I feel like since I came back everything is falling apart under my fingers and I don’t know what I am doing and I am so anxious about the new school year starting.
I am scared I won’t be able to work and I am scared of not having time to write and nothving time for myself and I am scared I will never lose the weight I gain during my ED recovery.
I am so scared....

















