Ani>

Miles (pudge) Halter

[suspiciousduhh]

I dont have the discipline to hold on my grudge,

With hands abandoned to hold and eyeliner merged,

The sky between the gaps of tree reminding of sad,

So vast to look at something gets confided is mad,

The branches of tree fallen down are broken and yarns to be burned,

In the morning they were lighted up and at night moon helped them to be shunned,

I sit and see it all, I believe none unlike you,

She bought life to things and her sky was never blue,

I sat between peoples who are clueless themselves with asking else to address,

A remark of truth untidy left on table so did fallacies of attires dressed,

I see it all yet know none, would sleeping through the day help,

All that moments went in vain, are running through to scream and yelp.

A.m

[suspiciousduhh]

It hurts more that people can't accept your sad and let you be sad. They always want us to smile back that is good but insane. I can't fake it. I'm dieing. And I know I will fake it even if I happened to be on my dead bed. I want to be someone that my sisters look up to. I want to be someone they talk there miseries too. I don't want everyone to choose part of me and ruin but I would love to be the moon of there eyes even though it's there alone. I'm dieing because I loose everything to others and don't have anything for myself to loose. I'm a wreck of a human that doesn't have enough to give I guess that's why they don't vulture around my flesh anymore. I'm lost to others gain. I'm dieing to be a listener again. Let my ears bleed I love blood. Let me be a seldom talks of a person who says "shit is fine" and smile. I want to be someone to be wanted. And I'm dieing because I wake up to no name calling my name. I sleep to warmth in my stomach, cold hands and feet. I lay down on my bed to never get up from it. I wish there could be a soul to hug me tight and loose its vulnerability to me. Here in this moment I can leave my agony and despair and die. A death of love. A death that made me alive to die.

_a.m

Sorry for the mistakes if any above. I'm too sad to even change it.

[suspiciousduhh]

we went to extreme ends and I feel it won't mend.

-a.m

[suspiciousduhh]

Sometimes you just loose people, and keep on loosing them, again and again, till the point that you never realize that you're losing them. It hits you hard and make you feel like debris of melancholy into smithereens crying to get aligned once again even though it's still losing yet not lost.

_a.m

[suspiciousduhh]

I question love often everyday, why did they travel so long just to see me standing across the street, why did they asked do I have pockets in my dress, why do they confess there love randomly, why do they inform about there whereabouts, why do they ask about my whereabouts, why do they say they wanna talk and leave and make me anxious, why do they care so much enough that I question myself, and when I try to sleep why do they cross my mind and wreck my nerves making me question why do they love me?

_a.m

[suspiciousduhh]

I loved him in every moment of us being together, I loved him when he left, and I love him now when his back.

-a.m

[suspiciousduhh]

This day I met someone who wants to be the one,

And always look right in my eyes; horses freed to run,

Brutally honest; doesn't escape his words,

An embrace to run to; a door that never shuts,

I keep my faith in stars they never leave the moon,

He stays for longer; days are healed and nights are spooned,

He spill music on my draft letters and name it after me,

Every beat, smoothing tune, soft love of his, I to us and us to we.

_a.m

[suspiciousduhh]

when your parents don't offer love; you seek for it in others.

-a.m.

[suspiciousduhh]

"I see her melting to the heat of her core that is hurt"

_a.m

[suspiciousduhh]

You absolved me as if you were not at fault,

Like I’m a canopy of your throne for you to sit and revolt,

The creases on my skin were glories to your conquest,

Cynical acts of yours was above my whimpering request,

I was flower; you turned me into a letter seal for your dirty illegal clauses,

The place I was in was so bare that my whines dampened into mosses.

_a.m.

[suspiciousduhh]

The wellness of time is a scandal which leads to mourning about how well it was.

_a.m.

[suspiciousduhh]

I was a early riser now I stay in the bed till noon,

Cause you seems to be in my head just like the outstanding moon,

I haven't seen you since years,

But when I'm crossing road and the thought of you "saying it's okay it's just fear" appears,

But unknowingly it seems like I see you everyday

Or when I listen the songs you loved on loop and smiled in a horribly beautiful way,

You made me iced coffee every evening even when it was cold out,

We used to blush when are hands brush against each other under the setting sun and avoid crowd,

The rain and snow poured all out the year were along with me and my cries,

I never knew you meant it when you said let me die first or I will die twice.

_A.m

[suspiciousduhh]

'Goodbyes' are always hard so say and harder to hear,

should I stay,

watch them disappear in thin air or just walk myself home,

Thinking what should I grieve about; them leaving or me standing over there alone.

_A.m

[suspiciousduhh]

There was a friend of mine she called me her bestfriend,

Now when I've wrote about her you may know how it ends,

My mom said to stay away from her

First I was confused but

Now I'm amazed,

We sat next to each other everyday,

Now we stay away as there is a plague,

You said we're bestfriends for 7-lives,

Just two months passed and all posts are archived.

Now you talk to the people you said you hate

I wasn't aware that we can change soulmates

_A.m

[suspiciousduhh]

I don't know what it is ,

A denial or a strong feeling,

You smiled and I liked it ,

It was supposed to be only you in it ,

Why I'm involving

It wasn't suppose to be like this,

Should I stay back or should I leave,

Is it real or just flirt is all he means,

You were suppose to get drown in it

Why I feel myself sinking in too,

I have a fear of drowning but why I feel I'm over coming it too,

Will you believe me that I don't want it ,

Will you believe me that I often want it too

_A.m

[suspiciousduhh]

Me as a person has always been thankful to my "atleast moments" but when you said you look at the moon every night before sleeping , i got my atleast we see same thing before closing our eyes, atleast we felt same , how being so beautiful the moon is still alone and me being me gave it 'atleast that it has stars to shine with too'.

_A.m

[suspiciousduhh]

It's December 3rd and I haven't got my sweater yet...