The Steven Universe Workbook

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Sorry guys but I have been inspired to do some serious napping of my own to steel me for whatever horrifying nightmare vision Lapis chooses to bless us with next. Let’s reconvene here tomorrow, same liveblog time, same liveblog place. 

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Stevo is trying to straight up bore Pearl into her first nap ever, but mostly I just really love the quiet moment where Amethyst (joining Garnet as a big fakey faker only pretending to be sleeping!) just quietly rolls her eyes at Steven’s rambling. It’s all just so tranquil and atmospheric, just like chefs kiss animation here in this episode about lying quietly on the floor.

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Okay so when Steven dreams about having a regular life, Pearl and Amethyst are his conventional family, Greg is the goddamn narrator, Garnet is his cool sitcom guest star neighbour with a meaningless catch phrase (and wow does that have some weird implications about how Steven sees Garnet - I suppose she is the only person who didn’t come to his slumber party), and I guess Lapis is the result of Sadie forcing him to watch way too much trash horror in spooky lighthouses.

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These two dramatic babies mugging for the cameras. 

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Not Steven dreaming that Pearl is his sitcom mom and Amethyst is his sitcom feckless older brother!

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Obviously Amethyst is already a world champion napper, but Pearl is so willing to take instruction on stupid human things from Steven. I appreciate her effort. She loves her gross human son and his stupid Maslow’s pyramid.

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I don’t know what’s going on between these two but I need about six thousand more episodes of it.

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They really had me in the first half, tricking me into thinking we were gonna get a dramatic showdown with our archnemesis Laphands. Thank god we course corrected to eight minutes of our protagonists napping.

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God I am kinning every single one of these ladies in this moment and this moment exclusively.

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Steven really has just fast tracked a few decades and is now experiencing a full on quarter life crisis, isn’t he.

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Not Lapis and Jasper’s physically manifesting their trauma bond as a hot monster woman!!

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GET WRECKED PEARL

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Incredible entry, a ten out of ten reminder of Garnet’s best asset - her ridiculous swim goggles. 

And being the only one who pays attention to whether Stebs lives or dies.

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WHY ARE WE HUNTING FOR LAPLAND MCJUSION IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT GANG?? Just so you can meaningfully grapple with her eighteen hands in a symbolic beam of moonlight? You are all going to die because of your insatiable thirst for the aesthetic.

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Can’t believe no one told me I’ve been missing out on Amethyst calling Pearl pierogi for four months and none of you told me.

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It’s taken me four months to correct the timestamps on this janky pirated srt, but finally we can all continue our bid to set the world record for longest ever time taken to watch a nine minute cartoon.

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OH I THOUGHT THINGS WERE UPSETTING FIVE SECONDS AGO, OKAY. 

Greg’s healthy approach to relationships has so much collateral damage, my god. We thought the moral of the story was how open communication is a beautiful and powerful tool to resolve unspoken emotional conflict, but the actual moral is ‘sometimes our open communication is an unintended microaggression that will alienate and batter a random third party’s fragile self-esteem into the dirt’.