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My emotions are valid*

*valid does not mean healthy, or good, or to be privileged above common sense and kindness

A distinction for anyone who is young and hasn’t figured this out yet:

You are allowed to have whatever emotions you want. No one can control your emotions. Emotions are healthy responses to things.

You are not allowed to have behaviors that are harmful just because you have certain emotions. Your behaviors are what you can control, and they are far easier to control than your emotions.

You can be jealous about someone or their talents until you turn green, but it is harmful to yourself and to that person if you try to sabotage them because of it. You can be so angry you can literally feel your temperature rise, but this does not give you permission to rage at others.

Your emotions are valid. They are always valid. You are a person of value. However, you behaviors are not always justified just because of those emotions. You may not be able to control you emotions, but you can certainly control your behaviors.

cameoamalthea

Emotions are “real” insofar as you really do feel them. That means, what you feel is ‘valid’. It’s no good telling anyone they shouldn’t be upset about something or that they’re being ‘too sensitive’ for feeling what they feel.

That said, emotions are not ‘fact’. Just because you feel something doesn’t mean what you’re feeling reflects reality. You can be upset by something, but that doesn’t mean the thing is bad. How you feel can be an important tool and emotions shouldn’t be ignored, but you should always stop and check the facts about how you feel.

Mistaking emotion for fact is called Emotional Reasoning and it is one of 10 Cognitive distortions to watch for.

“Black and white thinking, personalization, catastrophizing. Sometimes these things seem like facts, but are really patterns that our brains are used to following to make it easier to come to conclusions. That doesn’t mean they’re accurate.” (source)

“If you use emotions as the only source of information for your thinking, emotions are treated as facts: “if I feel incompetent, I am.” “If I get depressed when left alone, they shouldn’t leave me alone.” “If I feel right about something, it is right.”” (source)

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My emotions are valid*

*valid does not mean healthy, or good, or to be privileged above common sense and kindness

A distinction for anyone who is young and hasn’t figured this out yet:

You are allowed to have whatever emotions you want. No one can control your emotions. Emotions are healthy responses to things.

You are not allowed to have behaviors that are harmful just because you have certain emotions. Your behaviors are what you can control, and they are far easier to control than your emotions.

You can be jealous about someone or their talents until you turn green, but it is harmful to yourself and to that person if you try to sabotage them because of it. You can be so angry you can literally feel your temperature rise, but this does not give you permission to rage at others.

Your emotions are valid. They are always valid. You are a person of value. However, you behaviors are not always justified just because of those emotions. You may not be able to control you emotions, but you can certainly control your behaviors.

jumpingjacktrash

and this one, i beg you to learn before you become right-wing fundamentalists: just because something gives you revulsion feelings does not mean it’s morally wrong.

you may be sex-repulsed; that doesn’t mean sex is dirty and bad. maybe you were bullied by teenage girls; that doesn’t mean teenage girls are a force of evil. perhaps a villain in a work of fiction reminds you of someone who abused you; that doesn’t mean people who enjoy that character or that fiction are abusive. your feelings about those things are absolutely valid, and it’s not right for people to tell you you shouldn’t feel that way. but it’s also not right for you to act out against others based on those feelings.

that instinct to generalize served our species well when we were hunter-gatherers living in small bands in a hostile wilderness. you nibble a delicious-looking berry, you throw up, you know that berry is BAD and you make the yuck face whenever you see it so the other hominids know it’s a bad one. but in the modern world, in the information age, there are so many complex things you might encounter, you’re going to have badfeels about a lot of things that aren’t actually across-the-board bad.

you need to not be ruled by your hominid yuckberry instinct. that’s where bigotry comes from.

violent-darts

Thiiiiis.

vampiraptor

Everything above is excellent, but I must jump in and emphasize Undastra’s point that your emotions ARE valid and you can’t help feeling what you feel. I learned during therapy that I fucked myself up big time for years because I would try to flat-out ignore or repress my emotions instead of processing them in a healthy manner. Being a ~very~ emotional person, all this did was turn me into the human incarnation of a shaken soda bottle. I was even more volatile and sensitive because any little thing at the wrong moment could make me just erupt and freak out.

What I didn’t understand was that it’s super important to acknowledge and process your emotions because they do matter! But letting them dictate your actions and behavior is not good for anyone, including you. An initial reaction to something can always be changed or tempered by taking time to logically think it through. Like, “yes, I’m feeling THIS way and it’s a feeling I’m HAVING because THING. So how can I deal with THING to make it suck less?” I have never regretted talking myself down from freaking out on someone or making a nasty post on the internet.

My emotions are valid*

*valid does not mean healthy, or good, or to be privileged above common sense and kindness

kasael-deactivated20250929

A distinction for anyone who is young and hasn’t figured this out yet:

You are allowed to have whatever emotions you want. No one can control your emotions. Emotions are healthy responses to things.

You are not allowed to have behaviors that are harmful just because you have certain emotions. Your behaviors are what you can control, and they are far easier to control than your emotions.

You can be jealous about someone or their talents until you turn green, but it is harmful to yourself and to that person if you try to sabotage them because of it. You can be so angry you can literally feel your temperature rise, but this does not give you permission to rage at others.

Your emotions are valid. They are always valid. You are a person of value. However, you behaviors are not always justified just because of those emotions. You may not be able to control you emotions, but you can certainly control your behaviors.

jumpingjacktrash

and this one, i beg you to learn before you become right-wing fundamentalists: just because something gives you revulsion feelings does not mean it’s morally wrong.

you may be sex-repulsed; that doesn’t mean sex is dirty and bad. maybe you were bullied by teenage girls; that doesn’t mean teenage girls are a force of evil. perhaps a villain in a work of fiction reminds you of someone who abused you; that doesn’t mean people who enjoy that character or that fiction are abusive. your feelings about those things are absolutely valid, and it’s not right for people to tell you you shouldn’t feel that way. but it’s also not right for you to act out against others based on those feelings.

that instinct to generalize served our species well when we were hunter-gatherers living in small bands in a hostile wilderness. you nibble a delicious-looking berry, you throw up, you know that berry is BAD and you make the yuck face whenever you see it so the other hominids know it’s a bad one. but in the modern world, in the information age, there are so many complex things you might encounter, you’re going to have badfeels about a lot of things that aren’t actually across-the-board bad.

you need to not be ruled by your hominid yuckberry instinct. that’s where bigotry comes from.

violent-darts

Thiiiiis.

emotions are important. acting on emotions is also important. emotions are very physical, and you need to do something physical if you want to resolve them.

perfectly neutral: being angry

not great: yelling at someone unrelated to the issue

also not great: deciding to do nothing and staying angry

unfortunate: not realizing you’re angry in the first place

perhaps better: recognize you’re angry; exercise, assault a pillow, scream inside of a car, break up boxes, pull up weeds, etc. until you’re calm enough to resolve the issue that made you angry in the first place

you need to act on emotions. just, try to pick better actions

sometimes there isn’t a solution, or the solution doesn’t resolve it, and that’s when you need to call in the professional emotion detanglers. but for things like “my neighbor was rude to me” this helps

My emotions are valid*

*valid does not mean healthy, or good, or to be privileged above common sense and kindness

A distinction for anyone who is young and hasn’t figured this out yet:

You are allowed to have whatever emotions you want. No one can control your emotions. Emotions are healthy responses to things.

You are not allowed to have behaviors that are harmful just because you have certain emotions. Your behaviors are what you can control, and they are far easier to control than your emotions.

You can be jealous about someone or their talents until you turn green, but it is harmful to yourself and to that person if you try to sabotage them because of it. You can be so angry you can literally feel your temperature rise, but this does not give you permission to rage at others.

Your emotions are valid. They are always valid. You are a person of value. However, you behaviors are not always justified just because of those emotions. You may not be able to control you emotions, but you can certainly control your behaviors.

jadebrightwind

If you are having trouble controlling your emotions, learn some behaviors to help you cope and/or remove yourself from the situation if possible. This is a skill you will NEED. It is INDISPENSABLE, and it is for the benefit and well being of yourself AND those around you, at the very least those whom you care about that you don’t want to hurt.

My emotions are valid*

*valid does not mean healthy, or good, or to be privileged above common sense and kindness

A distinction for anyone who is young and hasn’t figured this out yet:

You are allowed to have whatever emotions you want. No one can control your emotions. Emotions are healthy responses to things.

You are not allowed to have behaviors that are harmful just because you have certain emotions. Your behaviors are what you can control, and they are far easier to control than your emotions.

You can be jealous about someone or their talents until you turn green, but it is harmful to yourself and to that person if you try to sabotage them because of it. You can be so angry you can literally feel your temperature rise, but this does not give you permission to rage at others.

Your emotions are valid. They are always valid. You are a person of value. However, you behaviors are not always justified just because of those emotions. You may not be able to control you emotions, but you can certainly control your behaviors.

jumpingjacktrash

and this one, i beg you to learn before you become right-wing fundamentalists: just because something gives you revulsion feelings does not mean it’s morally wrong.

you may be sex-repulsed; that doesn’t mean sex is dirty and bad. maybe you were bullied by teenage girls; that doesn’t mean teenage girls are a force of evil. perhaps a villain in a work of fiction reminds you of someone who abused you; that doesn’t mean people who enjoy that character or that fiction are abusive. your feelings about those things are absolutely valid, and it’s not right for people to tell you you shouldn’t feel that way. but it’s also not right for you to act out against others based on those feelings.

that instinct to generalize served our species well when we were hunter-gatherers living in small bands in a hostile wilderness. you nibble a delicious-looking berry, you throw up, you know that berry is BAD and you make the yuck face whenever you see it so the other hominids know it’s a bad one. but in the modern world, in the information age, there are so many complex things you might encounter, you’re going to have badfeels about a lot of things that aren’t actually across-the-board bad.

you need to not be ruled by your hominid yuckberry instinct. that’s where bigotry comes from.

violent-darts

Thiiiiis.

legoloveletters

I’m old and still need refreshers on this.

opalwhisker

I’m going to post here a few notes my Therapist gave me on Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (aka DBT) and Validation.

Validation does NOT mean you AGREE or APPROVE of behavior. Validation is non-judgmental.

What is validation? It means telling someone that what they feel, think, believe, and experience is real, logical, and understandable. (example: maybe you grew up in an extremely conservative home and don’t feel comfortable with lgbt issues. Its valid you feel that way because its an understandable view point for you to have, and logical you have it given your background.)

This doesn’t excuse poor behavior caused by these emotions, however. If you are validating someone else’s experience, but don’t agree with it, keep in mind that validating them is not agreeing or supporting their position. When validating someone else, even if you disagree with their behavior, find something that you can empathize with. (example; “When you get that angry, you want to strike out at someone.”, “You look hurt when _____ is brought up.” ) If you are self-validating, keep in mind your own personal bias, and maybe later come back and look at why it is you feel the way you do about a subject. Validation doesn’t mean you are in the right.

My emotions are valid*

*valid does not mean healthy, or good, or to be privileged above common sense and kindness

A distinction for anyone who is young and hasn’t figured this out yet:

You are allowed to have whatever emotions you want. No one can control your emotions. Emotions are healthy responses to things.

You are not allowed to have behaviors that are harmful just because you have certain emotions. Your behaviors are what you can control, and they are far easier to control than your emotions.

You can be jealous about someone or their talents until you turn green, but it is harmful to yourself and to that person if you try to sabotage them because of it. You can be so angry you can literally feel your temperature rise, but this does not give you permission to rage at others.

Your emotions are valid. They are always valid. You are a person of value. However, you behaviors are not always justified just because of those emotions. You may not be able to control you emotions, but you can certainly control your behaviors.

gayfieri22

I’ll add that you have troubles learning how to control your behaviors go to therapy if you have the financial ability to. If you don’t self help is out there. Google is a great place to start. If you have a self diagnosis, you can Google coping mechanisms for said diagnosis. If you have troubles getting those implemented yourself, it’s okay to ask a parent, friend, or any kind of mentor figure out there for help and accountability. It takes practice and patience with yourself, but if you keep practicing and don’t give up the results will come and you’ll be able to be proud about the fact that your hard work made a difference and if you’ve enlisted the help of someone who truly cares they will be proud of you too

My emotions are valid*

*valid does not mean healthy, or good, or to be privileged above common sense and kindness

notreallyremus-deactivated20191

A distinction for anyone who is young and hasn’t figured this out yet:

You are allowed to have whatever emotions you want. No one can control your emotions. Emotions are healthy responses to things.

You are not allowed to have behaviors that are harmful just because you have certain emotions. Your behaviors are what you can control, and they are far easier to control than your emotions.

You can be jealous about someone or their talents until you turn green, but it is harmful to yourself and to that person if you try to sabotage them because of it. You can be so angry you can literally feel your temperature rise, but this does not give you permission to rage at others.

Your emotions are valid. They are always valid. You are a person of value. However, you behaviors are not always justified just because of those emotions. You may not be able to control you emotions, but you can certainly control your behaviors.

givememusicandqueer

“You may not be able to control your emotions, but you can certainly control your behaviors.”

A word to anyone who, like me, feels or has felt that emotional behaviours are not within their control: get thee to a mental health professional. Seriously. This is not a normal, necessary, or inevitable response to emotion. You can, and you must, learn to take control of these responses; you will live a happier life for doing so.