i feel so bad when people follow this blog like oh hi you will never get exposed to any new writing except for when i go absolutely insane and you get five fics in the span of three days and then you'll get nothing again for the next three months...sorry
description: james is confused, but no less confused as he was when he was a high school student and denying his infatuation with his best friend's brother. now, regulus is a regular at the cafe he works in, and james doesn't know what to do.
warnings: none it's fluffy james is so cute
note: (reblog and comment please please please i need the validation) HI HELLO I AM BACK OKAY SO i heard the new gracie song and i went insane bc its so jegulus and wrote this in one hour in english class and its unedited. anyway this is a series, the masterlist is linked at the top. this chapter has been on ao3 since yesterday but i didn't get around to posting it here. lowkey think this is terrible but oh wellll
taglist: (i included the people on my marauders taglist so lmk if you don't wanna be on this one) @thestarslittleking @chaserofstars11 @gu1lty-as-sin @dandelions-fly-in-summer-skies @a-beautiful-fool @optimizedchaos @star-ch4ser @qwerty-keysmash @lost-in-reveriie @tulips-best @nqds
Upon his first week at high school, James Potter had come to the conclusion that he would end up with Lily Evans if it was the last thing he did. She was exactly the kind of girl he liked, she was pretty and opinionated and she seemed like the sweetest person heâd ever met. Remus had chuckled at his lovesick pining, not having the heart to tell the messy haired boy that your crush when youâre eleven years old is never your soulmate.
He pined after Lily for two years, with no clear progression other than Lily awkwardly smiling at him each time they passed in the hallways. Safe to say, Jamesâ feelings were not reciprocated, and Marelne had grown a habit of snickering at the way his eyes followed her down the hall.
A few students at school had thought he was overdoing it slightly, but he really wasnât. He wasnât overly pushy, and he had only asked her out once or twice. He was clear about his feelings, but wasn't going to make her uncomfortable. James Potter was a gentleman in the truest sense of the word, but that didnât mean he didnât feel an undeniable feeling of heartache when she walked past and ignored his presence.
Now, however, James was in university. He was as over Lily as he had ever been, and he had escaped the inherent unpleasantries that come with being a teen going through the heartache of growing up. He felt undeniably free, and not to mention his psychology course was helping him understand himself better than ever. He was happier than ever, saying otherwise would be a blatant understatement. He was living in a flat with Sirius, Remus, and Peter, which had been his dream since primary school.
Lily was now one of his closest friends, and she worked at the flower shop that had a door into the coffee shop James worked in. Lilyâs law degree and Jamesâ psychology one made them a perfect pair, and much to Remusâ surprise, the two studied together regularly. The fact that Jamesâ attention span and motivation had changed since high school was something no one had expected, and although he still struggled, he had his tactics to get back on track.
Some things never change, though, and James still hated quiet, slow paced days more than death itself. He could deal with stressful, busy days, but the mundane was his greatest oppressor, the repetitiveness of a quiet day driving him to the edge of his sanity. Today happened to be one of those days, he sat behind the counter at the small coffee shop he worked in as customers filtered in once every half an hour.
He sat, watching the slow ticking of the clock as the time went by as slow as it possibly could. It was 12:38pm, and 12:20 felt like hours ago. Blankly staring at the wall, the coffee heâd made himself had been discarded on the counter next to him and he didnât bother picking it up, knowing that after half an hour of it sitting there, it would surely be cold. Each time someone walked past the door of the shop, James perked upâonly to sigh as they walked past without a second thought. Jamesâ tendency to romanticise everything that life had to offer often left him disappointed.
Finally, he heard the bell signalling that someone had opened the door sound, and his head snapped up in relief. â My saviour, love of my life, thank god youâre here.â his brain sung as he sprung up from his seated position, standing at the counter within seconds of the boy walking into the shop. His signature smile appeared on his face, âhi, howâs your day going?â
The boy seemed to falter, as if his carefully planned interaction of simply ordering what he wanted and leaving had been disrupted by a simple question. His dull blue eyes widened, and his lips fell open in a dumbfounded expression before he picked himself up and showed James a tight lipped smile. âUh, Iâm good.â
James noticed that this small interaction had absolutely foiled his carefully planned coffee order, and the boy had entirely forgotten to say what he wanted. James smiled softly, chuckling in his head. He always thought it was interesting how common these interactions seemed to be when you worked in a coffee shop. The psychology major in him couldnât help but psychoanalyse these interactions, which made working in hospitality both intriguing and perplexing. He found that you could get a pretty good idea of someoneâs mindset and what their day to day life is like by doing this, and it almost acted as revision for his upcoming exam.
âWhat can I get you today?â
Embarrassment flushed over the dark haired boyâs face, and he automatically sent another tight lipped smile to try and compensate for his forgetfulness. A strand of his soft black curls fell over his eyes, and James could tell just by his body language and the look in his eyes that it annoyed him to no end. âA black coffee, please.â
That was fitting, James thought. With the tidy (almost obnoxiously so) outfit and the carefully styled short black hair, a black coffee was the only thing that really made sense for him.
âAnd can I have a name for that?â
Stupid boy, you know his name.
âRegulus.â
James knew how to spell it.
He knew how to spell it and he hated that. Regulus was his best friendâs brother, and things between Sirius and his younger brother were rough. They got along until they didnât. Sirius had spent more evenings than James could count frantically ranting about him on evenings at Jamesâ house after school. When Sirius had left for high school, Regulus had distanced himself from Sirius more than he ever had before. Regulus had always been detatched, and James knew this from Siriusâ extensive complaints.
James he knew he shouldnât have been so enamoured with Regulus in his high school years as he was, but when James fell for someone he fell for them. He fell for them intensly and irreversably and everyone he had ever loved lived in his heart for eternity. It may seem like James was feeling too insensely, but for him to not love so deeply and fully would mean he was not James Potter. He could not be in any sort of relationship without loving them to the end of the earth. His mother had always told him to cherish this, that his way of loving was incredibly pure and a love that many people would give anything to be the recipient of. But based off his past relationships, his love was not something to be cherished.
âAlright, Iâll have that ready for you soon.â
While he was making the coffee, James allowed himself to watch Regulus, noticing the way his hair was slightly more inclined to falling to the right side of his forehead, the way his greyish-blue eyes fixed on one spot of the wall and didnât seem to move. He watched as his hands anxiously clasped together in his lap and his foot tapped.
James was a master of the art of noticing, and he tended to read into what people did, more so than was probably helpful. But James had always been observant, even as a toddler he had had an integral interest in people. He understood when people said that the human race was done for, but he was compelled to disagree. He had a sense of optimism that many thought was overbearing, but in the same way, James sometimes found their pessimism slightly disheartening.
Regulus intrigued him, although the boy was made of very few words and made him fiddle with his hands behind the counter and cause his eyes to flutter around the room to look anywhere other than his eyes. Regulus was pretty. He was the definition of pretty, with his wavy black hair and his grey eyes that shone with something James couldnât quite place. James felt an intense urge to sink into the ground and never reappear. Unsure of what this was, he played it off as simply nervousness around someone newânot that it was common for James to ever feel nervous around new people. Regulus had this aura about him, one that James couldnât figure out. It was undeniable that Regulus made James shy, but James would deny the reason for this nervousness for as long as he possibly couldâand longer. This was merely a customer that would show up to the coffee shop once and never againâafter all, he hadnât seen Regulus in the shop at all earlier in the year.
For a reason James couldnât quite place, there was a hint of awkwardness between him and Regulus. They respected each other, sure, but when they were alone, without Sirius or Remus, James felt an intense urge to sink into the ground and never reappear. He played it off as simply nervousness around someone newânot that it was common for James to ever feel nervous around new people. Regulus had this aura about him, one that James couldnât quite place. It was undeniable that Regulus made James nervous, but James would deny the reason for this nervousness for as long as he possibly couldâand longer. Regulus didnât speak much, and James tried but failed to match this. The silence felt awkward, and he couldnât go for long sitting in silence with him until he overshared, making the situation more awkward than it had been beforehand.
âLong black for Regulus?â
He says his name, although there is no one else in the shop to mistake the coffee as their own. But James likes the way his name sounds on his lips, as horrifically cheesy as that may sound.
Stop it. Stop it, stop it, stop it. Heâs off-limits and you know that.
Looking up, Regulus looked up and flashed a small, awkward smile, walking to the counter and reaching for the coffee. As his fingers wrapped around the cup, they brushed Jamesâ fingers, and his grey eyes flickered up to meet Jamesâ deep brown ones. âThank you,â he looked away quickly and was out of the shop before James could even respond.
Okay, James thought, okay, this is okay. He just has to make it out of the shop and then Iâll never see him again.
But then Regulus stops halfway out of the door, sending James a wonky smile and a soft âIâll see you around.â His eyes are twinkling with something unrecognisable, and once he leaves James allows himself to breathe and forces the dorky smile off his face as he swears under his breath.
description: james is confused, but no less confused as he was when he was a high school student and denying his infatuation with his best friend's brother. now, regulus is a regular at the cafe he works in, and james doesn't know what to do.
warnings: none it's fluffy james is so cute
note: (reblog and comment please please please i need the validation) HI HELLO I AM BACK OKAY SO i heard the new gracie song and i went insane bc its so jegulus and wrote this in one hour in english class and its unedited. anyway this is a series, the masterlist is linked at the top. this chapter has been on ao3 since yesterday but i didn't get around to posting it here. lowkey think this is terrible but oh wellll
taglist: (i included the people on my marauders taglist so lmk if you don't wanna be on this one) @thestarslittleking @chaserofstars11 @gu1lty-as-sin @dandelions-fly-in-summer-skies @a-beautiful-fool @optimizedchaos @star-ch4ser @qwerty-keysmash @lost-in-reveriie @tulips-best @nqds
Upon his first week at high school, James Potter had come to the conclusion that he would end up with Lily Evans if it was the last thing he did. She was exactly the kind of girl he liked, she was pretty and opinionated and she seemed like the sweetest person heâd ever met. Remus had chuckled at his lovesick pining, not having the heart to tell the messy haired boy that your crush when youâre eleven years old is never your soulmate.
He pined after Lily for two years, with no clear progression other than Lily awkwardly smiling at him each time they passed in the hallways. Safe to say, Jamesâ feelings were not reciprocated, and Marelne had grown a habit of snickering at the way his eyes followed her down the hall.
A few students at school had thought he was overdoing it slightly, but he really wasnât. He wasnât overly pushy, and he had only asked her out once or twice. He was clear about his feelings, but wasn't going to make her uncomfortable. James Potter was a gentleman in the truest sense of the word, but that didnât mean he didnât feel an undeniable feeling of heartache when she walked past and ignored his presence.
Now, however, James was in university. He was as over Lily as he had ever been, and he had escaped the inherent unpleasantries that come with being a teen going through the heartache of growing up. He felt undeniably free, and not to mention his psychology course was helping him understand himself better than ever. He was happier than ever, saying otherwise would be a blatant understatement. He was living in a flat with Sirius, Remus, and Peter, which had been his dream since primary school.
Lily was now one of his closest friends, and she worked at the flower shop that had a door into the coffee shop James worked in. Lilyâs law degree and Jamesâ psychology one made them a perfect pair, and much to Remusâ surprise, the two studied together regularly. The fact that Jamesâ attention span and motivation had changed since high school was something no one had expected, and although he still struggled, he had his tactics to get back on track.
Some things never change, though, and James still hated quiet, slow paced days more than death itself. He could deal with stressful, busy days, but the mundane was his greatest oppressor, the repetitiveness of a quiet day driving him to the edge of his sanity. Today happened to be one of those days, he sat behind the counter at the small coffee shop he worked in as customers filtered in once every half an hour.
He sat, watching the slow ticking of the clock as the time went by as slow as it possibly could. It was 12:38pm, and 12:20 felt like hours ago. Blankly staring at the wall, the coffee heâd made himself had been discarded on the counter next to him and he didnât bother picking it up, knowing that after half an hour of it sitting there, it would surely be cold. Each time someone walked past the door of the shop, James perked upâonly to sigh as they walked past without a second thought. Jamesâ tendency to romanticise everything that life had to offer often left him disappointed.
Finally, he heard the bell signalling that someone had opened the door sound, and his head snapped up in relief. â My saviour, love of my life, thank god youâre here.â his brain sung as he sprung up from his seated position, standing at the counter within seconds of the boy walking into the shop. His signature smile appeared on his face, âhi, howâs your day going?â
The boy seemed to falter, as if his carefully planned interaction of simply ordering what he wanted and leaving had been disrupted by a simple question. His dull blue eyes widened, and his lips fell open in a dumbfounded expression before he picked himself up and showed James a tight lipped smile. âUh, Iâm good.â
James noticed that this small interaction had absolutely foiled his carefully planned coffee order, and the boy had entirely forgotten to say what he wanted. James smiled softly, chuckling in his head. He always thought it was interesting how common these interactions seemed to be when you worked in a coffee shop. The psychology major in him couldnât help but psychoanalyse these interactions, which made working in hospitality both intriguing and perplexing. He found that you could get a pretty good idea of someoneâs mindset and what their day to day life is like by doing this, and it almost acted as revision for his upcoming exam.
âWhat can I get you today?â
Embarrassment flushed over the dark haired boyâs face, and he automatically sent another tight lipped smile to try and compensate for his forgetfulness. A strand of his soft black curls fell over his eyes, and James could tell just by his body language and the look in his eyes that it annoyed him to no end. âA black coffee, please.â
That was fitting, James thought. With the tidy (almost obnoxiously so) outfit and the carefully styled short black hair, a black coffee was the only thing that really made sense for him.
âAnd can I have a name for that?â
Stupid boy, you know his name.
âRegulus.â
James knew how to spell it.
He knew how to spell it and he hated that. Regulus was his best friendâs brother, and things between Sirius and his younger brother were rough. They got along until they didnât. Sirius had spent more evenings than James could count frantically ranting about him on evenings at Jamesâ house after school. When Sirius had left for high school, Regulus had distanced himself from Sirius more than he ever had before. Regulus had always been detatched, and James knew this from Siriusâ extensive complaints.
James he knew he shouldnât have been so enamoured with Regulus in his high school years as he was, but when James fell for someone he fell for them. He fell for them intensly and irreversably and everyone he had ever loved lived in his heart for eternity. It may seem like James was feeling too insensely, but for him to not love so deeply and fully would mean he was not James Potter. He could not be in any sort of relationship without loving them to the end of the earth. His mother had always told him to cherish this, that his way of loving was incredibly pure and a love that many people would give anything to be the recipient of. But based off his past relationships, his love was not something to be cherished.
âAlright, Iâll have that ready for you soon.â
While he was making the coffee, James allowed himself to watch Regulus, noticing the way his hair was slightly more inclined to falling to the right side of his forehead, the way his greyish-blue eyes fixed on one spot of the wall and didnât seem to move. He watched as his hands anxiously clasped together in his lap and his foot tapped.
James was a master of the art of noticing, and he tended to read into what people did, more so than was probably helpful. But James had always been observant, even as a toddler he had had an integral interest in people. He understood when people said that the human race was done for, but he was compelled to disagree. He had a sense of optimism that many thought was overbearing, but in the same way, James sometimes found their pessimism slightly disheartening.
Regulus intrigued him, although the boy was made of very few words and made him fiddle with his hands behind the counter and cause his eyes to flutter around the room to look anywhere other than his eyes. Regulus was pretty. He was the definition of pretty, with his wavy black hair and his grey eyes that shone with something James couldnât quite place. James felt an intense urge to sink into the ground and never reappear. Unsure of what this was, he played it off as simply nervousness around someone newânot that it was common for James to ever feel nervous around new people. Regulus had this aura about him, one that James couldnât figure out. It was undeniable that Regulus made James shy, but James would deny the reason for this nervousness for as long as he possibly couldâand longer. This was merely a customer that would show up to the coffee shop once and never againâafter all, he hadnât seen Regulus in the shop at all earlier in the year.
For a reason James couldnât quite place, there was a hint of awkwardness between him and Regulus. They respected each other, sure, but when they were alone, without Sirius or Remus, James felt an intense urge to sink into the ground and never reappear. He played it off as simply nervousness around someone newânot that it was common for James to ever feel nervous around new people. Regulus had this aura about him, one that James couldnât quite place. It was undeniable that Regulus made James nervous, but James would deny the reason for this nervousness for as long as he possibly couldâand longer. Regulus didnât speak much, and James tried but failed to match this. The silence felt awkward, and he couldnât go for long sitting in silence with him until he overshared, making the situation more awkward than it had been beforehand.
âLong black for Regulus?â
He says his name, although there is no one else in the shop to mistake the coffee as their own. But James likes the way his name sounds on his lips, as horrifically cheesy as that may sound.
Stop it. Stop it, stop it, stop it. Heâs off-limits and you know that.
Looking up, Regulus looked up and flashed a small, awkward smile, walking to the counter and reaching for the coffee. As his fingers wrapped around the cup, they brushed Jamesâ fingers, and his grey eyes flickered up to meet Jamesâ deep brown ones. âThank you,â he looked away quickly and was out of the shop before James could even respond.
Okay, James thought, okay, this is okay. He just has to make it out of the shop and then Iâll never see him again.
But then Regulus stops halfway out of the door, sending James a wonky smile and a soft âIâll see you around.â His eyes are twinkling with something unrecognisable, and once he leaves James allows himself to breathe and forces the dorky smile off his face as he swears under his breath.
in which James Potter has been absolutely infatuated with Regulus Black since high school, although he kept it on the down low. After not seeing Regulus for a year, Regulus suddenly becomes a regular customer at the quaint coffee shop where James works. Remus and Lily know everything and James and Regulus are oblivious.
warnings: referenced child abuse (regulus and sirius), jealousy, typical jegulus coffee shop au, angst (as always this is my writing lmao when does it not have angst), fluff (it's actually super fluffy surprisingly) majorly based off risk by gracie abrams so if you don't like that song idk what to tell you bae
note: ask to be added to taglist <33
parts (to be added as written) (crossed out means it's not yet posted)
i'll stay in the pool and drown (so i don't have to watch you leave)
description: in which Sirius runs away and Regulus is left to deal with his emotions alone.
relationship: james potter x regulus black
warnings: mentioned child abuse + neglect, angst, hurt/comfort, not much jegulus more focused on reg and sirius. not a warning but i love pandora sm
word count: 3,806
requested: no but it tied for first in the poll
note: inspired by me listening to tv by billie eilish on loop (title lyric is so regulus coded). some mutuals will know allll about my little spiral and how it included a lotttt of tv by billie. oops. this is very angsty and possibly a reflection of my mental state rn but uh⊠sorry??? also this is totally unedited as always oops. also thereâs not really much jegulus but the stuff that's there is fluffy. Itâs mainly regulus and sirius being siblings and regulus centred angst bc i love him. a bit of sirius focused angst snuck in at the end and i didn't plan that but i love him soooo. again. i'm sorry. this is almost 4k words of pure angst. so.
marauders taglist: (lmk if you want to be added or removed) @lovefolder @gu1lty-as-sin @dandelions-fly-in-summer-skies @a-beautiful-fool @optimizedchaos @qwerty-keysmash @lost-in-reveriie @tulips-best @nqds
Regulus supposed that deep down, he had always known how everything would turn out. Sirius was always going to leave him, it was an unavoidable fact. Some things were simply written in the stars, irreversible parts of life that could not be changed by mere mortals meddling around with them. But just because it was fixed in stone, just because it was fate, didnât stop Regulus from being completely and utterly destroyed by the mere concept.Â
Sirius had been the only true constant in his life.Â
He had been there when Regulus was five and their mother had looked at him with true resentment in her eyes and slapped him across the face for the first time. He had held the younger boy in his arms and ran his fingers through his hair, both boys shaking with fear as tears rolled down their cheeks.Â
He had been with Regulus when he was eight and Orion had verbally abused him for merely interacting with a muggleborn. Sirius had sat down with Regulus and ensured that he had known that nothing he had done was wrong. After Reggie had understood this, they snuck to the kitchen and stole a jar of cookies to eat while the two hid in Siriusâ room.Â
He had been there when Regulus was nine, his parents locking him in his room with no food for two days because he had freed one of their house elves. Sirius had sat outside Regulusâ door for the whole time, whispering to him and slipping food through the gap under the bed. They had sat in silence, neither finding anything to say that could possibly improve the situation. But silence or not, being there together made them both feel immensely better.Â
Sirius leaving for Hogwarts was one of the worst years of Regulusâ lifeâhe knew Sirius would be back, though, and thatâs what kept him counting the days.Â
Once Regulus came to Hogwarts, him and Sirius had seemed to drift apart slightly. This didnât hurt as much as Regulus had anticipated it would, because he now had friends. He had Pandora, Evan, Barty, and Dorcas. Sometimes he had Sirius too, but Sirius was popular; he didnât need to cling to his brother like he once had. Regulus didnât miss the lingering glances in hallways, but he never really took any specific notice of them. He assumed that if Sirius had wanted to speak to him, he would have.Â
In the summer holiday after Regulusâ first year, the brothers had reconnected. They grew closer than ever, and although they still didnât speak much at school when they finally returned, there was no doubting the love between them.Â
Sirius had always been there. Whether he was actually present in the moment or just in Regulusâ head, he was always by his side in his heart. But then, during the Christmas holidays of the year when Sirius turned sixteen, something seemed to change. Siriusâ fights with their parents became more and more frequent, going from happening twice a week to twice a day. He stopped being around as often, crashing at Jamesâ house a few times a week. Regulus was holding his breath, knowing that if he stepped out of line even the slightest bit, one of his parents would snap and everything would take a turn for the worse.
He was also spending an increasing amount of time at Pandoraâs house, her sweet nature a much preferred option to the feeling of walking on eggshells in his own home. Evan was there most of the time, and where Evan was, so was Barty. Every once in a while theyâd manage to drag Dorcas away from Marlene and get the whole group together, but that was rather rare. It was nice, though, spending time together without the pressure of school. It ensured that Regulus understood that they actually wanted to be around him, something he had struggled with for as long as he could remember.Â
One thing Regulus knew was that if asked who his best friend was, he would say Pandora without hesitation. He never doubted her genuinity, which soothed a lot of his anxiety and helped him put things into perspective. Regulus needed to know that he was wanted, and Pandora never hesitated to reassure him. The two had just had the Rosier house to themselves, Barty and Evan on a date and Pandora and Evanâs parents out for a dinner party. Music softly playing off Pandoraâs record player she had bought at a muggle thrift store, the two sat on her bed eating chocolate brownies and talking about what some would consider nothing but was everything to them. They had been doing this for about six hours when Regulus decided that he should probably head home to avoid his parentâs anger at him for being late.Â
Regulus got home and knew before he even stepped in the door that something was terribly wrong. Slowly and cautiously opening the door, Regulus held his breath as he stepped inside. The house was eerily silent, no whispers of paintings or hurried footsteps of houselves, let alone not a single sign of human life. Exhaling softly, he quietly shut the door and attempted to walk down the hallway without making a soundâwhich turned out to be easier said than done. The eyes on the paintings followed his every move, not once losing focus on him. He raised his hand to his forehead and pushed some stray hairs out of his eyes before making his way up the stairs to his room. He went three steps at a time, eyes fixed on the floor as the nervous lump in his throat simply grew. After what felt like an eternity, he made it to his room. His hand closed around the cold metal doorknob and he exhaled shakily. Turning the door handle, he stepped into his room before pausing. He turned, eyes landing on the door to Siriusâ room. Sighing softly, he closed his door and made his way across the hall to the door of his brotherâs room.Â
He knocked softly.
No reply.
âSirius?â
He knocked again, slightly louder this time.
Still, nothing.Â
âSirius, can I come in?âÂ
There was no response. Regulus sighed, slumping down on the floor, leaning back against the door and letting his head knock against the wood. He chucked. âDoesnât this remind you of something?â
Once again, nothing. He didnât really know what he had expected.
âSirius, I donât mind if you donât want to talk to me. I wonât be offended. Can I just come in and make sure youâre okay? Please?âÂ
The silence that followed ached painfully in Regulusâ ears.Â
âIâm going to take your silence as a confirmation that I can come in.â
The only sound that broke the silence was Regulusâ sigh. He stood up, opening the door of Siriusâ room and glancing around slowly. It was messier than usual. Sirius wasnât a tidy person, but he wasnât this messy. Clothes covered every inch of the ground and one drawer of his chest of drawers had almost fallen right out of the frame. His bed was a sorry excuse of being made, covers and sheets falling off to the point where they were more on the floor than the bed itself. There was no Sirius to be seen.Â
âI guess heâs spending the night at Jamesâ again.âÂ
He turned to leave before pausing. He grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and started writing.
Hi, Siri.Â
I assume youâre at Jamesâ, and I hope youâre okay.
I miss you, by the way. Maybe we could hang out when you get home back.
Reg
Regulus liked Jamesâpossibly a little too much âso he knew his brother was in good hands. He just wished he could see him.Â
Two days later, Sirius wasnât back. It was now pretty obvious to Regulus that he was not going to be back. Sirius had left .Â
Left him. Sirius had left him.Â
He couldnât quite believe it. He had spent five hours last night simply sitting on Siriusâ bed, wishing he was still there. The emotions he was feeling were not quite describable, but if he was in a state where he could think of the words matching these emotions, heâd probably say he felt betrayed, lost, and hurt. Of course, he would never actually say that. Regulus wasnât one to express his emotions. One thing that Regulus understood was that he felt no form of anger towards his brother. He recognised why Sirius had left, and he thought it was very understandable. What he hated was being left. He was alone in this horrendously big house and he didnât even have it in him to talk to Pandora about it.
Regulus had never felt comfortable sharing his feelings. He assumed this was due to his parents pushing them away whenever he had tried to tell them anything at all.Â
Regulus knew heâd be okay. He didnât need other people to survive, he never had.Â
Three weeks later, Pandora showed up at his bedroom door with a box of chocolates and a mission. She was determined to get him outside and out of the bedroom he was rotting in if it was the last thing she did. Regulus knew he was lucky to have a friend like her, but he wanted nothing more than to sit in his bedroom for the rest of his life. Part of him knew this was unhealthy, but part of him just didnât want to show his face to the silent house he was residing in.Â
Pandora would do anything to make Regulus feel okay, and she was well aware that to do this she would have to take him to Sirius, but they would cross that bridge when the time was right. First, she had to carefully shake him out of his shell of self destruction, reminding him that there were people who cared for him.Â
Pandora sat on his bed, looking at him with soft eyes that he avoided at all costs. âRegâŠÂ Reg, look at me.âÂ
He didnât, but that didnât stop Pandora from softly cupping his head in her hands. âRegulus, I have been your best friend for five years. I know somethingâs wrongâand you donât have to tell me. Just come to my house with me, Merlin knows you need to get out of this house, and Barty and Evan are out. You donât have to talk to anyone you donât want to talk to.âÂ
Now Regulus looked up Ever so slowly, he leaned in to rest his head on his best friendâs shoulders, not speaking but his eyes holding more meaning than his words at this moment possibly could.Â
After ten minutes of simply being in each other's presence, Regulus spoke. âCan we get out of this house?âÂ
Pandora nodded, helping him up. âMy house?âÂ
âI donât mind.âÂ
âWould you rather be alone or do you mind seeing everyone else?âÂ
âWhere are they?âÂ
âI think theyâre at Marleneâs house.âÂ
Regulus was not close to Marlene. He didnât know much about her, in all honesty, but because her and Dorcas were practically attached by the hip, he assumed that she was nice. And to tell the truth, Regulus needed to see his friends. He paused before muttering.Â
âI want to see everyone.âÂ
âAlright.âÂ
Much to his relief, the mood of the hangout didnât change vividly when he arrived. He noticed Barty and Evan shared a soft glance between them, and Dorcas gave him a quick hug that was noticeably more gentle than usual, but the conversation stayed as lively as it had been before he arrived. Regulus allowed himself to lean into Pandoraâs side, twirling her long hair between his fingers. She continued talking to Dorcas as her right arm embraced Regulus into her side. Regulus didnât speak much, but no one expected him to.Â
As comforting and grounding as it was, it wasnât what he needed. Regulus needed reassurance, he needed affirmations that he wasnât the reason his brother had left. And the only person who could truly give him this confirmation was Sirius himself. He felt guilty about this; Pandora was doing more than she had to do and he couldnât feel the amount of gratitude he knew he should be feeling. He must have stiffened, because his best friend looked down at him with an amount of gentleness that made him feel alarmingly close to tears. He felt impossibly small, looking down at his hands and fixing his gaze on the golden sun ring he always wore as he tried to regulate his breathing.
Marlene looked at him curiously from where she sat on the dark red couch across the room. She cautiously glanced at Dorcas before speaking. âI know where Sirius is if you want to see him.â That was possibly the most Marlene had ever said to him. Regulus stared at her blankly for a moment, before nodding slowly.Â
âYeah, uh. That sounds nice.â his voice was impossibly weak, and he might have been embarrassed had he had any awareness of himself at this moment. But he felt like a shell of himself, he wasnât really there.Â
âOkay. We probably shouldnât all go, it might be overwhelming. SoââÂ
âIâll come.â Pandora spoke, much to Regulusâ relief. Despite not feeling entirely complete with her affection and care, he appreciated it. It was a kind of foreign concept to him, the genuine adoration she had for him. He had never witnessed that in his family, let alone experienced it himself. He smiled shakily at her and she squeezed his hand reassuringly.Â
The trip to find Sirius was quiet, but no one seemed to mind. When they were about halfway there, Regulusâ heart leapt as he had a sudden realisation. They were on their way to Jamesâ house. On second thought, it made sense. James Potter was Siriusâ best friend, he wasnât sure why he was so alarmed by this fact. When they arrived at the house, Regulus took a deep breath. He was overwhelmed by the emotions of this moment, the concept of seeing Sirius for the first time in two and a half weeks and being back at Jamesâ house was causing his head to spin. He hadnât seen James in almost a month and it was achingly evident from the heavy feeling in his heart.Â
Walking through the door, the first thing he saw was Siriusâ black Doc Martens sitting next to a few pairs of dirty converse beside the doormat. Jamesâ converse. He swallowed. The first thing he heard was Siriusâ voice from a few rooms away, which almost made him do a double take. Marlene walked further into the house after quickly kicking off her red converse, and Regulus followed soon after. Pandora kept her distance behind the two, not wanting to intrude on the momentâthis consideration once again reminding Regulus how deeply he loved her.Â
Marlene glanced back to make sure Regulus was behind her, smiling gently at him before walking into the Potterâs living room. James looked up instantly, eyes widening a fraction as he took in the boy standing in the doorway. He clearly didnât think his words through before blurting, âReg?âÂ
Sirius stopped talking, whirling around with wide, panicked eyes. âRegulus?âÂ
Regulus desperately searched in his brotherâs eyes for a sign that he could go hug him, that he could say something, that he could walk further into the room. There was a certain element of distress in Regulusâ eyes as he seeked the affirmation he so desperately needed. Sirius seemed to be in shock, and it was clear to James that he would not be affirming his brotherâs doubts any time soon. He wanted to, of course he didâJames was well aware that Sirius loved Regulus more than anything in his entire world. So James spoke up, saying possibly the most awkward thing he could have said in this situation.Â
âDo you want a cup of tea?âÂ
Regulus seemed to do a double take, but he nodded. He hadnât considered that in order to make the cup of tea, James would have to leave the room. And James leaving the room meant Regulus and Sirius being the only ones in the room. He was unaware of this fact until James left the room, throwing a sweet, gentle smile over his shoulder. Regulus felt alarmingly alone without him there, his eyes darting from Sirius to the wall to the floor to Sirius again to his hands. He didnât want to stare; if there was one thing that his parents had succeeded in, it was raising their youngest son with impeccable manners. No matter how good his manners were, his parents had failed to teach him how to deal with his anxiety. He fiddled with his hands, twirling the gold ring on his index finger around slowly for about a minute before finally looking up again.Â
This time, Sirius was looking at him too. The older brother seemed to understand that Regulus was not going to be the one to start this conversation, so he sighed and sat down, patting the spot on the couch next to him. Regulus sat, decidedly further away from Sirius than Sirius had gestured for, but Sirius didnât seem to mindâif he did, he had the decency to stay silent. It would be hypocritical for Sirius to get upset about Regulus not sitting next to him on the couch after leaving him alone with their parents for two and a half weeks.Â
âIâm sorry,â Sirius eventually spoke.Â
Regulus said nothing, so Sirius shakily continued. âI didnât want to leave you. Itâs justâ it justâ it was too much. They were too much, you know?â
âThey always have been.â Regulus mumbled softly.Â
âAnd they said something about Moony.âÂ
Of course they did.Â
Sirius sighed, âhe told me off for leaving you though. Said I should have bought you with me.â
âYou should have.âÂ
âI know.âÂ
Just as the two brothers fell into an awkward silence, James walked in with a small grin on his face. âOkay, so, I think I remembered pretty well how you like your tea.âÂ
Sirius looked between the two as James passed Regulus the mug, watching how their fingertips brushed and a smile graced Regulusâ lips. Regulus didnât like milk or sugar in his tea, something that Sirius had always wrinkled his nose at. James took his tea far sweeter than Reg did, but he was more than happy to make it exactly to Regulusâ tastes if that was what would make him happy. âItâs perfect. I canât believe you remembered.âÂ
âHow could I not?âÂ
It was then that Siriusâ eyes fell to their hands, noticing that Regulusâ gold ring was a sun symbol and James wore a silver star one. This was a contrast to both of their usual jewellery colours, the gold earrings in Jamesâ ears suddenly a lot more obvious than they had been minutes ago. Sirius silently watched the interactions between the two and swallowed slowly.Â
Sirius had this burning need to be loved, to be appreciated, to be the favourite. Regulus was his parentsâ favourite son, and although he acted like this didnât faze him, it stung. Sirius had introduced Reg to Barty and Evan, and now the three were inseparable. Sirius didnât even talk to the two Slytherins anymore. Remus loved Regulus, the two had bonded over things that Sirius couldnât even begin to understandâand he knew it was stupid. He knew that Remus looked at him like he had literally hung the stars, but there was this underlying jealousy of the fact that his brother got along with everyone without even trying. Regulus didnât want to get along with people, heâd be quite happy spending his days whispering with Pandora and basking in his own company.Â
Was Regulus more likeable? More manageable? That had to be it. Sirius was too much for people. Sirius was too much for everyone.Â
And now, his best friend was snogging his brother behind his back. It wasnât that he was bothered by their relationship, he didnât care who Regulus dated as long as they didnât hurt himâand James would never hurt him.Â
James was, theoretically, perfect for Regulus. They balanced each other out, much like Sirius and Remus. James was the Yang to his Yin, the base to his acid, the light to his dark. And perhaps it was the fact that the two fit together so naturally that bothered him. Perhaps it was the inherent jealousy of Regulus always being better than him at everything. Regulus had Siriusâ best friend looking at him with pure, soft adoration in his eyes, and Sirius couldnât even deny how much sense they made together.Â
In his heart, Sirius knew how much love James had for him. James was one of those people who did not ration out the love and care he gave people, he was overflowing with genuine devotion and love, not hesitating to shower those around him with it. And Sirius knew that the two of them had the strongest friendship he had ever had and likely ever would. He knew it wasnât going to change. Merlin, with how James gazed at Regulus, Sirius predicted that whatever they had had been going on for at least five months. And those five months had not changed how James had acted with Sirius, their friendship was as codependent as ever.Â
Sirius knew that James had enough love for both of them. He knew that the love that James could give was exactly what Regulus needed. Sirius knew that these feelings had been drilled into his mind by how his parents had treated him, but his parents werenât here now. Sirius knew that this trauma ran deep, however, and it would take a while for him to come to terms with this relationship.Â
Regulus could tell from the look in his eyes that he had figured it out. It didnât bother him, the only reason he and James hadnât mentioned it to anyone was due to the complications with their families and how difficult it was to actually see each other regularly. Offering a soft smile to Sirius, Regulus leaned into his brotherâs side. Sirius froze up for a moment, glancing at James as his eyes widened. James smiled tenderly at the two before getting up and leaving the room to wherever Marlene and Pandora were.Â
Slowly, Sirius relaxed, and Regulus almost breathed a sigh of relief. âI missed this.âÂ
Sirius hummed, âI missed you more than you know, little star .âÂ
Sighing, Regulus closed his eyes. Sirius may never be the constant in his life he had once been, but as long as he was part of it, Regulus couldnât complain.
description: James reached his hand out, gently cupping Regulusâ cheek and moving some hair out of his eyes. âHey, little star.â Regulus leaned slightly into the touch, but didnât speak. âLetâs get you to your room, yeah?â
or
in which James comforts Regulus after a particularly bad fight with his parents.
relationship: bodyguard!james potter x regulus black
warnings: mentions of child abuse, secret/forbidden relationship, hurt/comfort, angst, james may be slightly out of character but idk maybe he's just sad đ
requested: yes!! @allyeardepression requested this about 4 months ago and i am SO sorry for taking so long writer's block has been kicking my ass omg i started writing as soon as you requested it but it sat there unfinished for far too long. anyway i hope you like it!!!
note: uh ok hi. this is the first thing i've posted in MONTHS and i wrote most of it in class so it's not great but fuck it i had to post something. also... sorry. the first thing i write in five months and it's heartwrenching angst, which is very typical of me. also based off a taylor swift song which is also very typical of me
marauders taglist: (lmk if you want to be added or removed) @lovefolder @gu1lty-as-sin @dandelions-fly-in-summer-skies @a-beautiful-fool @optimizedchaos @qwerty-keysmash @lost-in-reveriie @tulips-best @nqds
James had to pretend that it didnât affect him, seeing Orion and Walburga treat their children like they did. After all, he was there to work for all of them. But Merlin, he felt bad. The looks that flashed across the younger brotherâs face were subtle enough that anyone else would have missed it, but James didnât miss any small detailsâespecially when they were to do with the little star.
This was one of these moments, James was positioned outside the closed door as he heard the screaming match going on directly behind him. He heard snippets of conversation, words such as âuselessâ and âpatheticâ making their way to his ears and crushing a little bit of his heart. He supposed he was lucky not to be in the room while it was happening, but all he wanted was to rush in and protect Regulus from the harsh words and actions of his parents.
James allowed his head to rest against the wall, exhaling slowly as his eyes trailed over the dark tiles on the ceilings. The decor on the house was not to Jamesâ personal taste, a combination of dark brown, green, cream, and black. He glanced down to the floor, the extravagant geometric tiles making him feel claustrophobic and sick to the stomach. Harsh black wallpaper covered the wall, the dull gold picture frames making a pathetic attempt to soften the unharmonious glare. The paintings in the frames were judging him, the upturned noses and narrowed eyes made that obvious enough.
James and Regulus had been quick to subtly remove the paintings in the hallway outside Regâs roomâOrion and Walburga didnât tend to go up there, so no one noticed. Sirius had given them a knowing smirk when heâd caught them sneaking down a hall with a covered portrait of one of Regulusâ great aunts, but he had said nothing. Sirius held an undeniable feeling of respect for James, he could see how much he cared for his little brother, and for that he was eternally grateful.
A sharp, high pitched shout broke James out of his trance, and he glanced at the door with a grimace.
Walburga Black was his least favourite person in the whole world. He couldnât clearly hear what followed the shout, but he had a few ideas of what it could be. He had been in the room when this had happened a few times before, and Sirius had always seemed indifferent to his parents actionsâJames knew he wasnât, of course.
It was all just an act in the Black family, everyone simply pretending to be okay and pushing their feelings to the back of their minds. Regulus was less numb to the pain, and while Sirius just sat there sprawled out on the couch, ignoring his parents, Regulus always looked unnaturally stiff. He was trying to copy Sirius, that much was obvious. But it was clear that the words got to Regulus, the way his brows furrowed and he blinked quickly or looked away with fiddling hands.
Then again, maybe there was a reason that James noticed these thingsânot that he could take much notice of whatever underlying feelings there were anyway, since Regulus might as well be his employer. He knew Regulus felt the same, of course. There were signs, there had been since a mere two months after James started the job. Fleeting glances, brief touching of fingers as James passed him something to eat, waiting for him in the hallsâ the list could go on and on.
Regulus knew that James liked him too, as James wasnât exactly subtle. He tended to forget himself when they were around others, such as Sirius or Pandoraâwhich made for a lot of teasing from the two. Barty and Evan couldnât say much, as they were in much the same situation.
So the two had kept up the secret whispers and hidden gazes, neither boy making any more to further the relationship, even behind closed doors. There was only so much they could get away with, and they were not embarrassed to admit that they were terrified. They were terrified of the nature of their world, the judgements and the prejudice that came with merely trying to exist. They would prefer to be open with each other about their relationship, but they would take whatever they could get at this point.
The door next to him flew open and Walburga stormed out, not even sparing James the slightest glance as she walked past him. Orion followed close behind, the harsh glare painting his face giving James an idea of the severity of the fight. After the brotherâs exchanged short hushed whispers, Sirius walked through the door, offering James a small, polite smile. He walked past and James stopped him quietly. Siriusâ eyes narrowed slightly.
âIs there anything I can do?â At Jamesâ words, Siriusâ expression softened.
âTalk to him. Iâve done as much as I can, but I think we both know that youâre better at this stuff.â Sirius pulled James into a quick hug, âand thank you. It means a lot that you try, seriously. Itâs not exactly part of your job description.â Sirius being Sirius, he laughed, but it was obvious that he wasnât actually amused. James had known Sirius for three years, and if there was one thing he had learnt about him, it was his use of humour as a coping mechanism.
âYou go sneak out to Remus, Iâll take care of him.â
Sirius grinned slightly, reaching out to ruffle Jamesâ hair, âaw, you know me too well.â
James groaned at his now messy hairâas if his hair wasnât always a messâpushing Sirius away and waving him towards the door, âgo find your lover, Pads.â
Sirius was out the door without another word.
James glanced down the hallway to ensure it was empty and walked into the room the fight had just taken place in. Regulus was sitting on the ground and had his knees pulled up to his chest, arms wrapped around them, and head leaning against the cushion of the couch. He didnât look up when James entered, nor when the older boy crouched down in front of him. His face wasnât betraying what emotions he was feeling, but James knew.
James always knew.
James reached his hand out, gently cupping Regulusâ cheek and moving some hair out of his eyes. âHey, little star.â Regulus leaned slightly into the touch, but didnât speak. âLetâs get you to your room, yeah?â
Regulus nodded, mumbling something incoherent under his breath before looking up. âGood idea.â he took Jamesâ outstretched hand to help him up off the ground. Even well after he had stood up, he kept his hand in Jamesâ, determined not to let go.
Regulus clearly had something he wanted to say, but his brain was not connected to the rest of his body, still in autopilot from the fight. His eyes were empty and his hands were clasped together in front of him as James gently rested his palm on his lower back to guide him up the stairs. Regulus subtly leaned into the touch, his heartbeat slowly calming and the goosebumps littering his skin beginning to fade.
Merely being near James brought him an unparalleled sense of peace.
James let his hand rub up and down his lower back comfortingly, and for a brief second he considered taking Regulusâ hand in his own but he decided against it. His brain was plagued with guilt, wishing he could rescue Regulus from the cruel reality that was his family. But no matter what James wanted, it wasnât that simple. It never was.
James could never give Regulus peace.
Regulus stopped walking and James looked up from where his gaze had been fixed on the floor in confusion. He soon noticed that they were in fact directly outside the door to Regulusâ room. Regulus seemed to take notice of the fact that James was lost in his head and he squeezed his hand reassuringly.
After checking if the hallway was clear, James quickly opened the door. He wasnât really supposed to enter any of the private rooms in the house, but Regulus had insisted many times that it was alright. No matter how safe Regulus felt around him, he couldnât risk Orion and Walburga spotting him. He really was Regulusâ only source of comfort.
Regulus sat down on his bed with a blank expression on his face. James sat down next to him and pulled a bottle of water out of his bag. He handed it to Regulus with no words spoken, because the pair didnât need words. This routine was very familiar to the two of them now, it was almost a second nature.
James quickly checked for any injuriesâhe hadnât heard anything to make him suspect that there couldâve been a physical nature to the fight, but he had seen enough bruises on the Black siblings to make double checking an automatic part of the procedure. There was one on the side of Regulusâ cheek, and James pulled out the healing ointment from his bag and carefully put a little bit on the bruise.
James pushed the guilt at being unable to protect Regulus from his parents aside, knowing that this was not about him.
Once Regulus had finished, he slowly leaned into Jamesâ side, letting out a sigh as he closed his eyes. The crook of Jamesâ neck was like a puzzle piece that was made perfectly for Regulusâ head, and as the two slowly relaxed into each other's presence, James let his hands drift up to Regulusâ hair. His fingers slowly entangled themselves into the dark curls as he comfortingly stroked Regulusâ forehead.
It was clear to James that the support Regulus needed right now was not someone to tend to his wounds, but someone to hold him. So hold him he did. Jamesâ right hand moved slowly up and down the small of Regulusâ back soothingly, showing an undeniable caution not to startle the younger boy with any quick movements.
He cared more about the little star than was possible to admit, and he prioritised his safety over everything else. The two lay in each otherâs arms for what felt like (and probably was) hours. Suddenly, Regulus shifted in his arms, mumbling something under his breath.
James tilted his head like a confused puppy, gesturing for Regulus to repeat himself. Regulus cleared his throat and glanced away.
âThank you.â
âFor what?â
âForâŠâ Regulus trailed off, and James was about to let it goâhe wasnât going to push for him to open up more than he was willing to do.
â...for keeping me safe.â
The dark haired boyâs voice was merely a whisper, head buried into Jamesâ shoulder as he refused to meet his eyes. He was embarrassed, James realised. He didnât know what to say, so he stayed silent.
James thought that the two were about to fall back into their silence, when Regulus spoke. âItâs peaceful.â
Giving him an inquisitive look, James turned to face Regulus.
âBeing here with you. Youâre peaceful.â
James stiffened slightly before slowly nodding, âyeah, I know what you mean. Youâre peaceful too, little star.â
You deserve more peace than I can give you.
Regulus smiled up at him, entwining their fingers reassuringly. âI donât think Iâve ever been more at peace than I am when I lie here with you.â
Merlin, itâs like he can hear my thoughts.
Finally, James responded. âYou mean more to me than anyone else ever has, little star.â
There was a raw honesty in his tone. He may not love their situation, but he loved the boy in front of him with his whole heart.
No matter where this road was leading, James knew it was where he wanted to go. Whatever the roadworks along the way, he was in this for good.
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