It's hard discussing women/wives in older literature because frequently someone will absolve a woman of all responsibility or say she had no power at all in the relationship because "she had no rights." And it's like, well yes, she had less rights than some women today, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have any responsibility or power ever. And you also need to look at the circumstances.
Mrs. Bennet in Pride & Prejudice for example, she is clearly not a beaten-down, controlled wife. Other than keeping her from spending them into debt, Mr. Bennet doesn't seem to restrain her in any way. She hosts parties frequently, gives quite a bit of money to her favourite child, serves fancy food; she clearly has a lot of freedom over the household budget. And yet, people will say that she couldn't have saved money. She clearly could have. Mr. Bennet wouldn't have stopped her and he wouldn't have squandered it himself. She's not some poor little oppressed housewife who lived in abject misery.
Catherine Earnshaw is described in Wuthering Heights as a thorn embraced by roses who bend themselves (her husband and his sister) to her will and comfort. Her husband is mostly a spineless coward. Yet, people argue to me that she had no power in this relationship because she was a woman. Yes she did! What book did you read? Edgar probably would have given in to her immediately if Nelly hadn't encouraged him otherwise.
The wives in Austen's novels who have very little power are Lady Bertram (Mansfield Park), who acts like a child, wants her husband to make decisions for her, and is coaxed like a child the only time they disagree; and probably Mrs. Tilney (Northanger Abbey), if we judge by how controlling General Tilney is of the household under Eleanor's tacit management. And yes, in the past a husband could totally run roughshod over his wife with very few consequences. He could limit her money, control her spending, and bully her out of her legally required pin money (allowance). But that doesn't mean every single one of them did! Most didn't. Colonel Brandon is disgusted by his brother's financial abuse of his wife in Sense & Sensibility. The Tenant of Wildfell Hall by Anne BrontĂŤ is describing a very financially abusive marriage, not a typical one. John Dashwood either defers to his wife or treats her as an equal. Lady Elliot in Persuasion kept her husband out of debt for years, meaning he listened to her about finances or she used soft power very capably. Like Mr. Bennet, lots of men were probably happy to have household management off their plate and a good dinner in front of them.
The amount of power a wife had on paper could vary massively in practice.
Addendum: this doesn't mean the system that granted husbands/men this much power was good or we should go back to it, because it sucked and could result in a ton of abuse and oppression and we are going back over my dead body.
