Swanfire Exchange is a is a fic & media exchange community, revolving around the pairing of Emma/Neal from ABC'S Once Upon A Time. For more information please refer to the FAQ Current Exchanges: Winter Exchange: Posting Gifts Mini New Year Exchange: Assignments Sent Future Exchange: Valentines Exchange
Tallahassee// a Swanthief mix // {listen}
i. love they say - tegan and sara // ii. lucky ones - lana del rey // iii. motorway - little boots // iv. next in line - walk the moon // v. the saltwater room - owl city // vi. crack the shutters - snow patrol // vii. your body is a wonderland - john mayer // viii. your song - ellie goulding // ix. laughter lines - bastille // x. let her go - passenger
Neverhattan// a Swanfire mix // {listen}
i. only you - matthew perryman jones // ii. drops of jupiter - train // iii. cover my eyes - la roux // iv. hard enough - brandon flowers // v. the listening - lights // vi. end of the day (silence) - blue foundation // vii. heartbreak warfare - john mayer // viii. i'm gonna wait - the temper trap // ix. real love - peter bradley adams // x. i choose you - sara bareilles
Artist’s Notes: I apologize deeply for how poor these are. I had an idea in my head, and it didn't execute as well as I thought it would. I had more graphics/icons planned but ran out of time.
Mod Note: Please click on the image to go to full size and direct link!
Spoilers: Through the already aired half of S3. (To be safe.)
Rating/Warnings: PG-13 for Language (also to be safe.)
Word Count: 1,579
Summary: 5 Christmas mornings Emma and Neal didn't spend together, and one they did.
Author’s Notes: Merry Christmas, Jessie! I hope this fits what you wanted!
1.
Neal scratched at his head sheepishly, blinking at the glare of the sun as he ambled out of the police station. He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding at the sight of the yellow bug one parking lot over, smiling before he noticed he was doing it. He walked over, knocking twice on the roof of the car.
Emma scrambled out of the car almost immediately, wrapping her arms around his neck. He held her close, pressing his face against his hair for a moment.
“Hey,” he mumbled. “It’s okay. Merry Christmas,” he said, wryly.
Emma pulled back, frowning. “Hey, no, I don’t care about that. Tell me what happened? I saw the cops come in, and I heard you yell, but I missed the rest of it.”
“I guess we were kind of loud, they called the cops, and they saw both of us,” he sighed. “Only think I could think of was to act like I was drunk off my ass. Held me overnight for disorderly behavior and convinced the manager to drop shoplifting if they kept me off the street for the night.”
“That held up?” she raised her eyebrows.
“Cop said it was Christmas Eve,” he shrugged. “I got lucky. You got away okay?”
She nodded a little, leaning up and kissing him quickly. “Thanks to you,” she mumbled.
“My stupid idea got us caught in the first place,” he rolled his eyes.
“Hey, I’m the one that wanted to get Christmas dinner.”
“I’m the one who wanted to race for presents.”
“Dropped yours when I was running,” she managed a small smile.“Sorry.”
“Sorry I missed Christmas morning,” he mumbled, pressing his forehead against hers. She shook her head.
“We have the rest of the day, right?”
He grinned, kissing her hard.
“Right.”
2.
She’d gotten the hell out of Arizona the second her sentence was up, vowing to put as many miles between her and the past as she could before the Bug ran out of gas. She headed East, because East was away, and just managed to cross state lines on the fumes.
She talked her way into a waitressing job, just something she could hold on to long enough to get somewhere else. She rented a room and kept her cash in the loose floorboard underneath her bed. And on the late shift, she met Preston.
Preston was an accountant who liked apple pie.
Preston also liked Emma.
Preston was also married.
It was fucked and she knew it, but hey. As far as she knew, he didn’t have 20 grand in stolen watches hanging over his head, so. Dreams do come true.
Emma slept through Christmas morning. Preston hadn’t come by the night before. He had to set out cookies for Santa with his two year old.
He didn’t call, and Emma didn’t care.
3.
He promised not to look for her, so he doesn’t.
Except for when he kind of does.
Emma was always the observant one, but he was resourceful. He’s better at running than he is looking, but looking’s not to hard to figure out. She doesn’t leave much of a trail, and it takes him a couple of years, but he pins down a general area, eventually.
Tallahassee.
She goes to Tallahassee, and he’s not sure if it makes him feel like shit or reignites that stubborn dying flame of hope he can’t seem to shake, so he lets it do a little bit of both.
And then, he hops a train to Florida on Christmas Eve. Fuck you, destiny.
In the end, he can’t do it.
He rents a room and buys an overpriced hot chocolate from the Starbucks in the lobby and he sits by the window and stares at the city and for the first time in three years, he knows Emma’s somewhere out there, just in his reach. He’s so fucking close his stomach can’t stop doing flip-flops, and he recites what he’ll say in his head. Pictures himself groveling on his knees. Rewrites hundreds of versions of the truth to find the best way to say I’m a fucking idiot and you’re the only good thing in this world and the next and the one after that.
And then he stares at his own reflection in the glass and swears he can see the ghost of his father peaking out in his own features.
This isn’t right. He’s not a coward. He’s not like him. Not yet.
He’s not the best thing that ever happened to Emma anymore, and won’t be ever again. But he can damn well do what it takes to get her to her family. He can’t just take what he wants with no regard to the consequences—not with Emma.
He boards a train north before dawn breaks.
4.
Emma woke up on Christmas morning to a stack of pancakes loaded with chocolate chips and sprinkled with crushed peppermints placed at her usual spot at the breakfast bar.
She raised her eyebrows.
“Seriously?”
“It’s Christmas, Emma,” Mary Margaret said, turning to grin at her from the stove.
“It’s Christmas, so we should go into sugar comas?” Emma said, wryly, sliding onto her stool anyway.
“Where’s your holiday spirit?” Mary Margaret says, exasperatedly, carefully setting a cup of hot cocoa in front of her.
“I’m kidding,” Emma smiled a little. “This is…it’s nice. It’s really nice.”
Mary Margaret smiled back, leaning on the counter.
“Did you talk to Regina about seeing Henry today?”
“He’s her kid, Mary Margaret. Not mine,” Emma sighed, shrugging. “I’ll see him tomorrow.”
“Emma,” she bit her lip, reaching out and placing a gentle arm on her hand. “I’m sorry.”
Something in Emma’s chest flip flops, because this sucks, but she’s at least a little bit luckier this year. And that’s something.
“I’ll be fine,” she forced a small smile. “Thanks for the pancakes.”
5.
He has someone to call on Christmas morning, and that’s really something, he thinks.
Tamara didn’t stay in New York for the holidays; she took off after Christmas Eve dinner for Pennsylvania with relatives. The parents she’s not ready for him to meet yet; but that’s okay. He’s not told her much about his own family, past the fact that he doesn’t have one. Not that he could tell her much, but there’s a practiced half-truth he saves for when it matters.
But it’s only mattered once before, and that—
Never mind that. He’ll work up to what’s left of the truth. Because this is a good thing. This is something he can have. Maybe.
He hopes.
The phone rang at 9:30— no earlier, because it’s his day off, and he hates waking up any earlier than 9:30 on his day off, and she knows that. She knows that. He grinned as he picked up the phone.
“Hi, honey. Merry Christmas.”
He’s a little bit luckier this year.
And 1.
They have an agreement, the three of them—because after the past few years, Henry more than deserves holiday time with each of his parents. They draw straws: he’ll spend the whole day Christmas Eve with Regina, who will take him to Emma’s at bedtime so he can spend Christmas morning with her. Then, after a Christmas lunch with the whole fucked up family tree, Neal gets him for the afternoon. It’s sort of the short straw, and it’s contingent on no one killing anyone else over the turkey, but shit. He gets to see his son on Christmas. That’s pretty amazing.
And then came the knock on the door at 2 in the morning.
“Merry Christmas, Dad!” Henry said brightly as Neal opened the door, blinking blearily.
“It’s….definitely not time for lunch,” he said, slowly, glance past Henry to a sheepish looking Emma. Henry shrugged.
“It’s already Christmas,” he said, as if that explained everything. “I’m gonna make hot cocoa,” he said, barreling past his father.
Neal gestured for Emma to come in, smiling a little amusedly.
“Not that I’m complaining, but…”
“Why the early start?” Emma grinned, widely. “He wanted to see all of us on Christmas morning. We just left Regina’s, he wouldn’t open presents until it was officially Christmas. And then he wanted to come over here to do presents with you.”
Neal sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Guess we’ll have to figure out something else next year,” he said quietly.
“We will,” she said, firmly. “We’ll figure out how to do this for him, all of us.”
He nodded a little. “You could…stay here tonight. Both of you,” he tried.
“Neal,” she sighed, biting her lip.
“Hey, it’s fine,” he shook his head, managing a small smile. “I get it. It’s…probably not the best idea. It’s just…late.”
She opened her mouth to speak, interrupted by Henry barreling back into the room.
“Everyone wants cinnamon, right?”
“Go for it, buddy,” Neal said, smiling softly.
“Hey, Henry,” Emma said, looking at Neal. “What do you say we stay here tonight, and head to your grandparents in the morning for pancakes?”
“Really?” Henry grinned widely— then looked between his parents, grinning wider. “Really?” he repeated, pointedly.
“Kid,” Emma said, trying to sound firm, smiling a little anyway. Henry held up his hands, shaking his head.
“I didn’t say anything!” He smiled. “I want to stay.”
“Okay,” Emma said, glancing at Neal, biting her lip to hold back her own grin.
Neal nodded slowly. “Okay,” he said, letting himself smile back.
Title: Swanfire fanmix volume 1: Emma "I Never Stopped Loving You"
Recipient: Christina (cassadydearie)
Artist: Anonymous
Characters/Pairings: Emma Swan & Neal Cassidy/Swanfire
Spoilers: Pics in the cover include up to 3x11
Rating/Warnings: Angsty! sorry it's their fault, not mine
Medium: Fanmix
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Title: Swanfire fanmix volume 2: Neal "I'm Never Gonna Stop Fighting for You"
Recipient: Christina (cassadydearie)
Artist: Anonymous
Characters/Pairings: Emma Swan & Neal Cassidy/Swanfire
Spoilers: Pics in the cover include up to 3x11
Rating/Warnings: Angsty! sorry it's their fault, not mine
Medium: Fanmix
Mod Note: Please click image to go to the full size/direct link.
i. The Thief - Brooke Fraser
you sing me to sleep, talk down my walls look through my windows as I wait you could be the thief I give the key to
ii. The Special Two - Missy Higgins
and we will only see each other we'll breathe together these arms will not be taught to need another's cause we're the special two
iii. Bonnie & Clyde - Martina Sorbara
and we will drive like bandits on the Queensway we'll hold hands like in the movies I'll say 'oh Clyde you drive me crazy' and you'll just capture me like it was armed robbery
iv. Colorblind - Natalie Walker (cover)
I am covered in skin no one gets to come in pull me out from inside
v. This Years Love - David Gray
this years love had better last Heaven knows its high time I've been waiting on my own too long
vi. Samson - Regina Spektor
we couldn't bring the columns down year we couldn't destroy a single one you are my sweetest downfall I loved you first
vii. For Everything a Reason - Carina Round
and those who loved before will be brought back together and so they say baby for everything a reason and so they say baby you will be brought back to me
viii. Skinny Love - Birdy
come on skinny love just last the year pour a little salt we were never here
ix. I'll Never Forget You - Birdy
he wonders if it's not too late it's not too late because I'll never forget you
{LISTEN HERE}
i. Always Be My Baby - David Cook (cover)
we were as one, babe for a moment in time now you wanna be free so I'm letting you fly cause I know in my heart our love will never die
ii. The Mess I Made - Parachute
should've held my ground I could've been redeemed for every second chance that changed its mind on me
iii. The Scientist - Coldplay
come up to meet you tell you I'm sorry you don't know how lovely you are
iv. Your Winter - Sister Hazel
well I'm not a beggar but once more if I hurt you then I hate myself I don't wanna hate myself, don't wanna hurt you
v. November Rain - Guns N' Roses
so if you want to love me then darlin' don't refrain or I'll just end up walkin' in the cold november rain
vi. Never Say Never - The Fray
we're falling apart and coming together again and again we're growing apart but we pull it together pull it together, together again
vii. Transatlanticism - Death Cab for Cutie
the distance is quite simply much too far for me to row it seems farther than ever before I need you so much closer so come on, come on
viii. Set The Fire to The Third Bar - Snow Patrol I touch the place where I'd find your face my fingers in creases of distant dark places
ix. How Long Will I Love You - Ellie Goulding
how long will I love you? as long as stars are above you and longer if I can
Summary: Neal didn’t leave Emma. They managed to get the
money and change their identities. Now it’s their first Christmas together in Tallahassee.
Artist’s Notes: I was originally going to do just graphics, but after that one, I was getting attacked by a plot bunny. So, you get this instead.
Mod Note: Please click on the image to go to full size/link!
Graphic
Fanfic
The fire crackled in the tiny fireplace as Neal walked around the sofa to where Emma sat with two hot chocolates. They had finally made it to Tallahassee. It was literally a dream come true.
Tallahassee wasn't quite what they were expecting when they had originally made their plans. They were expecting beaches, for one, but that didn't make the dream any less good.
When August had told Neal the plan, Neal insisted on staying with Emma. He would find a way to break the curse. He had about ten years before it had to happen. He'd figure out a way before then. So, he went and met the guy in the black market that he would sell the watches to, and he sold them for twenty thousand dollars. They then spent several thousand on getting their identities changed, so no one would know where to look for them. As far as their neighbors knew, they were Neal and Emma Pollack. They found a cheap little rental house downtown of Tallahassee. It wasn't anything fancy, but it was more than they had previously with just their car. It had two small bedrooms. The kitchen had old, dated appliances, and barely enough counter space to spare. The living room had wooden paneled walls, and linoleum floors that were peeling up in a couple of the corners. Overall, the house sat at a bit of a tilt, but it was home.
Immediately upon moving in, they set about to make it their own. They made a deal with the landlord that if they fixed it up enough, he would subtract about $50 from their rent each month.
They quickly decided they would save the majority of the money they had left and try not to spend it as much as they could. They would try to live off of what they made from their jobs.
Neal found a job working in construction. Tallahassee's suburbs were quickly growing which meant there were plenty of new houses needing to be built. He joined one of the crews working on them, and considering he'd been having to work with his hands his entire life, he was quite good at it.
Emma took a job at the local diner. The hours were long, but the pay was worth it. When she wasn't doing that, she babysat for their landlord and his wife.
After about a month or so, they found out Emma was pregnant. They weren't quite sure how they'd make it at first, but Neal, ever the eternal optimist, assured her they would be able to as long as they were together.
Before they knew it, Christmas came around. This was their first Christmas together, and Emma was about 5 months pregnant.
In celebration of their first Christmas together, as a family, Emma went all out. She had picked up Christmas decorations during the previous times she had combed through yard sales. They went hand in hand through the tree lot to find the perfect Christmas tree. Emma was very particular in what she wanted in her tree, and she wouldn't settle for anything less than perfect. Neal had an indulgent smile as he watched her skip around as much as she could with her small baby belly.
With a sigh, Emma cuddled into Neal’s embrace, her back to his front, as she watched the flames dance in their small fireplace.
"You know," Emma started, as she looked up at Neal, "this is probably my best Christmas I've ever had."
Neal looked down on her, his eyes softened and a small smile crept across his face, "Really?"
"Yeah," she sighed. She snuggled her head backwards into the crook of his neck. She wiggled her body a little, snuggling in deeper into his embrace, as he tightened his hold on her. "What about you? What were Christmases like when you were little?"
Neal snorted lightly as he smirked, "We never really celebrated Christmas to tell you the truth."
Startled, Emma looked back at him, "Wait, really? How come?"
"Well, we celebrated a winter holiday, yes, but we didn't really have a 'Christmas'. We lived in a small farming community that just celebrated the winter solstice."
Neal's voice kind of trailed off a bit as he thought back to hundreds of years before. His eyes were distant, and a sad smile graced his face. Emma stayed silent as he reminisced. It was rare that he opened up any about his past. She was the same way too, mind. She didn't feel the need to break open old wounds, but if there was ever a person that was less likely to talk about their past it was Neal.
"We didn't have much money, so we made do with what we had. We wouldn't have a full tree in the house, but we would gather a bunch of leafy branches and bundle them in the corner. We'd string yarn around it much like you would with tinsel, and decorate it with homemade decorations that we made together. It was one of the few times my papa was able to indulge in buying sweets for me. He would place them in the tree, and every night during the season, I'd be able to eat a piece after supper.”
“The night of the Solstice the whole village would come together. There would be a huge bonfire in the middle of a field, and there would be music and dancing and food." Neal sighed, "It was a celebration of rebirth, so there was this unspoken rule that not a single unkind thing was to be said. It was the one night of the year that everyone was nice to everyone."
Emma turned her to look at him. She caught his distant gaze and gave him a loving smile.
"It sounds amazing."
Neal returned her smile and grabbed her hot chocolate and put them both on the coffee table in front of them. Turning back to her, her wrapped his arms around her and placed his hands on her growing belly.
Nose in her hair, he breathed in deeply, and then pressed light kisses along the crook of her neck. “This is better,” he said softly.
Emma closed her eyes and leaned her head back onto his should, letting the feel of him rush all over.
A mini exchange is the same as a regular exchange in its set up (please refer to the FQA for more information regarding swanfire exchange); expect the gift requirements are lower and the exchange runs for a shorter period of time.
- What Are The Gift Requirements For A Mini Exchange?
Fic: 500 words
Graphics*: 2
Fanmix: 1 fanmix; 6+ songs & cover art
Fanvid: 1 minute
Art*: 1 piece (sketch or b&w)
Icons: 5
*For art, this is specifically hand-created works. Paintings, drawings (whether in a physical medium or digital medium (eg, with a tablet), etc.
*For graphics, this is specifically for computer edited graphics. This includes wallpapers, manips, large graphics (such as Tumblr-style), gif sets, and headers.
NOTE: If you are mix and matching the requirement of each medium should be divided by the amount you intended on mixing. For example if you plan on doing a fic and a graphic. The min requirement would then be 250 words min and 1 graphics etc.
Dates & Deadlines
Sign ups open: December 27th (aka now)
Sign ups close: January 1st, 2014
Assignments set out: January 2nd 2014
Gifts due: January 16th, 2014
Posting begins: January 17th, 2014
Reveals and master list posted: January 31st, 2014 (this may change depending on the participation rate)
Signing Up
There are two ways in which you can sign up to take part in swanfire new year mini exchange.
1. Fill out the form below and send it via email to [email protected]
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Signing Up Form
Please copy/paste the section below into the email/comment and fill it out with the relevant information.
ABOUT YOU
Name:
Tumblr url &/or Livejournal name:
Email:
Are you over 18:
FOR THE GIFT YOU’RE MAKING
Fic, Media, or Either:
If Media/Either, types of media I can do:
If Media/Either, types of media I can’t do:
Highest rating I will write/create:
Kinks/Tropes I can write/create:
Kinks/Tropes I can’t write/create:
Are you open to being a pinch hitter, if necessary? (If someone cannot finish in time, you may be asked to fill in.)
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FOR THE GIFT YOU’RE REQUESTING
Types of gifts you want to receive : (please list at least three different mediums in order of preference aka fic, fanmix, fanvid, wallapers etc)
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Prompts:
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Spoilers: Everything through the mid-season three finale.
Rating/Warnings: PG
Word Count: 3,301
Summary: It is said that you never forget your first love and Emma knows it's true. Sometimes she dreams of Neal. Sometime after Henry's twelfth birthday, the dreams begin to change, like echoes of a life she never lived.
Author’s Notes: Merry Christmas, Ari! I hope this is gift is exactly what you wished for, or at least a close approximation. ♥️
Emma is pregnant, and she dreams about Neal often. She caresses her abdomen, lying on the bed in her jail cell, wishing for a home she will never have. She strokes the tiny foot pushing up against her lowest rib and gently moves it back down. The baby shifts inside her, trying to find a better angle to stretch out his limbs, and Emma starts to smile in that halfway point between sleep and awake.
In her dream, Neal is shifting around in the backseat of their Volkswagen beetle. They're sleeping in the parking lot of a Home Depot in Lincoln. Neal tosses and turns, like he always does when they have to sleep in the car, trying to position his long limbs so that he's not cramped inside that tiny space. Emma is curled up in the passenger seat with her feet on the center console. She smiles softly, pretending to sleep as she watches Neal try to put one stretched out leg over the top of the driver's seat and the other against the window, a frustrated look on his face.
In her dream, Emma remembers that this was just another of the many times she had the urge to kiss her friend. Lion-heart Neal Cassidy, funny and kind and ridiculously adorable with those long dark curls falling into his eyes.
Since it is a dream, Emma can crawl out of that seat and brush that hair out of his warm hazel eyes, trace the side of his face before cradling it with her palm, and press her lips to his. But it is a dream - this moment was before Neal became her lover, before they kiss for the first time, and the reality of it pulls Emma back into lucidity. She thinks, as she looks at him, that this will never work out. She is a homeless teenager and she can barely take care of herself, so how can she let herself be a burden to another person?
Emma is thinking about this as she is pulled the waking world, alone in her jail cell, angry, dejected, and still so hopelessly in love with a man who abandoned her. She realizes again, moving a hand up to feel where the baby is stretching, that she can't be a mother. It is not until she desperately reaches for her baby after giving birth that Emma decides to do the selfish thing, the wrong thing, and keep her son. Their life would be hard, she might be a burden to him someday, but Emma loves this baby in her arms so much and she clings to that love and this child. She smiles down at him and marvels at how the series of choices, coincidences, and uncontrollable circumstances that make up her life until that moment brought her son to her. And she cannot regret a single thing.
It starts after Henry turns twelve. There is a shift in both of them somehow, in the way they move or talk, the way they express themselves. Henry doesn't seem to laugh as much and neither does Emma. It's like a whole other lifetime of emotion that doesn't belong to her is stored in every cell of her body. Muscle memory sending feedback to her brain that doesn't make sense. Emma feels burdened by it, but she tries to hide this reaction from her son. Henry is going through something too, and if Emma only has enough energy to take care of one person, it is always going to be Henry.
They are living in Boston when Emma finds Henry sleep walking through their apartment, calling for her.
"Mom? Mom!"
He sounds so desperate and Emma is instantly awake, flinging her covers back and rushing out to him, but stops and approaches cautiously when she sees he's not awake, not really. "Henry?" She walks up to him slowly.
Henry starts at the sound of Emma's voice and his eyes suddenly focus on her face. He looks confused and surprised to see her, and Emma catches it briefly before it fades from his eyes completely. Disappointment. He was looking for someone else. And then his face twists into something else and he reaches desperately for her and Emma wraps her arms around him.
Emma does not understand the grief in Henry's eyes, and she will do anything to fix it, but all she can do is comfort him.
"What were you dreaming about, kid?" Emma asks softly, stroking his hair.
Henry shakes his head against her shoulder and Emma squeezes him tighter. "I don't know," he answers, "I don't remember."
Emma tucks him into bed and wearily pads back into living room, running her hands down her face. She settles on the couch where she has the best vantage point of Henry's bedroom door. She only closes her eyes once they are so heavy that it's impossible to keep them open.
She dreams about Neal Cassidy.
Emma dreams she sees Neal playing swords with Henry. Neal positions Henry's hand on the handle of the wooden blade and demonstrates an overhead offensive move that Henry immediately practices on his father. Neal laughs and jumps away and counters his son's strikes easily, and even tries a counterattack that Henry, ever the quick and observant learner, blocks using a move he just saw Neal use.
This happens in the span of mere moments and Emma is struck by how similar the two of them are. Henry always reminds her of Neal, in the way he laughs, the way his eyes twinkle, the way the hair curls around Henry's ears. So much like Neal, but now, with them right next to each other, it causes a lump to form in Emma's chest and it rises to her throat so she needs to force herself to swallow.
Henry looks tired and happy, and he reaches for Neal and hugs him. Emma realizes that this is the same too, how they both throw everything they are into an embrace with wide smiles, wide open arms, and open hearts.
It is this moment that Emma remembers she's only dreaming. Neal has never met their son. There was a time when the two of them were younger, before Henry reached school age, and they lived near a beach in Tallahassee. Emma romanticized the idea that she could find Neal, that he was waiting for them there, and they would be a family, but that was a long time ago. Emma has grown wiser since then and carefully deflected any of Henry's questions regarding who his father is.
But in this dream, Neal catches her eye as Henry lets go of him and moves away. Emma approaches him as Henry slings his backpack over his shoulder and walks back to school, waving to both of them as he does.
Neal waves back, smiling, but his posture is stiff and Emma realizes there is no open access of affection between the two of them in this dream. It irked her because if she was going to dream about Neal being a part of their lives, she didn't want this awkward, uncomfortable feeling that she didn't have a claim on him when he (just might) still have one on her.
"I gave up on you," Emma tells him. "Even after you left me, left us in jail to serve for your crimes, I thought that it would be better for us to find each other. And I could be angry, and heartbroken, but we would be some semblance of a family. And it would be better than wallowing in a life of what-ifs, without you," Emma takes a deep breath, and tries to control her voice before it breaks. "But I couldn't find you in Tallahassee. So I gave up on you."
She expects the dream Neal to respond like he might of when she knew him well, when he was young, twenty-four, and hers. But this Neal has cut his dark curls short, this Neal has lines around his eyes and mouth, and his eyes carry the scars and experiences that can only get there from another decade of living. A decade without Emma and Henry in his life. This Neal smiles sadly at her and says "I understand. There is a lot of history between us, Em. I wouldn't expect anything of you after what I put you through. What's really important is Henry. I know you're worried, but you should know that I will be here for him. Anything less would be impossible," And he turns to look at where their son was a moment before. Emma keeps her eyes on Neal, not believing completely, but wanting to.
"You should know though," he says. And he reaches for her. Something in the dream changed, and Emma hears something like rushing water as the dream starts to break. For a crazy moment, she thinks Neal is real. His hand wraps around the back of her neck and he pulls her forward until their foreheads are almost touching. It is a gesture so familiar to her, something he did hundreds of times when they were young, and Emma feels a broken happiness from his closeness swelling inside her before she can control it.
"I'm never going to stop fighting for you," Neal says. "I will see you two again."
Emma's dreams fade from her consciousness immediately upon waking, like there was something inside her lingering and pushing the images away, forcefully insisting they didn't belong there, leaving nothing but vague and indescribable feelings behind. But not long after her dream, Emma and Henry move to Manhattan. This in itself is not unusual - Emma needs to move often because of the nature of her work. But she can't shake the feeling that somehow moving to Manhattan feels like moving closer to something she can’t name.
Henry loves the city immediately. He's already decided the best place to get bagels and pizza and pie within the radius of their loft before they have been living there for a week. Emma wraps herself up in his enthusiasm because it is the first time Henry has seemed genuinely happy in months.
It doesn't take long for the novelty of the move to begin to wear off, after a routine of school and extracurricular activities settle in, and the shadows start returning to Henry's eyes. Emma feels it too, a deep-set lingering anxiousness in her bones that she should be looking for something in that huge city, but she can't remember what. But the bustling, busy atmosphere of Manhattan is just distracting enough so Emma can push it from her mind.
The anxiousness comes roaring to life one hot summer day, when Emma and Henry are eating at a juice bar, at an outdoor table in the Upper East Side.
"I want to know about my Dad," Henry says, a determined edge in his voice and Emma knows her son will fight her this time if he thinks he needs to.
Not willing to give in, Emma tells Henry what she always tells him. "Henry, you know everything I know. Your Dad died rescuing people from a horrible fire while I was in jail. He's a hero." Emma wonders if she believes the lie the more she tells it. Thinking of Neal as a hero used to nauseate her. Now, for some reason, she really wants to believe it, and she wants Henry to believe it too.
"I know you're lying," Henry says, his mouth set in a line. "You're not the only one that can spot a lie, Mom. Sometimes other people can too."
Emma appraises her son and decides lying to him isn't worth it anymore. Henry will resent her if she keeps doing it and that is the last thing she wants. "Your Dad wasn't a firefighter."
"I know that much."
"But I told you the truth when I said he was funny. And brave. And he did like pumpkin pie." Emma takes a deep breath. "But he was a criminal. Like me. Except I went to jail and he didn't."
"Did he know about me?"
"I didn't even know about you when I first went to jail, Henry."
"And he never came back?"
"No," Emma says. "He never came back."
She sees Henry struggle with the same emotions Emma struggles with whenever she thinks about Neal Cassidy. And she hates it so much that part of her wishes she kept lying to him. She reminds herself that Henry deserves to know the truth and that her son is stronger than she thinks he is, stronger than she is sometimes. Henry has a faith that she envies.
"Okay," he finally says, "But do you know...do you know if he's...still alive?"
The question throws Emma off balance. It was a simple question. She doesn't know if Neal is alive, but she assumes that he is. But suddenly there is an unshakable sense of dread and grief inside of her, like she lost Neal in a different way than him just breaking her heart and leaving her to serve time. She feels like she lost Neal is a terribly permanent way and she doesn't know why.
"No," Emma says so quietly it’s almost a whisper.
Henry notices the look on his mother's face, and Emma is relieved when he drops the subject and just stirs his juice with a plastic straw. But Emma knows from the contemplative look on Henry’s face that the subject will come up again. She hopes she will be better prepared.
It occurs to her later, as she's falling asleep in the living room chair while reading, watching the stairs to the loft in case Henry starts sleep walking again, that there was nothing stopping her from just looking for Neal Cassidy again. At least she will know if he is alive somewhere, living a life, maybe in jail for grand theft, maybe working in an office, maybe raising two kids somewhere in the Midwest. The last thought makes her feel a green feeling she does not want to name, so instead she resolves to do an internet search first thing in the morning, but nothing too detailed. She tries to ignore the sinking feeling that she will not find anything, even if she tries...
Emma is running down a dark alley in McAllen, Texas. She's clinging to a box of cookies and one of those cheap toolkits grocery stores sell next to auto care supplies. Neal and Emma got caught shop lifting from one of those ridiculously huge corporate grocery stores, and are chased out by security. When it turns into an all-out police chase, Emma panics, and separates from Neal by turning left when he turns right, thinking it would be easier to lose them if they split up and knowing she can double back and catch up with him.
An hour later, Emma is making her way back to their yellow bug, which is parked several blocks away from the store they hit. She abandoned the cookies, but stubbornly held onto the tools because she knows they are what Neal really needs to fix their car.
She is embarrassed that she thinks of it as their car, their home. Her crush on Neal is getting out of hand, developing into something she really doesn't want to examine because she is sure he doesn't feel the same. Emma knows Neal likes her, but something more? It is too much to hope for after a lifetime of trying to love people who just thought of her as a burden in the end. Even though with him she felt closer to home than she has her entire life.
When she rounds another corner, she sees him, pacing up and down the block in his hooded sweatshirt and faded jeans. He is as dirty as she is, but he still looks beautiful and Emma has another swell of that emotion she keeps trying to bury. When Neal sees her, he starts running in her direction. Emma sees he is angry and holds up the stolen toolbox as a peace offering.
"I got the tools-" she starts. But Neal grabs her and pulls her into such a tight embrace that she squeaks, breathless, and the toolbox falls to the pavement. Neal is unconcerned about the tools now littering the street as he clings to Emma.
"I thought I lost you. I thought you were caught-" Neal's voice catches and he stops talking. Emma is held so tight that her glasses start riding up her face and she can feel his heartbeat, fast and frantic. "Don't...don't run from me, Emma. Not without it being a part of the plan, okay? I just...I can't lose you. Not you."
"Okay." She finally wraps her arms around his waist and closes her eyes, letting him hold her. It feels good to be held this tight by Neal. He starts rocking a little, and he's running a hand through her hair, wrapping locks of it around his fingers. By now, this kind of hug should feel awkward if they were only friends, but Emma doesn't want to let go. That emotion is coming back, but this time it made her feel warm and lose, like being under the hot sun.
Finally, Emma lifts her face to look at him. Neal is looking at her strangely and Emma feels her breathing increase. His eyes are wide and dilated and he's so close. He breathes out and it tickles her skin, making her shiver. Her eyes dart to his mouth before quickly returning back to his eyes, and she has a fraction of a second to think about what's happening before Neal is leaning down to kiss her and Emma is eagerly meeting him halfway to press her lips to his.
The kiss starts soft and gentle, but escalates as they get lost in the warmth of each other. Emma moves her hands from his waist to cup his face so she can get a better angle and Neal moves his arms to bend her at the ribcage so they can reach each other better. The kiss is slow, but languid and intimate and so wonderful, better than she imagined, and she knows Neal is a taste she will never get tired of.
They startle out of the kiss when four of the streetlamps nearby pop, flicker, and go dark. Emma looks back at one of the streetlamps, still loosely wrapped in Neal's arms, and the sickening feeling that this is just a memory she's dreaming about settles over her. She turns back to the Neal Cassidy in her dreams, and he's staring at her, waiting for her to say something.
"I miss you." Emma tries not to cry. "I need to find you, and I don't understand why I feel like I can't. Why I feel like I lost you-"
He makes reassuring shushing noises and wipes the escaped tears from her face with his fingers. "I'm not dead. I'm not really lost. I'm finding my way back to you and I always will find my way back to you. Both of you. Remember what you said? Family always finds each other."
"How?" Emma demands, skeptical to the very last. "You can't make promises you can't keep."
"My unshakable faith renewed by the unshakable faith of our son," Neal says. "We'll find each other, Em. We always do." He pulls her close again and Emma lets herself be held. "Emma," he whispers, "we're almost home."
Emma closes her eyes and opens them again to find herself in her loft in Manhattan. The dream is fading away quickly, like it always does, but she clings to the last thing Neal said before she falls asleep again. Almost home.
A mini exchange is the same as a regular exchange in its set up (please refer to the FQA for more information regarding swanfire exchange); expect the gift requirements are lower and the exchange runs for a shorter period of time.
- What Are The Gift Requirements For A Mini Exchange?
Fic: 500 words
Graphics*: 2
Fanmix: 1 fanmix; 6+ songs & cover art
Fanvid: 1 minute
Art*: 1 piece (sketch or b&w)
Icons: 5
*For art, this is specifically hand-created works. Paintings, drawings (whether in a physical medium or digital medium (eg, with a tablet), etc.
*For graphics, this is specifically for computer edited graphics. This includes wallpapers, manips, large graphics (such as Tumblr-style), gif sets, and headers.
NOTE: If you are mix and matching the requirement of each medium should be divided by the amount you intended on mixing. For example if you plan on doing a fic and a graphic. The min requirement would then be 250 words min and 1 graphics etc.
Dates & Deadlines
Sign ups open: December 27th (aka now)
Sign ups close: January 1st, 2014
Assignments set out: January 2nd 2014
Gifts due: January 16th, 2014
Posting begins: January 17th, 2014
Reveals and master list posted: January 31st, 2014 (this may change depending on the participation rate)
Signing Up
There are two ways in which you can sign up to take part in swanfire new year mini exchange.
1. Fill out the form below and send it via email to [email protected]
2. If you have a Livejournal account, you can sign up via the sign up post. Just fill out the form and post it in the comments section (comments are screened)
Signing Up Form
Please copy/paste the section below into the email/comment and fill it out with the relevant information.
ABOUT YOU
Name:
Tumblr url &/or Livejournal name:
Email:
Are you over 18:
FOR THE GIFT YOU’RE MAKING
Fic, Media, or Either:
If Media/Either, types of media I can do:
If Media/Either, types of media I can’t do:
Highest rating I will write/create:
Kinks/Tropes I can write/create:
Kinks/Tropes I can’t write/create:
Are you open to being a pinch hitter, if necessary? (If someone cannot finish in time, you may be asked to fill in.)
Anything else: (this is a good place to mention other characters, side parings you like/don’t like etc)
FOR THE GIFT YOU’RE REQUESTING
Types of gifts you want to receive : (please list at least three different mediums in order of preference aka fic, fanmix, fanvid, wallapers etc)
Preferred ratings:
Favourite kinks/tropes:
Kinks/tropes I absolutely do not want:
Prompts:
Anything else: (this is a good place to mention other characters, side parings you like/don’t like etc)
It was supposed to start on the 25th but we've had a little bit of delay due people needing extensions,considering the time of year it's understandable.
Anyway posting will begin tomorrow (28th) with one gift being posted everyday (there are still a few gifts that still haven't been completed so there might be a bigger gap of days between some posts) until all submissions have been posted.
I hope you're looking forward to it as much as I am! Also this might be a good time to mention that a New Year Mini Exchange will be happening, the post about that should be up later tonight/early tomorrow. =D
The subject of your email should be as follow: Submission: Title (recipient’s name)
Please also fill out the heading information below and included it in your email. It must include the following information but feel free to add anything else you may wish to include.
NOTE: If you have mixed and match you need to fill out separate headings for EACH medium, aka one for fic and one for the fanmix.
All Swanfire Exchange; Winter Exchange Assignments have been sent out. Please check your emails/junk folder and reply to the email letting me know 1. you've received it, 2. your okay with your assignment.
Please also take the time to read through the email as it contains all the information you need to complete your assignment.
Thank you all for participating and have fun with your assignments! I'm really looking forward to seeing all the pretty gifts!
Sign up's for the winter exchange are scheduled to close on 20th November! So far we've got 8 9 participants but I would LOVE to see more of you guys joining in. It's going to be super fun I swear!
All you need to do to sign up is fill out the from which you can find here: http://swanfireexchange.tumblr.com/post/66608870808/winter-exchange-2013-sign-up-post and send it to [email protected]
Or equally if you have a livejournal account you could fill out the form and post it to the livejournal page: http://sf-exchange.livejournal.com/896.html
I'm am still confused on how and what we are suppose to do
Alright, no worries. Now I'm not sure what exact part is confusing you, so I'm just going to start from the beginning. So please forgive me if I end up re-telling things you already know.
The Basic's:
This is a fic and media exchange community which means by signing up you are committing yourself to making a gift for a fellow swanfire shipper (who has also signed up). The person you are making the gift for will be ASSIGNED to you by me. I'll be matching people based on the types of gift they requested and what you signed up to make. Thiers and your likes/dislikes/kinks/tropes etc
This is a secret santa type challenge so please do not reveal your recipient to anyone. Also, to prevent people from linking a story to specific authors, stories can’t be part of a previously posted series.
As it it’s anonyms exchange (at least until the reveals post), it means you won’t know who is creating your gift and they won’t know you’re creating theirs until the reveal post. All fics/media will be posted by me at first to the swanfireexchange page.
Please do not post your story/art anywhere else before the reveals.Or let anyone know which gif is the one you created. After the reveal/masterpost is up you are free to crosspost your story/art wherever you like.
The Gifts:
All gifts have a minimum requirement. For example if you are writing a fic it must be 1,000 words long (unless you are mixing and matching) . For other mediums and their min requirement please refer back to the FAQ.
Mix and matching:
This can ONLY be done IF you offered to make another medium aka fic, fanmix, fanvid etc AND the person you are assigned to requested it. If you are mix and matching the requirement for each medium should be divided by the amount you intended on mixing. For example if you plan on doing a fic and a graphic. The min requirement would then be 500 words min and 2 graphics min, etc.
For the gift RECEIVING:
By signing up for will be requesting a gift (that someone else will make you). You can request anything from fic’s, wallpapers, fanvids, gif sets to fanmixes. In order to make my job easier when it comes to matching participates; I'm asking you to name AT LEAST THREE different types of mediums in you would be happy to receive, in order of preference. For example: fanfiction, fanvid, wallpaper etc. This means you might receive ONE of the three things listed, or maybe (deepening on what the person who is making your gift decides two or indeed all three.)
You will be providing prompts for your gifter. Prompts can be ANYTHING if you, from a single word, a song, or a scenario. It’s basically to give inspiration to your gifter so that they can make something you want and will enjoy. So maybe you always wanted a fanfic where Emma/Neal have a snowball fight. Or perhaps you'd like a graphic based on a quote, or a fanvidio set to a certain song. This exchange can make it happen for you.
For the gift you are MAKING:
The gift you'll be offering to make can be anything from fic, fanvids, fanmix, wallpapers, graphics, gif sets etc. You only have to offer what you WANT to! If you're talent lies in writing fanfiction, then you offer to write a fanfiction. If it lies in graphics you offer to make graphics. If it lies in fanicion, fanmixs and fanvid's you can offer to make any or all three.
When I assign you the person you’ll be creating for, they will have at least ONE type of medium you listed to create on their form. If you sign up offering to make different mediums i.e fic, fanmix and wallpapers, then IF and only IF the person you are assigned to requested them you may mix and match mediums. Aka do a fic and a fanmix. I explain this up above.
When you have completed your gift:
You will be sending your finished gift to [email protected]. There will be a post with further details closer to the time, though you can find more information at the FAQ.
Signing up:
You can find the sign up form here: http://swanfireexchange.tumblr.com/post/66608870808/winter-exchange-2013-sign-up-post (Just copy and paste the information and fill it out with the relevant information.)
Alright my lovely, does that make more sense to you now?? Do feel free to tell me if anything is still confusing in anyway. I am more than happy to explain further. Just let me know. x
Hi, I would like to sign up for the exchange but I won't have internet access from november 23rd to november 30th so I won't be available for the mandatory check in, that's not a problem right?
YAY so happy you want to sign up! and in answer to your question, it's not a problem at all.
The check in is basically just to make sure everything's going ok, that you haven't forgotten or anything, because I know how busy real life can be, especially at this time of year is and hell it's easy to forget these kinds of things. =P. So yeah, not a problem! If you could give a date that would work for you, then I can just check in with you then, if that's alright, then that would be great.
Swanfire Exchange is holding its first (in what’s hopefully going to be many) fic and media exchange. So if you’d like to take part and receive a swanfire fic or media based on your desires and bring some elses swanfire dreams to life come along and sign up!
SIGN UP’S ARE OPEN AS I TYPE! HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE AND DON’T FORGET TO SPREAD THE WORD!
Where are all my fellow swanfire shippers at??? Sign up's are open, but at the moment we've only had a few people sign up. *epic sad face* I know we're a small ship but by god aren't we a mighty one too?!?
