A/N: Another one shot. Very, very sad. Extreme angst. You have been warned.
Disclaimer: mentions of suicide, angst TRIGGER WARNING
* PLEASE do not read if you are sensitive to this topic.*
Feel free to leave comments on this post. Would love the feedback.
Song: From the Dining Table by Harry Styles
Numb. That’s all Y/N can think of when she thinks of herself at this very moment. Her body feels empty, her mind vacant. Lifeless. Not once did she ever think it was possible for a human being to feel like this. She can’t find herself to speak, to smile, to even get up from her position. She’s curled up in bed, making sure to stay on her side. If she dare move to his, a wave of guilt would crash over her and his lingering scent would be too much to bare. It would be a tease.
His side is left undone, cotton sheets wrinkled and tossed about in the way he would usually get out of bed. She swears she can still see the imprints his body left since the last time he’s peacefully slept next to her, holding her tight to his chest. His pillow is still in the position it would normally be in for him to be comfortable during his night long slumber. Crumbled up tissues are messily scattered along his bedside table, the gloom of his hay fever caused him to get up in the middle of the night as he tiredly snatched a tissue without the energy of getting up to throw it out after using it. His clothes are still perfectly lined in his closet, but his drawers messy with t shirts rolled and shoved in. There will never be another time where she can rest her head on his chest, her hand rested near his heartbeat. His heartbeat. Oh how she wishes she could feel it...feel him breathing. Alive.
It’s been three weeks since he passed. Three weeks since she’s seen his dimpled smile, three weeks since she’s heard the low huskiness of his soothing voice. Three weeks since she’s looked into his bright green eyes that seem to catch her off guard every time she meets them with her own. Three weeks since she’s been embraced in the loving cave of his tattooed arms, or kissed by his soft lips. It’s only been three weeks and she feels like she’s getting weaker by the minute. How can she go on without him? How can she live her life without him to go home to? She can’t. It’s too much to bear.
She misses him. Misses him more than she could ever have imagined was possible. It feels like a knife is piercing through her chest, slicing her heart and twisting it...but leaving it to ache and bleed in a long suffering pain with no end. He occupies her mind constantly. She wishes he didn’t. It’s like her entire life is on a repetitive film reel, replaying all of the moments she craves to feel again. Witnessing his laugh, the way he shuts his eyes mouth wide and those crinkles she grew to love that appear next to his eyes. The way he shakes his hips to the beat of his own song in the kitchen as they cook together, taking her hand and spinning her into a whirlwind of a dream. The way he gently grips her thigh as he cruises down the road, sunglasses perched on his nose letting the wind whip through his hair. The way he loves her.
She can’t take it anymore. As she’s curled up in bed, her fingers mindlessly play with the ring on her finger. The sparkle glimmering in the moonlight peeking through the sheer curtains. The ring almost seems like its alive, glittering in the light, even though the person who so lovingly presented isnt...he’s gone forever. She feels she doesn’t have a purpose anymore. He was her entire life.
Why did he have to leave her? Why did that evil being of a person get into a car knowing he was too intoxicated with vodka and tequila, step into his car thinking it was okay to drive? And why did that person have to hit Harry? Why did Harry have to leave the house at that moment in time? Why, why, why, why? Endless questions crowding her mind, making her feel crazy and delirious.
She will never forget that night. And she wishes she could.
“Babe, do you have to go now?” Y/N whimpers dragging on her words as she grasps his forearm from the couch. Reluctantly Harry gets off the couch, chuckling at her cuteness.
“Jus’ need to run to the store. I can’t make your favorite dinner if I don’t have the ingredients for it.” Harry hums, leaning down softly kissing her cheek.
He lingers, teasing her well knowing how much she loves it. Dragging his lips softly from her cheek to her jaw, then to her lips.
“Mmm..please stay I don’t care about dinner right now.” Y/N mumbles into the kiss, tightening her grip on his arm attempting to pull him back down next to her.
“Let me cook for you tonight. I haven’t in a while since promo started for the album. Let me treat you.” Harry pulls her up from the couch and brings her into his chest, cuddling her as he kisses the top of her head.
“Fine. But don’t be gone long. I’ll miss you too much.” Y/N pouts endearingly. Harry chuckles again, and goes to grab his wallet from the table.
“I promise I’ll be right back. I can’t break a promise.”
Twenty minutes turned into an hour. Y/N was puzzled, the grocery store was only a mile away. He only needed a few things for the recipe. She called his phone a few times only to hear a voicemail. Frustrated, she started to cry, her thoughts succumbing to the worst. Then it all happened at once.
Her phone lit up with his name on the screen as Y/N scrambled to pick it up the second she heard it ring.
“Harry where are you it’s been nearly an hour!” Y/N worriedly exclaimed into the phone.
“Is this Y/N?” An unfamiliar voice replied, Y/N immediately covering her mouth in disbelief. Something bad has happened. She can feel it.
“Y-yes this is she.” Y/N gulps, stuttering over her words, her hands trembling from the anticipation of the impending news.
“Your boyfriend has been in a terrible accident. I’m a witness and I already called 911 they will be here any minute. You should get here.” His voice sounds sad, unsure. He sounds ashamed and sorry for her. She gasps, a sob slipping her lips as the tears form and start running down her cheeks uncontrollably, oxygen being harder to take in. He gave her the address, and she dropped everything but her phone, ran to the door and sped her car to the scene.
When she pulled up, her sobs thickened. Her eyes not believing the scene in front of her. The site...she couldn’t even recognize his car. Flipped, crushed. Her vision started to blur from her tears, she felt like she couldn’t breathe. Her heart drops, further and further as her eyes frantically make out the scene in front of her.
Before she could stumble our of her car, an ambulance arrived. Her eyes were jolting everywhere. The flashing lights, the cars, the bystanders. It was too much. She felt like it wasn’t real, what she was witnessing. Like it was all some bad nightmare.
Y/N sprinted over, desperate to see him. The worst of her thoughts running through her head over and over. He has to be okay. He has to be okay. She keeps telling herself that, hoping that her prayers are answered.
A police officer steps in front of her, grabbing her shoulders as Y/N desperately tries to break from his grip, sobs and cries mewling from her mouth.
“M’am, you cannot enter the scene.” The police softly explains, still gently holding her back.
“M-my fian..my fiance..” Y/N blubbers, her breathing quickening as an impending anxiety attack is on the horizon.
The police officer’s eyes widen, his head nodding as he realizes who she is, the woman he called 10 minutes ago.
“Okay, okay. You’re Y/N?-“
“Yes, let me through! I-I need to know, need to know if he-if he’s..” Y/N sobs, her chest heaving.
“I-I’m afraid it’s not good. He is going to be airlifted to a nearby hospit-“
“I don’t know if thats a good idea-“
“LET ME SEE HIM!” Y/N yells in between cries, yanking herself from his grip.
The police officer obliges, bringing Y/N over to the wreck.
Then she sees him. Or what’s left of him.
She can’t even recognize his face. The blood is everywhere, the cuts, the bruises.
His hair is matted with drying blood, his body unconsciously limp. Glass all over his lap, some shards piercing his face. His beautiful face
The next thing she knows, she’s on the floor. Sobbing into her knees, shaking her head hoping it could rid her of the horrific nightmare. Wake up, she tells herself.
But she doesn’t. This is real. She spots a shard of glass a few feet from her and she feels tempted to grab it and slice her own throat so she doesn’t have to live with the pain.
Before the ambulance even got there, he was announced dead.
And Y/N felt like she was on the verge of dying too.
He broke his promise. He said he would be right back. He said he never breaks promises.
Her sore eyes let out a few lone tears, a pit of guilt settling in her stomach at the most minuscule thought of being mad at him.
But it seems like the only way to cope with the pain.
The images of his last moments become too much. Abruptly, she gets her aching body out of bed for what seems like the first time in months. Trudging over to her dresser, she grabs the framed photo of the two of them from the day of their engagement. His arms are wrapped around her from behind, his lips lovingly pressing against her cheek with a smirk as she laughs. Her bright and beautiful ring on full display. After grabbing it she sombers over to the bathub, dragging her feet.
Starting the water, grabbing a razor. She’s replayed this scene many times in her head. How she would go about doing it.
She wants to end the pain. She wants to see him again.
Before she does, she looks around the room. This is it for her. But she’ll be happy. Setting the picture next to her, she stares at it. Tears streaming down her pale cheeks. But she’s quiet. No sobs. Just tears.
She hisses at the pain of the blade digging into her flesh. But then she calms. Relaxes. Her eyes still set on the photo, ring still tightly wrapped around her finger.
Then it happens. She feels herself losing consciousness. But a small smile lifts. Not very wide, but subtle. First time she’s smiled in weeks. Closing her eyes, a shy smile on her face, she whispers weakly, her body slowly losing its grip onto life...
“I’m coming for you Harry. I can’t wait to see you again. I love you”
A/N: sorry to do that to you guys...requests are open as always
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