
if i look back, i am lost

Kiana Khansmith
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

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@sweetpretence
Heart Discourse
queenemeny:
« THEY need not shed blood for my sake. I prefer they be soft of heart and wise with their words. My sister—for you could never be an intruder—I only pray that you find such a soft love. Be it in your service, or in Aslan— or in one more deserving than our dear and mutual friend. As for my love, I have given it all to king and country. There are days I feel I have left none for myself. But if I can submit to what is much larger than myself, how can I not be happy? »
“I meant not to offend you, Queen Emeny. I am not one to say anything about loving ourselves first. Sometimes I think my love towards the Last King has blinded me and I cannot see anything past him, not even war. Such love is dangerous, and I hate it. Don’t you, sometimes?”
A Slip -- Peter & Anyone (open convo)
I hope that I may truly earn that trust. But thank you.
*jaw tightens slightly* That is what I have been told. But we cannot allow ourselves to dwell on how hard it will be, otherwise we will never have the courage to attempt it at all. And for Narnia’s sake, we must rescue His Majesty. What do you know of their numbers, other than “many?”
“I know that we were thirty when we came, but I ran away from their group a few months later. I know that more were sent and there are Narnians who joined them. Archenland is also on their side, even though the Archenlander Queen is on ours. Things... are very ugly, Sir.”
“And I am deeply sorry to have to tell you this.”
Free me | Parvati and Aslan
Without answer, The Cat stood up again and turned toward the north remembering his beloved land and people, the country he had died for once, the country that would be taken by a Lie soon. Whenever Aslan thought of Narnia and his Children, it always made him smile inside but also made him sad if he saw them suffer. After a few minutes, he turned his look back at Parvati again.
“If you feel that your life can’t be happy here -” Aslan began. “- then maybe it’s because your destiny needs to be fulfilled somewhere else.”
@sweetpretence
Parvati nodded in understanding, but not in agreement. “Tash forgive, I have thought so many times of leaving Calormen, but now that I really think about it, I cannot find the strength within me to do so. This is the only land I know. It sounds... terribly mad.”
However, what else was there for her? She had never been particularly good at anything. Not drawing, storytelling, reading out loud or at being a housewife. The only thing she could recall ever being good at, was at playing with wooden swords with her brother when they were little. She always won.
Looking at the Cat again, Parvati knew she didn’t have to say anything. Somehow, she understood the Cat already knew what she was thinking.
“It sounds terribly mad still. But, at the same time, it makes sense. Perhaps this shall take me to the land my heart aches for.”
Strategies | The Rescue of Cair Paravel
Looking around the improvised table in his tent, Edmund sighed heavily. He felt somehow anxious about what was coming. He had grown to become a quiet and grave man, not much of a leader as Peter was. Even Susan and Lucy were a lot better at this than him, however there was no doubt in Narnia that he had been one of the greatest strategists, still was. An intelligent King had as much competence of winning a battle than a warrior King. And he was both.
Still, his hand was trembling when he looked down at the maps in front of him, showing the Narnia he had once known, but different. He saw some lakes and rivers he was not aware of, as well as a hill close to Cair Paravel he had never seen before. How much could change in 250 years, he though. Swallowing a lump stuck in his throat, Edmund looked up at the people around the table and sighed one more time before starting to speak.
“The last time my sister and I have been here,” he smiled a little at Lucy, “King Caspian had proudly told us that he had rebuilt the castle of Cair Paravel. If the castle is the same my siblings and I have lived in, there shan’t be any problems for us to find the prisoners. However, we cannot allow ourselves to find any surprises along the way. That is the reason we are gathered here tonight. I believe if we plan our rescue tomorrow well, we will have no losses and the Last King of Narnia, in the name of Aslan, will be dining with us tomorrow night.”
It hadn’t been that hard, Ed thought.
“Before we start, does anyone have anything to add about our knowledge of the situation? Perhaps something about the locations, the castle or even the maps?”
Fianna has joined the planning council. She was a smart woman, skilled in battle, but also quite skilled in rescuing missions and planning sieges. As King Edmund spoke, she listened carefully and observed the map, trying to find a loophole which would give them advantage.
“Do we know where is king Tirian being held? If it is the prison, then we could break through the ventilation shaft. The bricks are weak and the bars nearly completely rotten out. We could get in and out with zero casualties, from both sides. They wouldn’t see us coming if we came from the river – “ She slightly rose from her seat to point at a particular spot on the map “ – here.”
“However, if he’s held somewhere else – Then we might have problems with getting in and out unseen. Casualties might be great once we are discovered. I have heart that the woman who got a hold of Cair Paravel, reigns with terror. And witchcraft.” She hesitatingly added, eyeing king Edmund in the process. Everyone knew his history with witches – or better said, his discomfort and hatred around them.
“I could go on a quick scout, if you’d like? I know how to move unseen though the woods and I might be able to gather more valuable information about the king’s precise location, the number of guards and the security around the castle.” Fianna offered.
If there had been a day when Parvati felt any more nervous, she couldn’t recall. She was, after all, a Calormene, surrounded by Narnians, by Kings and Queens and soldiers of great honor. She coudln’t remember why she had come to stand around this table. What could she ever provide? She didn’t even fight using the same sword the Narnians did.
However, as soon as the Just King started to speak and she took a quick stare at the maps, she knew her knowledge of King Tirian’s locations would be well received. She hoped it could help them-- she wished it could save lives.
“Excuse me, my lady,” Parvati spoke, hoping she wouldn’t be interrupting Fianna. “My King, if ever I speak anything but the truth in this tent, or if ever I drawn myself in ill intent, may the blessings of Zardeenah never touch me and the bolt of Tash kill me this very instant.”
It was part of who she was to make promises before saying something serious and important. However it felt strange to her skin and to her heart to mention Tash like that. She had the urge to apologize once more, but preferred to say what she had to say before she lost her courage.
“I know where King Tirian is held. Some of you, Sirs and Ladies, know of how I came to the King and helped him recover to be strong for Narnia, to which I feel extremely grateful the gods and goddesses gave me the opportunity, and of where the other prisoners are also kept. To those who have not had the chance to listen to this servant’s words, I tell thee now: King Tirian is held prisoner in the Treasure Room of Cair Paravel, and the other three Narnians in what used to be a storage room. At least thirty Calormenes guard the place as well as Narnians who have joined them. And of course, the witch. It is not impossible, but taking our Lord and the Loyal Narnians upstairs in the middle of a battle... it will be challenging.”
Free me | Parvati and Aslan
Parvati’s thought that He could be even Tash made Aslan a little upset inside. Of course, it was not against her. Not because he and Tash were one, but because they were opposities, and Aslan knew that there would be a Lie about him and Tash being One and this would make a lot of people turn away from him. This already made him sad - thought it had not happened yet.
“No.” Aslan said firmly but without anger. “I don’t take lives, I give them.” The Cat paused again. “And don’t doubt your value, Parvati. Verily I say unto thee, your future will bring some changes into your life. You’re worrying now because the one who understood you can not be here for you. But as time passes, you will see what I’m talking about now.”
@sweetpretence
“I understand,” she said and nodded once and very firmly. Smiling, she hugged her own arms as if she was cold, but it wasn’t the case. Looking at the cat, she had the urge to touch him, but at the same time, she was afraid. Never in her entire life had she felt like this. She wasn’t afraid that he would hurt her, but somehow she feared in some sort of adoration. She smiled once more.
“You are good.” It was not a question. It was the truth she felt in her heart. “What am I to do? If you know this land, you understand the only thing for me is to get married, even if without love. If you know me, you understand that I would rather die than letting a man define how much I am worth. Please. What must I do?”
“In love’s circle there’s another kind of serenity; in love’s wine, another kind of hangover. What you learned in school is one thing, love is something entirely different.” -Rumi Sheesh Mahal. Lahore, Pakistan. (Instagram: aabbiidd)
Good News | Parvati and Tirian
“Thou must… Thou must promise me… Swear to me… That no harm shall befall the High King. P-Peter… Peter is worth much more to Narnia.” Tirian began. His eyes found her and he stared deep into them, trying to make her understand just how serious he was.
“No matter what… Peter must live. If it comes… To saving me… or saving him… You must… Thou must get him out. Even if… Even if it means leaving me… Or letting me die… Promise me.”
“I have seen his face in my dreams… The High King is but a boy, barely crossing… the threshold of manhood. His life… his blood… It is much more precious than mine. Peter the Magnificent must live.”
Parvati couldn’t tell what she was expecting, but for sure it was not what she heard. She looked at her King’s face, trying to understand if he was being really serious. She hoped it was all a joke, yet at one look at Tirian’s eyes, she knew. He had meant every word.
She wept.
“No, my King. Please, please no. I can promise thee anything but not-- Not this.” No matter what she said, Parvati knew the truth. She had already promised. She had told him she would promise anything and now she could not take her word back. She had ruined everything.
She couldn’t breathe properly because of her tears. “King Peter may be important to Narnia, but thou art important to me. Thou art the King of my heart and if thou perish, what shall be of me? It would all have been in vain.”
“I promise thee this: if the King Peter ever needs someone to save his life, I shall be the one to do it, even if I have to let my lord Tirian behind. However this Tarkheena shall prove her value by not letting any of her Kings perish if it depends on her.”
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turkishmughalempress:
Mastani
Fianna briefly observed the woman and, after short consideration, took a blanket from one of her saddle-sacks and handed it to the lady. “Here. It will keep you warm.” It took her a second before she remembered what she’s said. “Always? Why do you have insomnia? I sleep well, but I hold watch tonight. I am a little restless.”
“Thank you, my lady. I should be accustomed to it by now, after so long,” Parvati said and wrapped the blanket around her thin body feeling its warmth spread through her skin. “I believe I tend to think too much. Worry too much, too. It makes sleeping harder.”
When she knelt before him, the King took her shoulders in his hands. “Please, dear heart, stand. You shall never kneel to me.” He began, moving to pull her back to her feet.
But she was already getting back up before he could. Tirian’s eyes were tender and calm as he smiled. “My friend, thou need only be thyself to be my friend. Let there be no formality between us, nor any secrets. Thou, who have seen me at my absolute weakest, and still could be moved to love and pity, hold an irreplaceable spot in my heart and my affections. We art not superior to each other, nor inferior. We art not King and subject. We are merely beloved friends. I know it shall be difficult for the,, but my faith in thee surmounts all.”
Smiling while looking down, Parvati tried her best, sought within her soul for the courage she needed, and looked at her beloved King’s eyes. She could feel her cheeks turning red and warm underneath her dark skin.
“Had I ever looked at the Tisroc like this, I would no longer own a head. For the Narnians, such treatments may seem rough, but Calormenes learn from the very beginning of their lives that we are supposed to wish the Tisroc an endless life and respect him as if he were a god. However when I am in thy presence, I do not feel afraid. I feel... at home. I am certain all the Narnians feel the same way.”
Good News | Parvati and Tirian
The thought alone of being reunited with Jewel was enough to give Tirian strength. He had not seen or heard anything of his oldest friend in so long. Was Jewel even still living?
Tired eyes closed for the briefest moment before he opened them. “Another battle… How many must fight… and die… before it’s all… over?”
He knew he had to be strong. Of course it would come to a battle. Tirian had known that from the beginning. But he was already weary just thinking of the long fight ahead of them.
“My lady… make me a promise. Please… Set this troubled mind at ease.”
Looking at her King there, so fragile, Parvati felt in her heart the kind of feeling of freedom and courage, the feeling that she could do anything. She would go to the end of the world for her beloved if that was what took him to get better. To be strong again. She smiled a little and nodded, holding back the tears.
“Anything, O my beloved King. I promise thee anything. Tell me what thou want.”
Heart Discourse
« WHY compare? From what I have studied of Calormen—if any nation can be studied in a book—you are named daughter of m o u n t a i n s. How can you call yourself undeserving? You have within you the very bones of the earth. You are wondrous. »
“You are kind to me, your Majesty-- you have always been. I thank you for such kindness and gentleness. In my land, women like yourself are the most desired-- men go to wars to win their hearts. You deserve much happiness, yet I have the feeling you have not found it. Forgive me if I am being an intruder.”
you don’t have to choose between f i r e and ice. (insp)
Good News | Parvati and Tirian
Seeing no choice but to rest against her once more, the young King listened and watched her carefully. Just as with every other time that they spoke, Tirian was stunned by the sincerity, kindness, and intelligence in the Tarkheena’s tone. Her land, her people, truly had no idea what a rare and radiant soul they’d had and lost. But perhaps the Southern Kingdom’s mistakes could be mended and made right by Narnian ways.
“Sweet Parvati…” He began, giving her what he hoped was a fond and trusting smile. “How can it be that.. that thou can in… instill in me such a c-calm and… peace, even in this… great danger?”
“Please, my dear… do not weep. Am I not here with thee? Shall I… Shall I not always be… even if I may not be in thy sight?” The young man asked softly. He coughed and trembled, but he made himself continue. “Through this torture… Through this sickness that… that does ravage my… my person… Thou have been… Have been a beacon to me. Thou risk… risk marvelous much for the sake of… this fallen king. The dangers… What forgive could thou possibly need of me? Come… Tell me thy plan… I shall follow thee and the… and the High King… to the very… end of the world.”
“Narnia is truly different, Sir. I have seen a land full of life and magic when I first came. Now it is chaos. There is much to be done, but there is also hope. There are many on our side, many willing to fight.”
She smiled softly and gave the King a firm nod, one that she hoped could show him how commited she was to that cause. “The people of the camps will join us and we will take the Castle back to Narnia. We will rescue thee and the others from this prison and you shall be free again! Thee shall see the stars and the fields again and thy friend the Unicorn. Perhaps... Perhaps even the Lion.”
“It matters not if a battle begins. We are all willing to fight to see a free Narnia once more. And it is my greatest pleasure to be part of this.”