Perspective

conquer one fear at a time

[sweetraeofsunshine2]

There’s always more to a story. There is definitely more to life. We are more than interactions and working machines. We experience life and create things from nothing. If you think life is working and interacting with your friends is that enough? And I’m not asking is that enough for everyone, only you. You are the only one who matters in this equation. You, your experience and your definition of life. Do you need something deeper? Do you think there’s something deeper? Are you searching for something you haven’t found? Has life lost all meaning to you?

There are things that we just can’t wrap our minds around, it is my belief that we just haven’t unlocked our minds enough yet.

Unlock yours.

[sweetraeofsunshine2]

🌹

I wanted roses, but he offered daiseys

I asked for forever, he gave me maybe.

B+A forever

But forever had an expiration

My best friend ever

Now hates me.

I think of it like the ocean

When the water turns rough

From your little row boat

You never thought you’d have to fight for your life

That’s just how it happens

You loose what’s most valuable

But maybe I’ll still find roses

Just somewhere else

[sweetraeofsunshine2]

Went to Cincinnati for the first time 🥰

[sweetraeofsunshine2]

creating art as an outlet for the words I cannot say

[thegoodvybe]

[sweetraeofsunshine2]

never.

[sweetraeofsunshine2]

I'm re-inventing myself. I should have the privilege to do so without your judgement.

BRB 

[sweetraeofsunshine2]

something inside of me is twisting. i find myself questioning even my own thoughts. 

who am i? who are they? 

I am happy with who i am; this i know. 

but maybe what hurts. 

is that i know all too well what i need

and that means walking away from things i want 

[sweetraeofsunshine2]

makeup 

shoes and face masks

headphones-beats

and prada bags

american eagle jeans

pandora rings

newest apple products

they all keep me sane

swiping my amex

makes me feel great success

another day that I'm ok 

because i spent what i had in my bank

treat yourself i once heard

I took it to heart 

cathartic, I’d call it.

It keeps me from falling apart. 

~B

[thegoodvybe]

[sweetraeofsunshine2]

Fire & Desire

soft lips, burning hot.

touching my chin but i feel you somewhere deep within

you're lighting a fire within me

i beg of you, please

don't put it out

feed it, feed me.

fuel our passion and flame.

i don't fear pleasure

i don't fear pain

ill withstand the heat

if i can hear your heart beat closer

ill burn in your fire

to fulfill my own desire

~BRB

[4sss]

She has always been my dream, but I have never been able to sleep enough.

J.c.A

[sweetraeofsunshine2]

stuck by my own means

How do I move forward in life? 

Normally, things aren’t so difficult. It’s normally clear what I want. Now I’m finding myself stuck and unable to make a decision. I am a revolving door stuck in a cycle of yes and no. The only way to end the cycle is to choose: yes or no. But it is not that simple. My feelings are involved. I love. and lost. Now I’m loving and losing at the same time.. does that even make sense? It shouldn’t; yet somehow it does. 

I’m hurting myself by staying within the revolving door. Although, I have been here so long I'm not sure I know how to leave. it has gone on so long that I believe I am the one to blame for my pain. 

.... -B 

[sweetraeofsunshine2]

Journal of a girl who’s loved and lost.

It’s not hard to guess what my biggest motivator for writing is- pain. Pain makes my heart ache in a way that makes my fingers twitch. So I write. Heres how I could explain it best. Anything in life that causes me pain fills me with words I only wish I could say out loud. But, I don’t. Why? Sometimes it is because there are better ways to say what I want and I can’t quite rearrange the words in the right pattern. Sometimes I feel like the words are better left unsaid. Sometimes they are too hurtful to say aloud and sometimes I know they won’t be heard. And it hurts to hold these words that mean so much to me inside. It fills my heart with pain and rage. So my heart aches. My fingers twitch. And I let the words flow onto paper hoping maybe someone will hear them. Maybe someone will relate. Maybe someone will understand my hurt.

Today I feel a pain that is unfamiliar. I will explain why, don’t get too excited. I’ve ‘loved’ before, but I was young. When you are young you think you know what love is; and truthfully, I believe there are different types of love. My first love, I was young and naive.  He didn’t love me back, and what kind of love is that? So my second love, I didn’t love him back. Funny how we react to things. Do you see the domino effect? But the third? This one I had no domino. There was no reaction. I just fell deeply in love with a boy who loved me too. And do you know what it feels like to look at someone and just melt? Thats how I knew we were in love; because he was melting too.

I’m sure your wondering at this point why I am so sad if I am also so in love. Well there was a piece to our story you might have overlooked. “I just fell deeply in love with a boy.” And he was just that, a boy. So we fought. He didn’t listen. I begged and pleaded with him to give me the simple things I needed. Unfortunately I’ve stumbled upon the brick wall in our relationship. Theres no moving forward. There’s not enough fight in me to fight the man I love. There’s not enough reason in the world to convince him to be just what I need. He’s young too and he needs time to grow. I’ve done my growing. I know who I am. So recently I found that we are unable to go through this growth together. He needs to do it alone. Sadly, he doesn’t need me. Sadly, he wants a different life than me. I want a family and he doesn’t. And you can’t continue to love someone who doesn’t love your idea of a future. So I write. And I try to explain how my heart aches because I continue to love him even though he’s hurt me in a way many have; he let me down. There have been people in my life, friends, parents, co-workers, that have also let me down. But this time, it is not his fault. It is not his fault that he doesn’t want a future with children and a big wedding with a beautiful girl. It is not his fault he doesn’t see what I see. So I don’t hate him. And I’m not angry. But I hurt and I hate the world for letting me love a man that I don’t have a future with.

*BRB*

[sweetraeofsunshine2]

Read me.

When I was younger I couldn't imagine my life as it is today.


I couldn't imagine a life at all.


That's the thing when you're young. You don't think of the future.


I could never tell if I was depressed or if life really just sucked for me. Things were always bad; worse for me then everyone else. And so I thought it would be better if I'd go. If I didn't live anymore.


Today I am a nurse.
I am a daughter.
A sister.
An aunt.
A girlfriend.


I am these things because I lived.


I love my life so much because of what I've made of it. I went through 4 years of hell, 40,000 dollars of student loans, and many heart breaks to stand before you today. Strong. Happy.


I used to want to take my life; now I save them.
I say this because some people want to end their life. But they don't see. They don't see how they are ending their one chance to make a better life for themselves. Sometimes life seems impossible. It knocks you down far too many times, but we aren't here to give up.


It's okay to be scared.


It's okay to ask for help.


It's okay to not want to live.


But push.


Push through the pain because you can't see what the future holds for you.


Nobody can tell you whats going to happen.
So make it happen.


Make your future what you want it to be.


You owe it to yourself.


💜 -B 


[sweetraeofsunshine2]

It’s smells of salt and happiness

[sweetraeofsunshine2]

Write.

I read your words

Listen to your songs

I hear you talk

But don't register my own thoughts

Why read your story

When I have my own

Why hear your music

When I can write songs

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

(To myself)

You can write; you can sing

No one can come between what is yours

And your feelings

But you'll never see the other side

If you only hear your own

So speak; listen; write

Hear yourself

But hear others also

*BRB*

[sweetraeofsunshine2]

I went through 4 years of hell to save a life. Worth it 🎓