౨ৎ⋆˚｡⋆

𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙙𝙧𝙪𝙣𝙠𝙚𝙣𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙙𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 , 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙙𝙖𝙮 𝙖 𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙙 𝙤𝙛 𝙙𝙧𝙤𝙬𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 .

[swnlcke]

❛ ✧ ── 𝒍𝒐𝒂𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 ... 。is that lola dupont , rocking the new giorgio armani ? wow , they look just like jessica alexander ! last i heard , she is a twenty - five year old elite from milford , connecticut . she’s a well known dancer who likes to give people tarot readings in her free time , and despises being told she can’t do something . i think she’ll do fine at the berry , since she seems to be engaging ; but i don’t know , others have said she’s quite obstinate as well !

❛ ✧ ── 𝒂𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒔 。

the electric hush of an audience right before a performance begins , fighting the impulse to change your hair at any minor inconvenience , worn out pointe shoes collecting dust in the closet of a home you'll never see again , glittery eyeshadow catching the light , the bittersweet ache of getting what you wanted , a bloody nose dripping onto silk stockings , a box full of vintage jewelry , the first thunderstorm of the summer , getting your lipstick on a stranger's teeth , imported french cigarettes at the bottom of a dance bag , a smile that gives the impression you're hiding a secret , spinning on your tip toes until you see stars .

❛ ✧ ── 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒔 。

full name: born lorena sofia hartley , but she goes by lola dupont . nickname(s): lo . occupation: professional dancer . birthday + age: february 15th + 25 . gender + pronouns: cis woman + she/her . orientation: bisexual .

❛ ✧ ── 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 。

birthplace: milford , connecticut . accent: faded southern new england accent , has a smokey speaking tone . nationality: american . ethnicity: white ; french & german . spoken languages: english & french .

❛ ✧ ── 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 。

parents: olivia louise hartley ( mother ) , unknown ( father ) . siblings: none . children: none . pets: none officially , although she's gotten into the habit of feeding the occasional stray cat . relationship: tbd .

❛ ✧ ── 𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆 。

eye color: blue . hair color + style: dirty blonde falling just below her shoulder blades , usually worn loose in messy waves or slicked back into a perfect bun . height: five feet, six inches . build: slim , toned . tattoos: a sword down the left side of her ribcage . piercings: multiple ear piercings . scars / marks: a thin scar near her hairline above her right eye from a curling iron & one on the inner side of her left ankle from a dance injury .

❛ ✧ ── 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒔 。

zodiac: aquarius sun, scorpio moon, scorpio rising . character inspo: violet sanford ( coyote ugly ) , lux lisbon ( the virgin suicides ) . temperament: sanguine-melancholy . alignment: chaotic neutral . positive traits: engaging , daring , independent , creative . negative traits: obstinate , mercurial , shameless , elusive . drug + alcohol use: hardly ever drinks , smokes cigarettes regularly & occasionally does cocaine . nervous habit(s): taping her fingers or feet . favorite color: silver . favorite scent(s): patchouli , amber , vanilla & musk .

❛ ✧ ── 𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚 。

━ olivia louise hartley was only twenty years old when she gave birth to her first and only child , lorena sofia hartley . a hairdresser ( and now a single mother ) in a small coastal town , olivia knew she had to work hard to change her circumstances . living so close to american royalty in new england with their old money that went back generations , it was envy and an insatiable want that would color lorena's childhood . she was acutely aware of two things very early on in her life : lack is the precursor to greed , and that she was destined for greatness . ━ before there was lola dupont , there was lorena : a restless child , but bewitching enough she could always draw a crowd long before she knew what the spotlight felt like . it was her mother's idea to put her in dance classes , and she'd take credit for that long after lola was well acquainted with what the spotlight felt like . it was dance that got her a scholarship to an all girl's preparatory school , and dance that would eventually get her out of connecticut . ━ ballet was her first love ; she flourished under the intensity of it , a perfect outlet for the unbridled energy churning within her . her mom latched onto that love , exploiting and shaping it , desperate to ascend to the status she so thought she deserved . it was her mom's idea to change her name . lorena hartley was just a small-town ballerina , but lola dupont could be a star . by the time she landed a spot at the american ballet theater, traces of her old life had slowly been extiguished . ━ the rewrites were harmless , kept vague enough to craft an air of mystery the public would hate to adore once lola's career took off . prep school in the states became boarding school in england or finishing school in switzerland . lola's fluency in french , picked up from her interest in old movies and one french-canadian classmate , became a by-product of a french nanny , or perhaps a distant french relative she'd spend summers with as a child . her absent father was a movie star, an army man, a mobster, or even tragically deceased. there was nothing concrete about lola or where she came from , nothing pinpointable about her except the undeniable talent she possessed . ━ new york city was good to lola . the world seemed so much bigger than she ever could have imagined. while her mother struggled to adjust to the fast pace and big names , lola thrived . she was preparing to audition for a chance to start an apprenticeship at the new york city ballet when she was scouted by a music video director . one video , one a-list client; that was all it took to launch her into stardom . lola retired her pointe shoes , her mom retired to connecticut , and things could only get better — or so she thought . ━ she had a good few years of notable fame . without her mother's iron fist lola was free to explore all the facets of dance she'd never been able to before . lyrical , contemporary , jazz , even burlesque — nothing was off the table . she was working with singers , teaching classes as a guest choreographer in trending dance studios , and even doing minor dance cameos in tv and film . she got herself into the occasional scandal now and then , mostly by speaking too candidly in interviews , or spending her newfound wealth on something the public deemed obscene , but it was never enough to shake her reputation . ━ it wasn't until she found out that her mother was being sued by multiple people from milford for fraud that anything changed . the life lola worked so hard to craft was threatening to be torn apart by the one person who'd helped her build it , brick by bleeding brick . being a part of the berry crew was more of an act of desperation than it was something lola thought long and hard about , and she's hoping it will be enough to mitigate the fallout of her mother's actions if they ever become public knowledge .

❛ ✧ ── 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚 + 𝒕𝒊𝒅𝒃𝒊𝒕𝒔 。

━ she's a bit of a black cat ; one moment she can be open and inviting and the next she's elusive and standoffish . in a parasocial sense it makes her an interesting person to want to follow , but as someone who has to live with her for the unforeseeable future , it could be polarizing . growing up within a competitive dance culture with a momager for a mother , lola never had many friends , so the ones she does manage to make are near and dear to her . to compensate for the lack of longterm , stable , connections in her life she got into the habit of short-lived , torrid relationships . ━ she's almost comically superstitious . before she dances she has all sorts of good luck rituals she'll swear to you work . giving people tarot readings is a newer hobby of lola's , and she's definitely no master . her readings range from surprisingly , maybe even touchingly insightful , to so far out of leftfield you'll swear she's fucking with you ( which she might be ) . ━ has deeply conflicting opinions about her mother , and it's the only topic that's ever really sore . on the flipside , she couldn't care less about the fact that she doesn't have a dad , and has laughed away many attempts the media has made to insinuate she might have daddy issues beacuse of it . mommy issues however ... snksndk she tends to fixate on older women figures in her life , not always in healthy ways . ━ dance has become a convoluted obsession more than it has a career for lola . it's to the point that she wouldn't know who she was if she wasn't dancing , and a career-ending injury would crumble her completely . because of this , she's a bit of a control freak when it comes to her body and health . she's also almost always dancing ; even now at the berry , she'll still find time to squeeze it in . if anyone ever wanted to learn how to dance , she's a surprisingly patient teacher . ━ very much marches to the beat of her own drum . because she can come across in so many different ways upon first impressions , lola learned to just do her own thing without much regard to how other people perceive her . she despises being underestimated or being spoken to condescendingly , and she desperately craves validation and success even if she's not upfront about it . ━ she's got a love for gothic literature , tchaikovsky's ballets , vintage leather jackets and anything metallic or sequined . she once hired a lawyer just to take down a subreddit dedicated to her feet because she's adamant her feet are the ugliest thing about her . she's entirely convinced if she encountered a wild animal one day it would sense a kindred spirit and not attack her . she almost got kicked out of the american ballet theater for giving herself the choppiest haircut to ever exist after receiving one slightly negative remark about her turnout . after living in new york city for so long , she's developed a minor phobia of driving and will come up with all sorts of excuses to live her life as a passenger princess .

𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 . 𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒕 .

[sweetfridays]

♡ jessica alexander via instagram ( jessalxander )

[onlyothdaily]

[absvntia-archives]

the hurt that strains in her voice makes his teeth click together like glass , his jaw clenching harsh enough in regret to split teeth . his anger overwhelms him , always has . takes control and unseats him from the driver seat , pushing him into impulsivity . the cocaine lacing his gum doing terrible at distracting his emotions and keeping his anger down to a boiling point , simmering each time her voice raises against him . the flames of the bonfire dancing in tantalizing pirouettes with the heat of passion that every argument between them holds , twisting and rising with each word that she speaks , carter is unable to see her side of things , remaining stubborn . “ how you honestly still think there's something between me and her , is beyond me . she's my friend . she has been my friend since childhood . we will be nothing more than that . ” irritation claws up his throat , tongue running over the same facts . “ what do you want me to do ? i have no control over what they say about me . i will never be someone with a clean slate . ” an exposure of vulnerability . the mask has slipped , revealing pale blue eyes that have been hidden from hers for the last two years are now an entry point to the inner soul . while lola could hide her identity , become someone else , carter doesn’t remember a moment when he had a break from the scrutiny of the tabloids . barely out of the womb and a fodder for the newspapers , who harassed him about his biological father for years , with false cheating rumors tearing him apart . shadowed by his surname , the public had casted him for a role that never fitted him right . even now with the cameraman inspecting them like insects under the microscope — two moths to a flame burning closely , he wonders why he decided to take part of the show . for someone that seems to stand so firm on who they are , carter is lost . his mind split in halves is in rebellion with itself , and as the tides of the sun and moon switches sides , they struggle to coexist .  “ i believed in you more than anyone . ” carter can hear their heartbeats thundering between their bodies , can hardly cut it apart which is hers and which is his . beating in tandem after months of absence , impatiently waiting to hear what she will say next . “ that maybe we haven’t wanted to believe in each other in a long time . ” a press of silence , filled by the crackling bonfire , not granting him any warmth as the truth settles around them . carter could walk away , spit out that its time that they accept that and move on , but he stays rooted . thinking that she might be the first to leave , he clasps his hand around her wrist , feeling her pulse beneath his fingers . “ i never hid my soul from you , ” the alcohol in his veins betrays the confession out of him . his gaze shadowed in something both bitter and tender as he presses his thumb into her pulse once more . “ i need you to know that . ”

[swnlcke]

she'd once seen a dancer's entire costume unravel at the pull of a thread . all it took was the gossamer fabric catching on the edge of a poorly sanded backdrop for it to unwrap in neat succession with a fouetté , until it was nothing more than a pile of ribbon on the stage floor . lola felt a bit like that now — like a part of her heart was snagged onto his sleeve , and now she was spinning and spinning , muscles and sinew unwrapping , baring herself entirely to him . she'd always been the kind of girl who could hide what she was feeling if she wanted to . she didn't wear her emotions , she used them , carefully selecting when and where to reveal them in the way one would plan to debut a new haircut or a pair of heels . but this careful calculation , this crafting of the intrigue in knowing the inner workings of her mind and soul , none of that mattered with carter . he already knew her . she'd never been anyone but herself with him , and in her drunken state lola certainly wasn't in the right mind to start hiding from him now . her guard is dangerously lowered , her inhibitions trailing close behind , and even though his words come out sounding vexed , she can't let the subject go without voicing one more thought . " you're really still just friends ? even now that we're not ... " the sentence dies at the edge of the exhale pushing past her lips , the dryness of her throat making her words sound impossibly silent after all her earlier yelling , like maybe she'd only imagined asking them . it was something lola would have never dared to say sober , and the closest she's ever come to asking him about who he's been with after their breakup . her head's gone fuzzy , dizzy from how her emotions seem to be playing ping-pong . anger to hurt , hurt to shame , shame to hope , to confusion , to frustration , to empathy . it was like being strapped to a rollercoaster without her consent . lola furrows her brows , searching within for answers she knows she doesn't have . not for the first time , her fingers itch to hold a cigarette , or maybe to rake themselves through her hair . denied either pleasure , they hang pathetically at her sides , and she busies herself with fiddling with the hem of her dress , ignoring every impulse that screams at her to touch him when his eyes find hers again , the vulnerability in his gaze rendering her nearly speechless . " i don't know , " she admits , ribs aching in imitation of all the time she used to spend pondering the unfairness of his upbringing , reminded again that even with their differences , they were both still what their mother's made them .

her mind is scrambled , and she isn't sure whether it's because of the unexpected introspection into childhood , or the man that stands before her , offering her something he hasn't in two years. when he takes her wrist in his hand her heartbeat spikes to meet him in a way lola might have been embarrassed of , but any shame is washed away by the alcohol in her bloodstream . blue eyes are unable to look anywhere but at his ; the desperation in his declaration is mesmerizing . it's mindless , the way she brings her other hand to his face , her fingertips ghosting his cheekbones in muscle memory , like she was physically trying to excavate the meaning coloring his expression . " i know you didn't . " fingers trace the contour of his jaw , down the curve of his neck , stopping at their mark against the rigid plane of his chest , just above his heart . " i know , " she repeats . and it feels good to reassure him — better to touch him , still . the thought is not all sweet , resentment battling the softness of her gaze , of her touch . it was cruel , this reminder she still cared despite it all . " i never hid mine from you , either . " her chin is raised in defiance , angled so close to his own all it would take is one breath for their lips to touch . " not once , " lola says , and she thinks she might mean to hurt him , to burden him with the same feelings she's incapable of unshackling herself from . it might be why she steals the last of the space between them , gifting him a kiss so tied up in the history between them , the intention is rendered mute .

[genk1girl]

✧   located   inside   of   the   lax   airport   ,   for   @swnlcke   ✧

❝   lola   ,   please   talk   to   me   .   ❞   desperation   laces   the   brunette's   tone   as   she   quickens   her   pace   to   reach   her   friend's   —   or   possibly   ex   -   friend's   —   side   .   guilt   had   caught   up   to   her   almost   immediately   after   the   kiss   ,   and   continues   to   linger   ;   evident   by   deep   circles   staining   beneath   hazel   orbs   .   despite   whatever   she   felt   for   carter   ,   her   loyalty   still   lied   with   lola   .   they   had   been   in   each   other's   lives   for   too   long   now   ,   too   long   for   their   friendship   to   be   ripped   apart   over   a   boy   .   ❝   if   you   would   just   talk   to   me   ,   i   can   explain   everything   .   ❞ 

[swnlcke]

lola harbored no desire to interact with anyone to the point where she'd nearly bitten a production assistant's head off just for telling her their gate's direction . her appearance reflected her mood ; her sunglasses shielded half her face , and the earphones nestled into her pierced ears worked hard to , despite the lack of music playing , block out the airport noise . not even the cameramen had bothered to disturb her after the earlier incident , but all fantasies of surviving the rest of their dreadfully long travel day without some sort of outburst are shattered when anisa's voice pierces through her silent bubble , carrying all the pleasantness of nails on a chalkboard . even while considering ramming her suitcase into the other girl's ankles , lola keeps walking , the subtle clench of her jaw the only sign she'd even heard anisa until she decides to say something . " oh , are you entitled to my time now , too ? my ex-boyfriend isn't enough ? " every word accelerates her steps , as if anger itself is what fuels her movements . it's only when the blonde feels as if she has enough of a lead on her once friend does she stop , turning to face her . " i don't want an explanation . honestly , i really couldn't fucking care less . " a lie . of course she wanted an explanation , anything that could justify the hurt that's been ripping her chest wide open the moment the other admitted to kissing carter on the beach , but she doubted it existed . sympathy floods her brain as she notes the dark circle's under anisa's eyes . lola had never seen her looking anything less than perfect , especially with the cameras rolling . but the feeling doesn't coexist well with the betrayal that lurches the longer the dancer looks at the girl she almost considered a sister , and whatever attachment she still caries is drowned out by uglier feelings , ones that give her satisfaction she's not the only one hurting and the urge to bruise the other further . " what i really want is nothing to do with you . "

[disheveling-deactivated20241006]

it was only human nature to pick, and prod, and pick again — something similar to an appendix ; your body could reject it, expel every bit of that urge to get to the bottom of something or someone ... or you could live with it forever and coexist. dallas was positively the latter, both in terms of his fully-in-tact actual appendix, and that grating need to simply know. though, at this moment, he was neither picking nor prodding, despite the metaphorical steam slowly flowing out of lola's ear canals. it was killing him. he, instead, resorted to a physical manifestation of his antsiness, fiddling with a singular puff of popcorn between his fingers - one plucked straight from what was supposed to be a shared bucket ( his gesture of friendship. acts of service is his love language, what can he say ? ) - only to discard it back amongst the masses of other kernels and do it all over again. fuck, this was the worst. the silence was measured against a grating cacophony of some art house black and white horror film dialogue — was he incorrect in assuming that would be her taste ? he could only assume so much of his roommate, after all, and this overall vibe was only gathered after a light scroll of her instagram page and the general tone of her personally-decorated aspects of their suite. " do you — " he cleared his throat, attempting lifeless small talk. it was something ... enough to break the itching silence. " do you think that they used chocolate sauce in place of blood in these black and white movies ? "

@swnlcke .

[swnlcke]

she's staring at the television like her eyes could bore holes into the screen , the intensity of her gaze pointed purposely away from her roommate , lest he get any ideas her agreeing to watch a movie was anything more than her attempt to convince him she's not about to fling herself off their shared balcony . her arms are crossed tightly over her chest , her spine as rigid as it used to be during ballet classes . every ounce of her exudes don't fucking talk to me , yet lola can feel dallas' restless energy , like every second of silence that passes between them chips away at his self control . lola stays focused on the movie , but nothing about the horror film is particularly moving in her agitated state . she's too consumed by her own thoughts , too preoccupied by the chaotic state of her own life to really pay attention . instead , her mind zooms in on every fidget of his limbs , the sound of shuffling popcorn kernels amplifying to a nearly unbearable degree . she'd shoot him the same glare she's still giving the television if it didn't feel like a loss of some sort . no , if he was that desperate for her attention , then she would let him be the one to crack . like clockwork , his voice shatters the silence , sounding a million times louder than usual . lola turns her head , ever so slowly , blinking at him like she would literally rather be anywhere else . " who knows . " two words — that's as much as she's willing to toss out , about to whip her head back towards the screen before she lets out a frustrated puff of air as she realizes he'd surely attempt to follow up with another pointless question in the next few minutes if she didn't say anything else . " are you going to eat your popcorn or keep playing with it ? "

[swnlcke]

closed : with @disheveling at the cocktail lounge .

it had been a shitty few weeks . the eventual reprieve lola thought she'd feel after adjusting to being on a reality tv show was elusive as ever , and she was starting to think maybe it would never come . perhaps this was her new normal — engaged in emotional combat with all her closest relationships , permanent dark circles under her eyes , and a spell of insomnia that has her sitting alone on a saturday night at one of the berry's many bars watching some no-name lounge singer perform jazzy renditions of pop songs . her perch is feline , the curves of her body tucked into the stool closest to the exit , the cigarette she smokes like an extension of her lithe limbs . truly , lola's bored enough to start conversation with a stranger ; when she feels someone slide into the empty spot next to her she turns , ready to do just that before recognition washes over her like a bucket of icy water . a laugh escapes past her lips with the exhale of smoke . " careful , " she says , blue eyes fixed to the bartender , voice low like she's about to let them in on the most interesting secret . her gaze switches in an instant to elinor , eyes sparking as she delivers her warning . " this one bites . "

[absvntia-archives]

there's an arrow buried inside of his heart , stuck and broken in the most important part of his body , and it pains him every time he tries to pull it out . a piece of him belongs to her . she is the only person in the world that has seen the other side of his soul , and with their separation , carter desperately tries to burry every part she could retrace with her fingertips even if it pushes her further away . hiding is more your thing isn’t it ? “ give yourself some credit , ” in  a flash  the twist of her secret lingers ,  just  at the edge of his jaw , begging to come out , but he holds it down , by biting hard enough on his bottom lip to taste copper smearing his tongue red , but he finds he cannot temper his volatile nature , especially not at her next set of words ; it burns alongside the fire . “ thats what this is about ? ” he questions and accuses alike , “ would you like me to extend you an invite the next time ? so you can finally get your facts straight . ” she steps closer and he presses on . they have come so close a thousand times , and in the past his hand would find her waist and pull her in , but tonight , just as her hands curl into fist by her side , his fingers clench tight around the red cup with a restraint of holding back ; to not touch her . eyes loathe to leave her face , and with the closeness they share , he can see the storm brewing in her irises , drowning in their shared past . the crash of his comedown is close and when he speaks again , inches away from her mouth , his voice comes out hoarse with it , “ you never wanted to believe me . ”

[swnlcke]

it had all the makings of a movie scene , or even the climactic act of a ballet , and they knew their parts well . there was passion in every word , every breath , the flame that once burned between them never quite extinguished . it might have dimmed throughout their tumultuous separation , but time and distance hadn't been enough to snuff that fire out completely . it was inside of her , blazing alongside the heart pumping blood through her veins , and in front of him again she can feel its swell , threatening to burn her from the inside out if she wasn't careful . even now , he knows her better than anyone . the words that could hurt her the most hover in the peripheral of his comeback , and lola feels their threat like he plunged a knife into her chest . " don't , " she says , the word jagged and desperate , but it's not anger coloring her voice or swimming beneath the depths of her eyes . hurt takes precedence ; she'd never thought him capable of throwing the things he knows about her back in her face , and even if he hadn't revealed anything , the thought of it sends her mind spinning more than the tequila already had . shame bubbles up like bile in the back of her throat , the insecurities that led her to approach him anything but soothed at his mocking invitation . " — what do you want me to think ? " she challenges , voice raising with every word . " if you saw me going to the bathroom with the person every fucking tabloid has been swearing i was hooking up with for years now , what would you think ? you'd think the same thing , i know you would . " he's close enough she can count every rise and fall of his chest . she can feel his warm exhales of breath , the way they mix with her own , memories of crashing her lips against his stunning her into weighted silence . goosebumps rise in the wake of his quiet admittance , followed by a wave of nausea that has lola wondering if the phrase lovesick was created solely to explain this moment and this terrible feeling at the pit of her stomach . " i believed in you more than anyone . " and then , the words lola won't say : i still do . carter was the only one who knew every inch of her , every secret , things even her mother couldn't claim to know . there was a time not so long ago she couldn't imagine her future without him in it — she still couldn't . and yet she can't deny there's truth in his statement , that there's a part of her that doesn't want to believe in him . it was easier to carry her anger , easier to place blame and find fault than admit the scarier thing ; that maybe no matter what their shared history is or what the depths of their feelings are , it still isn't enough . " i think , " she begins , words soft in their hesitation . she feels naked , and not from the sheerness of her dress , but from the honesty shaking her syllables . " you haven't wanted to believe in me either . that maybe we haven't wanted to believe in each other in a long time . "

[canttells]

as   evening   draws   closer,   noa's   head   is   spinning   while   she   walks   across   the   beach,   one   heel   in   hand   (   had   zero   idea   where   she   had   lost   the   other   shoe   )   as   fem   attempts   to   walk   the   line   where   water   meets   sand.   she   was   drunk,   that   much   was   clear   but   she   was   also   high   which   was   incredibly   strange   because   cocaine   is   supposed   to   lessen   the   effects   that   alcohol   has   on   the   body,   if   it   doesn't   seriously   injure   first.   but   either   way,   her   good   day   was   evident   and   she's   thrilled   that   the   cameras   got   to   pick   up   her   and   carter's   festivities,   knowing   it   would   piss   off   her   mother,   even   if   the   actual   act   is   blurred   on   television   for   censorship   reasons.   her   mom   knows   what's   happening,   she's   not   stupid.   didn't   take   long   for   fem   to   spot   the   blonde   in   the   distance,   sitting   alone   on   the   sand   after   glazed   eyes   focussed   in   on   the   silhouette.   although   they   were   trapped   on   the   same   reality   television   show,   noa   hadn't   spoken   to   lola   at   all   ––––  wasn't   purposely   avoiding   her,   she   just   had   other   people   to   dedicate   her   time   to.   but   she   turns,   feet   directing   her   towards   the   other   girl   because   only   an   intoxicated   noa   would   admit   that   she   missed   lola's   presence   in   her   life.   '   you   used   to   be   fun.   '   is   the   first   thing   to   leave   noa's   lips   as   she   stands   over   the   girl,   timbre   slightly   slurred   but   she   giggles   it   off.   '   did   you   also   decide   to   hate   partying   when   you   made   the   decision   to   hate   me   for   no   reason?   '   @swnlcke

[swnlcke]

she's contemplating drowning herself . it seemed a better alternative than the party still blearing on in the distance , the maddening sound to her ophelia state of mind . it's how lola knows she's drunk , only allowing herself to indulge in something as useless as melodrama when she's past the point of thinking logically . the night's events seemed to have taken a physical toll on her body , her muscles aching , the emotional comedown leaving her as sore as her performances did . she's content to watch the waves , as if every ebb and flow of the water could lull her into a hypnotic state , erasing everything from her mind except the ocean itself . she thinks maybe it could have worked , had the sound of uneven shuffling not interrupted her shakespearean meditation . lola glances up , blue eyes taking in the figure she had memorized , the one no longer familiar from wild nights in new york city but from the pages of trashy tabloids and gossip website headers . even intoxicated , noa was beautiful — far from the gaudy carnivalesque lights and backlit by the moon hanging low in the sky , not even the lone heel the other dangles comically from her fingertips can stop lola from imagining what noa must have looked like with her face bent close to carter's , or the way they might have brushed up against each other in such a tight space . she rummages through her purse for a cigarette , holding her hand a little too close to the flame as she lights it , hoping the momentary pinprick of pain could jolt her thoughts from wandering down darker paths . " i'm still fun , " lola finally says , words followed by the exhale of grey smoke . " you just don't know me anymore . " she's surprised by the tug of sentimentality in her chest at the admittance , the ghost of the fondness she once carried for noa still lingering . she won't ask the other girl to sit down , not even as she pulls her gaze back towards the endless black in front of her . another beat passes before the blonde speaks again , a few more drags of her cigarette . she watches the smoke disappear the way she'd wished she could more times than she could count tonight . " i don't hate partying , just this fucking party . " heeled toes kick at the sand in front of her , a pathetic demonstration of her anger . full lips take another pull as lola looks over at noa again , head cocking like she's considering her words . she blows the smoke out from her nose this time , the fleeting headrush helping to clear her mind . " and i don't hate you for no reason . a bullshit reason maybe , but still , a reason . "

[absvntia-archives]

thumb brushing against his nose ; perhaps carter could be more discreet with his little bad habit , but being inconspicuous has never been in his vocabulary , and one could point fingers at his upbringing for that . his itch for powdery substance , was an addiction that ranked below his other vices ( with cigarette his king , and alcohol his consort . ) — and after skiing from the slopes , he had gone right for the vodka , forgoing the fruit juice and adornments at anisa's booth . each swallow an addition to the numbness in his mouth . at some point , carter loses both anisa and noa to the crowd and wanders off to the bonfire , his gaze on the blaze that cast shadows off of his sharp features , holding his attention , until lola comes up to him . the question seems innocent , but he knows her well - enough that there is something hidden there . turning and locking eyes , pupils are appraising her before responding , shifting over familiar features to those accusatory eyes that give plenty away . two years apart didn’t make them strangers , despite his own insistence that people change . spoken more for himself then for her , that selfish side of him that always holds onto a mask . “ are you ? ” he slides the question back to her , and they could play this game all day , this back and forth with no questions answered , just like last time . taking a swig from his red cup , for a second , it seems that's the direction they are heading , but standing close together in the pouring warmth as the tension between them crackles alongside the fire , carter’s patience decides to run thin , “ there seems to be something on your mind , don’t hide from it now . ”

[swnlcke]

seconds stretch into eternities , the moments just before he turns around reminding her of the way she used to hold hourglasses hostage as a child , how she'd suspend them midair to stop the sand from moving , believing with all her heart she possessed the power to make time stand still . lola realizes now it was never her power at all — it belonged to carter . his gaze , as forceful as it was seven years ago , rooting her into place , undressing her the way his hands would later come to do . his gaze , stopping time , blocking out the rest of the world in a way that made her wonder if maybe she was going to spend the rest of her life trying to outlive the effect her had on her . in her intoxicated state lola cares little for what he uncovers as he looks at her . the anger roars to life inside of her like the bonfire ; the betrayal building like the waves crashing in the distance . there was no masking it . not from him . she finds herself sucking in a breath at the way he parrots her own question , irritation sparking like a log . " carter the unknowable , " she mocks with a curl of her lip , tongue loosened by tequila and cruelty alike . the firelight casts his features in dancing shadows , but she'd seen him high enough times to know it wasn't the darkness that blew his pupils wider . " hiding's more your thing , isn't it ? " the question is sour as it claws its way out of her throat , and lola longs to wash it away with something strong , envious of the cup carter cradles . her fingers itch with a wild energy , longing for a cigarette to calm her racing thoughts so much so they curl to fists at her side . " — were you really so desperate for a line and a fuck that a shitty beach bathroom was good enough ? " somewhere during her accusation lola had stepped closer to him . it felt like the flames printed on the mesh of her dress had sprung to life , and she was unsure if it was the heat from her proximity to carter himself or the bonfire that continued to blaze next to them that was burning its way up her body . " i saw you with her . "

[devilsends-deactivated20250301]

she  had  sought  out  the  nearest  nail  salon  to  make  sure  that  the  acrylics  looked  as  good  as  new  ,  because  this  is  the  ultimate  bash  and  she  was  not  going  to  be  left  in  the  pink  dust  ,  that  was  for  sure  .  brightening  smile  returned  ,  flicking  those  nails  through  the  air  .  these  parties  were  a  bit  more  outlandish  than  what  mel  themself  had  attended  in  the  past  as  well  ;  more  used  to  family  gatherings  ,  and  when  these  things  happened  ,  it  was  at  some  massive  contained  house  ,  not  a  boardwalk  .  spotting  lola  had  totally  made  her  night  ,  and  guess  what  :  she  was  going  to  be  genuine  about  it  .  “  hell  yeah  .  who  else  would  i  be  thinking  of  ?  ”  snapping  in  of  the  camera  zoom  there  !  “  there's  …  okay  ,  there's  a  little  ,  but  it  is  so  not  as  loaded  as  the  ones  in  nisa's  stall  .  ”  that  is  just  her  opinion  .  lola  bending  her  head  low  ,  and  mel  beaming  at  the  camera  lens  ,  there's  a  snapshot  waiting  to  happen  .  ugh  ,  she  swears  she  is  not  doing  this  on  purpose  .  besides  ,  the  giddiness  is  real  .  “  i  was  like  ,  i  really  feel  lost  right  now  ?  and  then  i  saw  you  in  the  crowd  ,  and  now  i'm  not  .  please  tell  me  you're  having  a  good  time  .  even  though  it's  about  four  -  thousand  decibels  loud  of  here  .  is  it  this  loud  when  you're  onstage  ?  ”  it  is  sometimes  this  loud  when  she's  on  the  stand  ,  depending  on  who's  attended  the  trial  .

[swnlcke]

there's a surprised arch of her eyebrows , however the authenticity of melody's statement isn't questioned . " well , it's your birthday . shouldn't you just be thinking about you ? " it came as naturally as breathing to lola , putting herself first . dance hadn't exactly nurtured a selfless nature within her , always having to compete with the ones closest to her ; stardom had only reinforced the idea of looking out for herself above all else . but there was a nervous energy radiating off the lawyer that was unfamiliar , as if melody's enjoyment of their own party depended on what lola was feeling . " i don't mind the alcohol . " she feels the need to clarify , the urge to comfort unfamiliar , yet lola tries her best . " but thanks for the tip about anisa's booth , " she laughs , bringing the straw between painted lips for another sip , as if proving her words rang true . it almost felt wrong , like she was witnessing something private at the other's distress . she imagines melody in a courtroom , someone else's fate handing in the delicate balance between her perfectly manicured hands . somehow lola got the impression it was a setting infinitely more comfortable than this one was . " honored to be your anchor . and sure , i'm having a good time . better than five minutes ago , anyway , " she admits , mouth curving upwards into an almost smile . blue eyes flash with interest at melody's question , the mention of being on stage bringing forth a longing she couldn't hide even if she wanted to . " — honestly ? most of the time i have no idea . the world sort of falls out of existence on stage . after a performance , though , it's definitely this loud if i did something right . "

[lucidityz]

❛   oh   my   god   .   ❜   you'd   think   he   was   dying   of   thirst   with   how   fast   he   grabbed   the   cup   from   her   .   however   ,   it   was   really   just   him   being   glad   to   have   replaced   the   beer   with   something   he   actually   liked   to   drink   .   jiseok   lets   her   take   the   bottle   out   of   his   hand   ,   an   amused   smile   on   his   face   as   she   hands   it   to   a   passing   stranger   .   ❛   lola   .   you're   my   hero   .   seriously   .   ❜   he's   already   half   way   through   downing   the   contents   of   the   cup   when   what   she   says   clicks   in   his   brain   —   slowly   pulling   it   away   from   his   mouth   .   ❛   you   probably   should've   led   with   that   but   ...   fuck   it   .   ❜   it   takes   all   of   a   few   seconds   for   him   to   finish   it   off   ,   grinning   as   he   throws   his   arm   over   her   shoulder   .   ❛   perfect   best   friend   of   mine   ,   lead   me   to   another   one   of   those   please   .   ❜

[swnlcke]

she watches him , eyebrows raised , blue eyes glittering in amusement as he all but snatches the cup from her hand . " your hero , your saving grace , you now worship the ground i stand on , " lola prompts with a grin before tossing her own shot back , accustomed to the taste well enough it no longer burned . " oops , sorry , " she says , much too late , and without much sincerity , a giggle trailing her words . her mood was always brighter in jiseok's presence , and he did more to lift her spirits towards the ridiculous nature of the beach party than any amount of alcohol could . the invasive nature of the production crew and camera lenses that had her feeling like some sort of zoo animal faded in importance at her best friend's side , and she led them back towards the booth serving drinks without hesitation , her own arm around his waist . it was only when they reached the line that lola peered back in the direction they had come , looking up at jiseok with her brows knotted in confusion . " wait — were you not waiting for food back there ? "

[corsetboning]

[carnets-intimes]

“She was composed of many elements, of charm and meltingness; and of firmness, even hardness. There was a contradiction in her nature that was both maddening and attractive.”

— Christa Wolf, tr. by Jan van Heurck, from “Cassandra: A Novel & Four Essays,” (via 89words)

[swnlcke]

closed : with @absvntia somewhere on the beach .

it only takes a second — a brief moment of being in the right place at the right time , like the universe itself conspired a scene just for her eyes — to ruin lola's night . she wanted to forget it , had chased down nearly a quarter of a don julio bottle in her pursuit , but at the sight of carter callahan the image surfaces in painstaking detail as if he'd written it on pen and paper himself for her to read . carter and noa entering the same bathroom . her mind had filled the gaps in herself , drawing inspiration from her own experiences with him in bathrooms , coat closets , elevators , and empty subway cars alike , the time in their lives when they had been too in love to keep their hands off each other feeling more distant than it ever had . she hates this feeling , hates the way that even now she can't help but speculate , years of tabloid rumors and articles about the pair fueling every insecurity lola still harbors . maybe it was the liquor coursing through her veins , but she finds herself studying him the way a detective might a crime scene , every mussed lock of hair or wrinkle in his shirt evidence she collects , protected only by her position out of his line of sight . she could still walk away , try and salvage her night in the company of friendlier faces , or at least with a cigarette somewhere quiet if she didn't want to be around the celebration anymore . she could even leave ; it wasn't as if the production crew had chained her to one of the rocks the ocean waves crashed against in the distance . she could do all that , but she knows she won't , knows that she'll call out to him even before she does , just like she knows he'll turn around and face her , that he won't walk away either , even before he does . " enjoying yourself ? "

[921px-deactivated20241113]

open starter ft. ( @everyone )

jiro stood at the edge of the beach , his hands buried in the pockets of his shorts as he stared out at the waves . the sound of laughter and music filled the air , but his focus was on the camera crew setting up nearby . with a slight frown , he muttered under his breath , " do they always have to be this close ? " then , catching himself , he forced a small smile and turned to the nearest person , trying to play it cool . " so ... how long before we forget they 're even here ? "

[swnlcke]

the ocean always reminded lola of her hometown . if she closed her eyes she could almost picture it , the smell of salt bringing her back to the rare summer night as a teenager in connecticut when she'd sneak out onto the beach to drink cheap vodka with boys from a town over , or the few milford fourth of july parties her mother used to take her to as a girl before deciding they were above camaraderie with the small town locals . like all memories from childhood they leave a bittersweet aftertaste ; she finds herself envying the waves and their ability to wash things away . jiro's voice is a welcome interruption , and she turns her gaze away from the water towards the camera crew in question , blue eyes cool in their assessment . " if we get drunk enough , probably not long at all , " lola says , looking back at him with the slight arch of her brows , lips curving into an impish grin . " or we could always find a boat and escape this show once and for all . what do you say , want to run away with me ? "

[emin3nce]

location : the bonfire pit currently : open to everyone !

“i’m telling you, is a bonfire really a bonfire without s’mores? highly doubt it,” lucille muses to the camera as she’s huddled up by the fire pit, finishing her second s’more of the night with one hand and roasting marshmallows with the other. she wasn't sure the production crew would appreciate someone sneaking in their own food despite all the booths they've set up, but who can resist a little something homemade? she excitedly offers the s’more she just made to the nearest person passing by, extending an arm out as far as she can from where she's sitting. “you wanna try one? trust me, these don't disappoint.”

[swnlcke]

the sun had long dipped below the horizon , taking its pink hues and warm rays with it . all around lola the celebration roared on , the medley of music and voices no longer sounding discordant but inviting instead , like the familiar notes of a favorite song . as much as she longed to get lost in the crowd and dance until she couldn't feel her feet there was no denying the heaviness of her head , or the ache in her stomach for something heartier than a lime at the tail end of another tequila shot . she'd only planned to rest for a minute by the bonfire , not at all expecting to see lucille or the s'more she was dangling so invitingly lola couldn't help but bite it straight from the other girl's hands . the intimacy of the gesture is lost on lola , and she wipes the corner of her mouth before plopping down next to luci , her chin resting on the other's shoulder . " that was good . can you feed me one thousand more , please ? " she asks , voice warm and honeyed by alcohol and their familiarity with each other alike .