Again the sun greeted me, its rays of light creeping through my window, gently rousing me from my slumber. My alarm had gone off for the fifth time, but this gentle wave of light seemed to have known the key to ending my deep sleep. I scratch my head, wince, and rub my eyes. Was today the day? I often pondered, but the better question was, the day for what?
I took a bath and dried up, looking at myself at the mirror the entire time, sizing myself up. Oh how the years have done wonders for you, red beady eyes, graying hair, and scars. Quite a few. But not enough to put off employers. I breathed in deeply and took in the pain killers, morphine usually took the edge off but would leave me in a corner just blissfully looking at my hands. I took a handful of aspirin and swallowed heartily. Breakfast. I took what clothes I had from the hamper and carefully put them on, from each single button, to the socks on my feet. I felt my mind zoning out now, I hastened to put on my shoes, I grabbed my bag and headed out the apartment.
The city was buzzing with life, cars and people were all around just walking, a few cyclists here and there, and the occasional hobo with placards or sign boards saying, ‘Will work for food’ or ‘Satans reign is absolute’. I heeded them no word though, I was only two more blocks away from the meeting place. My palms began to get sweaty, a curious notion, was I anxious? Scared? Excited? Mayhaps all of these and more, its been quite a while since I’ve felt this kind of rush.
The park was open and at this hour there were many joggers of the sort, and by the bench, I knew she hadn’t missed her appointment. Not once in 27 years had she ever forgotten. I could see her feeding bread crumbs to the ducklings. I smiled, not because of her fond affection for the ducks, but because of how much I had missed her.
She hears my foots steps from behind. She gently cocks her head towards me. “Miss me stranger?”
“There’s not a day in this life I don’t”
She scoots over a bit and offers to let me sit.
The scenery becomes calm and placid. I could see the ripples in the water as she was continually dropping the bread crumbs.
“Did you ever feed them?”
I shake my head. “They’re not my pets.”
She laughs, “no, they aren’t. Now are they?” that smile of hers.
I open my bag to reveal a small loaf of bread. “didn’t mean I wasn’t going to.”
She guffaws and fakes an expression of surprise. “Not once in 26 years.”
I gently break off a piece and throw it into the pond. I observe as I see a two ducklings quickly swim toward it and gobble up the morsel with much gusto.
“Remember how this all started?” She said, breaking my new found concentration for ducks and their attraction to bread.
“With the scent of roses on a warm summers day, just like this?” I take a piece of bread and point it to her mouth. “Don’t tell me you’re not hungry after seeing all these ducks eat.”
She just nodded, “Not as much as you would think.” She stared up into the skies now. “We can leave in a bit, is that old Italian restaurant still open?”
I shake my head. “No, I don’t think so, they’ve been closed for a long time.”
She didn’t say anything this time, but she just closed her eyes and clasped my hand, it felt different… but I returned the clasp, not enough to crush her hand, just enough to show her I was not indifferent. This took me back years now, but most of these memories were either clouded or faded to black, like a sepia picture being burnt in a pile of lost hopes and dreams. I closed my eyes too and just breathed in the air, I took in the smell of the water, the ducks, and most importantly—
“Doesn’t seem so long ago now does it?”
And she slowly opens her eyes this seems to stir up something inside her. “That’s the first time I’ve seen you smile in the longest time stranger.” She laughs and stands up. “Come, if that italian restaurant is closed then we shall find another!”
Her enthusiasm was not without merit. We left the park and tried to find a place to eat for the next thirty minutes, we had even gone as far as crossing five blocks into Jade st. where they sold all kinds of all cuisines of the more… oriental sort. A quick breeze of the wind sweeps us by and she sneezes in response.
I take a scarf out of the bag, “here, you need this more than I do.”
She curtsies, and with the grace of a would be twenty year old, she puts on the scarf. “Wouldn’t it be uncanny to find out I’m secretly an assassin?” She puts the scarf over her face and assumes to stab me several times in the chest with her imaginary dagger.
“That would be quite odd.” But I humor her, I parry with what sorry excuse for hand to hand combat skills I had.
“You wouldn’t last one day in the ninja academy.” She shakes her head and readjusts the scarf.
We eventually did find a place to eat, it was at this plain looking red brick building that had a faded sign at the front. But by the power of vision, we could make out the pictures of burgers on their window so we settled for those instead. We sat down facing each other in a rather small table for two, and this big sloppy man wearing a sleeveless shirt comes up to us and hands us a menu. We peer through with much intrigue as to what this nameless burger joint had to offer. We ordered two regulars and decided on just water.
The waiter shrugs and goes back into the kitchen and not short of twenty minutes we began our feast of the tasty, tasty murder. Observing her now, she took twenty bites before swallowing her food, it was no wonder she kept up this figure at our age. “Never really tried wolfing down your food have you?”
“I’d choke, do you see how small this wind pipe is?”
As a show of protest I finish off my burger in two big bites. But then the aspirin begins to wear off and the headache throws me off. I took at least nine. I thought to myself. But merely staggered in my seat.
“Are you alright?” She peers, looking me in the eye. “I’d tell you not to wolf down your food too, but it would seem a tad too late.”
After a few cups of water, we settle the bill and head out.
“Should we check back on the ducks?” She asks.
I look into the already orange sky, “Will they still be there?”
“Would it hurt to check?”
I shake my head, “No, I suppose it wouldn’t.”
Feeling like an old couple with rekindled adolescent love, we clasped each other’s hand and carefully walked down the road back to the park. We were quite a few blocks away from the ducks when I noticed the street lamps going on.
“Now it’s officially past curfew.” I gaze at her sarcastically.
“You still remember that?” She raises her eyebrows.
I just point to my head, not saying anything. But sometimes I wish my memory wasn’t this sharp at all… We talked the whole way back to the park, how we were doing, our jobs, but mostly it was nostalgia. When we got back there were still quite a few people exercising or using their bikes. There was even a young couple setting up a telescope to view the stars. We head back to the same bench, where we had met for the first time.
“They’re not here anymore.” I sigh, “We always check back and they’re never here anymore. I even brought bread this time,”
“Sometimes its not about what you bring.” She casually says. “You have to understand that there are things in this world bigger than all of us.”
“And they’d be cruel enough to take ducks away from us?”
“Yes, because that’s how the world works…” She said with a pained expression.
“Ah, but to remember that morning with a bouquet in my hand and an open hand…” I reminisced
“And how you would always check if I was here by this bench feeding the ducks?”
“And no matter how much bread you brought so I could feed them too, I never really did.” I sighed, seeing how folly I used to be.
“Because I really only cared for you,” And then reality creeps up on me like a horribly timed laughter cue.
“And right then when you said those words… you stole your first kiss.” She blushed at the memory.
“And I would never forget…” I clenched my hand.
“Yes you would never forget. But don’t focus on the bad.” She turns my head to face her. “Focus on what was good, and no amount of cruelty can take that away from you.”
She kisses me on the forehead and stands up. “It time for me to go stranger. And I think you can handle things from here on out now.”
I almost half interjected with an argument. But that would have ruined the whole point, which I had just understood.
And so on the following hours, I just sat there on that bench. Waiting for morning… waiting to feed the ducks bread crumbs…
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