sofi

she/her // 22s // intp ( español/English) I write when I'm sad //Gemini sun, Scorpio moon and Sagittarius rising // on the asexual spectrum

[sxfiahp]

will there be a time when I won't have to scream in silence? I can't keep going like this

[sxfiahp]

am I awful for thinking that I want my abuser dead? even knowing people I love would miss him? they don't know what he did to me, no one does.

[sxfiahp]

why do I feel like people find me odd??? like at the end of the day I found myself feeling embarrassed of my actions, I recall everything I do in my day and find myself feeling strange I don't know how to explain in it with words, why do I feel so awkward all the time??

[sxfiahp]

I had a friend that died in 2017, I was 15 and he was two weeks away from turning 17, we were all so young, I can't believe how we got through that pain, it still hurts. Sometimes I think about and I can't believe it actually happened, how could?

[sxfiahp]

I don't want to live up to anybody's expectations. That's something I always had clear in my head, but now I realize that I can't expect things from someone and then get upset when they don't reach them because that's something I expected and not their fault. it is hard

[sxfiahp]

I'm afraid to feel things. I can't let myself feel because I'm? afraid I won't be able to stop myself. I can't let myself process I just put stuff apart in my brain and lock it all up, I don't know how long I can keep doing this I know its wrong. it's obvious it's wrong I just don't care lol. I hope someday I can be free of it

[sxfiahp]

will I ever see your face again?

[sxfiahp]

I haven't seen him or talked to him in two years and I was doing alright but now I see him for like two days and my feelings are back? wtf is wrong with me??

[sxfiahp]

i don't think I ever felt as invincible as I felt when my grandma forgot who i was. For a second it felt like I didn't exist at all.

Fuck Alzheimer.

[laurenmariemaybe]

is there a sunrise on the reaping epub anywhere yet?

[sxfiahp]

I'm sad again

[sxfiahp]

I'm having breakfast at McDonald's and there's and here I'm a thinking am I really ace? at the same time there's a homeless man in the sit beside me and he is listening to a radio with no earphones whatsoever and just as I'm? having an existential crisis the radio host starts giving awareness about asexuality and aromantic people???? like God is this a sing???

[sxfiahp]

well today someone said to me I don't know what's wrong with you, well I wish I knew too

[sxfiahp]

I'm so tired

I feel like getting worse

I'm trying to see the bright side

but it's really hard

I'm just giving up

[sxfiahp]

I can't find motivation, I can't find joy anymore, I can't cry anymore either, I don't know what to do

[sxfiahp]

it's like I'm sad a little more every day and I can't stop it

[sxfiahp]

I feel so sad all the time

I feel like i watch time go by

and I'm just sitting there watching

I can't move forward

I'm stuck