But the SHE is very intentional with the beats and pauses.
Carmy even decides earlier, once Richie walks into the middle of their argument, that he's going to face Richie and tell him the truth about being at the funeral, in front of Sydney.
But for some reason, even as Carmy says Sydney is THE Bear, and earlier when he mentioned that they're friends, and even through the seasons- that they were partners at one time, and that he was her boss
He’s still compartmentalizing, with Sydney actually being family. Richie, Nat, and Jimmy acknowledge Sydney as family, but Carmy calls her "The Bear." He is the bear, and what they have is a different sort of family.
He can't grasp "SHE," and Richie is intentionally asking, "WHO IS SHE?"
He can't quite put his finger on who she is to him.
Also, for the first time, it's acknowledged that she's really becoming part of him—he's listening, he hears her, and takes the leap to deal with his grief.
So when Richie stops him in the middle of his confession, Carmy can't quite answer that because his mind is going to "Who is she to me?" So Sydney relieves him of answering, and Richie accepts it with a sarcastic, "Oh okay, continue."
But he still takes a minute to repeat it.
Yeah, he's going to need to admit exactly who she is and what she means to him.
WHY SYDNEY IS THE BEAR, AND CARMY IS RUNNING AWAY FROM HER/HIMSELF
WHAT THE BEAR ACTUALLY IS
This show already provided us with a direct definition of what the bear really is, and they gave it to us in Fishes, nonetheless.
Kind
Sensitive
Devoted
Altruistic
Emphatetic
Adept at grieving
These are our keys to understanding this. The Bear is a person with all these attributes.
I have been coming back and forth on my perspective on Carmy leaving the Bear for the past week, because the declaration of Sydney being the Bear defyes everything I related to that symbol before, but, upon futter thinking, I don't think I was too far off.
For the past three seasons, I have related "the bear" to a trauma response, linking it to the bear being the person or identity used by members of the Berzatto family as a coping mechanism. In this context, Michael's bear, Natalie's bear, and Carmy's bear were different because the three siblings adopted different coping mechanisms in response to the stressful environments in which they grew up. That's why the show begins with him "releasing" the bear, as a way to release his trauma. The show would serve as a metaphorical exercise to release trauma, hence why it's so chaotic and intense in its display of emotions. Here was my mistake: I thought the bear was a beast to be tamed, or, for a better term, healed. That the bear will disappear or become more docile as Carmy's healing journey progresses, liberating he wounded child underneath.
However, the bear cannot be merely reduced to a trauma response; even if trauma is heaving involved.
The bear it is an identity, one that has been formed despite the trauma. It's a calling, a declaration of the true intent and nature of a soul. Carmy's and Sydney's souls.
long post underneath
WHO SYDNEY REALLY IS
Right before the declaration that Sydney is the Bear, we heard Carmen give her all these attributes. Sydney does good things out of altruism; she is devoted to her people, kind and caring, and not running away from her true nature. She is also grieving, even if that was only explained by the plot throughout the season.
And my conflict with Carmen leaving the bear, as in Sydney, and the restaurant, comes from something he says right after:
gifs by @livelovecaliforniadreams
That seems quite a statement, "any chance of survival" from a person who has indulged in self-harm, and in a show that had a suicide as its inciting incident.
Because S3 was about "subtracting" in the words of Chef David in Tomorrow, in his depression and despair on not being able to cope with the abuse he endured, and feeling distant from the meaningful relationships in his life, Carmy was actively subtracting elements of his persona, that is the reason his creativity suffered and his skills got stuck.
And that's a problem, because at the end of 4x10 in the statement "you are everything I'm never gonna be" and declaring Syd the Bear, as the embodiment of all these attributes listed by Michaelle in Fishes, carmy is not only claiming her as the more worthy user of the bear tittle, he is declaring that he doesn't feel like the Bear anymore. He may not be aware of this consciously, but that is what the subtext is telling us.
WHO CARMY REALLY IS.
gifs by @flashphotograp
Carmy is altruistic. His conversations with Michael on why he loves restaurants so much are a constant reminder of it, as well as the rest of his characterization throughout the show. He is incredibly generous despite being competitive. He is caring despite being guarded and influenced by toxic family dynamics. Even when he was in the abusive environment of Chef David, he managed to treat the people working under him fairly. he said he stayed under that psychologically torturous place because "people loved the food". He is devoted, empathetic, and also grieving. This fantastic post is a good summary of the way Carmy has helped people.
The way he loses himself in s3 is an indicator of how far he has come from his true self. A true self, the altruistic bear, that managed to exist despite the trauma he endured. Even after s4 and intentions of apologies and redemption, he still feels disconnected from his true self.
And all of this made me even more determined to believe in Sydcarmy, not only because both of them deserve a connection like this, but also because the show is telling us that Sydney, as the bear, is the reflection and reinforcement of all the good things in Carmy. This point of view even makes sense if you see them as platonic. They are each other's true self-reflection
Carmy's altruistic nature, despite his flaws, is also what Sydney loves about him: that he tries, that he cares, all that she felt in that hamachi dish she cannot bring herself to tell him about.
The constant reinforcement of Carmy drawing inspiration from Syd has always been a beautiful detail for the ones following this ship. But after a statement like "you are the bear," I think Storer is letting us know that Sydney being the bear is not only an indicator of them being these two parts of this symbol, but a meta clue from the plot to say Sydney is essential to Carmy's survival.
gifs by @richyjerimovich
Here is what I think: Carmy is suicidal, he has experienced the subtraction of himself (his artistic voice, his capacity to create direction in his life) due to trauma, and he doesn't know how to cope with that. For what he said, I think he has been evaluating his own trauma in a "performance-based" perspective; he ignored the parts of himself that required healing, time, and attention, and tried to use his accomplishments and relationships to forget the wounds inside him. He has never had a proper resource or space to deal with that from a holistic perspective. The break he is seeking from restaurants may provide space for that, therapy, creating without pressure, distancing himself from the environment that he associates with his trauma, and the feeling of "not being good enough."
But if Sydney is the Bear, and Carmy is the Bear, the show has told us that Sydney is key to the "survival" of "everything good" in Carmen, in other words, Carmy cannot heal, not entirely, without Syd, because he feels so distant from his true self that the universe had to send her another person with the exact same calling as him. A mirror to all the most authentic parts of himself that could be buried under the trauma and self-destruction that came with it. All that potential and love, destroyed, like it happened to Michael.
This show has never been about taming the bear, is about embracing it. Is about Carmy and Syd embracing their true selves. This life calling they both have of taking care of people despite all the trauma they have endured. And they can only do that reaching to each other.
WHY TWO BEARS?
There is something so fascinating about this narrative decision, not only from a shipper perspective. This show created a narrative of a protagonist healing journey that can only be completed by communion with the second protagonist.
Again, all of this works in a platonic perspective too; these two may not be soulmates (even though I think they are), but they are definitely twin flames.
There are numerous cinematic parallels between these two; they constantly reference each other, learning from each other, and become each other, and we now understand why. Because they are the same.
In some spiritual beliefs, twin flames are considered to be the same soul split into two separate bodies. However, in most general terms, this refers to individuals with very similar life callings/souls that mirror each other. Two mortal enemies can be soulmates, but only people with a similar desire in their souls can be twin flames. Many twin flames are also soulmates. There are platonic twin flames (like Sherlock and Watson in Elementary) and romantic twin flames (like Teigen and Mizu in Blue Eyed Samurai).
There are other Bears, of course, if we want to extend the definition to all altruistic people on the show, but as @freedelusionshere said recently, there are clues that point to who the real Bears are. It is safe to say that both Nat, Michael, and Richie are bears as well.
However, Carmy declared Sydney the Bear because she's the co-protagonist and has psychologically grown into a bear, if that makes sense, considering her dreams for this season.
So yeah, this show has always been about Carmy and Syd, because The Bear exists in both of them, Syd cannot grow without Carmy, and Carmy cannot be healed without Syd.
The Bear is so frustrating to me because I can’t comfortable on either side of the fence. On one hand (the right!) Sydcarmy is so obvious, that denial of it seems silly. Even if you’re not looking at their relationship with an eagle eye, like most of us.
On the other hand, I know how romantic story lines for black women are either handled poorly or outright ignored in television. Even if the stage clearly is set for a romantic subplot. (There’s already handful of instances where Sydney just on her own doesn’t get her just do as series lead, imo.)
There is really no way to know whether we’re being gaslight or not because there is history and precedence for both outcomes.
For the majority of the show I also went on the belief it doesn't make sense for Syd to have feelings for Carm for this long if they are not gonna end up together. Like what would be the point of creating this connection between two characters that we are gonna root for, that make each other better, but one of them is stuck trying to get over a crush? How does that favor her character arc? Her heart was broken already (tattoo).
Does the enabling yt girlfriend gets all the glory while Sydney was the one that kept it together and supported him trough all his bad days while also being in unrequited in love with him? Even if Syd was not canonically pinning for him already ill still would prefer her as a partner for Carm.
Why make Syd such an empathetic character if you didn't want the audience to root for her happiness? While also not providing her with other serious romantic interests. If this was supposed to be a theme on not falling in love with unreliable people (awfully still) why not let her realise early on about this and let her fall in love with someone else? Why make her fall for a guy who admires her and she admires him just so she can learn “yeah but he is not actually into you”? (and there are scenes that can be seen as him being into her, that were acted, edited and approved).
Its not like it needed to be this way so she would stay on the bear. She already had deep bonds with everybody and cared about Carmen. The character of Sydney was envisioned in the first script as older than Carmy and more like a sister. While did thy change all of this and made him fall for him instead? She could have been a business partner and a friend either way. They wrote a whole song for the show “blowing kisses” to express that Syd is trying to do right by Carmen because she loves him but none of that was necessary. Was I not supposed to root for her?
It really just reads as disposable black love interest, she supports him and loves him enough to be okay with being abandoned because she cares that much about his well-being (meanwhile Claire didn't even give him a call to check if he was okay after the freezer incident because apparently he is not “allowed” to leave her but whatever). This is the reason so many people are now interested in her having a romance with Luca, so it looks like Carmy and her were never the plan and there were no indications on it)
"It has been a real pleasure for me to, um, to watch you grow or whatever the fuck, in there."
"You do not have to say that."
"I mean it, Syd. Watching you step up, you know? I mean, I cannot imagine how hard that must be with my fucking nephew, walking around like a fuckhead. I mean, you are a hardworking motherfucking professional. And you're good to everyone, you know..."
I been thinking since last night what her role could have been…was she a journalist? Or was she playing his girlfriend??!!! It’s infuriating either way but even more stupid if they basically removed a whole romantic subplot out of racism
I hope we as a fandom, can collectibly agree in one thing about Sydney that was no previously established or hinted in previous seasons:
My girl has GAME
I don't want to hear anything contrary because she was described as awkward in many interactions, but it was mostly in situations when she had to take power when she was insecure about it. The situation with Marcus caught her by surprise, not to mention how incredibly uncomfortableit was.
But here she was just asking questions to peers and later with her typical mannerisms she maintained a pretty personal conversation with Luca. They clicked and it was kinda first sight.
Like, she has this blonde, tall, muscle ass British man giggling and kicking his feet after two conversations. The power this woman holds.
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