when I was 13, I was in a math class with two boys that insisted on making fun of how small my boobs were. They didn’t like my 13 year old body, so that made it ok for them to make the crudest jokes at my expense. and I sat there and let them. I was embarrassed and hurt and insecure, but I laughed it off, tried not to let it bother me. I thought they were “just being boys.”
when I was a freshman in high school, I was dating a guy, a senior. He was the golden boy, football player, got along with everyone, had the best smile, everything. I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world that he wanted to date me. And then he started constantly pressuring me to have sex with him and do all sorts of things I wasn’t comfortable with at age 15. He dumped me for being a tease and for leading him on and for not sleeping with him.
when I was 16, I worked at a pizza place and the guys that worked in the back were very shamelessly forward with the hostesses and waitresses. They made sexual remarks and jokes about what they like to do to us if they had the chance. I remember one of the guys always tried to grab my butt, and other girls’ too, and I thought it was normal, that I had to just let him. That it was just a joke.
and now, I am 26. I get whistled at and honked at and stared at by men that make me very uncomfortable. I am reminded, jokingly of course, that my place is in the kitchen, and then in the same breath, get looked down on for being “just a mom”. I don’t run alone at night, and get nervous when I hike alone with my son during the day. And to think that I used to think that all of this was normal. The feeling uncomfortable, the being nervous, the forced laughter to get through a tricky situation. I have spent years of my life thinking that this is normal behavior, for a woman to constantly feel like she’s not enough and yet, at the same time, make herself smaller in order to live with the bullshit of sexism.
this is just the very tip of the iceberg; I know many women with far worse stories than me. It is not right.
but now, I am raising a boy. he is the sweetest boy, full of life and joy and adventure! he is going to grow up, of course, as babies often do, and I am going to teach him many many things. one of them is that we treat everyone with respect, every single human, regardless of gender or race or sexual orientation or anything else we classify people as. I will teach him that women are just as important as men, and that it’s not right to put someone else down for the sake of a joke. I will teach him that the world is not revolving around him, or any other one person out there. I will teach him that we celebrate and honor the wide variety of differences in our society. I will teach him that there is beauty in struggle, and that he can be both strong and kind. I will teach him that stereotypes suck and hinder our society far more than they help, and that he can do literally anything he wants, no matter if it is masculine or girly or anything in between. I will teach him that humans are so fragile, and that everyone needs love, and craves acceptance and closeness. I will teach him to protect and help and stand up for those that need it.
our society sucks, a lot. you can complain about it or you can make small changes to it. this is one way to change it. teach your babies to love better than the generation before them, the world will be a better place.
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