do you think you'll buy me lots of diamonds?

sydney blackwell ball i'm the bitch you hated, filth [ i n f a t u a t e d ] you fell intoxicated.

[diiscotechjuliet]

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Beware the Dog | The Griswolds

we used to joke and it felt like gold but now it’s all just hazy

[sydneyball-blog1]

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Evan: Oh haha very funny. I forgot to laugh.

Evan: As if you could ever outshine me. Bitch please. I am always the shiniest no matter where I go and at my FABULOUS wedding I will be the best.

Evan: Yeah but people are dumb. But hey if you want to be fat and red nosed (probably from too much alcohol) then by all means.

Evans: SO YOU SAY AND YET YOU KEEP TALKING I CALL BULLSHIT!

Evan: Oh look I spelled sophomoric wrong too.

Sydney: Don't be so snarky, Evan, it's unbecoming. Laugh at my jokes.

Sydney: Shiny because you're OILY. ew.

Sydney: If anyone could make that a #look it's me. Red nosed and fat will be all over instagram in no time.

Sydney: YES I TOLD YOU I'M SO BORED THAT I HAVE LET MYSELF SINK TO THIS LEVEL. THIS IS ABOUT ME, NOT YOU. MUCH LIKE EVERYTHING IN LIFE.

Sydney: Shut up. I even don't know what sophmoric means. You're so annoying.

[sydneyball-blog1]

Text // Open

Amalia: special isnt always a good hing. epecially not when you'e concerned.

Amalia: i didn know you were capabale of educated anything.

Amalia: you know,c ause youre fucking stupid.

Amalia: wow you're so funny. how id you get to be so funny?

Sydney: I just DON'T think that's true. You think I'm different to other people. You have your own category for me in your mind. You think about me. Jesus, you're practically in love with me! You're so cute.

Sydney: We went to high school together. Of course I'm educated. Did your father really get high around you so much that the fumes messed with your memory THAT badly? Poor baby.

[sydneyball-blog1]

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Chris: bu it can still be damanage if you do bad things to it and then it can even be bad for your body in the long run. depending on what you do

Chris: joey isn't bald... he is sweaty though but i mena who works on cars and doens't sweat?? I sweat too. I think having poofy hair wold be a fire hazard or would get caught on stuff

Sydney: oh my GOD i'm not a hair dresser WHY would i EVER need to know this. text PHOEBE

Sydney: So you're saying you sweat a lot. Are you flirting with me? Or are you always naturally this seductive?

Sydney: That could be fun though. I still firmly say go for it.

[sydneyball-blog1]

Jakob: Commitment is actually super scary and I can't have that around here nope

Jakob: por que no los dos?

Jakob: Alright I'll see if any of my lawyer buddies are looking to marry

Sydney: I agree. Let's burn down all physical embodiment of our commitments. We can start with my office. Kidding! Unless you want to.

Sydney: Only then there'd be the whole cumbersome trying-to-hold-my-ice-cream-while-I'm-carrying-a-body-bag thing. Ugh. Why do bad things happen to good people?

Sydney: Aim higher! Find a visiting royal! Become an actual prince!

[sydneyball-blog1]

victoriadyer:

“A thinker? Wow, that’s probably the first time I’ve been called that. People usually just call it bullshit,” Victoria responded a bit wryly. “I’ll give you perceptive, though. I’m damn good at seeing shit, which is why you can see the whole missing eyeballs thing would be a problem. What kind of charm do you mean? Not like…the kind serial killers have, right?”

"I could call you that if you really want me to. I’m nothing if not a people pleaser.” Sydney smiled, lashes fluttering. “Well, that sounds like a challenge. Are you baiting me into trying to pull the wool over your eyes? Because that sounds like fun. I might like you.” 

“What makes somebody a serial killer, anyway? Three people? Five? What if I’ve just had a bad day? Surely those kills don’t count. Either way, I have all of the charms you can think of, serial killer or otherwise.” 

[sydneyball-blog1]

devereavx:

‘ not unless you’ve got a secret kid you’ve never told me about that wants to learn ballet. ’

“I do, and that secret kid is me. Seriously, wouldn’t I look cute in a bun? You could teach me how to do those fancy spins and everything. I’d be your favorite student.” 

[sydneyball-blog1]

ohphoebe:

With a tap on Phoebe’s shoulder, she, unlike she normally would, jerked away at the contact, spinning on her heels only to take a small step back. When her eyes finally fell on the other, she let out a slow breath. “Hi. I’m sorry,” she said, immediately feeling the need to apologize for her reaction. “… uh - did you need something?”

The cool response she received struck Sydney as distinctly unPhoebe, and her mood was, all too suddenly, ruined. The levity of her approached dwindled as she frowned, and she quirked her head just slightly to the side, raking her gaze over Phoebe’s form. Something resembling confusion colored her tone when she asked, “What -- you don’t want to see me?” 

[lannasroleplaymemes]

Suggestive Sentence Starters

[jakob-atlas-deactivated20190224]

carter–abernathy:

questionablc:

lannasroleplaymemes :

Collected from all over the net, other memes, etc. Some are subtle, some are fluffy, some don’t have to be taken sexually, some are so straightforward you could practically jump into a smut scene in a few posts. Enjoy!

“No — no. Just keep your clothes on.” “You are so mean… and I’m okay with that.” “Is that all your mouth is good for?” “I am always looking for meaningful one night stands.” “Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I’ll give it back.” “I would rather have a cup of tea than sex.” “Ah, ah, not till I give you permission.” “Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?” “Where do you think you’re going?” “And how are you going to make it up to me?” “My sexual preference is often.” “What a nice little sound, I think I’ll bite there again.” “Don’t worry, it only seems kinky the first time.” “Does it taste alright?” “You wouldn’t dare!” “You’re so cute when you’re tired, you know.” “Anticipation makes the hard-on longer.” “You know what material this is? [Grab your shirt] Boyfriend/Girlfriend material.” “Nothing risque, nothing gained.” “I love when you’re rough.” “Is that a challenge?” “Is there a mirror in your pocket? Because I look great- wait, I said that wrong.” “I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week.” “Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.” “I’m not gonna stop leaving marks till I’m sure everyone will know your mine.” “Make me.” “What’s in it for me?” “I’m not drunk, I’m just intoxicated by you.” “I’m going outside to make out… care to join me?” “What’s your favorite silverware? Because I like to spoon!” “Thank god I’m wearing gloves, because you’re too hot to handle.” “Don’t stare. I didn’t want to do this.” “I think I could fall madly in bed with you.” “I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.” “Want to come over and watch porn on my flat screen mirror?” “Stop undressing me with your eyes and start using your teeth.” “Can I put you on my to-do list?” “Kiss the hell out of me. Please.” “You can stay but your clothes must go.” “I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.” “Your lips make me wonder what the rest of you would taste like…” “This is mine. Are we clear?”

[sydneyball-blog1]

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Evan: If it's about food and the fact I can eat more of it? Then hell yeah I do!

Evan: They are but he's not and he makes good $$$ so I mean :D And that's because you aren't.

Evan: That is true yes. But it's not a big deal some people don't celebrate. And it's not opening up it's just telling you that Santa is a fucking prick. Something else you and he have in common.

Evan: YOU TEXTED BACK!!!!

Evan: Why are you so gross?

Sydney: Oh okay. Did you know that rat poison has great nutritional value?

Sydney: Fuck you?? So much?????? I would have been such a good bridesmaid. Would I have outshone you? Yes, absolutely. But I would have been the life of the party. Have fun with your shitty wedding.

Sydney: You keep telling yourself that, honey. And actually, I think you'll find that people have written many songs calling Santa jolly, and their baby. Maybe I am like him.

Sydney: SO MAYBE I'M BORED ENOUGH TO SINK TO THIS. DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T HATE TALKING TO YOU.

Sydney: You spelled economic wrong. Mess.

[sydneyball-blog1]

Text // Open

Amalia: thanks? idont know why you're complmetnign me i'm confus [deleted]

Amalia: you're lek your own special breed of annoying, i fucking ate you

Amalia: howr te fuck do yo know i'm alone?? mayeb im haing a party.

Amalia: thats not my name

Sydney: You think I'm special? I'm blushing! Who knew you were so sweet?

Sydney: Well, since I've met you, I've taken an educated guess and judged that you have no friends. So. Alone it is. :)

Sydney: Amie's pretty!

Sydney: You're right. It doesn't suit you.

[sydneyball-blog1]

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Chris: oh that's true. and it might mess up my hair forever.

Chris: actually i don't kow if people would be okay with seeing a clown head at the garaage and it would probably make work harder...

Sydney: Actually the weird thing about hair is that it grows back. I know, right? Life is strange.

Sydney: Personally I'd rather have a clown fixing my car than a balding, sweaty old man. But if you don't want to be a trendsetter, fine. Disappointing, but fine.

[sydneyball-blog1]

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Evan: Um they're fruits of course they're healthy.

Evan: Believe me, I'm not worried about him. He adores me so suck on that. Plus he's a lawyer so he doesn't even need my money in the first place. You couldn't ruin it if you tried, our bond is too strong

Evan: Please, the whole town reads my tweets I don't know what you're talking about. I even got my brother to follow me which is like the greatest accomplishment ever. And sorry but Santa never stalked me and you won't find out anything.

Evan: You're the one who texts me, so really you only have yourself to blame.

Evan: Are you buying? Because I could go for some good hot chocolate. Otherwise no.

Sydney: Sounds like SOMEBODY believes whatever he's told.

Sydney: A lawyer??? Ew. Laws are so boring. Also I don't remember being invited to this wedding???

Sydney: Is that you trying to tell me you never got any Christmas presents? That's so sad! But I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to open up to me about it.

Sydney: ?????? YOU WERE THE ONE WHO TEXTED ME BRAT

Sydney: Is anybody buying? I thought we could just snag the orders that people leave sitting for too long. It's like you don't know me at all. Piece of shit.

[sydneyball-blog1]

ohsayra:

“Man, I wish I had a magic mop right now… you know, to clean up this messy situation.” Despite trying to keep a serious expression, Sayra couldn’t help her smirk showing - she was far too pleased with her own joke. “Seriously though, I’m very interested in the concept of this mop. What exactly does it do that earns it the title of ‘magic’?” she asked, tilting her head. “I guess.. but, I don’t usually like tiring myself out by bouncing unless there’s a naked man involved. Seems kind of pointless otherwise.”

“Oh, I hate that,” She said, and though her nose crinkled, the smile on her face was a telltale sign that her humor was appreciated. “Well, I’m not sure, am I? I never used it. The infomercial said it could steam a stain out of anything, though. And also grant wishes, but I’m pretty sure it was the steaming thing.” Sydney breezed over her own joke, though she was just as self-satisfied as the other woman had been. “Can’t fault you for having priorities. Personally, I’d still like to see this trampoline. The only cardio I get in lately is when I’m running my mouth. Fun, but not as efficient with burning calories.” 

[bunnygirl1998]

[sydneyball-blog1]

Text // Open

Amalia: fuc offf

Amalia: wy dont YOU get shot

Amalia: idiot

Sydney: Oh my god, great comeback. A twist on the old rubber glue back to you! Inspired.

Sydney: Um, this idiot isn't the one who spilled red wine all over her shit. Were you drinking alone, by the way? That's so sad. I'm so sad for you, Amie.

[sydneyball-blog1]

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Evan: Sugar infused with the healthiness of apples! And YES! That would be ideal.

Evan: Psh, I'm so sweet. This is why I have a fiance. Someone else to marry to get all my money. Sucka.

Evan: Nope. I'm going to tweet about you and your stealing ways. I'm dying so what more can you do about it. I'll be dead I won't care about the consequences. You are the most untrustworthy person ever please. Even if I had dark and painful secrets--which I don't--I wouldn't share them with anyone remotely related to you.

Evan: WHOOOOO!! SUCCESS!!!

Sydney: Are apples even healthy? From where I'm standing, they're just kind of chalky water.

Sydney: Are you sure that's why? How do you know they're not just taking you for a ride like I've been trying to all this time? Hope I didn't just... ruin your future marriage... by planting a seed of doubt....... ;)

Sydney: Oh, is that all? Nobody reads your tweets anyway. Go ahead and tell the world, baby boy. :) P.S I'm like Santa. I see you when you're sleeping, I know when you're awake. I WILL find out your deep dark secrets.

Sydney: I hate talking to you. You make my life five thousand times worse. How dare. How dare YOU.

Sydney: Oh btw let's get coffee this week. Not from your work, though. That coffee is shit. I want good coffee.