A Great Perhaps

(she/her) It’s one hyper-fixation after another ✌🏼

[synthsamuri]

Ravenous, Chapter One: The Crimson Jewel read here on A03!

He Tian gets word of a mysterious killer and finds himself among old allies that may hold the solutions to his problems in more ways than one.

Welcome to the first chapter of Ravenous! A quick shout out to my lovely friend and beta reader @rainy19days! Go give her and her fics some love!

[brireads247]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

I finally finished it 🥹 so much love to this fandom and Old Xian

Chapters: 33/33 Fandom: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con Relationships: He Tian/Mo Guanshan (19 Days), He Tian & Mo Guanshan (19 Days), Jian Yi/Zhan Zhengxi (19 Days) Additional Tags: Slow Burn, Alternate Universe, Mafia Boss, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Mental Health Issues, No beta we die like childhood dogs, Chronic Pain Series: Part 1 of Two Stars Summary:

Hot tears wouldn’t stop running down Mo’s cheeks. He turned to face He Tian a few feet away. The beautiful suit was disheveled but if he was out of breath, he barely showed it. “You can’t just do that… why would you think that’s okay?”

“Because I like-”

“STOP TALKING!” Mo’s scream echoed around them. A train blew through the station, cutting off all sound and throwing a gust of wind. He Tian’s jacket and black hair flipped around caught in it. When the train finished Mo GuanShan’s ears were ringing in the comparative silence between them.

He Tian nodded slowly, “I’m sorry then.” Not waiting for a reply, the Shadow turned and walked away from him.

—-

Mo is working at a high end restaurant. Stress and juggling multiple jobs to help support his mom may have made him a bit sloppy. One big oops has put him on the radar of one of the most dangerous men in the city.

Slow burn enemies to lovers ensues.

[koiwtea]

[beneathitall-thesame]

You can read the first chapter of my new fic, these lines we draw, HERE!

SUMMARY:

Suddenly, Guanshan turned around, expression blank. "I don't get it," he said, after a considering pause. "Get what?" "That you are into that. What part does it for you, huh?" The words that He Tian would have found charming in any other circumstances sounded incongruous with the calm tone. Guanshan put his hand on He Tian's bicep and harshly pulled, bringing both of them to eye level, close enough to notice a stray eyelash resting against his cheek. He Tian's vision swirled, leaving only the red speck standing out. "Tell me."

The night before He Tian leaves on an impromptu six-week business trip, Guanshan makes a rather aggressive show of just how badly he wants him to stay.

[koiwtea]

[beneathitall-thesame]

on mo guanshan and watching he tian go

I like how Mo Guanshan’s arc in the "present" chapters revolves around small moments of growth in the face of what has been lost, and how he deals with He Tian crashing back into his life like a wrecking ball.

Guanshan's technically got what he longed for: having He Tian back. But so many years of absence have twisted that desire into a fear of He Tian actually returning to him, scared that if he 'succumbs' again to those feelings he's kept shut (inside a box), it will leave him vulnerable to being left behind again. And we know there is a precedent for this, since we already saw He Tian come back for Christmas only to seemingly leave all over again sometime later.

Until very recently Guanshan has been so cross with He Tian... And not to say he's now completely happy and comfortable with the current """""housemates"""""" situation, but he certainly seems to have mellowed out a little bit.

It feels like that's due Mo starting to understand the pain He Tian's feels when he shuts him out in order to have a veneer of control in the situation. He’s also realizing that even if He Tian's methods are VERY questionable, everything he does is legitimately for Guan Shan's well-being. It's no coincidence that we've seen some panels where Mo wistfully watches He Tian go. A self-fulfilling prophecy realized right in front him.

In the first instance, it's true that Guanshan is very much in denial about not being hurt by He Tian actually leaving when he pushes him away ("I don't wanna see you! You better not come again... I won't miss you...").

But then, look at my boy now, acknowledging that He Tian is trying to support him in his career and offering to cook him dinner, something that used to bring them together all those years ago. Drama-ass running included!

And in the latest chapter, on a slightly more humorous tone, Mo lashes out at He Tian for his antics, causing He Tian to (fake) sulk away. But immediately after, Mo takes the direct initiative to confess, making sure He Tian knows he is included when Mo said his life was going well. He looks apprehensive and worried. He's so very careful when he fesses up... He truly doesn't want any more fall outs between them.

(obligatory 'He Tian, you little freak idiot!')

Thinking about it, from the first very time we see them sleeping together in the current timeline, we catch a glimpse of said fear of He Tian leaving, even when they spent the night together:

He's scared, but we see him mature and change bit by bit (baaaaby steps) beyond his fears for He Tian. Changing, a bit like when he wanted to become a good student back in their school days to be "worthy" of being by He Tian's side.

Ah, my son(s) with abandonment issues. </3

(Will we see any attempt to address the several elephants in the room from He Tian's side now that Mo seems a bit more open to talk? Who knoooows, who knows. Pls. I'll go insane.)

[deathlywounded]

Some subtle tweaks to re-balance my favorite I made of these two.

[koiwtea]

💬💬💬

[writingdose]

as a writer, it’s very important that you know this: whenever you tell yourself “this will only be one-chapter-long” that is a lie. your brain is lying to you. it won’t, in fact, be just a short one-shot

[asfodelle]

"January 26th - New Year

No one ever sleeps great on New Year’s night. 

Guan Shan wakes up in his childhood bedroom with a headache, after maybe four hours of sleep. He didn’t even drink yesterday, neither did his parents. It’s just that the bedsheets are tucked too tight and this bedroom simply isn’t really his anymore although it has been kept almost as he left it years ago."

Chapter 13 of Little Bit of Lead is here :)

[koiwtea]

[asfodelle]

"It’s sizzling hot today, and it will be at least until the end of the week. 

To make their meal more bearable, the restaurant owner decides to pull the canopy over the patio. Guan Shan gets up from his plastic stool before he is asked to give a hand to the small old man. Once it’s done, he sits down at the table and his dad, sitting across from him, thanks them for the extra shade. 

“Always helpful having a tall guy around,” dad says.

The old man smiles back at him in agreement and heads inside.

“I’m not that tall,” Guan Shan retorts, digging back into his food. A bit taller than average, maybe, but he’s seen worse. Senior citizens just like him, for some reason. It’s a thing. There’s always some little grandma asking him to pick stuff from the high shelves for her when he goes grocery shopping. He used to think having that many visible tattoos would scare most people away. Little grandmas don’t give a fuck."

Chapter 12 of Little Bit of Lead is here :)))

[koiwtea]

[rainy19days]

@synthsamuri and I have been working on a new fic since around February... I'm so excited I can't keep it secret anymore and decided to share a little preview. We're probably gonna post it once it's completed and we're currently at chapter 4, expecting it to be around 10 maybe (probably more).

Working title "Tianshan on ice" lmao

Enjoy

Chapter One

Ice sprayed in a sharp arc as Guan Shan drove down the rink, cutting tight crossovers through the cones. The puck stayed glued to his stick, tapping back and forth in controlled rhythm as he shifted his weight from edge to edge. Steel hissed against ice.

He rounded the final cone hard, pivoted, and snapped a wrist shot high glove side. The puck cracked against the back netting.

Good, but not good enough.

He glided past the crease and coasted toward the boards, chest heaving. Sweat burned beneath his helmet despite the cold. When he ripped it off, steam curled faintly in the frigid air.

He’d been out here for hours now and his ankles throbbed inside the rigid boots. His core felt like it had been wrung out. He leaned over his stick at the boards and reached for his water bottle on the bench. It slipped from his shaking hands and clattered to the rubber mat.

“Fuck.”

He shoved his gloves off and dropped onto the bench, yanking at his laces with numb fingers. Relief came slow as he loosened them, blood rushing back into his feet.

The rink was a disaster with cones scattered and pucks everywhere. He’d clean it up eventually. Right now he just needed to be exhausted. Needed his muscles too tired to feel anything else. It had been a week since the suspension. Benched, and just as the season had started at that. He had never felt so humiliated. 

He hadn’t started the fight, but he sure had finished it. Finished it with blood on the ice and someone missing a tooth, or several of them. Apparently that had been too much. 

Guan Shan still couldn’t shake the anger and betrayal he felt. His team was supposed to have his back, his coach was supposed to have his back. The other player was obviously pushing the limits and the referee wasn’t doing shit about it. And he definitely didn't like it when Guan Shan called him out on it. 

Guan Shan could handle the shit talk, that was nothing new, but that asshole just had to go take it further.

“Unsportsmanlike conduct,” his coach had said as he sat him down with the ice pack.

Unbelievable. 

How else was he supposed to react after he got smacked in the face with a hockey stick? Just let them get away with that? He hadn’t been able to see out of his left eye for two days after. Only just recently had the swelling started to come down. The asshole got what was coming to him. He just wished it wasn’t at the cost of his own season.

“Open skate is at ten, Red!” a voice called from behind him.

Guan Shan glanced over his shoulder. Yao Bin stood near the gate, arms folded. The rink manager was a retired figure skating coach who’d taken a strange liking to him over the years. He let Guan Shan come in early on weekends—sometimes even stay after hours—as long as he helped clean up.

“Got it, boss,” Guan Shan called back.

He bent to retighten his laces, hauling them snug through the top eyelets and double-knotting hard. Then he pushed to his feet and corralled the scattered pucks into a pile with the toe of his blade, stacking the cones near the boards before the Zamboni came out.

The resurfacer rumbled onto the ice, blade grinding low as it shaved away the torn-up surface. A thin sheen of hot water trailed behind it, smoothing over gouges and cuts like nothing had ever happened. Guan Shan watched it work, glaring without realizing it. 

“What’s with the face?”

Guan Shan looked up to see the old coach looking down at him, furrowed brows and all. 

“Nothing, just waiting for the ice.”

The old man sighed and sat down next to him. “Practicing yourself to death isn’t going to make you any less suspended.” 

Guan Shan didn’t look at him. “I said I wasn’t interested in talking about it, old man.”

Yao Bin exhaled in exasperation, then pushed himself back up. “Fine. Have it your way, kid.” 

Guan Shan rolled his eyes and stood to stretch. He piled up his helmet and gear. He was done with pucks and pads for the day. Now he just wanted to cool down before heading home. 

As soon as the ice was ready, Guan Shan stepped through the gate. He started slow this time—long C-cuts down the red line, deep inside edges around the faceoff circle, tight pivots at the blue line. Drills he’d been doing since he was eight. His body knew them better than it knew anything else. They were grounding.

People began filtering in for open skate, blades clicking against the rubber mats, chatter echoing under the high ceiling. Guan Shan barely noticed, zeroed in on the movements and the rage simmering beneath it all.

He’d only been back on the ice a short while when someone cut cleanly into his path.

Guan Shan jerked to a stop, spraying ice. “Watch where you’re fucking going—” Guan Shan looked up and scowled. He fucking Tian. Obnoxiously tall. Infuriatingly composed. A figure skater, of course, and a good one at that.

“This is open skate,” Guan Shan snapped. “Not ballet rehearsal.”

He Tian looked down at him and tilted his head, assessing him. “You have good edges.”

“What?”

He Tian pushed off in a slow circle around him, never taking his eyes off him.

“What the hell are you doing?” Guan Shan pivoted sharply to keep him in front of him.

“You lean too hard into your outside edge when you pivot,” He Tian said mildly. “But your balance recovery is fast. Strong core control. As expected of a hockey player on your level.”

Guan Shan stared up at him like he was speaking another language.

“You… look light enough to lift,” he said, sounding almost a little surprised.

“Excuse me?” Guan Shan barked. “No one is fucking lifting me.”

“Why not? You might actually have fun.” He Tian said pleasantly. “Maybe even loosen up a bit.”

“Fuck off!” Guan Shan yelled. He turned to skate away but didn’t make it two strides before a gloved hand caught his.

He Tian stepped in close, shifting his weight smoothly onto his inside edge and guiding Guan Shan into the rotation.

The next thing Guan Shan knew the room was spinning. Before he could respond, his instincts kicked in. His core tightened and his knees bent, shifting his weight to try and control the movement. Somehow instead of stumbling, he managed to complete the rotation, He Tian’s hands guiding him through it. 

They came to a stop facing each other, still holding hands.

Guan Shan blinked. “Wha—wait, what—” The whole interaction was so ridiculous and unexpected he didn’t even know how to react.

He Tian nodded once, satisfied. “Yup. You’ll do great. And even better, we both know you’re already free.” 

“What the fuck!” he snapped, yanking back his hand. “Try that again and I’ll send you into the boards! Then we’ll both be out for the season.” He pushed off hard, skating away.

Behind him, He Tian just grinned. He’d found his mark.

[synthsamuri]

When Rainy watched the Winter Olympics and I watched Heated Rivalry so we paused everything else to write an ice skating fic lol. Enjoy the teaser!

[joestaycute]

[stewdoesthings]

Fanfiction exists for TWO reasons:

Dealing with complex thoughts and emotions I can't work through in therapy, like grief, despair, a complicated relationship with pain and addiction

Seeing the same characters fuck over amd over again

[asfodelle]

haven’t posted in 4ever ^^