[luguuuu]

i kiss you on the mouth and end my turn

[transmechanicus]

[number1mongrel]

"You hear that? They're saying The Odyssey doesn't even have nobody!"

"They've got nobody in the Odyssey?"

"No I'm saying they don't got nobody."

"Nobody's there?"

"Nobody's not there!"

"So everyone's there?"

"Everybody but nobody!"

[3000s]

Yes, your dentist can absolutely tell if you masturbated at home before your appointment. And in fact, a shower and change of clothes does little to hide this. The best step forward is to apologize to your dentist for masturbating.

[maculategiraffe]

reading the collected letters of shirley jackson and this is from a letter to her agent while she was working on the haunting of hill house

[prokopetz]

Trolling my biologist D&D player by sending the party on a quest to prevent the destruction of a mystical seal, and when they finally get there it quickly becomes clear that I'm actually describing a walrus.

[dizzyhslightlyvoided]

(via op)

[cute-catts]

Cats logic 🤷🐱🐈

[purplesaline]

It's not that kitty is saying she can't make the wheel go. Kitty is saying she wants to do the wheel WITH her person. Much the same way many cats won't wat unless their person is eating at the same time.

This is a request for social togetherness and it's incredibly sweet

[hydok]

My walking desk is right next to the cat wheel, and during the workday as I'm walking and answering emails or whatever, Senpai will hop on the wheel and trot along with me while I'm walking so that we can walk together.

[specialagentartemis]

Character has a PhD: they’re really smart and knowledgable about their field!

Character has 2 PhDs: either they did a dual degree program and are braggy about it, had a life-changing experience after their first degree and pivoted their whole career, or they find the structure of being a PhD student, despite all its stress, more comfortable and familiar than the stress of finding a Real Job and have a very indulgent advisor.

Character has 3 PhDs: who keeps accepting them to PhD programs. Either this person needs psychological help or their department needs to be investigated for its academic standards. Probably both

Character has 4+ PhDs: if they aren’t an undercover vampire or something then no they don’t lol

[prokopetz]

Alternatively: this character is some kind of rock star celebrity in their field and has a bunch of honorary degrees from several different institutions, and also this story takes place before most universities adopted a separate postnominal for honorary doctorates specifically to avoid this sort of confusion.

[doomtemparts]

one of my friends in a discord server was talking about how they were nervous about their first scheduled acupuncture appointment. another friend offered to do a tarot reading for them. sent this picture.

[2colde]

[sinsinewave]

remember kids, with piracy, if the thing you downloaded has ads, it's unsafe; treat it like bread getting moldy, throw it out and get a new one, ideally also run a malware scan

websites might have ads, but the actual thing you're pirating shouldn't; that includes if you're watching something on like one of those free anime sites, sidebar ads and such are normal, ads in the actual show you're watching are not

also use an ad blocker, i recommend ublock origin download sites also often have ads, which tend to have fake download links; be extremely careful about those and make sure you're clicking the real link some also aren't caught by ad blockers so don't get a false sense of security from that; their main use is to make the websites less infuriating to use and look at, not safer --

also also, while i do recommend using a VPN regardless (IVPN is a decent one), remember that uploading is almost always less safe than downloading when it comes to legal issues; if you're torrenting make sure to disable automatic seeding in your client unless you know what you're doing, and if unsure just don't torrent, and stick to direct downloads -- also for the love of fuck don't pay for pirated shit, that's pretty much always a scam if you're willing to pay money, just get the thing legit --

to the cops: we both know the kids are going to pirate shit anyway, this information is provided because it's best they at least know how to do so safely

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

thanks to this workplace harassment training video my coworkers and I now say this to each other on a near-daily basis

[jewish-joy]

Last year, I befriended a Catholic seminarian. We've gotten to be pretty decent friends. Seeing as he was staying in town for the summer and I wasn't, I entrusted him with caring for my plant.

He did a wonderful job, but as he was returning my plant to my custody, he explained "I watered her every other day, I gave her new dirt, moved her into the sunshine, prayed the rosary-"

"What?"

He looked at me, confused. "Isn't she a plant you pray with?"

"No," I said slowly. "She's a prayer plant. That's the... colloquial name of the plant."

Upon seeing his stricken face, I realized something went wrong. Turns out, this entire time, he's been including my plant in on his prayers and leaving her near icons.

Listen, totally cool. My plant becoming Catholic is a great deal for her not dying over the summer. But now I must navigate this interfaith household. Keep me in your thoughts.

[teathattast]

[segamascott]

this is honestly such a good idea

[six-improbable-things]

I know that usually using real-world customs in fantasy settings is kind of a lazy shortcut most of the time, but I’m currently thinking about the implications of diamond wedding / engagement rings in a D&D-based setting.

I mean, think about it. You vow to be together “‘til death does us part” and then you give them a way to escape death. You’re literally saying “even death could not keep me from you” or “I will never let you go”.

And of course the more expensive the ring, the more secure the promise. Splurging on a ring isn’t just vanity. It’s literally life insurance. (Or should I say life assurance.)

And even if you can’t afford a 300gp ring, diamonds are still the best choice for a stone. That “cheap” 100gp stone? Crush that up and you have a free casting of Greater Restoration. (If a larger diamond is life insurance/assurance, this is health insurance/assurance.)

Assuming that (as per my typical worldbuilding) a simple Lesser Restoration isn’t enough to cure more serious diseases, and given the common practice of making the client pay for the materials, a set-aside diamond could be the difference between life and death for someone who doesn’t have access to that kind of money.

Idk, I just think it’s a neat side-effect of gems as spell components that would be fun to play around with. The wealthy using veritable bouquets of mid-tier diamonds to ensure their partners will never die. Or a scandalous murder reveals that the victim’s wedding diamond was a fake. Did their spouse do that intentionally, and if so, does that mean they’re the murderer?

[miamaroo]

just bought the flaming raging poisoning sword of doom at Claire’s

[memorycycle]

as soon as we explore 100% of the ocean all the fish will become 2x stronger and a new area will unlock

[dogpuppy]