T8STM8KR

GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY BREAD. DEDICATED TO CREATIVE TRUTH. SIT DOWN AND EAT WITH US. www.t8stm8kr.com

[t8stm8kr]

On taking the necessary risks...

When the call awakens in your soul, don't take the time to think. Follow it like a map. It will lead you to the fountain of life.

If; however, you do find yourself lost in thought, which is easy to do since we have been conditioned since birth to trust others more than ourselves, breathe.

Drop into your body and feel your life force, your energy, your soul.

Consider the risk of staying blocked, of cutting yourself off from the stream of life. That is not worth your eternal growth.

When the call rises, have faith, be courageous, and run.

T8STM8KR

[m1male2]

Gian Lorenzo Bernini (1598-1680)

[t8stm8kr]

FOREVER SOFT. A CHALLENGE.

Embrace your feminine energy. 

A bunch of my friends decided to do the 75-day hard. I wanted to participate, but it felt like it was going to bring me further into my masculine energy, which I have enough of already. So I decided to make my own version, inspired by the 75-day hard but designed to get you in touch with your divine feminine. 

Rules:

Follow your intuition if something doesn’t feel right for a legitimate reason, don’t do it. 

Turn your phone off when you go to bed. This allows you to decide when you are ready to connect with the rest of the world in the morning. "But my phone is my alarm! I need it." I don't care and that's an excuse. Buy a real alarm clock. Watch your mornings transform.

Meditate for 10 minutes a day, preferably upon waking. This is a great practice to replace your morning scrolling with. 

Journal for at least 10 minutes every day. This is most powerful when you first wake up to set up your day and clear your head. And right before bed to take stock of what you accomplished. Morning pages are a practice everyone should keep.  

Take a bath 3 nights a week for 30 minutes. Make this a ritual. Get Epsom salts, or rose petals and really treat yourself. 

Take your lunch breaks outside during the week. Touch a tree. 

Engage only with content that makes you feel good (music, tv, movies, and books that spark joy). 

Create a self-pleasure ritual. I like this yoni dearmoring ritual. 

Read 10 pages of a book of your choosing every day. Taking care of your mind is self-care.

Limit your screen time. No more than 30 minutes of social media per day. Preferably, no social media. The goal here is to get your channel really clear, to stop ingesting the messages of everyone else, and figure out who you are, usually, this is only achieved through taking a real break from social media. It will still be there waiting for you when you decide to return.

Move your body every day of the week. For me, I do pilates Monday through Friday. On Saturday and Sunday, I do yoga or go for a walk. 

Drink 100 oz of liquid a day (water, tea). 

No drinking or smoking (nicotine or weed). Sometimes we use substances to numb ourselves without even knowing what we are running from. Taking the time to sit with yourself while you're sober can produce radical insight. Blue lotus tea and CDB are okay if needed. 

Abstain from sex with partners who do not value you, respect you, and are emotionally unavailable or disinterested in your emotional landscape. Celibacy is preferred as this time is about getting to know yourself. 

Follow this for 30 days or for 75 days or however long you want. Let me know how it goes. It changed my life. 

[t8stm8kr]

For 547 days I was afraid of the moon.

It started as a slow slumber, a forgetting. I became a daughter of the Sun, vibrant and jovial. Tell me who built the moon, how did she get there. Do we know for certain that she is a she? 

It started with admiration. Drunk nights walking with friends through the forest looking up and gazing at her beauty, isn’t she lovely. Plump and visceral in the sky. An object of worship and desire. 

A thread protruding from a soft ball of yarn. A needle, an unraveling. A transfiguration. Someone telling me to doubt my beliefs instead of my doubts. This object is hollow, there is no discernible center. It controls the tides. Moon, lune, Luna, lunatic. A word derived from the idea that the phases of the moon could instill insanity in a person. 

I refused the moon. 

When my bleed came, I spoke incantations removing the power of the moon from my body. I wanted nothing to do with this false light, knowing that the moon has no light of it’s own. The moon reflects the light of the sun. 

I was afraid that I was again worshipping something that I wasn’t fully versed in. I was afraid that I had signed another contract of my life to a power that might not be benevolent. Before the fear, I idolized the moon. There is a tattoo on my inner arm that is two hands holding the phases of the moon. I got it to symbolize the recurring phases of life. When the fear started I hated the tattoo. I thought it was stupid, a mistake. 

A thawing.

No one perspective encompasses the whole truth and in this denial, I was denying myself the pleasures of the moon. I denied myself the pleasure of emotion, the pleasure of passion, the pleasure of shadow, and the pleasure of community. 

Existing with the sun, I devoted all my time to truth and power and ego, forgetting that the marrow of life is the community, is tribe, the emotions, and the ebb and flow. 

Tonight I looked at the moon, which just crossed into Sagittarius. Tonight I looked at the moon and saw her as both dark and light. I saw her encompass both sides of humanity. I saw her for all that she is, and it made me cry. 

[t8stm8kr]

Sleepless Nights (12th House Notes)

Maybe all the twelfth house is, is insomnia, mind racing, thoughts churning like butter inside your brain-- thick and clogged. It's being unable to sleep and so desperately tired. Perhaps it is nothing more than late-night journal entries. It's midnight hour in the still air. It's the tingling in your calves that the time to run is now, but this time you are not running from it you are running through it. 

The twelfth house profection year is the cocoon, the chrysalis. You have to go into the thick of it to be able to get through it. And the 12th house is thicker than blood. And butter.   

A circle, a snake eating itself. Is it better to be self-sufficient or well-rested? Fighting with friends and family again. Calling people out again. Burning bridges again. Haunted. Again. Limbo. Liminal space again. There is no peace when you want to be right. But what is there without conviction? Who am I without conviction? 

Knife for a tongue. Vocal fry from screaming too loud. Eyes red and puffy from the tears that burn as they fall. The sunscreen pooling by your chin. Am I too much? 

Thoughts of the end again. Thoughts of being alone again. Thoughts of ending it again. 

Is it better to be a serial dater or to be constantly alone? Both are rooted in fear of the self. Both are fear of self. I would rather be alone than in bad company. 

What is it to settle? Do you know that you are settling when you settle? 

What is it to have a conversation over text instead of face to face? 

Childhood wounds reflected in the mirror and in conversations with family until you heal them, but can you heal them? Is it possible to heal that which is burned into your genetics? If you could, would you want to? 

Who would you be without your pain? Who would you be if you really felt worthy of all that you wanted? 

Since you were a child, your father taught you that it had to be hard. You are an extension of him and he worked so hard. He was never there because he was working so hard and now you are barely there for yourself because you are trying so hard to force all that you are. 

You have known in your heart who you are all along but you have wrapped your heart in the stories of other people, in their dreams and their desires but your heart it calls to you. It sings to you. Can you hear it? I don’t think you can. Why aren’t you listening? You are the only one who has ever had any answers. People think they know what’s best for you and I know you think that we are all one and that because of that unity they do know what’s best for you, but I promise you they don’t know you. They don’t know your heart and soul. 

Cry, child. It’s okay to cry. For 23 years you stuffed the tears down and now they pour out of you like a floodgate that broke. This was the only way it could have ever unfolded.