i present to you all, my shitty writing about a chiles moment for around 600 words (i also have not partaken in any spoilers, just saw that chapa is a fangirl and sissy ruined everything and ran with it)
"What's it about AWOL then?"
It's cruel the way Miles says it. It's as if he's in disbelief. Disbelief that anyone could ever find him romantically interesting. Chapa would be lying if it wasn't another dagger in her heart. Miles is priceless, even if he isn't fully aware of it. He's her main resolution for staying part of Danger Force. He's compassionate and kind and with or with no one else's acknowledgement, he's enough.
She could hug him for hours; he'd protect her, Chapa knows he would (Miles is good like that). She's homesick for arms that don't want to hold her. She's grateful they even get to bask in the same light of the same moon; she's granted that small of a luxury. It's taking every ounce of her strength not to gush about him to his face. Chapa feels like she's done something terrible (something that amounts to worse than her petty crimes) like she's robbed a liquor store, swallowed more than a handful of pills or even buried herself in an open grave. All just because she's sat by a pretty boy who's prodding her about how she feels. And maybe it's because no one's ever really been invested in how she works, but she'd prefer it to be because Miles is pretty.
She tries to choke down the feeling, but his eyes glance over her again and she just melts. He's like a poem that no poet has ever been brave enough to tackle. He's a gilded bird in a cage, clawing for freedom. He's like a prayer for when no words exist; his heart has taken root in hers and she'll be damned if she lets it go.
"Why are you asking? Is Sissy not working out already?" Chapa croaks out. She winces at the hoarse ricochet of her voice. If Miles notices it, he's generous enough to ridicule her for it.
"Curiosity kills the cat, Chapa. Just call it a vested interest. What's so great about me?" Miles pushes, gently. She hates it. He can invade her fortified mind and have her crumble with the illusion that he'll catch her, but he's not hers. She's reminded of that every glance he takes at Sissy. But there's nowhere else to put the love. It's not hers, and it's so heavy because it's all his if only he'd accept it. "I just want to know what you're thinking completely, at least once."
It was a great question, and it made her question everything.
"Every day that we didn't talk, it felt like I was involved in a battle that I didn't want to be in. I just wanted you," Chapa confesses. Her mouth moves faster than her brain can compute and he's watching her with that warm smile. "You're just the person I want to share everything with, I guess. My happiness, sadness, frustration. All of it. You deserve so much more than we've got, Miles. And if I know it, then you know it too. You're just being stubborn about it."
"Yeah," Miles responds. And for several daunting moments, Chapa believes that's where he'll leave it. Unsaid and hanging over her. "I missed you too."
He doesn't explicitly confess it; he doesn't vow that he's grateful to share the same sky as her, but he implies he realises his luck to have crossed paths with her in this lifetime. For now, she can fool herself into believing that's enough.
They can always begin again. They will not always be this young and this vulnerable in this shitty town. They can always begin again.
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