I luv my self

offshoot blog for text and images of mine. furthering a forever scavenger hunt. ▓ I have DID ▓▓▓

[taelsend]

I wish I could stop thinking about it I wish I didn't didnt have to sit here knowing there's a demon between my legs at all times that's just waiting to swallow me whole

[taelsend]

Most annoying person in class uses system language who wouldn't guessed

[taelsend]

System language makes me want to blow my brains out so much I'm so serious. Let's keep dehumanizing people with a mental disorder yass!!!!! Let's hyperfocus on one symptom!!!!!!!!! Let's turn it all into a game!!!! Let's make random ass people think they can ask you about your alters!!!!! Next time someone thinks they can just ask that in gonna tell them in graphic detail how being tossed hosue to house and being molested by family made me this way lol. I hate this becoming standard it's so fucking awful

[taelsend]

Sometimes I wish my doctor was right and it was schizophrenia BC at least then I couldn't rely on other ppl with my condition for support but NOPE!? it was DID and now I'm stuck with an anti recovery community who think it's normal to pry about symptoms.

[taelsend]

Idk why I thought this time would be different. It took two days out of jail for him to leave so he could relapse. I cooked him dinner and he was off. Safe injection sites have closed so maybe he will die via family tradition. I wish I could cry. I wish I could feel anything at all.

[taelsend]

At least he left before things got sexual again hahahahahahahahahha

[taelsend]

Idk why I thought this time would be different. It took two days out of jail for him to leave so he could relapse. I cooked him dinner and he was off. Safe injection sites have closed so maybe he will die via family tradition. I wish I could cry. I wish I could feel anything at all.

[taelsend]

[taelsend]

The only good rep of DID is in characters who are not written to have DID. Every character written to have DID is a caricature which acts as if alters are the only symptom that exists.

Anyways these are characters I interpret as having DID. Mix of projection and genuine analysis of symptoms:

- Kris (deltarune)

- Phos (HNK)

- byleth (fe3h)

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[taelsend]

There was never a sweetness or anything. I Learned to be lovingof my own choice. I wasn't born with it inherently.

[taelsend]

There was never any home to go back to

[taelsend]

Yea h I was just actually evil. I killed things. I tortured things. I bullied other kids. I stole for no reason. I looked at my peers with lust. I tried drowning myself. I was also a baby. Behaviour stopped as I aged. And became safer. I hate anything that talks about childhood through a lens of innocence and nostalgia. It makes me feel sick and alone. Childhood was not innocence it was when I had the most darkness.

[taelsend]

Hard to talk about being a sociopath as a child without sounding supremely edgy

[taelsend]

Something really really wrong with me why do I get so scared when someone is nice to me

[taelsend]

one could have never imagined ! !!! ! !

[taelsend]

I wish I didnt feel gross not showering daily

Again. I used to be so ratty and shit and it was fine

[taelsend]

I love when people reblog my art with #not my art, like. #yeah. I'm sure they can tell

[taelsend]

I cannot fathom having the time to go to the gym

[taelsend]

I honestly hate how tumblr is the last even mildly relevant platform which allows for blogging. Twitter and Instagram and bluesky etc suck because the customization and way you interact with people feels so awkward. Like on tumblr this is my space for my thought and my blog can be about whatever I want it to be about. But on those other websites you're forced to take everything in no matter how much you try to curate your feed and presence. Everything has to be everything. There isn't a moment or place where you can just focus.

[taelsend]

Willful stupidity seems to be median