#!memories.

[uthshiral-blog-blog]

—at least the stars remain.

     maybe it was silly of them, more childish than they wanted to accept. but something the stars at night drew the three out at night, never too far away from the camp. just far enough that they were alone. together. it's something they've done since they were so young, new friends desperate for ways to bond in an ever-moving family.

     they'd leave just as dusk came to an end and twilight was settling in. the clear forest sky was perfect. they could stay there for hours—days even, if the laws of the world would have allowed it—staring up at the stars. sometimes they'd climb trees and rest in the branches. other times, just sit on patches of grass. wherever they sat didn't have to be comfortable and it wasn't always; they were just happy with the company.

     the first time, they're joking.

     "should we make a wish?"

     they laugh, but they do. and the tradition starts.

     their wishes are the same each time that follows.

     merrill wishes for happiness. for her, and her friends. she wishes for their well-being. above all she wishes for elves to thrive again. for their culture and history to be reclaimed.

     tamlen wishes to be strong for him and his people. he wishes to hunt well and to be brave, someone that the clan could look to for protection. lastly he wishes for the gods to return to them. for their prayers to be heard.

     mahariel struggles. she's never known just what to wish for. so she settles, wishing for simple things. for the clan to be safe when they travel? or what about healthy halla? she just doesn't know.

     they never broke their tradition. not until that day. that day merrill hates to remember, but refuses to forget.

     it took her years to look at the stars the way the three used to. they made her feel sad, reminded her that some wishes will never come true. but she did start to see the hope again.

     she didn't notice herself making wishes on the stars again. small things: for the next day to be good, to not mess up a spell in a fight. slowly the things she hoped for got bigger in importance. and soon she found herself with a new tradition. 

     from now on, quietly sitting under the vhenadahl in the midst of night, she wishes peace for tamlen. and she wishes safety for mahariel. that one day, she will find her way home. back to the clan, back to her.

     and lastly, every night before she returns home, she hopes that wherever mahariel may be she, too, is wishing upon these stars.

[uthshiral-blog-blog]

                 in broad daylight the hightown market was always so busy. so many people, not just humans, passed through or from stall to stall. merrill liked it; she could be invisible. and she liked that feeling, sometimes. invisible. it meant no strange looks, no scolding. people walked by her as they would anyone else.

                 hawke decided to stop here. the group was on their way to the viscount's keep—to visit the captain, she assumed; the elf didn't always know why they went where they did within the city but she didn't always care, either. it was just nice to be out with hawke. especially when they stopped in the market, truthfully. she liked to look at what people were selling. often people sold the strangest things—she could swear she saw a dwarf selling a pair of (what looked to be worn) knickers among armourings. it was curious.

                 hawke was moving again, another stall she thought. merrill idly trailed behind her as she glanced around. a couple of humans caught her eye. she was glad elves didn't have facial hair—some humans had such bizarre styles for theirs. though, it was amusing to imagine their bushy beards as small cats clinging to their face (if she tossed water at them would the beard make off?)

                 the thought made her remember the man with the squirrel-like beard. he was nice, even if he was the one to take her friend away. oh, why did she have to remember such things now? it had been a lovely day until that. she frowned. she did miss her friend, so much. in truth, the situation made her feel helpless. maybe reminding herself that she couldn't have done anything would help, in time.

                 but it's already been years. no- no, that isn't enough. soon, though, soon. or maybe.. maybe mahariel will come back.

                 —merrill looked around her, seeing if she was being watched. she didn't want to worry anyone with her frowning. especially not hawke, she had enough to worry about.—

                 that was something she considered too far often. mahariel returning. it was so unlikely, yet she couldn't help but hope. and if she gave up, who would remember in her stead? she certainly owed this much to her friend. she would hope and maybe that hope would be enough. stranger things have happened, no?

                 her train of thought was cut off. oh dear. did she lose hawke? she certainly couldn't see her. oh, no, she sighed. not again. she began to weave her way through the market in search of the woman. it was embarrassing how often this happened. for all she knew, this was what she got for getting lost in her own thoughts. she needed to work on that.

                 it only took a few short minutes to find hawke; the woman was hard to miss. as well was the company that followed her. she sauntered towards them, a sigh of relief escaping her lips. she was worried she'd have to find her way back towards lowtown and wait for hawke to come back.

                 something beyond the group caught her eye. it made her stop in place, head tilting to the side with eyes wide. it looked like-

                 "—mahariel?" it was barely above a whisper. it looked just like her. the friend she lost. right there. how did she get here? had she heard the clan moved to the mountain? did she know merrill left, lived among city elves? none of that really mattered now, did it? —she was turning away. no, she couldn't miss her now.

                 she grinned. she hadn't smiled like this in so long. she skipped right past hawke, ignoring her name being called out.

                 "lethallan—!" merrill reached out, touching her on the shoulder.

                 the elf turned around with nothing but confusion on her face, and merrill's heart sank. someone that looked so much like her... an awful coincidence. it was like losing her friend again; it was too good to be true, she should have known better. mahariel wouldn't be here. what reason would she have? none. there was nothing for mahariel here. the fabled hero had much greater things to worry about, this merrill was sure of.

                 she couldn't do anything but stand there and stare. couldn't even form an apology. she must have looked devastated as the woman awkwardly stepped away. creators, she was such a fool.

                 a hand on her shoulder snapped her out of her thoughts and made her jump. oh- it was only hawke. if she said anything merrill didn't hear. she turned to hawke, head hanging.

                 "i... would like to go home, if that's okay."

                 she would have to explain later. but for now, she just wanted to forget this happened.