#!oo3.

[chxsoojung-blog]

idol project: pilot.

people who know a thing or two, they all know it so ask them--grab anyone and ask them: who is the best?

wc: 505

it’s still pretty unreal how quick this has all happened: soojung being cut from heirs, said group debuting (and being successful at it) and idol project--the dark haired trainee is still shocked radioactive even considered joining a show like this, with its (ill minded, soojung would say in faint hopes to protect the company’s reputation) favoritism towards boy groups rather than their girls. not that she’d say such rumors are wrong or right -- she did sit through seven years without one single girl group debuting, while three boy groups did -- but the girl is no fool to complain about an opportunity like this.

there’s enough moments in which she could,though. when she was told she’d be pit against twenty-four other girls -- because within her own agency for years wasn’t enough -- and to battle for the audience’s liking--and the fact that some of these girls was actually up for the job. and of course, there was the diet. never once in nearly seven years she had been told she needed to cut weight--it’s barely been a week and she has no idea how people put up with it for years.

the latest thing is the performance for episode one. that was expected, of course, but if you think she assumed she’d be doing a song like i am the best--oh boy. she’s naive, isn’t she? as if it’s not very like radioactive to go out with a song like that, she mused to herself, pursing her lips as she looks at reign’s hit song again. it wasn’t a bad song, by all means!! in fact, soojung often found herself swinging to it -- evaluation days are the worst, you know -- but it was just...cheesy.

“i mean, did i not expect it?” she answers when questioned about the choice of the song, camera on even when the cordi is fixing her hair--it’s the first time (as an idol) she got the full treat: make up, hair, clothes...everything is in such a scale it makes the do yourself trainee evaluation seem tiny and unimportant, only feeding the fire in her stomach. “we’ve been practicing a lot, so we should do well, mhmm.”

and she does feel the practice shows off on the stage. her palms are burning up, and soojung feels eyes on her -- azumi, daring; nara, proud; cameras, attentive; judges, impassive -- but she doesn’t slip and fall, and her voice doesn’t break. her own eyes change when she’s performing, and the bam ratatata tatatatata’s don’t even feel cringe worthy as they did in the earlier practices. ginny delivers her rap charismatically, bora, who had promised to fall on her face, not once stumbled (visibly) in her heels and even dahee, the one soojung knows the least, doesn’t disappoint.

when they leave the stage, she is smiling--truthful, loud giggling, teeth in full display. 

when they leave the stage, soojung realizes she’s gained the confirmation this is all she wants to do with her life next.

[chxsoojung-blog]

@sophiarv

seoul; july, 2016.

soojung can barely remember a time she’s actually liked dressing up. it’s impossible not to remember being dressed up--she was the long expected daughter, after all. after two boys, the cha couldn’t wait for a girl, and soojung was born to be their jewel: her room was pink, her dress was red, her hair was comb to be long and pretty at all times. she was supposed to look pristine, decent, pretty. 

she never saw herself as any of those, however. and that was okay! it was funny to hear her mum losing it when she got sauce on her white dress, or when soojung would do splits in jeans shorts to entertain her father’s guests instead of her ballet uniform. and it’s almost alright when the only boy she’s ever liked looks at her as if she’s nothing but another bro, someone you mess with and have snacks with and never considers to be anything more.

it’s stupid to be hurt over minor things, she tells herself. but when glancing at reign’s latest performance -- a special stage on m!countdown, with their own fan meeting afterward -- she can’t help but think that they are pretty, and it didn’t hurt at all. so why would it hurt on soojung? it wasn’t like it would change her too much if she tried on heels, putting her hair up in something that’s not a mess, or trying on a pink lipstick.

the thing is she has no idea where to begin. who would she even ask for help in these things? it’d be humiliating to crawl up to dae’s room and ask him how his make up cordi gets that perfect shade of lipstick--and to ask her mum? god, no. 

she prefers to do it alone, even if it ends up with the dark haired scrunching up her nose at a small package on the etude house closest to the company.

“cc cream? what the...” she mumbles, clueless and on the verge of giving all this shit up. so caught up in her frustration, she barely notices someone else approaching her--even if it’s a known face.

[chxsoojung-blog]

@ludaarv

it was hardly unusual for soojung to go on late night walks. she says it keeps her blood pumping and her legs strong, but in fact, she thinks that maybe if she keeps wandering, her mind won’t. and it’s not like all that caffeine is going to let her rest, so why just keep rolling in bed?

no, she prefers to go out. an oversized sweatshirt, too long to even display the shorts she wears, and her worn out sneaker (of one many) is what she goes for, pair it with her phone and she’s a full set. these days, she likes pretending she could catch anything on that apk app--as if korea would give away their map just for a game. she has hopes though, sorting through the pokemon she’s caught (on the android app on her computer, who cares if it’s illegal anyways?) and ignoring anything but the bright screen and any trees or people that might be on her way.

thankfully, soojung doesn’t find many of both, but it’s something else that stops her: hunger. hunger, and the intoxicating smell of grease and spicy food, and that’s enough to burn a hole on her stomach even if she wasn’t hungry before. sliding her phone in her pocket, the dark haired moves to get in a small line in front of a well-known food cart--there’s only drunken people, girl friends, couples, a lone soul or two. in front of her there’s a girl, and even through the mask the trainee recognizes her face. you always know in this business.

“aren’t you in some diet?” she keeps her voice low for sure, but is still unable to keep herself completely quiet--how would she when sparkle’s leader was standing just ahead of her, trying to buy soondae?

[chxsoojung-blog]

@himchanxrv

it was news to no one that soojung was nosy and, above all, clingy to her brother. he had conditioned her like that after all--and there was no complaint from any part’s -- none said out loud, at least -- so it’s only natural she feels it’s her place to visit him anytime, regardless if her presence is required or not.

and that’s just fine, she assumes! the door still opens when she punches in the old code to legacy’s dorms, and the boy group’s leader is nowhere to be seen, nor the rest of the boys. there’s a note on the fridge in a handwriting she knows very well -- daejung really needed to work on that, she’s heard their elder brother complain ten times -- and that reveals that while he was out, he’d be back soon with groceries.

just what she needed: some home cooked thing, instead of the granola bars, the banana and the (two or five cups of) coffee that’s been keeping her up so far. it never harmed to stick around while waiting though, so the dark-haired has a skip in her step and an annoying jingle being hummed under her tongue on her way to her brother’s room. 

she doesn’t expect anyone to be on said brother’s bed, but there is the boy, lanky and tall, her age--she’s known him too well, but still furrows her eyebrows, holding the door open. “what you’re doing in my oppa’s bed, himchannie?” there’s a possessive tone, almost accusing, in her voice as she looks down at the boy, waiting for an answer.

[chxsoojung-blog]

@rvkyeo; legacy’s dorm, seoul, 2012.

hanging out around the legacy’s dorm was nothing new in soojung’s agenda, especially if there was a party going on--if that’s what you can call a bunch of guys, their manager (for a short period of time) and a little sister.  with their second promotion round finished it’s no surprise they’d want to celebrate the night away with some music, booze, food and, to some, sleeping.

also a well known fact: fourteen-year-old soojung would give anything to get one night away from her parents’ icy judgement, even if it meant she would need to get her homework done at her brother’s shared dorm while they did whatever it was outside. “fucking chem,” she grumbles, trying to balance this damn equation while suppressing her own body to break dance to the faint fantastic baby behind those doors.

“i can’t!” she exclaims desperately, tossing the notebook away in a fit. her body follows the papers almost immediately, and she whines a little, muffling it with the pillow. the girl is sure she could end up dozing off -- if only she could ignore the music, her kind of music -- but before sleep would take her exhausted body, her eyes land on an apparent bottle of juice.

there’s never hesitation in this girl, and it’s no different when she takes the bottle -- even though it’s from the other guy’s side of the room, the one who dislikes her -- and takes a large sip of it. the liquid burns down her throat and she can only feel the dizziness, though it is only temporary. “is this thing old?” she looks at the bottle with furrowed eyebrows, not noticing what she drank was far from spoiled juice.

[chxsoojung-blog]

@rvginny

for trainees -- especially one such as soojung -- there’s not just sleep after a long day and a good shower, no. the day tomorrow is long, and there’s too much to do to just sleep right now. no, saturday is vlog day. the youngest cha doesn’t quite remember when she started recording herself, but her jazz teacher would have said it was after their first big group performance, when some unnie pointed out her mistake. ever since then, soojung decided she’d prefer to see what she’s doing wrong first before anyone else.

years have passed and filming herself remained an obligation, but that doesn’t mean she couldn’t have fun with it too. and if the word fun was there, ginny would be following. they have done a cover or two together -- and a vlog that was made out of them giggling and running down the street to the dorm after sneaking a can of beer from legacy’s dorm -- and it was just bond to happen again. what it would be, she wasn’t sure yet.

“hey, jinhwa,” she calls out as the other comes out from the bathroom. “have you learned stellar’s new dance yet? or like, nine muses’? because i’m trash and so are you, and we gotta be trash together on camera. wow, that sounds like a proposal.”

[chxsoojung-blog]

@rvxdaejung

soojung might have not debuted yet, but she understands very well the power of words, especially when they are in a biased and influential article. it’s not the first time this has happened -- and probably won’t be the last -- but each time she reads something ill about her brother she can’t help but to feel her eyes swell. the tears are quick to come and go away and she wipes them soon, pushing the sheets away from her body.

it’s almost 2 in the morning, but she knows her brother’s dorm room’s key access by heart and she is smart enough to check with his members through text if it’s okay for her to come by so suddenly (as if it wasn’t would stop her, pfft).

“yah,” she calls with her voice not louder than a whisper, knocking on daejung’s door with the held that held a plastic bag, the other too busy holding up a phone. “get decent, there’s a pokemon in your room with my name on it.”