Phoebe character flaws post got longer than expected
when I started writing her in 2010, I knew two things about Phoebe: she was upbeat and affectionate and infectiously positive at all times, and that all of these things were to some extent facades she projects specifically because she knows it’s what people want. she has this tendency to put the happiness of others before her own, to what is sometimes a really extreme extent--she doesn’t know how to hurt people, or certainly didn’t up until her final confrontation with Steven. what’s worse is that she refuses to show any negative emotions to pretty much anyone, because she feels like if she isn’t smiling and making people laugh, she’s failing them? I always imagine Phoebe’s happiness is almost like a force of nature--she has that Gatsby smile, that can single out anyone and make them feel like the most amazing, special person in the room. she’s terrified that the people she loves and makes those sacrifices for won’t love her in turn, if they see that she can’t be their emotional pillar all the time. she internalizes everything.
behind all of this, though, she can actually be very aggressive and spiteful at times? it takes a lot to bring her to that point, but once Phoebe decides that someone has hurt her or, worse, hurt a loved one, she never, ever lets go of that grudge. and she absolutely will go out of her way, subtly, to hurt the people she feels scornful towards. she’ll feel extremely justified in this pretty much regardless of the outcome. she very rarely deals out apologies, and sincere ones are that much rarer.
early Phoebe was extremely flighty, noncommittal, and indecisive, but she’s outgrown this a lot over time. she trusted herself to take care of other people’s feelings, but never trusted them to take care of her’s, and it made serious, lasting interpersonal relationships difficult until she started to learn that it was okay for her to display human vulnerabilities from time to time. it took her years to realize that not every person she met was either out to manipulate her or use her as an emotional punching bag.
also in her sexual/romantic relationships she was really subtly very... controlling... mostly in the rate and ways that these relationships progressed. she was never willing, until probably midway through her relationship with Courtney, to let someone else set the pace--and going back to being flighty and indecisive, she would often lead people on who she really, really liked because she was afraid that if an intimate relationship failed it would damage their friendship. so she would step halfway in, then panic, reconsider, and run the opposite direction. I think if she had Sidney had pursued a serious relationship prior to Courtney, it would have failed.
and another thing, re: relationships: she is a filthy hopeless romantic, which in itself isn’t inherently a weakness or flaw, but (and this is relevant really specifically in the context of her relationship with Steven) it made her very... it gave her unrealistic expectations. she spent a long, long time waiting for a black-and-white old school love story with the handsome Prince Charming who would sweep her off of her feet, but once she got there (sort of...) she found out that Prince Charming had his own baggage and it was too much for her to carry. again, Courtney is the one who finally forced her to analyze her expectations and understand how immature and unhealthy her idea of romance was. it was all very When You Were Young.