#&shilo

[asocietyofghosts]

I’m lonely and my heart is heavy.

[asocietyofghosts]

it all hurts so deep into my chest I almost can’t breathe. 

I’m trying not to cry in the middle of the living room but I feel like a jar of butterflies left open, I feel like empty air where something significant used to be

I want to be deceased and pinned up in a museum on display

maybe at least then someone would look at me like I’m worth something again 

[asocietyofghosts]

They say it’s just the “BPD” but I feel suddenly Really Bad. Lonely. No one likes me or wants to be around me and I miss my dad. I miss my dad a lot and I am trying not to cry because he’d probably hate me like this anyway and I don’t know I don’t know why I feel like this and it doesn’t matter because it’ll stop soon they say so I shouldn’t get too upset by it but I can’t help it I just want to cry.

I wish I had a distraction but everything just comes back to how bad and lonely I feel. I don’t know. I want to go home.

[asocietyofghosts]

I’m scared of being as unimportant here as I was in my world and I’m scared of being alone right now. 

There’s something in the dregs of this body that has to do with loneliness and worthlessness, and every time I accidentally step in a puddle of that lonely, my shoes soak through and I feel marooned in a sea of insignificance. 

We want attention, we want life breathed into our bones, we want people to ask and talk at length with us about the golden threads of our stories. We want the company of people who work their fingers through the fibers of our beings and try to categorize the unwieldy chaos they find there. We want to speak of worlds turned to dust here, we want to speak of paper cities and people caught in the old glass tubes of an antiquated television, we want the words that spill from our lips to bring with them memories of homes left to ashes mixed in with the ink, of heartbreak written out in 4/4 time. 

We want passionate colorful interest taken in us and our lives, we want to live on the wind, we want to be recognized.