#; de:code.jul20

[rkbyunbaek]

·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·      DE:CODE JULY SCHEDULE,       ✧ ┊   200726 、    recording b-sides

last month, it felt a little like he finally ran out of luck. 

him dwelling on not liking their title track much at all had him slide into.. something. a weird thing in between a newfound discontent and the spiral he’s been in ever since their rather abrupt break right after debut -- still trying his best to fully snap out of it. all the criticism from his coach about his lack of emotion while singing their new song didn’t help either, only added onto it and made him hate it a little bit more with each time that he failed at bringing across the right emotions, feelings of the song. something that’s usually his strong suit, something he’s kind of been the best at. 

it’s still a hard pill for him to swallow, circles his mind a lot. his confidence suffered as well. ( not shattered but yeah. it’s already enough. )

and the disposition of some of his members the past weeks ( meaning: minho ) has been weighing down on him on top of it. worry still present, even worse after the conflict they had. it made it easy for baekhyun to feel like luck wasn’t on his side at all, some uncomfortable times he didn’t ask for because the different sides of their still relatively new life as idols are already enough to handle.

but he does think that things are slowly looking up. their schedule for the month a little more packed than it’s been in a while, not too much still though. some parts he’s been looking forward to all those weeks -- happening soon, in just a couple of days -- and they got to know the other songs for their album, had to learn all their b-sides for recording and baekhyun liked them right away. some more than others but overall, he received them well and it still feels good after disliking their title this much. likes two of them especially and that’s those he just finished recording, finally done with it. 

unfortunately fits better actually. 

it’s a bit saddening once he was told that he’s finished, but the praise he gets feels so soothing. feels so good. seems like luck’s returning. and it’s easy for baekhyun to leave the studio with a smile curled onto his lips.

[rkbyunbaek]

·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·      DE:CODE JULY SCHEDULE,       ✧ ┊   200724 、    special summer concert — mc-ing with eclipse’s joohyun

when he got selected for that special stage with seolhyun right after his group’s debut, it was nerve-wracking. gave him the jitters for obvious reasons -- they had only debuted, like, a week before the stage! were still so new to any of this despite previous experiences. nothing compared to actual debut. that, paired with his ridiculous fear of everyone being able to figure out his relationship with seolhyun simply because of them dancing and touching on a stage with each other, made baekhyun into a complete mess. nervous, nauseous. having his girlfriend by his side through this was a comfort and discomfort at the same time.

while it wasn’t too weird to be without his members it still felt a little off. a little too fast, still felt a little weird after all when they had all those debut stages together.

it had baekhyun’s head spin to be, more or less, alone but this time, it’s different; 

a completely different situation that has baekhyun giddy with excitement rather struggling with nausea. is he nervous? yeah. but it feels good. he can hardly stop smiling even though he’s alone this time again.

his second time. an opportunity that feels special somehow since it’s been so long since he last got the chance to do this, mc-ing. it’s been years since he was picked to co-host the finale of the very show that pushed seolhyun towards debut but in this moment the memory feels so vivid, almost like he’s back in that moment when he checks out the crowd for the summer concert. when he hears their screams, their cheers. 

baekhyun’s grip around the microphone tightens a little and his lips are still curled upwards, so wide it feels a little like it’s splitting his cheeks.

it’s different from the last time he got to mc. surrounded by girls he’s trained with for so long, sunbae and their ceo, kangjoon with him as well. this time he’s more alone, a familiar situation that’s unfamiliar at the same time but he really doesn’t mind. baekhyun just enjoys it. they get a sign that is their cue to get back on stage to host the next segment and he feels his stomach churn in excitement, throwing a look to his co-host, a girl he’s seen floating around on the internet, in the news but that he doesn’t know at all. ( he thinks he’d like to get to know her actually. ) he shows her his sparkling smile, nods at her and then, they step back on the stage.

[rkbyunbaek]

·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·      DE:CODE JULY SCHEDULE,       ✧ ┊  200722 、    from blonde to → brown

“are you going to dye my hair?” baekhyun asks as the stylist prepares a bowl and a brush, a hint of curiosity sitting in his voice. his eyes are on her, hers dart to him as well and she answers with a brief nod of her head. “which colour?” he adds.

she only smiles faintly though. “how about we let it be a surprise. that’s exciting, isn’t it?”

before he can even respond to the suggestion, she’s gone from his side -- to get a few more things baekhyun guesses -- and his gaze wanders from the bowl to his reflection in the mirror. he looks tired, not well-rested at all. bags under his eyes prominent, circles darker than usual and visible on his bare face and he doesn’t like it.

the last time he sat in that chair a few months ago it felt like a moment of peace. he was so calm, able to let his mind slip from all the spinning thoughts about debut and being a leader, pushing away all the pressure for as long as he was in there. it was nice, something he needed.

and he kind of wants that back.

has been looking forward to it, craves those few hours where he just shuts off and doesn’t think. baekhyun likes that, having his mind not run in circles for once ( god, he used to be so different when it came to that; not thinking enough ), but despite being so tired he feels so restless. can’t manage to lean back, to let himself fall. 

doesn’t even know why it’s like that, doesn’t know why it’s like that.

at least he’s getting a new hair colour, right? 

( he tries to not be disappointed when the dye’s settled and rinsed out, when the wet strands falling into his face are back to the same colour he had before they dyed it blonde. brown, hm. )