#;;keepsakes

[sithroyal]

Am I clever?

@rabid-cur-hux || @sithroyal 

[sithroyal]

my muses is dead. tell me how yours is dealing with it.

After everything they had survived, maybe she’d made the mistake of thinking he was invincible. If not him, then at least that one deep part of him that always managed to come home to her, no matter how difficult it was. It seemed silly that after clawing their way out of an overturned ocean liner & the entire litany of experiences since that something like this could ever happened. There were protocols in place, PRECAUTIONS, & yet somehow, someone out there had done the unthinkable & managed to throw Kylo Ren off during an interrogation. tough talk for someone with such a vulnerable little secret. it had been the one time Leia hadn’t stood in his way, letting him leave to race to the house in D.C. except she hadn’t been there. The timing… their entire relationship was founded on such precarious timing & finally it had run out. 

She’d been standing outside on the pavement, barefoot & clutching Chewie’s leash when she’d seen the Jeep pull in, but he hadn't heard her. By the time she realized she was screaming, the house had gone up in flames. She… doesn’t remember all that much after that. The fire, the frantic paramedics. Ben. Ben. He hadn’t made it out - even as they combed through the wreckage, she had already known the truth. Somewhere over the next few days, she’d made it back up to New York, vague promises to check in on her & hollow words of sympathy ringing in her ears that she tuned out, finding her own comfort in the silence of her now-empty apartment.

It was a closed casket funeral. Of course it was - there hadn’t even been enough found in the explosion. She’s not sure what strings had been pulled but despite them not being married, she was allowed to handle the paperwork as best she could, pulling little details from her memory & feeling like she was pulling out pieces of her own soul with every written letter, but it got done exactly as she hoped he would have wanted. He was buried with full honors, & while his mother was present, the flag was presented to her. Then just like that, it was over, & she was alone all over again. Well, not alone. Her place was already cramped before Chewie, but coming home from the funeral she’d found Luke silently lingering in the door & an entire bed constructed with storage for the dog - almost like he knew. This was it, it was the last piece of him she had left. She lets the pup sleep in her bed, just for the night she tells herself, but a night stretches into a week into a month & finally just admits he belongs there.

It took weeks before she even stepped inside his place & even then it took Simon & Alec there, practically forcing her not to run but in the end they quietly moved her things out before the place was sanitized & stripped. By the time his former handler & the team were done, it wouldn’t resemble the place they had shared for three years & she wasn’t sure she could even bring herself to think about it. Simon is chatty the entire time, navigating everything with a sense of ease only someone who has known her twenty years could manage. Alec is dutiful, saying nothing but catching her quietly & letting her borrow his strength when she finds the box in the dresser. She flees down the stairs before she can even look at it properly.

She doesn’t go back after that. 

The boxes stay packed for months, canvasses set up against the walls, paints still sealed & tucked away. ’ they’re looking for someone this summer for the program you love in Maine! oh, Clary, won’t you come over for dinner this week? we’ve missed you. ’ it goes on for weeks, messages piling up. Te words sound foreign to her ears, even mechanical as she calls them back each time, promising oh I’ll look into it. maybe later. I miss you too. maybe it’s reasonable to assume they know the truth, maybe she just selfishly hopes they do without her having to speak it, but the light that had once fueled her entire being, that FIRE that had dominated everything from her passion in the classroom to her art… it had died with him. 

It’s Alec who surprises her, finally. They’re out to breakfast & it’s a pretty enough day. Once she would have loved to sketch a day like this, but she can’t even remember the last time she held a piece of charcoal much less a sketchpad. By the time breakfast wraps up & the others head off to the subway, she’d ready to head home when she catches Alec lingering by the door. ’ he came by the shop, you know. ’ Standing there on the sidewalk across from Central Park, she feels a chill in that late August air. her birthday would be soon, she realizes dimly. She’d entirely forgotten, but Alec is still looking at her with those deeply perceptive blue eyes like he expects a reaction. ’ he did? ’

She’s not prepared for the story by a long shot, hearing how Simon had dragged Ben into the shop, looking for the ring she & Izzy had been fawning over when it came in for inventory. How he had paid cash, had been so ready to find that one moment &– she blinks back tears to see him holding something out in his hands. The ring is exactly as she remembers it, delicate rose gold with twining vines around the band, suspended now on a delicate chain. She takes it quietly, weighing it in her small hands before Alec quietly takes it back & helps hook it around her neck. ’ I know it’s… ’ Words aren’t his strong suit. No, that’s all wrong, she thinks.  Emotions aren’t his strong suit but when Alec WANTS to say something, his words always find home like his arrows find their way to the heart of a target. 

’ I want to tell you it gets better, ’ he says finally, messy black hair falling in his eyes like that might help shield her from that deep gaze. ’ But sometimes it doesn’t. And that’s… it’s okay to miss him. Don’t let anyone tell you there’s a time limit. ’ They’d been sixteen when Max had died, & she still saw that grief every once in while. It was quiet, & he handled it with strength, but she knew it was there. For the first time in thirteen years, she actually, fully understands how lost he must have felt in that moment. She doesn’t say anything, but the next time they go out, she catches herself doodling on a napkin & sees the small, hopeful smiles. Progress. Maybe. 

When Isabelle brings over a plant the next week, she manages to find a place for it. Slowly, so slowly, it’s like the universe balances. No, not entirely. The lows are violent & abrasive - those are the nights she wakes up with a dog heavier than she is bullying her awake so she doesn’t drown in her own physical grief, but the highs…. She can feel them. Color starts to come back into her apartment, canvases stop resting against the walls. She’s not happy, but she’s… at peace. As close to at peace as she can be without her TRUE NORTH there beside her. It takes even more time, but she finds herself going out again - helping Isabelle shop for a wedding dress, helping Alec put together a crib while Magnus smokes on the balcony & pretends he absolutely couldn’t put it together with a wave of his fingers. 

It’s Christmas in New York City, & while she’d like to think a nice, white Christmas might be possible, she’ll take the laughter & being surrounded by friends & family. It’s not perfect, but it’s… comforting. The ring hangs from the chain around her neck, tucked under the ugliest scarf Magnus could find, proclaiming that he didn’t do UGLY CHRISTMAS SWEATERS. They’d done everything - the store fronts, ice skating. All of it as a distraction & she has to admit it’s working. That gaping void in her heart is still there, but it’s become a little easier to bear in the year since he’d left her. Rafe is tugging at Alec’s sleeve, begging his dad for some toy or something in a window & she waves them off, watching the crowd head into the shop as she leans against a streetlight.

Her phone buzzes in her pocket - a familiar if painful number on the screen. She’s only talked to Leia a handful of times since the funeral, but this time she answers instead of letting it go to voicemail. How are you holding up? It’s her first Christmas without him, & just like that the cold takes on a sharper bite for even just the briefest of seconds. I just wanted to call and tell you I was thinking of you. She can’t not think about them, think about what they could have had. Seeing Alec & Magnus with their kids hurts enough but she’d always had enough love in her heart to see through the pain & be happy for them, even knowing the totality of what she had lost, what Leia knew that not even her own mother had figured out. The conversation is brief, & by the time she sees everyone coming out of the store, she’s already hanging up the phone, preoccupied enough that this time she’s the one who misses the scream. 

It’s five hours before they can get to her but they lose her in thirty minutes, the car having hit black ice in the rush to get home for the holiday & slammed into the curb. Each minute that ticks by is like a vaulting step back in time, & when she finally feels her eyes close, there’s a radiating warmth instead of the chill. She hears the drops of water, that rising sense of panic at being back there, but then… those all too familiar footfalls as she’s lifted out of that cold, dark hell & settled into strong arms. Her lungs hurt, speech just barely beyond her grasp but she makes herself look up into those deep brown eyes. ’ you came back for me. ’

[azhorratha]

     I was still asleep when this was sent and I’m sorry I’ve taken so long to answer! When I woke up this morning, I seriously thought I’d imagined it until I looked in my drafts again. I’m genuinely grateful that you like him so much, friend. Hopefully I can continue to deliver for you. 

Might have missed an n’t in your ‘are’ there. But you’re right. I don’t like leading people on and I do what I can to keep from being dishonest with people.

If you ever have any questions or things you’d like for me to answer for him, please feel free to keep sending things in! 

[lunarbranded]

"Hey, Noct." Prompto wandered over and plopped down on the couch next to him. He twisted his body so he could lay his head on the other's lap. He held the tin box up. "A gift, from yours truly." Inside was freshly made divinity, cooled and ready to eat. A crisp outside, with a soft inside. His grandmother's recipe, all the way from Niflheim. Sure, the recipe itself wasn't from Niflheim, but the way this specific kind was made? Absolutely. It demanded cool days with a clear sky and no humidity.

He thought he could smell the package before it was even handed to him - he wasn’t entirely wrong either. Noctis popped the tin open immediately to find the little candies and let out a low moan as he leaned back against the couch. “Oh my gods. That smells so damn good. Made it yourself? Gotta say, that’s the best thing anyone’s ever given me. Thank you, Prom.” Noctis reached in to take a taste and let out another little noise - he was downright spoiled by Prompto.

[purosdecorazon1-blog]

This is just your quiet reminder that you are loved and special and beautiful and I'm so proud of everything you do keep being awesome ❤️

Oh my gosh this is so sweet and wonderful to wake up to! thank you so much you beautiful person <3 

[chcrdsofsteel-blog]

@devildefense @magician-extraordinaire

There she is.... It’s Toaster-chan

[pxrkminhx-blog]

Congratulations once again. I have no idea what to get you so I got some small things for baby instead. I hope they’ll be of use. Good luck and to your little family, welcome to babyhood.

[ofsquidsandkids-blog]

(( WHAT THE HELL IM IN TEARS ))