@hxn-solo: “You changed me.”
A ghost. The walking dead. There was no viable reason for his father to show himself like this. The Force worked in ways Ben couldn’t fully understand, so to see this figure so clearly meant that he was either losing his mind or was truly seeing his father. Neither answer was a comfort.
“Into a corpse, yes.” But also into many different titles Ben didn’t want to think of.
He’d docked his freighter, the Phoenix, at a Corellian shipyard after delivering fuel rods for a new reactor. She was a farcry from the Falcon but she’d make it there one day. That wasn’t the point, however, she was locked down. Ben had made sure of that.
Security had become more than important to him over the years. Paramount, in fact.
“I’m losing my fucking mind,” he hissed. “If you’re looking to haunt a freighter, I hear Rey and Chewie are usually based out of Ajan Kloss. Good luck and bye.”
Ben squeezed his eyes shut to will away the spectre but when he opened them again, only to find Solo was still there, a frustrated howl left him. Hands bunched and his teeth grinded as he took in the man’s presence.
“Let me guess, this is the part where you go on a huge, ghostly monologue about all the changes I’ve made to your life by existing. Right? Going to stop you before you start. Were you like her? Did you truly believe I was better off being sent away?”
As he spoke, he paced. Stalked. Knocked things over and gnashed his teeth. Threatening, like a caged animal, ready to strike at any moment. For years, Ben had talked about wanting ot be like his father. He’d dreamed of the adventures they would inevitably have, all of them ending with someone of the group being rescued by glowing blue butterflies. That was how he knew they were nothing but dreams. A child’s fantasies. He’d made sure, there were no such creatures in the known galaxy.
“Surely you must have had an opinion she dutifully ignored for her own, yes? Seems to be something she’s always been good at. Always right. She wouldn’t hear it unless it were her own opinion out of someone else’s mouth.” Even after her death, Ben still found that he was unable to shake off certain memories. Abandonment, being alone. The largest one, truly, but Ben had predicted that. However, knowing that it was coming didn’t take the sting out of the ache.
Pointing at Han with one finger, his lips pressed into a thin line, Ben continued. “Rey saw you as a father figure, you know.” And Ben had told her that Han would disappoint her. “I’ve always wondered, was she supposed to be some replacement for me or was that a happy coincidence?”
Bitter. Right to his core.
